It used to be that he would do anything to get attention. He loved the feeling of all eyes on him, of the awe and the praise and the way people were so quick to tell him that he is going to be great some day. Now, though, Katsuki hates the attention he gets.
The other kids at school all croon and cry and ask him how it feels to lose his best friend. (He scoffs and shouts and tells them they're all idiots, because he and Deku weren't even that close. It's not his fault that the nerd didn't have any other friends.)
The ones at the park avoid him, like being too close might mean that they'll disappear, too. (He wouldn't care if they did.)
All the grown ups hover and watch him with sad eyes. His dad tells him that that look is called pity, and Katsuki decides he hates that, too. (He hates a lot of things about grown ups these days, like the way they treat him like glass or the creeping fear he gets when he sees one alone at the park when he passes by after school.)
His mom makes him go with her to visit Deku's mom on the weekends. They make posters with Deku's dumb smiling face plastered all over them. Sometimes he just waits in silence while his mom and Deku's mom read stuff on the internet about missing people. Usually though, they just sit together and talk. Katsuki bites his tongue whenever he wants to yell and answers questions about school and life and whether or not he has seen anyone suspicious lately. He looks away and pretends like he doesn't notice when Deku's mom cries. (It seems like she is always crying.)
His mom says that Mrs. Midoriya needs friends more than anything else right now. He doesn't understand why he needs to be her friend, but he doesn't say anything. Partly it's because he knows that his mom would get angry, but mostly he stays quiet because seeing Deku's mom so sad makes something in his stomach twist uncomfortably.
He holds his mom's hand when they walk home at night. She is telling him that he needs to smile more and be nicer to Mrs. Midoriya, to answer questions and say kind things. She isn't yelling yet, but her voice is loud and he sees an old lady on the street glance at her with pursed lips. He makes an ugly face at the lady, flames popping in his free hand, and grins when she turns and hurries on her way. His mom keeps talking, oblivious. (Or maybe she just doesn't care.)
"Is Deku coming back?" he asks when they are almost home, cutting into her tirade. She falters, and he hears her missed footstep echo on the empty street.
"Izuku is a smart kid," she says, instead of answering. Katsuki frowns, loosening his grip on her hand. She stops walking, forcing him to come to a stop as well.
"I don't care if he's smart," Katsuki tells her, his voice gruff and low. "Is he coming back or not?"
His mom gives him the kind of smile that grown ups give when something is wrong but they don't want anyone to know. It makes his stomach hurt, and he hates his mom in that moment. He tries to pull away, but she won't let his hand go.
"Katsuki, Izuku is tough enough to hang out with you, isn't he?"
"That's not an answer!"
She opens her mouth again, but he doesn't want to hear what she has to say. He hates the way she acts when anyone mentions Deku. He hates when she tries to be soft, tries to be nice in a way that she's never been before.
He hates Deku for being the reason why his mom acts so strange sometimes, and for being the reason why he has to go and sit and listen while Deku's mom cries. He doesn't understand why Deku is ruining his life, even when he isn't around.
"Let go of me," he growls, trying to pull away from his mom's tight grip. She doesn't let go.
He doesn't understand why sometimes he feels like crying when he thinks about Izuku.
Katsuki sets off an explosion. His mom pulls away with a hoarse yell, cradling her singed hand to her chest. He scowls at her and takes off running. He hears her yell for him to come back, curses spilling from her mouth and into the night air. He prefers that.
It doesn't take her long to catch him. His legs are short and he doesn't have anywhere to go besides home, anyways. She grabs him by the wrists so he can't use his Quirk on her, yanking him back so hard that he thinks she'll leave bruises. They're both yelling now, and he can't help but feel relieved.
"Why would you do that, you little brat?" she snarls, and he can feel the heat of the burns on her hand as she holds him.
"Why wouldn't you answer my question?" he shoots back. Explosions are popping angrily in his palms, illuminating their faces in bursts of hellfire.
"I tried!"
"You did not! You never said yes or no! You never answered! You never—"
She cuts him off with a roar, releasing her grip on his wrists so suddenly that he stumbles.
"Because I don't know!" she howls, and the earth beneath his feet seems to shift. He blinks up at her, and the fury and the satisfaction he felt has turned to uncertainty in the face of this shifting beast of rage and grief before him. His mom is staring back, and it seems as though she can't settle on a single emotion.
This is the mother he knows. This is the one he has missed in those too-quiet moments she sometimes has now. He is scared and overjoyed at once.
"You don't know?"
She shakes her head, face red and eyes shimmering in the dim light. His palms tingle and the sparks die.
He's not sure why he feels so sick.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I have some ideas for upcoming ones, but first I have to ask: Are there any canon characters anyone would like to see in this story?
Leave your thoughts in a review and help me decide who will be in the upcoming chapters. ;)