"Oh God" Speech
'Kazuma' thought/ foreign language
"DIE!" Chi infusioned shout
I do not own Ranma 1/2
At the Nekohanten
"Fight Me!" a voice shouted in unison as an explosion erupted throughout the area. While most of the citizens of Nerima were used to the random acts of shouting and destruction there were those that still weren't completely on board.
The voice belonged to Ranma as he glared at his one-sided rival. "I want a rematch!"
"Here's your Gomoku Wonton, your Niku Dango and your Maabo-tofu " a Kazuma said with a wink and a smile completely ignoring Ranma much to the delight of trio of ladies all giggling at the attention. It didn't hurt he was only wear a black t-shirt showing off his muscles.
"Don't ignore me, I want a rematch!" Ranma ordered as he reached out to grab Kazuma's shoulder only to catch air as Kazuma somehow was on the other side of the resturant.
"Kid order up!" Cologne shouted from the kitchen as several bowls noodles flew into the air. Without missing a beat Kazuma jumps into the air before tossing onto the waiting customers table.
Just then the door bell chimed as the ever bubbly Amazon burst through the door. "Great Grandmother I home!" she chirped happily that is until her fiance came into view.
Since that run in with the bikers Shampoo tried ignoring Ranma hoping he would get the message burst through the door proclaiming his love for her or at least try to talk to her. He did neither.
Instead he was more interested in fighting Kazuma who by now was just getting annoyed. Seeing that Ranma was instead ignoring her even now only made her mood worse.
As if not even seeing her Ranma return to his pursuit only to see Kazuma saying something in Chinese to the purplette. Not understanding what they saying Ranma burst forward seperating the two before grabing Kazuma pushing him into the wall much to the shock of the dinning patrons.
"You got lucky last time so I want a rematch!" the heir ordered with a glare. He didn't get an answer as he hit the floor courtesy of a conk on the head by Cologne's staff.
"Sonny boy your making a scene." she simply said gesturing to the crowd who looked between surprise at the usually calm heir act so hostilely and ready to bolt.
"Kid stand down." she ordered without looking behind her knowing he was in his battle stance.
Getting to his feet glared as his rival as he pointed at him in accusation. "I want a rematch and I'm not leaving till I get it!" rather then responsed Kazuma merely extended a hand as if for a handshake.
Despite his better judgement Ranma reached out figuring he'd finally gotten through to him. Any other thought were thrown out the window as once there hand's met Kazuma pulled him forward as he kicked his feet out from under him before tossing him out the door.
Walking out the resturant Kazuma saw the Saotome heir trying to get up before he slammed his foot into his chest keeping him in place.
"You have a fight to get ready for focus on that and not on me." he said before walking away only to turn back with an ominous look. "Besides even if we fought again the results would be even worse for you."
Ranma glared up at him as he grabbed Kazuma's leg pushing him off as he rolled back to his feet. "Yeah I'd like to see that." he challenged. The two youths stared each other down and while Kazuma wasn't interested in another fight he knew it was inevitable especially with the look Ranma gave him.
Cologne and Shampoo couldn't help but look at the scene both with a critical eye.
"Boys." Shampoo sighed in annoyance at her fiance's grudge against her best friend/kinda sorta maybe vaguely resembling a crush.
Patting grandchild's back Cologne nodded her head in agreement. "Seems your finally learning what it means to be a woman."
##
The air was tense that morning as two familiar combatants stood across from each other ready to have another bout of supremacy.
Despite the crowd forming many of which had seen these two battle so many times that then had simply come to watch to kill time.
Up in the stands away from the rest were the ones related to martial arts in some way. Leaning over the railing was Kazuma currently eating a yakitori as he watched the adversaries with a critical eye. Beside him was Azusa holding Chiot currently dressed as a fireman.
The rest of the group were scattered around either getting something to eat to shifting around to get a better view of the fight. Kasumi on the other hand was multi tasking between getting comfortable and eyeing Kazuma with a blush on her face missing that Kazuma was doing the same as they both thought the same thing.
"Why did I kiss her!/Why did he kiss me!"
"Well betting polls closed." Walking up the group was the ever present Nabiki clearly exhausted as she looked at a notepad going over the numbers. "Ranma's got the edge as always so I had to give odds based on things like how long the fight lasts and number of strikes, this is going to take some time." she groaned as she took a seat.
Despite noticing the looks her sister and friend were sending each Nabiki choose to say nothing about it, instead taking a bite of Kazuma's food as she planned to grill the two later.
"So how do think this is going to play out?" the middle Tendo asked as she attemptd to take another bite only to bite air.
"Well I trained with him a few times since he started training I can say Kuno's way better then when I first fought him."
"What does that mean?"
"If this had been when I first got here I'd say Ranma without a doubt but that was before." he responded getting looks from everyone.
##
In one corner was the Wild Horse himself confident as ever standing in his usual red silk shirt. And in the other was a changed man were once he was wild and spontaneous he was now like stream leading to a waterfall calm and serene but if underestimated will lead to your death.
"Ahh Saotome I am surprisingly delighted to see you, since my training began I believed it was time I the Great Tatewaki Kuno show the fruit of my labor." Kuno said as theatrically as ever some things will never change.
"Yeah right Kuno no matter what you learned, you'll never hold a candle to me." Ranma smuggly said he really needed another win under his belt. Getting into a loose stance he watched as Kuno slowly drew his sword.
"BEGIN!" Cologne shouted as her role of referee.
Before Ranma could go for his usual taunt and attack method Kuno did something he would have never expect. Kuno actually dropped his sword!
"Hey Kuno maybe you should get back to traini..." Ranma could never finish as before the sword hit the ground Kuno in the span of a second dashed forward grabbed his sword stabbing it into Ranma's chest.
The moment the attack hit Ranma was blasted through the air into the rock wall behind him before falling to his knees on the ground.
Picking himself off the ground Ranma panted as rubbed the spot Kuno stabbed only to wince in pain. "Okay so you actually learned something useful." he quickly got into his stance now ready to fight.
Dashing into the fray. "Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken!" was all he shouted a flurry of punches came at Kuno who to everyones surprise either dodged or blocked.
So surprised Ranma unintentionally slowed downed his punches giving Kuno the chance to swipe one of his fists aside as he rolled on his heel striking Ranma in the side before grabbing him and tossing him away.
Readjusting himself in the air landing on his feet any chance to question Kuno's increase in skill was ignored as Kuno came charging in. As Kuno came in for a stab Ranma jumped as he shot his Mōko Takabisha propelling him at Kuno before delivering a Meteor Kick into the swordsmans back.
Landing near the samurai he moves in front of him with a barrage of punches ending with an uppercut sending him skyward ending the combo with an axe kick.
"That takes care of that." Clapping his hands free of dirt Ranma smugly walked away not getting far as an Air-Pressure Strike struck him from behind.
"This fight is far over foul cretin!" Kuno cried as he shakily rose to his feet as he released another Air-Pressure Strike that Ranma jumped over missing the smirk on Kuno's face.
"Ah yes Saotome you gullible foul as if I wouldn't expect your reaction." with that Kuno with strength that could rival Ryoga took to the air darting right past Ranma.
"Ryūtsuisen!" he shouted as he descended using the momentum of his fall to strengthen a two-handed sword swing that brings his blade down on the unsuspecting Ranma's face sending him to the ground.
##
"If I hadn't gven Kuno those scrolls now he has a great chance if he had more time to master them but now it's simply descent." he explained only to yelp as he was pulled into the angry visage of Genma.
"What did you give him?" Genma order completely missing look on Kazuma's face that screamed I don't care.
"Hiten Mitsurugi-ryūand the Kamiya Kasshin-ryū style." once the words hit Genma he released Kazuma in shock.
"Old friend what is the matter?" never in his life had Soun seen his friend look so bleak.
"T-the "Hiten Mitsurugi-ryūand the Kamiya Kasshin-ryū style are ancient martial arts sword fighting style oneallows a single warrior to defeat a bunch of people. The other controls the flow and pace of battle. Alone they are a threat to even the most seasoned martial artist but if learnt together..." Genma explained leaving the fill in the blank.
"Why would give him that it seems kinda dangerous." Ukyo asked while she had faith in her fiancé she could still worry.
"He offered me a beach house and I don't use a sword like that so.." Kazuma stated only to be pulled into the enraged face of Soun.
Running up to the hired adventurer Soun takes Genma's place grabbing him by the collar. "Young man how could you be so irresponsible! Giving someone like that training tools they are not ready for!"
With his ever present look that screamed sceptical. "Hey pot what is it kettle oh I just wanted to tell you your black." Kazuma said only to notice Soun seemed to miss the proverbial idiom. "I don't think Ranma is the picture perfect example of someone you'd give power to."
"How dare you the school of Anything Goes is a practice of.."
"Idiots self-centered smug egotistical need I go on." Kazuma said counting each off on his hand before turning back to the fight. "Now quit bitching I want to see this."
Seeing he was going to be ignored Soun walked away but close enough to hear anything else the adventurer might mention.
##
"Saotome how does it feel to kneeling before the Great Tatewaki Kuno!" the swordsman shouted enjoying the change in position, for it was usually him on the back foot of there battles.
"Don't get cocky just because you go in a few lucky shots." now on his feet Ranma spit some blood out his mouth as he got back in his stance.
Charging forward just as he reaches the swordsman Ranma long jumps over his head landing on the rock wall behind him. He quickly shoots himself off the wall like a bullet as he punched Kuno in the shoulder. Using the momentum from the wall jump he lands on the wall opposite of him before doing it again.
After three or so hit and run attacks Kuno had enough of this. "You know if not for this training I would believe this to be nigh impossible. Senpū-Ken!" he cried out his attack as he spins his sword at his enemy in small circles, creating a small whirlwind.
While not doing much damage the attack threw off Ranma's speed leaving him open to a Bokken strike to the face.
Getting back up Ranma figured it was time to use that one. "Alright Kuno come and get me!" he shouted as he jumped just out of range of his slash.
##
"Ouch that looked like it hurt." Nabiki winced feeling that hit from there.
Kazuma despite seeing the same attack seemed unfazed. "Don't worry he looks like he's taken plenty of wood to the face." he said with a shrug.
"Hhhhaaaaahahahaahahahahah!" The moment those words met her ears Nabiki doubled over in laughter.
While this comment went over most the groups heads few got it and were not pleased. The most were the fiance brigade composing of Akane, Ukyo, Kodachi and more reluctant Shampoo bringing up the rear.
Storming up the adventurer Akane throwing ever the temper tantrum grabbed him by the jacket glaring up at him. "You jerk what is your deal?! You give Kuno a new scroll and you spend time making fun of Ranma!" Akane shouted.
Kazuma was not actually sure if Akane was just mad to be mad. "Okay just for clarity are you mad I helped Kuno for a beach house cause I'm not nor will I ever be sorry for that. I keep getting progress reports in the mail so unless it's some kind of sick joke, it's almost done." he said as Azusa who couldn't help but dance around at the news.
"If it's the taking wood to the face comment, I mean he kind of brought it on himself. I thought Ranma was kinda sweet."" Kazuma shrugged as he turned to see Ranma oddly dodging Kuno's sword swings while moving in a circle.
"But you always call him my.."
"It's sarcasm." With his back still to the brigade he continued. "I mean I've been in this town for a few months now and from what I've heard he spends all his time with the most unappealing one of you."
"WHAT!" Many voices shouted some in rage others in surprise.
"Oh my."
"How dare you!"
"Oh this going to be good." Nabiki said wishing she had more food to watch this.
Knowing he messed up Kazuma had two options: apologize and look like a bitch when you apply some pressure to him or stick to his guns and just give zero fucks.
"I know what I said Akane your not ugly but have you seen the competition. Purely physically speaking Ukyo despite having the smallest cup size is still bustier then you not to mention that ass and those legs." Kazuma said causing a blushing Ukyo to look back at her plump and round behind not really sure how to respond to the serendipitous complement.
Not done yet Kazuma turned to the gymnast. "Kodachi's even bustier and despite being related to Kuno except the hair I wouldn't know they were related. And she literally came here in a super tight leotard so that speaks for itself." Unlike Ukyo, Kodachi had a smug smirk on her face knowing her beauty but also that others knew it to.
Shampoo blushed as her friend complemented the girls in a row knowing she was next not sure how to feel about it. On one hand she was nervous about what Kazuma thought about her on the other hand she couldn't help but be curious about his opinion of her.
She didn't have to wait long as Kazuma continued. "Xian-Pu's naturally sexy as hell,cute face, pretty eyes, big round perky breasts, great pair of legs and that girl's got a peach. As the only one I can say I know on a personal level so I can say she's smart, fun to talk, can fight and knows a ton about martial arts. Plus I admit I like that she's pretty gung ho. OUCH!" he casually explained only to yelp in pain as Azusa took a bite of his leg missing the surprised amazon's face.
Shampoo had gotten many compliments in her life and a lot of males attention but was always due to her beauty, curvaceous body or large breasts never who she was. To see someone actually who could actually do that brought a smile to her face that smile quickly fell at the knowing look her Grandmother sent her.
Looking down Kazuma actually flinched at the pout Azusa sent him clearly annoyed by something.
"What about Azusa?" the skater asked fireman Chiot now standing next to her but shifting between watching the fight and the drama with a smile that said it was clearly enjoying both conflicts.
Chiot wasn't the only one as Kazuma tried the same only for Azusa to take another bite.
" Ahh! Will you stop biting me!"
"What about Azusa!?"
"What about you?!" he asked missing as Ranma made his way to the center of the spiral.
"What do you like about Azusa, is Azusa cute?" the skater asked with tears forming in her eyes.
Kazuma tried prying her off to no avail as Azusa's teeth had his leg in a vice. "Alright alright your cute!" he shouted only for Azusa eye him suspiciously.
"Really?" the queston was asked with her ready for another bite.
Not trusting his voice Kazuma merely nodded only for Azusa to open her mouth menacingly. "Yes yes very cute."
Knowing he needed to say something else less he gets bit again he opted to say something he thought for a while. "You also have the cutest bubble butt I've ever seen."
Hearing this Azusa quickly lets go of Kazuma's leg before grabbing Chiot jumping around in a spin. "Chiot! Did you hear Kazu-kun, did you!"
As this was going Nabiki who finally recovered saw a familiar Tornado forming. "It's over." she said dully clearly disinterested in not making as much money as she hoped.
Now free Kazuma felt all the chi in the air all centering around the tornado not getting a chance to see it form couldn't help but grimaced at the missed opportunity.
Cologne jumps to the arena seeing the Ranma standing triumphantly over an unconscious Kuno. "Well congratulations Sonny Boy." while Kuno had certainly improved Ranma still was more skilled and experience.
"Of course was there any doubt." the Saotome heir said with a smirk which only grew as he saw Kazuma looking down with an annoyed expression.
"Remember pride comes before the fall." Cologne trying to give some advice only to notice Ranma was instead glaring at Kazuma.
"We'll see who's the best around." still bitter at his defeat.
"Boys." with a sigh of defeat Cologne pogoed away.
##
After the fight everyone went there seperate ways with the martial artist of the Tendo dojo following Kasumi as she went to prepare lunch. Noticing the hungry people Ukyo and the Amazons returned to work with a large crowd following close behind. Kodachi retrieved her brother as she to returned home dragging Kuno behind with her ribbon.
As the only ones left Kazuma, Nabiki and Azusa were about to leave until a lone falcon flew overhead. Going into his subspace he removes his glove allowing said bird to land safely.
"So got another job?" Nabiki asked amused at the sight of Kazuma who unlike most people actually learned from the past caught Azusa by her collar keeping her at bay.
"Bad Birdie!" Azusa shouted clearly despising the creature.
"Yeah some monster is attacking this village stealing food." he explained as he kept Azusa from attacking the bird as it ate a treat. "Apparently it comes by every three days so I'll leave..."
He didn't finish as the bird lightly pecked him drawing his attention to another scroll he grabbed. Reading it's contents he sighed in annoyance.
"It appears, I'm temporarily suspended."
The area went dead silent as the other two occupants eyed the adventurer who didn't look less bothered more annoyed.
"It appears that because I gave a demon to a none adventurer the higher-ups feel that it and I need to be inspected." Kazuma rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Not like the higher-ups were going to do anything useful they probably would have had me kill it more seal it away."
"Chiot no!" Azusa cried pulling the cosplay demon to her chest.
Reaching out Kazuma pats her on the head. "It's fine Azusa once the inspector is probably just as lazy as the higher-ups so they'll just come make me pay a fine and being really vague when they tell me to do something."
Hearing this and enjoying the head pats Azusa quickly calms down.
"So what are you going to do about that monster?" Nabiki asked curious to know more about Kazuma's guild.
"Oh just sending it to the next closet adventurer to this location it went really to just send me the notice." with that Kazuma hands the mission back to the bird who promptly flew away.
"Well thats a pay check I'm never going to see." slumping his shoulders in defeat. "No use crying about it. Come on let's get some ice cream or something."
An ecstatic Azusa pulled him away laughing all the way.
Quickly following the smirking Nabiki just knew this was going to be interested. "I hope you brought plenty of cash with you Kazu-kun."
Author's Note
Check it out Kuno is actually a threat now. I didn't show the end of the fight because you all know exactly what would happen.
I might have over done it this chapter with just how done Kazuma is with all the bull in Nerima.