Author's Note: Hi loves, Happy June (and pride month!) You are so loved, just as you are.
TW: swearing, references to self-harm
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry has a vision and ends up in the hospital wing. Harry's told about Occlumency lessons restarting and he wants to hurt himself. Draco tells Harry that he's gay.
Chapter Summary: Harry has his Occlumency lesson with Snape and it does not go according to plan. Harry fights with his parents and Marlene and Dorcas intercept him. Harry and Draco hang out. Harry talks to his parents. Harry has major attitude.
Harry didn't think he would make it through dinner. He kept eyeing the knives on the table and barely touched his food. Luckily, true to his word, after fifteen minutes, Draco came to get Harry.
"Ready?" Draco asked quietly.
Harry mumbled a goodbye to his friends and stood up, following Draco.
"I don't think he's okay," Hermione said as they watched him walk away.
"Draco's with him. He'll be okay," Neville said. "Besides, look at Professor Black and Professor Lupin."
The Gryffindors looked up to the head table and saw their professors watching Harry with concern.
"They know what's going on. It's okay," Neville said.
That satisfied them enough to keep eating, but the worry stayed in the back of their minds.
Meanwhile, Draco took Harry away from the Great Hall and into an empty alcove.
"You didn't eat much," Draco commented.
Harry shrugged.
"How are you feeling?"
"Anxious," Harry admitted.
Draco nodded. "I understand. What time is your lesson?"
"About an hour from now."
"What do you want to do until then?" Draco asked.
Harry stayed quiet, his mind only on one thing.
"I'll pick," Draco decided after several moments of silence. "We'll brew an easy potion together. C'mon."
Harry dutifully followed Draco down into the dungeons and brewed a potion with him. Draco handled all of the cutting while Harry did some grinding and stirring. The potion was almost done when Draco said, "Harry, I think it's time for you to go to your lesson now."
Harry didn't say anything.
"Harry, you've got to go," Draco said quietly.
"I know," Harry replied, sighing.
Draco muttered a stasis spell on his potion. "Come on, I'll walk you."
"You don't have to do that," Harry protested as Draco pushed him out of the lab.
"And let you run away? No, I think I do."
Harry huffed, but didn't say anything back.
Draco and Harry walked back to the Marauder Quarters in silence. When they arrived, Draco stopped in front of the door.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine, Draco."
Draco narrowed his eyes. "If you say you're fine again I'm going to go in and tell on you."
Harry sighed. "Fine! I'll be okay. I doubt I'll get much space tonight anyway."
"Just get me if you need me, okay? I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thanks, Dray," Harry said, giving him a quick hug.
"Take care of yourself," Draco reminded him one more time before Harry opened the door to the Marauder Quarters and walked in.
"Harry!" Sirius said, rushing toward his son.
"Dadfoot, you just saw me at dinner," Harry said, recoiling away from his godfather.
Remus' eyes narrowed as he watched the exchange.
"You didn't eat much and you were barely there. I've been worried about you all day. I didn't see you at breakfast or lunch, either. Where have you been all day?"
"It's not a big deal," Harry said.
"It is to us!" Sirius cried.
"Sirius, Harry doesn't need this right before his lesson. We'll get answers later, okay?"
Sirius took a deep breath. "Fair."
Remus turned to Harry. "How are you feeling, Cub?"
"'M okay," Harry said, shrugging.
Remus raised an eyebrow.
Harry tried not to squirm under the scrutinous look.
Harry opened his mouth to explain more but then there was a sharp knock at the door.
"We're not done with this conversation," Sirius said as he went to answer the door.
"Severus, please, come in," Sirius said, doing everything he could to stay civil.
Severus walked in and stiffly stood by the armchair. "Are you ready to begin?"
"I-I guess," Harry said. He sat down on the couch, then thought better of it and moved to the floor so he was leaning against the couch.
"We're here for you, Harry," Remus said.
Harry tried not to roll his eyes. As much as he wanted them here, he really didn't want them here at the same time. He didn't want any of this.
"I will try to penetrate your mind," Severus warned Harry. "Legilimens!"
Harry did his best to block Snape, he really did. However his attempt to block him only lasted a few minutes before the memory of him pleading to Draco to let him hurt himself came up.
Severus quickly pulled out.
"Harry," Snape began.
"It's fine! I swear! I'm fine! Just keep going!" Harry insisted, not wanting to talk about it.
Remus and Sirius exchanged concerned looks. "Harry, what happened?" Sirius asked.
"It's nothing!" Harry huffed.
Snape studied Harry for a moment before saying, "Fine. I will continue."
Snape went again into Harry's mind.
Harry held on a little longer this time, but his fear of Snape was coming through. The memory of him running away from a drunken Snape flashed in Harry's head.
Snape once again pulled out. He was silent before he said, "I'm sorry."
Harry shrugged. He felt uncomfortable and wanted to be anywhere else.
Severus looked at Remus and Sirius. "He's still having trouble blocking his mind. He needs to work harder at occluding. I cannot help him when his shields are so weak."
"His shields have been strong with me," Sirius insisted.
"They are not tonight. I've seen two memories."
"Harry, is this true?" Remus asked gently.
Harry shrugged and looked away.
"We'll talk to him, Severus. He'll be ready next time."
"Good. I will be back Friday evening. Have a nice night."
And with that, Severus Snape left.
Remus and Sirius turned to look at Harry. "Pup, you have some explaining to do."
"Ugh! No, I don't! It's fine- er, alright! Just leave it be!" Harry said loudly.
"Harry, what happened earlier today? We're worried about you," Remus asked.
"I was with Draco almost all day. I stayed safe, you don't have to worry about that," Harry snapped.
"What happened in the lesson, then? What's going on with your shields?" Sirius asked.
"I was worried, okay! I don't trust him!"
"All the more reason to have stronger shields," Sirius said.
"You don't get it!" Harry shouted, getting to his feet.
"Harry, take a breath," Remus said, putting out his hands, seeing that the situation was becoming escalated.
"No! You're not understanding me! I just want space!"
"We just talked about wanting space, remember? And how it's not helpful to shut people out. Let us help you," Remus reminded him.
"I don't want to talk to you! I don't!" Harry said, finally storming out of the quarters.
"Harry, wait!" Remus said, walking after him.
"No!" Harry shouted, turning on his heel and spinning to look at Remus. "I was nervous! And worried! And I had a rough day, okay? But you don't seem to understand it!"
"Harry, you haven't even tried to explain your day to us," Sirius said, now standing by Remus. "Give us a chance."
Harry turned and stormed away, ignoring what Sirius said.
"Harry James, come back here!" Sirius shouted.
Sirius took some steps to follow Harry, but Remus put his arm out.
"Give him a little bit of space," Remus said wearily.
"Moony!" Sirius whined.
"Look," Remus whispered, pointing. Sirius squinted and saw Marlene poking her head out of her doorway. "We'll watch the map. C'mon back in."
Sirius sighed and followed Remus back in their quarters.
Harry continued to storm away and would've missed Marlene completely if she hadn't stepped right in front of him. "Harry? I heard some commotion. What's going on?"
"It's nothing! Merlin! Why won't people just leave me alone and listen to me!"
"Harry, I am here to listen. Why don't you come inside and we can chat, hm?" Marlene offered.
"I don't want to," Harry said.
"I'm not going to make you do anything you're not comfortable with. I have missed my kit and would love to see you."
Harry softened at that. He looked down and noticed he was roughly running his hands over his arms.
"Harry, come on in," Marlene said softly, noticing the same thing and so she guided Harry in.
Harry huffed but didn't fight the motion.
Dorcas was in their sitting room, sketching, and looked up when Harry came in.
"Hi, Harry," she said softly, setting aside her sketchbook. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No! I don't even want to be here!"
Dorcas nodded. "I get that. Do you want to go for a walk?"
"I don't fucking know what I want!" Harry shouted, kicking the wall.
At this point, he didn't even know why he was so frustrated. All of his emotions were bundled together and he didn't know how he got to that point.
Harry kicked the wall again and again and a pair of hands slowly and gently moved him away.
"Yeah, let's go for a walk," Dorcas said gently.
Dorcas and Marlene each took a side of Harry and started to walk down the corridor with them.
Together they walked in silence for at least half an hour before Dorcas asked, "Can you tell us what happened tonight?"
Harry chuckled dryly. "It's better to ask what didn't happen."
Marlene and Dorcas were quiet, wanting Harry to continue.
"I was with Draco earlier and we made a potion. Then I had an Occlumency lesson with Snape. I was nervous about it. It didn't go well. Moony Da and Dadfoot want me to talk and I don't want to talk! I don't want to talk about my feelings! I don't want to talk about what happened tonight!"
"Why?" Dorcas asked softly.
"Because!" Harry cried. He took a breath and then said, "Because it's private. And embarrassing. And I don't want to get in trouble."
Dorcas and Marlene nodded. "Is there anything you want to share with us that you don't want to share with your parents?"
"Just that they're bloody pricks."
Marlene chuckled.
"What would make you feel better right now?" Dorcas asked.
Harry knew the answer to that. Cutting. But he also knew that Dorcas and Marlene wouldn't approve of that.
"Can I talk to Draco? Please?"
Dorcas thought for a moment before nodding. "That's something we can arrange. Be mindful of curfew," Dorcas said.
"Or don't. I never was," Marlene said.
"Marls, you're a professor now! You have to care about curfew!" Dorcas reminded her.
Marlene shrugged.
Dorcas and Marlene walked Harry to the Slytherin common room. Dorcas entered and a couple of minutes later, Draco walked out.
"Harry, we're going to head back to our quarters. We're here if you need us, alright?" Dorcas said.
Harry nodded. "Thanks, Aunties," Harry said, slipping up from calling them professors.
"Of course," Marlene replied warmly.
Harry watched them walk away and then started to walk the opposite direction himself.
"Harry, what's going on?" Draco asked.
"I just had a shitty evening."
"The lesson didn't go well?" Draco asked.
"No. He saw the memory of me begging you to let me cut and the memory of him chasing me all those months ago. I got into it with my parents. Auntie Marls and Dorcas could hear us down the hallway. We walked for a while before I asked if I could talk to you."
Draco gave him an encouraging smile. "I'm proud of you. What can I do to help?"
"I don't bloody know! But I know that you're less annoying than any adult and if I'm alone right now I'm going to relapse."
Draco nodded. "I'm proud of you for recognizing that."
"Merlin, you sound like Moony Da!" Harry said, shaking his head.
"But I am! Why don't we hang out in that room you showed me, the old professor's lounge. We don't have to talk but then you don't have to be alone."
"Good enough for me," Harry said.
Draco and Harry walked in silence to the old room. When they got there, Harry found a spot on the floor where he started to dissociate. Draco sat in a chair and kept an eye on Harry to make sure he wasn't hurting himself.
Eventually, Harry came out of his dissociation. "Draco?" He called weakly.
"Yeah, mate. I'm here," Draco said, getting up and moving to sit next to Harry. "How are you feeling?"
Harry shrugged. "Okay. I'm less mad but I know I'm going to be in huge trouble. I shouldn't have stormed off like that."
"I'm sure they'll understand," Draco said.
"After I'm grounded, yeah, maybe."
"C'mon, let's get back to the dorms. We only have a little bit of time before curfew."
Harry nodded. They walked quietly to the Gryffindor dorms where Draco dropped Harry off. "Stay safe, okay?" Draco told Harry.
"I will," Harry replied, trying to mean it.
Draco narrowed his eyes and studied Harry's face but couldn't find a lie in it. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
Harry nodded before turning and heading into the dorms. He immediately made his way upstairs and changed before getting in his bed and drawing the curtains. He just wanted to be alone and process everything.
Harry was halfway asleep before the worries and thoughts of what his parents were going to say ran through his mind.
Harry tried to ignore them, but the thoughts got louder and louder. When Harry caught himself scratching his arm, he knew he needed to do something.
"Bloody fucking hell," Harry muttered, climbing out of bed. He mentally cursed his parents for the conscience (and anxiety) he developed.
Harry left his dorm and began to head to the Marauder Quarters. At one point, a bright light shone in his direction.
"Mr. Potter?" It was Professor Sprout.
"Hi, Professor," Harry said weakly.
"What are you doing out of bed? It's past curfew."
"I needed to go to my dads."
"Are they expecting you?" Professor Sprout asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, I, uh, had a nightmare. Voldemort," Harry said quickly, looking at the wall behind Sprout.
Professor Sprout's face softened. "I understand. I'll walk you there."
"Uh, um, okay. Thanks," Harry said, not expecting this turn of events.
They walked quietly before Sprout said, "You know, Mr. Potter, I've known you since you were young."
"I know that," Harry said, blushing. "You watched me more than once."
"I did," Pomona said, smiling. "Just know I'm here for you. You're not alone."
"Thanks, Professor," Harry replied genuinely.
They shortly reached the quarters and Harry knocked on the door and awkwardly waited with his professor.
Remus and Sirius were still awake, but in bed. They were surprised when they heard the knock. Remus pulled on a robe and went to the door.
"Harry? Pomona?"
"I found him wandering the corridors. He said he had a nightmare and was coming to see you."
Remus could tell by the look on Harry's face that it was false, but he was going to cover for his son.
"Thank you, Pomona. We'll take care of him. Have a good rest of your night," Remus said, gently pulling Harry in the quarters.
Remus softly shut the door as Pomona walked away and then turned to Harry. "Let me get Dadfoot. Take a seat on the couch."
Harry gulped and did as he was told. Remus had a no-nonsense tone and Harry knew that it was never good.
Harry watched Remus walk into their bedroom. He heard muffled voices before it was silent and Harry could only assume that a silencing charm was put up. After a moment, two very stern godparents walked out of the bedroom.
"Harry, what were you doing out of bed?" Remus asked.
"I was trying to find you guys! I swear! I promise I was coming here!" Harry said, practically begging them to believe him.
"Harry," Sirius began warningly.
"I'm not lying! You can even use veritaserum!"
"We're not going to do that," Remus said, cutting in. "Why were you heading here?"
Harry looked down. "I couldn't sleep. I felt bad about what happened earlier and didn't know how you guys would react. Then I-" Harry abruptly stopped talking.
"You what?" Remus asked, prompting him.
Harry wasn't sure if he should say he scratched his arm. The charm was still on his fingers so there wasn't any physical damage and he didn't want to guilt them, either. "Uh, nothing."
Unfortunately for Harry, his parents didn't buy it.
"You what, Harry? Tell us," Sirius said, putting his hands on his hips.
Harry huffed and looked down again. "I caught myself scratching my arm, but I swear I came right here when I realized it! I knew I needed help!" Harry said, once again pleading for them to believe him, despite feeling embarrassed and a bit ashamed.
Remus' face softened. "I'm so proud of you for coming here. Do you have scratches that need to be healed?"
"No," Harry shook his head. "I came here before I broke the charm."
Remus gave him an encouraging smile. "That's great, Harry. Nice job."
Harry ducked his head in response to the praise.
"As for what happened earlier this evening," Sirius began, "There's a lot to discuss."
"I'm sorry for storming off," Harry said quickly. "I was just so angry!"
"Why don't we start from the beginning," Remus suggested. "Why were you so distant and aloof when you first arrived?"
Harry sighed. "I was with Draco, like I said. I basically begged him to let me hurt myself," Harry shifted his gaze to the bookshelf so he wouldn't have to look at his parents. "He didn't let me, of course. But I didn't want you guys to know that. I was embarrassed and wanted to keep it to myself. You were so happy to see me and I just wanted to avoid you guys. I also wanted to avoid the lesson. It really freaked me out today. I was nervous."
"That sounds hard," Remus validated.
"And then Snape came and saw the memory of me begging Draco and then saw the memory of me running away from him when he was drunk."
"Why didn't you share that with us?" Sirius asked.
"I didn't want to! I didn't want you guys to know about them. Like I said, I was embarrassed. My shields were weak. The whole thing was a disaster. And then you kept bugging me about all of it and I just exploded because I was so upset with everything. I didn't know what to do."
Remus nodded slowly as Harry talked, listening carefully.
"What happened after you left?" Sirius asked.
"I ran into Auntie Marls. She and Auntie Dorcas talked to me for a minute before walking around with me and eventually fetching Draco. Then Draco and I hung out together before he brought me back to Gryffindor tower. I stayed there for a while before I came here.
"I am very proud of you for coming here," Remus reiterated, wanting that to stick in Harry's head.
Harry shrugged, not responding. He just wanted to know his punishment and get it over with.
Remus must've sensed he was nervous because he said, "Take a breath, Harry. You're safe here. Everything is okay."
Harry did as Remus said, but it didn't calm him down any.
"Harry, we didn't appreciate your behavior toward us tonight," Sirius began. "It was unacceptable."
"I'm sorry," Harry said, looking down at his slipper-cladden feet.
"We are your godparents and we deserve respect," Sirius continued.
"I know," Harry whispered, feeling horrible.
"We also understand that it was a difficult day for you," Sirius said. "You've done a good job coming here and talking to us."
"How much trouble am I in?" Harry asked, getting to the point of the matter.
"We're never going to hurt you, Harry," Remus reminded him, knowing how his fears from the time with the Dursleys never quite faded.
"I know," Harry replied defensively, despite feeling better at that reminder.
Sirius ignored that comment, knowing how Harry gets when it comes to punishments.
"You'll have to stay with us for a week instead of staying in the tower. We're going to be checking in with you and we expect honesty and respect from you."
Harry hated the fact that he couldn't stay in the dorms, but he understood. "Okay."
"Most importantly, Harry, how are you doing now?" Remus asked.
Harry still was hesitant to share with his parents, especially after they just punished him.
"I know you're upset about the punishment, Harry. We still care about you and want to help you any way we can," Sirius said.
Harry sighed. "I don't know how I'm feeling right now," he replied honestly. "It's been a lot."
Remus nodded. "It has been a lot. Would you like me to make some sleepytime tea for you? It is already quite late and it would be good to get some sleep."
"Sure, Moony Da," Harry agreed.
Remus got up to get some tea and Sirius sat down next to Harry. "What can I do for you?"
Harry was still miffed about the punishment and wanted to snap back, but thought better of it and shrugged instead.
"Do you want Padfoot?" Sirius asked gently.
Harry looked down and saw his hands were going over his arms again.
He nodded and Sirius quickly popped into Padfoot. Harry raked his fingers through the fur, not saying anything.
Eventually, Remus returned with a cup of sleepytime tea. "Here you go, Pup."
Harry thanked him quietly and took the tea, sipping it rather quickly.
"Is there anything else you want to talk about before bed, Harry?" Remus asked.
"No," Harry replied.
"Do you think you're going to be safe tonight?"
Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the question. "Yes, Moony Da."
"If that changes, come and get us, just like you did tonight."
"I will."
It stayed silent as Harry finished his tea. He stood up and said, "I'm going to go to bed now, okay?"
"Okay, Harry," Remus said, a bit sad. He hated how withdrawn Harry was
Harry put the mug in the sink and then headed to his bedroom. Sirius popped back into himself and put up a silencing charm.
"You okay, Moony?"
Remus sighed. "Were we too harsh on him? I mean he came here for help and now he's so withdrawn. I don't want him to hurt himself."
"I don't think we were too harsh, but I hear what you're saying. I think he'll get over it. He wanted the punishment told to him so he could rest, remember? He didn't want it hanging over his head."
Remus sighed. "You're right. I just worry about him."
"He'll be okay, Moony. Do you want to set some alarms on his room, just in case?"
Remus nodded. He muttered a few incantations and waved his wand at Harry's door before he sighed with relief. "That was a good idea. Thanks, Pads."
"Of course. C'mon, let's go to bed," Sirius said, helping Remus up and into their bedroom.
Tomorrow was a new day.
Harry woke up the next morning confused as to why he was in his bed at the Marauder Quarters, and then it all came rushing back to him. He squirmed in his bed, uncomfortable with everything that happened. He was still upset about the punishment, but he also knew that being sassy to his godparents would only extend the punishment. He rolled out of bed and into the kitchen. He had an early Charms class this morning that started at 9, so he needed to get a move on.
"Good morning, Cub. How'd you sleep?" Remus asked cheerfully, setting down a plate of breakfast for Harry.
When he stayed with his parents, he didn't often have breakfast in the Great Hall because he got to sleep longer and his parents liked to see him.
Harry shrugged and started drinking the orange juice in front of him.
"That good, huh?" Remus said, sipping his tea.
Harry didn't reply and bit into a sausage instead.
"I'll see you in class today," Sirius said, trying to make conversation as he placed a plate in front of him.
Harry nodded, still not speaking.
"Cub, what is it?" Remus asked. "Did you have a nightmare?"
Truthfully, Harry did have a small nightmare, but that wasn't the cause of his mood this morning, or, well, most of it.
"He's mad about being here," Sirius said, quickly connecting the dots. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Harry, I expect you to drop the attitude."
Harry knew this was coming. He wasn't trying to upset them, he was just so confused and overwhelmed with everything that happened.
Harry let out a frustrated breath. He didn't know how to begin to describe it.
"Harry, is this true?" Remus asked, looking into Harry's eyes.
Harry quickly looked away. "I'm just overwhelmed right now, okay? I want to figure it all out."
Remus nodded slowly. "Okay, we can allow that. You have a session with me tomorrow morning. We can talk about it then."
"Fine," Harry said, trying to keep attitude out of his tone.
Sirius threw his hands up, clearly over the situation. "I'm heading to class. I'll see you both later."
Remus stood up and walked Sirius to the door where they talked in hushed voices for a minute before he kissed him goodbye.
Harry was trying to scarf down his breakfast as fast as he could, but Remus returned before he was finished.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it, Cub? I can always give you a pass to your next class," Remus tried one last time.
Harry shook his head. "I have things to figure out. Thanks, though."
"Alright. Please get me if you need anything," Remus reminded him.
"I will," Harry said before scarfing down one last bite of food. "Gotta go, Moony Da. See you."
Harry stood up and went to his room where he quickly got dressed and swung his bag over his shoulder.
Harry was somewhat early for Charms and Draco slid in a spot next to him when he arrived.
"Hey, Harry. How are you?"
Harry just groaned.
"What happened?"
"I couldn't sleep, I was too anxious. I went to see my parents and talked to them. They are making me stay in the Marauder Quarters for a week to punish me."
"I'm sorry mate, that stinks," Draco said. "How were they besides that?"
Harry shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I'm just mad at them about it."
"Fair. I'm sorry about that. Are you doing okay, though?"
Harry wasn't doing okay. His arms itched and he was angry and overwhelmed. It was all too much.
"Yeah, Draco. I'm fine," Harry replied.
Draco narrowed his eyes, but then other students came in and started to talk to them. It may have stopped Draco from talking, but it didn't stop him from shooting concerned looks at Harry throughout class.
Draco walked with Harry to History, but so did Ron and Hermione so Draco didn't say anything, despite being concerned for his friend.
In History, Harry took a seat and pulled out his book, some parchment, and a quill. When Sirius came down from his office and started to talk, Harry didn't even make eye contact with his godfather.
At one point, Sirius paused and asked a question. No one except Hermione raised their hand.
"Mr. Potter, how about you?" Sirius said. "What do you think? Why do you think the Owl Air Force was successful?"
Harry bit his tongue. "I don't know."
"Take a guess," Sirius said.
"I don't know," Harry repeated through gritted teeth. He didn't want to be here and he didn't want to do this.
"There are several reasons that were outlined in your book. Pick one."
Harry snapped. "You're the bloody professor! Just tell us!"
Sirius' nostrils flared and the whole class was silent, watching this exchange.
"Detention, Mr. Potter! You don't speak to your professors like that."
"Fine," Harry shouted, standing up and picking his stuff up.
"Harry Potter, you are not excused yet," Sirius warned.
"I'm excusing myself," Harry sassed back before storming out of the room.
Sirius' eyes were ablaze with frustration and anger.
No one dared to speak.
It stayed silent for close to twenty terribly awkward seconds before Sirius said, "You're free to go. Write a two-foot essay on the Owl Air Force and read the next chapter before our next class."
Everyone paused a second longer to make sure Sirius was done speaking before they all quickly got up and hurried out as Sirius went up to his office to floo to Remus'.
Harry was in some deep shit.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200