Author's Note: You are so loved! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I hope to post the next chapter next month, but we'll see how grad school and teaching goes. It may be October. Happy almost back to Hogwarts day!
TW: swearing, mentions of self-harm, references to self-harm
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry cools off with some help from Remus and Sirius. Harry sees Ron and Hermione. Harry and Remus make a special spot.
Chapter Summary: Harry has therapy with Remus again. Harry has Sirius as a professor again. There's a Hogwarts staff meeting and Harry needs help.
All too soon, in Harry's opinion, he was once again on Remus' couch in his office.
"I'm glad you're here," Remus said, giving Harry a small smile.
Harry shrugged.
"How have you been feeling this morning?" Remus asked.
"Okay. I mean I've avoided the Great Hall so far but I know I can't forever," Harry admitted.
"I know it doesn't seem this way, and your feelings are valid, but remember, there will be new drama soon. It will pass."
"I know, I just hope it happens sooner rather than later," Harry said.
"I understand that. I'm sure it won't take long. Hogwarts is a busy place. Why don't you just prank Dadfoot at a meal? It'll get any attention off of you."
Harry grinned. "Brilliant, Moony Da! I'll get the twins to owl me some help."
"Happy to help," Remus said, smiling.
It was quiet for a minute before Harry started to twist his hands nervously together.
"What is it, Cub?" Remus asked gently.
"Am I in trouble for last night?"
"No, not at all. What makes you think that?"
Harry shrugged. "I dunno. I'm just worried that you're going to do something. I'm not sure what."
"You're staying with us right now and we're having therapy every week. We're doing what we can. It's a fight and we're not giving up."
"Thanks, Moony Da," Harry said.
Remus gave Harry a loving smile. "Now, how is Quidditch going?"
Harry was thankful for the topic change and knew that Remus knew that he needed it. He smiled and began to talk about it.
When the hour was up, Harry said goodbye to Remus and went to have lunch before heading to Ancient Studies. He was a bit nervous as he was going to see Sirius as a professor again after his outburst in History. Harry walked in and saw that Draco was already there and slid into the spot next to him.
"Harry!" Draco said, brightening up when he saw him. "How are you?"
Harry shrugged. "I'm okay."
There was a lot unsaid in that sentence and Draco knew it.
"How about we hang out later? We can make a potion or two."
"That sounds great, thanks," Harry smiled.
They talked until Sirius cleared his throat at the front of the room.
"Alright, settle down. It's time to start," he said.
A few students looked at Harry and Sirius, almost as if they were waiting to see what would happen. Harry resisted the urge to squirm uncomfortably in his chair, knowing this same scenario would take place in History tomorrow.
Harry felt his arms begin to itch and he reached into a bag and pulled out a fidget.
A flash of concern went across Sirius' face, but no one noticed.
All the noises and voices around Harry turned into a buzzing sound as he pulled on the fidget. He tried to ignore the stares and whispers the best he could. Eventually, Harry could hear voices again and tried his best to pay attention. He was thankful when class was over. He hurried out, not even hearing Sirius' voice call after him.
Harry knew he had Charms, but he just needed a minute. He pushed himself away from his classmates and rushed to the room he made with Remus.
Harry let out a long breath when he shut the door. He put locking charms on the door and went to the mattress. He stayed in bed for about 15 minutes, calming himself down. Eventually, he got up and explored the room some more. At one point, he opened up a small drawer his side table had and saw late passes signed by Remus, giving Harry immunity if he arrived late.
Harry grinned, Remus really did think of everything.
As much as Harry wanted to stay, he knew he had to get to Charms. He grabbed a pass and reluctantly took down the locking charms he had before he headed to Charms.
Flitwick raised an eyebrow when Harry walked in about half an hour late, but simply nodded when he saw the pass signed by Remus.
Harry slid into his seat and ignored everyone around him, focusing on what Flitwick was saying.
When that class ended, he knew he had a couple of hours until dinner. He went to the Marauder Quarters and collapsed on his bed.
Sirius came home shortly after Harry and saw Harry's bag sitting in the hallway.
Originally, when Sirius was calling for Harry and he didn't answer, Sirius was upset. He did not like that Harry seemed to be ignoring him. After thinking about the situation, however, Sirius realized that there was a chance Harry truly didn't hear him and that he was overstimulated and overwhelmed.
Sirius knocked softly on Harry's door before poking his head in. "Harry?"
"Hi, Dadfoot," Harry said quietly as he sat up in bed.
"How are you doing?" Sirius asked as he sat on the edge of Harry's bed.
Harry shrugged.
"Did you hear me calling your name after class?" Sirius asked.
"You called my name?" Harry asked, scrunching up his nose.
Sirius nodded. "I did. What happened after class, Love?"
Harry sighed. "It was too much. I also know that it's going to happen tomorrow in History, too. I needed to take a minute."
Sirius nodded. "I understand that. I saw you with a fidget in my class. Did you stay safe?"
"Yeah," Harry said, shifting uncomfortably due to the question. "I didn't do anything."
The fact that he wanted to, despite it being unspoken, hung in the air.
"Have you talked to Moony Da at all?" Sirius asked.
Harry shook his head. "I'm doing better now, Dadfoot. I promise."
"Still," Sirius said as he pushed a piece of Harry's hair behind his ear, "I think it's important that you talk with him."
"Dadfoot!" Harry groaned, laying back down.
"I'm not going to make you, I just think you should," Sirius said, raising his hands up in surrender.
"I'll consider it," Harry mumbled.
Sirius took a deep breath. He knew Harry was struggling right now, even if he didn't admit it and Sirius didn't want to lose his temper. "I'll be out in the sitting room if you need anything."
Harry gave a curt nod and laid back down, rolling over.
Sirius held back a sigh and went to the sitting room to read a book.
Harry felt a little bad for having an attitude with Sirius, but he didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to be alone and decompress.
Remus came home shortly after.
"Hi, Love. How was your day?" Remus asked as he kissed Sirius.
"It was a day," Sirius said, setting his book down.
Remus raised his eyebrows. "What makes you say that?" He asked as he set his bag down.
"Today in Ancient Studies I had Harry. He was clearly struggling. He grabbed a fidget and I'm pretty sure he dissociated for a while there. I called for him after class, but he didn't seem to hear me. I checked on him when I got home and he was snippy with me. I asked him if he stayed safe and he said he had, which I'm glad about. I told him that I thought he should talk to you, but I don't know if he will."
Remus nodded slowly. "When did you go in there?"
"About ten minutes ago, why?"
Remus made his way over to the couch and sat down next to his husband. "I'll give him some time before I talk to him. Maybe even after dinner. I don't want him to feel ganged up on."
"That's smart," Sirius said.
Remus smiled. "I might have some experience."
"Maybe just a little," Sirius teased.
Remus just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
Sirius and Remus continued to chat until it was time for dinner.
"Should you get him or should I?" Sirius asked.
"I'll get him," Remus replied.
He got up and went to Harry's room and knocked on the door.
"Yeah?" Harry called out from inside the room.
Remus opened the door and went inside. "Hey, Cub."
Harry's face darkened over.
Remus immediately noticed this and said, "I'm not going to make you talk, now or later. I just wanted to tell you that it's time for dinner."
Harry put his head back in his pillows. "I don't wanna go."
Remus nodded sympathetically. "I hear you. I'm not going to make you go, either, but I think it'd be good for you. You've already been in the Great Hall after the incident and I don't think the stares will be as bad as before."
Harry huffed. "Fine."
Harry rolled out of bed and followed Remus into the sitting room.
"Ready? Sirius asked.
"You don't have to wait for me," Harry said. "I can go on my own."
"You can," Remus affirmed. "We also rather like being with you."
Now Harry felt like an arsehole for the attitude he gave them both. "Thanks."
"Of course. Now, let's go," Remus said.
On the way to the Great Hall, Harry didn't talk much but rather listened to Sirius and Remus chat about nothing important. When they got there, Harry took a deep breath and headed to the Gryffindor table.
Remus was right, Harry distantly noted once he sat down, the stares weren't nearly as bad. In fact, they were barely there. Apparently, there was a rather public breakup between two Ravenclaws and that was where all the attention was.
Harry smiled to himself. "I don't even have to prank Dadfoot," he said quietly.
Harry didn't even have time to turn to his friends before Draco came over.
"Harry, are you okay? I thought we were going to make a potion together."
Harry hit his head with his hand. "Shit, Draco. I'm sorry. Today was just a lot. I didn't mean to forget."
Draco waved it away. "I don't care that you forgot, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm okay, Dray."
"I don't believe you," Draco says, squinting his eyes.
Harry sighed. "Draco, I'm with my parents if I need anything. I'll be okay. We can talk tomorrow."
"Okay," Draco said, raising his hands up in surrender. "We'll talk tomorrow."
Draco walked away and Harry turned to his Gryffindor friends. "Hey, guys."
"Hey, Harry," they said, giving him a smile.
Harry returned the smile and joined their conversation until Dumbledore got up to speak.
Harry half-listened, not having the energy to fully process what the headmaster was saying.
Harry ate his dinner, which his parents happily noted from the head table.
Harry made it through the rest of dinner and the evening. He did his homework and everything was typical on Friday when he went to his classes, even History. Everything was typical, until it wasn't.
—
The first Saturday of every month, all of the Hogwarts staff gets together for a staff meeting and Head Boy and Head Girl are left in charge. Harry is used to this so he wasn't surprised when he woke up on Saturday morning and saw there was a note left from his godparents.
Harry-
We are at the staff meeting. We'll be back around lunch. Love you, Moony Da and Dadfoot.
Harry gave a weak smile at the note, but he knew something felt off, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Harry hoped it was just the fact that he hadn't had breakfast yet so he made himself some toast and drank some orange juice. However, he still didn't feel better. He went to his room to read a Quidditch magazine, but he had trouble focusing. Harry squirmed in the chair he was sitting in before standing up, huffing and throwing his arms up. He went to his bookshelf to find something else when a book caught his eye. It was a book his parents didn't know he had- he used the cloak to get it from the restricted section- and it was on Horcruxes.
"I'm a fucking Horcrux," Harry whispered, finally understand why he felt so off.
While this wasn't new information to Harry, it was particularly bothersome information today. Harry took the book off the shelf and threw it across his room, yelling.
Harry stormed out of his room, feeling his skin itch. He wished he could just rip the Horcrux out himself.
Harry knew that he was going down a potentially destructive path so he went to the coffee table and pulled out a puzzle to do, hoping to bide his time until his parents came back and he could ask them for help and talk to them. Unfortunately, it lasted a good seven minutes before Harry stood up again and paced the sitting room.
"Think, Potter. Think!" Harry muttered to himself, hitting his head.
His skin itched and he wanted to get the evil out of him. Harry stopped, getting an idea.
He went to the bathroom and started a shower. He'd scrub the evil off of him.
Remus wasn't there to charm the water so Harry had it practically scalding by the time he got in. Harry grabbed a washcloth and soap and began to scrub every inch of his body. Harry did this until the water ran cold. He finally looked down at his body and saw he scrubbed himself raw with parts on the verge of bleeding. He rinsed off in the cold water and got dressed, pulling on a long sleeve t-shirt. He knew Remus would know something was up as it was too warm for long sleeves now.
Harry once again paced the sitting room before realizing he was scratching his arm up. He stopped pacing and his eyes welled up with tears. He wiped the few away that escaped and realized he needed to get his parents. Remus had really drilled it in him lately that when he felt like he needed to hurt himself, he needed to get an adult.
Harry hadn't interrupted a staff meeting in ten years and was very reluctant to do it now, but he knew he had to. It was getting out of control and Harry knew if he didn't get help soon, he would regret it later on.
While walking to the room where all the staff was, Harry remembered the last time he interrupted a staff meeting.
6-year-old Harry Potter was tearing up as his parents were getting ready to head out the door.
"I don't want you to leave!"
"I'm sorry, Harry. We have our staff meeting. I promise we'll be back as soon as it's over," Remus said, getting down to Harry's level and putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Besides, you'll be with Tonks. You love her," Sirius pointed out, giving his cousin's daughter a smile.
"Yeah, but I want you here, too!" Harry sniffed.
"We'll be back as soon as we can, okay? You be good for Tonks. We love you, Harry," Sirius said as he kissed Harry's head. Remus did the same. It took all they had to walk out the door and ignore Harry's sniffs.
"Are you sure we can't just skip it?" Sirius said, looking back at the door once they were about twenty feet away.
"I was thinking the same thing," Remus admitted. "But it'll be good for Harry to have some time away from us. It's healthy."
"If you say so," Sirius said, sighing.
Meanwhile, Tonks was trying to cheer Harry up. "Why don't we read some books, Harry?" Tonks suggested.
I guess," Harry shrugged.
Tonks read with Harry and played a couple of games of noughts and crosses, trying to cheer Harry up.
"They'll be back soon, I promise," Tonks said.
Harry shrugged again before getting an idea. "Let's play hide and seek!"
"Okay!" Tonks quickly agreed, happy that Harry was excited about something.
"You count first." Harry told her.
"How high should I count?" Tonks asked.
"100!" Harry answered.
Tonks almost argued saying that there wasn't enough room in the place for someone to count to 100, but Harry's big, green eyes did her in.
"Okay," Tonks relented.
"Yay! You go count in my room. That's the counting room," Harry explained.
Tonks did as Harry said.
As soon as she started counting, Harry scurried out of his room and shut the door before sneaking out of the Marauder Quarters and making a run for it.
Harry's been brought to staff meetings before so he knew where they were held. He ran all the way there before trying to figure out a way in.
Peeves happened to be wondering by and saw the look on Harry's face.
"I know that look. It's the look of mischief! I want in!"
Harry and Peeves quickly hatched a plan.
Harry hid behind a corner as Peeves started to sing, loudly, in the middle of the corridor.
It didn't take long before a professor opened the door to yell at the ghost, Harry slipped in.
Harry hurried over to his parents and climbed on their laps.
"Hello!" Harry said brightly, happy to be reunited with his godparents.
"Harry, what are you doing here? Where's Tonks?" Remus asked.
"We're playing hide and seek," Harry explained.
"So you left her?!" Sirius asked.
"I'm just hiding far away," Harry explained.
Snape successfully hid a smile at the very Slytherin answer.
Remus and Sirius sighed.
"We apologize, Headmaster, but we need to take care of something. We'll be back," Remus said apologetically.
"Come on, Harry," Remus said, holding out his hand.
Harry took it and started to walk with his parents. "What do you mean you'll be back? Where are we going?"
"We're heading back to the Marauder Quarters," Sirius said.
"I don't wanna go!" Harry said, stopping walking.
"Harry, Moony Da and I have a meeting we have to go to. You can't be there."
"I've been there before!" Harry argued.
"You're too old now for that. You understand more now. We've got to take you back," Sirius said.
"No! I won't go!" Harry cried, stomping his foot.
"Harry James, you need to come with us," Sirius said, his voice stern.
"No! I just want to be with you!"
Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but Remus put a hand on his shoulder. Sirius shut his mouth and Remus bent down.
"Harry, I know you've spent a lot of time at school lately. Have you been missing us?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded and sniffed.
"We want to spend time with you too. We also have to do our jobs. We can be with you, just not right now. If we go back to Tonks now, we can spend time together later. If we don't then Dadfoot and I are going to have to leave again to get the information we missed from Grandda, and you won't like that, either," Remus explained.
"Okay," Harry relented.
"That's our boy," Remus said smiling. He picked Harry up and carried him the rest of the way to the Marauder Quarters as he explained why he couldn't just leave the Marauder Quarters and why what he did was dangerous.
Tonks was very relieved to see Harry.
"Harry! Where have you been? Oh! Sirius! Remus! I'm so sorry! We were playing hide and seek and then he was gone!" Tonks cried.
"It's alright, Tonks. Harry snuck out. We'll be talking with him about it more later. Right now, Harry is going to go to his room."
Harry dropped his head down and dragged his feet to his room.
"We'll be back as soon as the meeting is over," Remus told Tonks.
She nodded and Sirius and Remus headed back to the meeting.
When they returned they talked with Harry again before spending the rest of the weekend with him, not leaving his side. They knew that Harry had missed them, and frankly, they had missed their son.
Harry smiled weakly at the memory before realizing he was at the door. He took a deep breath and knocked before taking a step back and waiting.
It took a moment and Harry was about to knock again before Professor Slughorn came to the door. He shut the door behind him.
"What do you need?" Slughorn asked.
"I need my parents."
"We're in a meeting right now, Harry. You're old enough to know not to interrupt us," Slughorn scolded lightly.
"Yes, Sir, I understand but I really need them."
"Is someone hurt? Is there a fire? Are people floating to the top of the Great Hall?" Slughorn asked, remembering the Marauder's prank.
"Uh, no," Harry admitted.
"Then you can get them when you're done," Slughorn said with finality.
"Sir, I need them!" Harry pleaded one last time.
Slughorn ignored the plea and went back into the meeting room.
"Is everything okay?" Remus asked when Slughorn shut the door. He knew they were rarely interrupted unless it was an emergency.
"Ah yes, nothing to worry about," Slughorn said, waving his hand.
Remus didn't know if he believed him, but Dumbledore continued to talk and Remus shifted his attention to what the headmaster was saying.
Harry, meanwhile, didn't know what to do or where to go. He did exactly what he was supposed to do but he was turned away.
Harry stood there for a moment. He debated knocking again, but didn't want the embarrassment of being turned away again.
Harry eventually took it as a sign. He hurried to the astronomy tower, which he knew would be empty on a Saturday morning. Harry was out of breath by the time he got there, but it only took him a few seconds to realize that the last time he was here, he had wanted to jump.
"Fucking Voldemort! I never wanted this! I never wanted any of this!" Harry shouted.
He kicked the wall several times before falling against the wall and sitting down.
He pulled out his wand and pushed up his sleeve.
"Diffindo," Harry whispered, not even thinking.
A small cut appeared on Harry's wrist and he smiled. He hadn't relapsed with cutting in a while now and he almost forgot how it made him feel.
Meanwhile, Remus couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. He was thankful that the meeting ended early.
"Remus, are you alright?" Minerva asked, knowing there was something going on with her lion.
"Something doesn't feel right. I'm not sure what," Remus admitted.
"Horace!" Remus called out. The potions professor turned around and looked at Remus expectantly as he walked toward him.
"What happened when there was a knock on the door?" Remus asked.
"It was just a sixth year, nothing to worry about."
"Who?" Remus pushed.
"It was Harry, actually. I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to get the poor lad in trouble for interrupting the meeting. Don't be too hard on him," Slughorn said.
Remus felt his ears ring. "Sirius?" Remus called out weakly.
"Yes?" Sirius said.
Remus pulled Sirius out of the room and down the corridor. "It was Harry."
"Harry was what?"
"Harry is the one who knocked on the door. I don't have a good feeling about this. We need to get the map."
Remus and Sirius practically ran to Remus' office where the map was. They quickly opened it.
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," Remus muttered before all the names started to appear.
It took a second or two, but they found Harry.
"Astronomy tower! Remus!" Sirius cried.
Sirius was already halfway out the door when Remus said, "Sirius, look. He's not near the edge. He's probably just hiding."
Sirius went back and looked and Remus was right, he wasn't near the edge.
"We're still going to get him, but we don't need to run. He's okay," Remus said.
Sirius took a deep breath. "Okay, I hear you. Can we still watch him as we get there?"
"Of course," Remus affirmed. They flooed to a nearby classroom and went to the astronomy tower, always watching the map until they got there.
However, they were pushed away before they could make it to the top of the tower.
They tried again and were pushed away.
"Remus?" Sirius asked.
"It's probably his accidental magic. He doesn't want anyone here," Remus explained.
"Harry?" Remus called out softly. "Harry, can you hear me?"
That startled Harry enough for the accidental wards to drop around him. Remus and Sirius quickly took advantage of it. They walked the last few steps up to the astronomy tower and saw their son, sitting against the wall, tears in his eyes.
"I tried!" Harry quickly said. "I tried so hard!"
"Okay, okay. I hear you, Harry," Remus said gently, his eyes quickly roaming over the damage Harry did with his wand. Luckily, none of the cuts were very deep. "We're here now. How can we help?"
Harry shrugged, feeling overwhelmed. All he wanted was help from his godparents and now that they were here he wished they weren't.
Remus sensed that Harry needed a minute to process what was going on.
"Why don't we head to my office? We can walk to a nearby classroom and floo there."
Harry gave a nod and Remus helped him up. Harry tried to cover his arm with his other hand, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Sirius and Remus noticed this but didn't say anything.
It didn't take long for them to reach Remus' office.
"Do you want me to stay or leave?" Sirius asked when they were at the door. "I don't mind either way."
"You can stay," Harry said in a monotone voice, shrugging.
"If you change your mind at any time, that's okay. I want you to feel comfortable, okay, Harry?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded.
"Let's all head in," Remus suggested, holding the door open.
Harry entered and took his normal spot on the couch. Remus sat in his chair and Sirius pulled Remus' desk chair over to sit in so Harry had space.
"Do you want to talk or have us look over your arm first?" Remus asked kindly before he sat down.
Harry didn't want the sting of the cuts to stop quite yet. "Talk."
"We can do that," Remus said as he sat down. He noticed none of the cuts were bleeding heavily at all and most had stopped bleeding by now so he knew that it was okay for them to talk first.
"What happened?" Sirius asked softly.
That was too big of a question for Harry and Remus knew it.
"Take us back to when you woke up. How were you feeling then?" Remus asked.
"Weird," Harry said as he squirmed in his seat. He grabbed a pillow and held it close to him, before remembering he had blood on his arm.
"Oh, sorry," Harry said, his cheeks flaming.
"Don't worry about it, Harry. We can clean it later. You do whatever you want to make you comfortable right now."
Harry nodded and kept eye contact with the ground. "Yeah, I knew something was off. It took a little bit but then it hit me why I felt so odd. I'm a fucking Horcrux. I mean, I know that I've known, but it hit me especially hard today, y'know?"
Remus nodded. "I understand. The same thing would happen to me about being a werewolf." Remus said.
"Or being in Azkaban and losing years of my life," Sirius added.
Harry felt better knowing they understood. "You get it! Thank you! Anyway, I remembered I was a Horcrux. I tried to distract myself with a puzzle, but it wasn't working!" Harry felt himself getting worked up and he took a deep breath to calm down. "It wasn't working," Harry repeated, calmer this time. "It started to get really bad and I knew I needed to get you guys."
Remus gave Harry a small, encouraging smile at that part.
"On the way there I just kept feeling worse and worse. When I got there Slughorn answered the door. I asked for you guys and he told me that I knew better than to interrupt. I tried to tell him I really needed you both and he just shut the door in my face. I tried, Moony Da! I tried! You told me to get an adult when I wanted to hurt myself and I did that! I did what you said!" Harry was worked up again, but wasn't calming down on his own this time.
Remus got up and went over to Harry and rubbed his back in circles. "You did everything you were supposed to do, Harry. You tried a coping mechanism and when that didn't work you went to get an adult. You did everything right," Remus validated. "Take a deep breath with me."
Harry, who was breathing fast, looked at Remus and tried to slow his breathing down and take deep breaths with his uncle.
"There you go. Atta boy," Remus praised softly.
"After I tried to get you guys," Harry continued when he calmed down, "The thought just consumed me. I wanted to get the evil out. I wanted the pain and distraction. It was all I could think about."
Remus nodded, understanding.
"I went to the astronomy tower because I knew I'd be alone and away from other people there. I didn't want to be found," Harry explained. "And then you found me and now we're here."
"How are you feeling now?" Remus asked.
"About the same. The urge hasn't gone away or anything. I'm still disgusted with myself."
"You are not evil, Harry. Hurting yourself doesn't get the evil out of you because there is none to begin with," Sirius said.
"But you know what I mean!" Harry cried.
"We do," Remus affirmed, rubbing Harry's back again. "We do know and we want to help any way we can while keeping you safe."
"I don't want to be safe!" Harry said, squirming once again.
"I know," Remus replied empathetically.
"I don't know what to do!"
"Do you want to duel?" Sirius offered.
"No, too much work and effort," Harry replied, shaking his head. "My heart just feels so heavy and I don't have any energy."
"When we're done talking, why don't we spend time together in the Marauder Quarters? I can read a book out loud, if you'd like."
"I'd rather watch a movie," Harry grumbled, knowing it wasn't an option to leave Hogwarts.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so, so sorry," Remus said.
Harry shrugged.
"Someday, Harry. Someday," Sirius said.
Harry didn't respond to that. He still didn't see himself alive after Voldemort so the 'someday' didn't seem like a reality to him.
"A book will be okay, too," Harry said, going back to the topic at hand.
"Good. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about at the moment? We're always here if you want to talk later, too, of course."
"I know. And no, there isn't. We can just go to the Marauder Quarters."
"We need to sort out your arm, first," Remus reminded him.
Harry groaned. "Can't we just leave it for a bit?"
"I'm sorry, Harry," Remus said as he got up to get the first aid kit, "but we need to clean out and heal those cuts. I know they're uncomfortable right now at the very least and we don't want you in pain."
"They're fine! It's fine!" Harry insisted.
"Harry," Remus warned.
"Yeah, okay," Harry said, blowing out his hot air. He held out his arm and Remus carefully held it.
"I'm just going to clean them out first, okay?" Remus said.
"Mhmm," Harry murmured, looking away.
Remus carefully cleaned out the cuts and apologized anytime Harry winced. He put a healing cream on them and wrapped his arm up in a bandage. "It shouldn't have to be on long. Maybe a day or two."
Harry nodded.
When he was all done, Remus put the kit away and sat down next to Harry again. "Cub? What are you thinking?"
"I dunno. I really hate this situation," Harry admitted, blinking back tears.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk anymore?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah. I just want this to be over with."
"Alright," Remus said softly. "Let's head on back to the Marauder Quarters. We can floo there."
Harry nodded. Remus went first, then Harry, and then Sirius.
'Actually, Moony Da," Harry began as soon as he stepped through the floo and made it back in the quarters.
"Yes, Harry?"
"I think I just want to stay in my room for a while."
Sirius came through the floo now.
"Harry, isolating yourself isn't going to be helpful right now," Remus said knowingly.
"What is it?" Sirius asked since he missed the first part of the conversation.
"Harry wants to go to his room," Remus explained.
"With us?" Sirius asked hopefully.
Remus shook his head.
"Puppy?" Sirius questioned.
"I just think I need some time alone."
"Harry, we're worried about you. We don't want you alone right now," Remus said.
"It's not like I have anything that could be used to hurt myself," Harry pointed out.
"Harry, those feelings and thoughts won't go away on their own. You need help right now and that's okay. Let us help you."
"Is that a no, then?" Harry asked, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet.
"I'm not going to stop you, but I am going to advise against it," Remus said truthfully.
"Fine. Then I'm going to go into my room for a while."
Remus sighed and Sirius turned around and walked to his bedroom.
Harry turned around and went into his bedroom. He was going to his bed before the Horcrux book on the floor caught his eye. Harry went over to it and picked it up.
Something had to be in here on how to destroy it, Harry thought. There had to be something.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200