Chapter 2 LPOV

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I tried to ignore how awkward my outburst had been, but, I've been in the kitchen finding the wine for about ten minutes. So, since I hadn't heard his truck firing back up, I was assuming Edward had decided to remain patient in his seat.

As I poured the wine into two separate mugs a shiver went straight down my spine, strong enough to almost knock me down.

You need to relax and breathe. "Fuck."

I took a swig from the bottle. Ignoring the burning in my chest.

Fuck.

I ran back out onto the front porch and did not look at him once as I passed him his mug. I sat down in my seat across from him.

"Thank you." He raised his glass. "So you're a pot head and a wine-o now?" he teased.

"Oh HA-HA," I stuck out my tongue.

He cleared his throat after taking a sip. His adams apple bobbing quickly. I had an urge to kiss his neck, to smell his musk, but I fought the need

"So, who is the fortunate fellow that gets graced with your beauty everyday?"

I couldn't stop the warm blushing that over took my entire face and chest. "Stop," I laughed nervously, almost expecting him to take the compliment back.

Edward smiled, "I'm serious."

I covered my chin with my rolled up sleeve and stared at him, suddenly feeling nervous. "You know him..."

He did not look quite too surprised, considering that he DOES know everybody in town. "Who?"

Now would be a good time to down the entire mug full of wine, I decided. I grabbed at my chest softly, realizing too late that I was going to have the worst heartburn in the morning. But, anything that can incapacitate me for a little bit to survive this is all I need. "Sam Uley."

Edward's beautiful chuckle rang through my ears, and as if I didn't think his reaction was weird enough, he leaned towards me. "That kid was a joke, Lee, are you serious?"

"Dude, people change," I retorted.

He put his hands up in mock surrender. "I get it, I understand...it's just that...I don't know, the guy gives me a weird vibe."

And what are you going to do about it Edward? Doesn't seem like you'll do a damn thing about it now, so what's the point of even commenting?

The current conversation was honestly making me feel miserable about my relationship. I already knew it wasn't a 'good' relationship, but I just ignored the facts, hoping that it'd get better.

I needed to take the attention off of me. I felt a surge of energy as the alcohol finally began to kick in. "So what's been going on Cassanova?" I asked jokingly.

His face contorted into something between a grimace and a smirk. "Ah, you know." He stretched his arms up over head, unknowingly showing off his sexy powerfully built arms. I had to resist biting my lip as my eyes trailed up from his shoulders to his calloused hands. "Working that charm lately." Edward pulls his arms down and breathes on his hand, then stroked it against his shirt.

smooth.

What he said caught my attention, and I couldn't stop my eyebrows from raising. "Oh, yeah?" I asked, leaning forward slightly. "You slippin' it to some tight young thaaang?" I slurred humorously.

Edward's movements stopped all together as he just looked at me with a fascinated expression planted on his face. I watched on as a hearty laugh rippled through his body. "Oh, wow," he coughed. "Um-er, yes and no."

A part of me felt disheartened by his answer.

Why should I care?

And why was I feeling like I'd been punched in the ribs?

Edward stared straight past me. "We aren't fucking, we are talking," he corrected, still smiling. "She's nice, from uptown, we've been talking here and there...but, I don't know."

I probably looked visibly upset. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I still had feelings for Edward. I tried my best to mask my disappointment.

To me it didn't really matter that I was getting married. I was suddenly realizing that my relationship with Sam wasn't perfect, mind you no relationship is perfect, and I was settling down because I did not want to wait around anymore. Am I happy? Well, I mean, I was content in the beginning, and now I am just bored and frustrated.

Sam is a complex individual. He could be so cold sometimes, we stopped having sex months back. For what reason? Shit, I should probably ask him. Every night I've been having to take long hot showers with my vibrator. So...there's that.

"You okay?"

Edward's voice snapped me out of my thoughts and back into reality. "Yeah, course...it's nice that you're talking to someone," my voice was soft, betraying a hint of the sadness I felt.

His eyes softened at my tone. "We're just friends catching up and being honest here, right?"

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. "Absolutely, it's just so weird seeing you."

He reached out and gently tapped my knee. "Leah, you've always meant a lot to me. Seeing you is doing a lot to me right now. But, I want you to be happy, whether that's with Sam or someone else."

I don't want anyone else.

I want you.

I wanted to say. I held that in.

I took a long breath, trying to steady my emotions. "I am, I just don't always know what that looks like."

He tilted his head and furrowed his brows.

"To be happy," I reiterated.

He grasped my knee and gave it a squeeze. I almost melted at the contact. "That can be figured out," he assured. "And, I am here for you, ya know?"

My brows raised and then settled back down. My face must have been a mixture of bewilderment and surprise at his honesty right now.

He could read me like a book, his eyes rolled as he leaned back in the chair. "I am back home."

I loved the sound of that.

"I'm right in town, so if you ever need anything, I'm here is what I'm saying."

His words brought a sense of comfort, but also confusion. I didn't know what I wanted anymore, but having Edward back in my life, even just as a friend, was something I wasn't ready to give up.

We sat in silence for a few moments. I felt heavy and tense. Or maybe it was the air? Probably just me. Edward had a bit of a poker face going on. Sitting there, enveloped in stoic stillness, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. There was a strong familiarity between us, a bond that time somehow didn't erode.

Even with all the crud that happened between us.

"Remember that summer we spent at the lake?" Edward suddenly asked, a beautiful smiling forming on his lips.

I chuckled, immediately recalling it. "You almost drowned!" Still remember him being ripped under water. I just dove in after, didn't even give it a second thought.

He laughed, shaking his head.

It was terrifying when it happened. Hilarious now. Time is a funny thing.

"It was like a cartoon!" I added, giggling freely.

"Fuckin' anchor!" the sides of his eyes crinkled, still smiling brightly. "Wasn't my proudest moment." His hand slid slowly across his face. Audibly hearing his stubble rubbing against his palm. I licked my lips yearning to touch this man. I fought against it.

I was still grinning like an idiot, his eyes softened as he gazed into mine. "You saved me that day."

Ehh. I muddled over the thought quickly as I glanced down at my nearly empty mug and decided to correct him.

"Well, me and your brother."

"Still," his voice smooth as velvet. "You were always there for me, Leah. Even when I didn't deserve it."

A pang immediately hit in my chest.

I can't look up now.

I swallowed hard, realizing I need to drink some fucking water. The wine did not help with the cotton mouth.

"We were there for each other," I professed. Edward's presence stirred up so many feelings, and I was struggling to keep them in check.

"I missed you," I admitted quietly.

And I really meant that.

"I missed you too," he replied, his voice sincere. "More than you know."

My heart was ready to explode; his words had me over stimulated. I finally found the strength to look into those shining emerald eyes. For a split second, as cheesy as it sounds, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

The uncertainties of the relationship I've got going with Sam, and now this?

The confusion and fear of what might happen if I let myself fall for Edward again were all too real. But here, in the space between us, there was a calmness.

A decade ago I trusted that this man was not a serial killer as I jumped into his truck after leaving the bar.

In fact he was what felt like the best thing that'd happened to me.

"Leah," Edward's voice brought me back, his tone soft and genuine. "I'm not here to fuck shit up. I just want you to know that I've got you if you need anything."

Honestly I almost moaned hearing his voice get so low and soft. "Thanks, Edward. It means a lot to hear you say that."

He nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. "I just want you to be happy."

Happiness. A concept that seemed so simple, yet so elusive. I thought, only minutely, that I had found a glimmer of it with Sam. But now, sitting here with Edward, I realized how much I had missed this feeling coursing through my body.

He made me feel alive.

One things for sure: having Edward back, even if it's in a small way, even if he is dating other women, even if I am with Sam, felt so right.

It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to concentrate. Edward is just the embodiment of my greatest fantasies, and I can't even have him anymore. That gorgeous body, I can see he has definitely kept up with his personal health. Still sexy as fuck. Which pissed me the hell off, but it made the forbidden fantasies I'd imagine up even better. I wanted his hot breath against my skin, I wished that I could get down on my knees and take in his thick cock until it hits the back of my throat over and over-

"I want you," I blurted out, breaking the silence that had enveloped the front porch.

Damn my loose lips.

I kept a lucky cigarette hidden under the floor board for this exact type of situation. Kidding! It's only under the chair. I took one out and lit it up.

I just say what I'm thinking when wine and weed are involved, I'm only human.

I was wondering if what I was thinking was actually said out loud. I was pretty drunk, but not drunk or high enough to not notice this stunned expression plastered on Edward's face.

"What'd you say?" For once, he was more flustered than I. "Leah-"

May as well continue on with my thoughts, "I want," I started loudly, "I want you, Edward." I still had some booze courage as I gazed on vacantly and took a deep drag of my cigarette, holding in the smoke and reveling in this feeling of massive pressure being lifted off of my shoulders. It was weird, cause at first I didn't catch onto why he was glaring at me.

What the fuck are you doing Leah Clearwater?!

I no listen to sober voice when intoxicated.

His eyes widened, and I could see the internal battle raging behind them. It was his turn to take a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "Leah, you know, that may complicate things."

"But you want it to."

There was very long and tense silence. "Leah," he croaked out, pain seeping in through my ears coming from his voice.

I hung my head, completely embarrassed.

I can't even believe I said that! What was I thinking?! When I am sober and lucid this one is really gonna sting.

"You're really gonna do this to me?" He snaps astonished.

I did not want to look up, I just made a fool out of myself and it really hadn't fully registered yet. "I didn't mean to say it."

"If you only knew," he scoffed.

Now I decided was a good time to look up at him. His jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed on me. "You're getting married-"

My heart sank.

"-the kid is a jackass and he doesn't deserve you...but if you actually found someone you'd wanna marry, then it's gotta be right, right?"

I could do no more than stare with my mouth slightly hanging open.

Damn my fantasies, damn them all to hell. I felt like my mouth was what was going to get me in trouble...same as usual though.

"I should probably go," Edward finally said, breaking the silence. "But let's catch up again soon, okay?"

I nodded, putting out the cigarette. "I'd like that."

It was close to 2AM.

"This was nice," he said as I walked him over to the porch exit.

I leaned against the doorway and crossed my arms as he turned to face me midway down the steps. And there he was, feet from me. "Yeah," I sighed.

There was a drawn out pause as tension filled the short space that separated our bodies. How badly I wanted to reach out and touch him, to just fall hopelessly into his muscular arms and allow him to carry me inside. I had to scold myself, force myself to not think that way.

I tried to shake the thought of trying to make this more than platonic, but then I lowered my head slightly with the intention of staring down at my feet to break the eye contact.

Instead, I found myself noticing the very visible outline of his cock behind the material of his sweatpants.

holy fuck.

Indeed.

Christ, did it get bigger?

I did not trust my eyes at the moment, and I did not know the answer to the question. Now I had to remind myself to remain cordial and most importantly platonic.

He had to have done that on purpose. With it being that visible, there is no way that he is wearing boxers.

"Did I get your number?" He asked.

My eyes snapped back up to see his twinkling with mischief. I sighed, "You think that that's a good idea?"

He frowned and looked down while shaking his head, "didn't say it was a good one, but...remember, I'm here if you need anything."

At this point I knew he had to be bullshitting. A very tipsy me just told him that I basically wanted him to fuck me and now he's offering to exchange numbers? No way.

"I'll find you if I need you." I crossed my arms and put my entire weight on the side of the open screen door.

He looked at me, and I couldn't quite figure out what he was feeling. And that was pretty unusual.

"Alright, yeah-yeah, cool." He raised up his two fingers, pressing them up against his chest. "See ya around?" That crooked smile he began to give me was making my knees feel weaker than they already were.

"Yeah," I chortled. "Peace and lov-

"Love, motherfucker," he finished for me.

We both smiled and he made a slow exit to his car.

I had so many emotions churning up inside of me as I watched him drive off.

And just like that, he's gone.

I went inside immediately snatching my phone seeing that I had twenty missed calls and over fifteen texts. All from Jess of course.

I dialed her number. Her dramatic voice echoed through the other line within seconds.

"Dude! What the hell is going on?"

"I am SO sorry!" I gasped.

"I have been freaking out, wondering what the hell you were even talking about, Lee," Jessica spoke quickly and loudly.

I rolled my eyes. "I know, I know, I'm sorry."

"So...Eddie is?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Um...so what does this mean?"

"Nothing...nothing, we just talked and I kinda had a little hiccup," I explained.

"Oh, God. Lee, what happened?"

"I basically told the kid that I wanted him to have sex with me."

"Leah!" She gasped, astonished.

"What?!" I asked begrudgingly. "I was really drunk and high...I wasn't thinking correctly. Not in the right state of mind if you will."

"I can't even believe you right now."

"I really don't know, he was just...he is looking pretty fucking good, I let my mind roam, and then it came out," I said, trying to validate myself for even saying what I said to him.

"How did he react, though?"

"Well, he realizes that I'm in a relationship, so I pretty much should have just stuck my foot in my mouth, I would have probably seemed less ridiculous." It was funny, because the embarrassment hit me harder as I explained it to Jess than while the actual conversation with Edward was happening.

"Wooooooow, dude, I can not believe you really told him that!" Jess laughed briefly as I finished. I assumed that the laugh was because of how bizarre it seemed.

"I'm a fucking joke." My cheeks were on fire, my whole body began to shake. Was I really going to cry over the shame? I just might.

"No!" Jess answered quickly, "'course not, shit happens. Things never really ended ended between you and Edward, so I think it'd be normal for you to have some type of emotional and sexual connection to him still."

"I guess."

"Listen, Leah, I'm not gonna judge you. If you had slept with him or whatever, you'd get nothing but support from me."

The reason I loved talking to Jess about bulllshit and gossip was because she always understood me. I always appreciated her for her friendship, her loyalty is absolutely outstanding.

"Tell you what."

"Hm?"

"Let me pick you up sometime this afternoon, and we'll go get our nails done and grab a bite to eat downtown. Maybe go to a bar?"

I sighed as my eyes rolled back. "Ugh, yes! of course, I need that...bad."

"Okay, love, I'll text you, and then when I see you we can really talk about this."

"'kay, I'll talk to you later."

"Later bitch," she blew a kiss and I hung up and slammed face first onto my pillow on my bed. I was exhausted, and felt like shit because my high and buzz were both wearing off quickly. I didn't feel like I had to throw up, but I knew that wine was gonna come out of my body fighting. "Shit." I rolled onto my back and stared up at my dimly lit ceiling until I passed out.

It hurts to wake up still feeling just as bad, if not worse than when I had first fallen asleep. I sat up shielding my eyes from the harsh sunlight pouring in through the bay window. I groaned as I swallowed the saliva that built up in my mouth after just a few seconds, to just feel that annoying scratchy sensation in the back of my throat.

I tried to not stand up too quickly, felt like I was hit by a bus.

I thought that I may as well get dressed and get going before I lose more hours of the beautiful summer day. I'd been hoping that last night was just a dream, but the cups that Edward and I had drank out of were still in the same spot that we had left them, and it was the evidence that last night was very real. I groaned even louder, pressing my hand against the side of my face.

I stumbled around the house getting dressed and grabbing my car keys and purse as I headed outside to get into my car. I remembered that Jess wanted to hang out and figured I at least had enough time to take a quick trip to mom's to tell her about the news of Edward being back. I hadn't received a text from Jess yet, so I went on my way to mom's house.

I arrived in just six minutes. By this time my headache began to fade, what helped was probably driving with all the windows down and letting the warm air wash over me.

I walked into the house and called out. "Ma!"

"Yeah?" she shouted from the kitchen.

"Hey." I leaned against the archway from the front parlor leading into the kitchen.

"Hello, my love."

She had her back towards me, her delicate hands holding a knife and chopping up some ham, preparing it for the macaroni she had sitting on top of the stove. Her curly hair was up in a messy bun with strands hanging all around her face as if she'd just woken up.

I didn't really feel like dilly dallying, or in other words, I didn't come to my moms to bullshit. "So...Edward Masen is back." I said it so slowly and carefully waited for her reaction.

She continued dicing. "Yeah, I know."

"Mom!" I had to admit to myself, I knew my mom wasn't that ignorant, despite my reaction.

"What?" Mom inquired, she stole a glance at me over her shoulder and continued, "he came by, and we sat and chatted for a bit."

I scoffed, "why didn't you tell me?"

"'Cause I knew you'd have this reaction," she explained quickly.

My mother had a talent for getting herself involved in things that are none of her business.

"You're having conversations with my ex, mom, something you should let me know about." I couldn't help the annoyance that seeped into my tone.

She stopped cutting the ham and turned towards me with her arms crossed.

"No?" I asked sarcastically.

"Oh please, Leah, he always texts me to see how I am."

"Christ," I spat.

"He's doing so well now. I know things were rough for him at one point, but he has a good head on his shoulders," she babbled on and on about how 'perfect' Edward was now, and how she's always known that he'd turn his life around some day.

"Hm..." My eyes wandered up to the ceiling. I could not even believe my mother, she meddles too much. My mother was always the first one to have something bad to say about Edward when we were together.

Stuff like this isn't appropriate, and she knows that!

"Have you spoken to him?" She questioned

"What?" I focused my gaze onto mom.

"Have you spoken to him?" She repeated, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Yeah, that's how I know he's back mom, cause you, the woman who already knew, didn't tell me jack," I exclaimed, frustration seeping through my voice.

"Oh...how'd that go?"

She was egging me on big time. "Mom, really?"

"Oh my gosh, I just wanna know how it went." She walked past me to get to the fridge. "So defensive."

I narrowed my eyes, recalling a conversation with her the morning I went to the mall and just so happened to see Edward. "My God," I whispered.

"What?"

"You told him I'd be there didn't you?"

"Oh, please!" She threw her hands up acting surprised.

"You did!" I exclaimed. "You knew I was going, I told you!" I pointed at her in an Ah-Ha sort of manner. "Mom, I seriously can't believe you."

Mother really got me this time.

"What?!" She shut the fridge door and went back over to her spot in front of the counter.

I wasn't letting up. I knew she had to have told him something.

"Okay-okay! I maybe tipped him on the mall thing-"

My eyes widened and she continued before I could interrupt.

"We just had a normal conversation, as always. But he told me he was back and I told him that you two should catch up." She moved some of the strands of her dark hair out of her face. "Listen, I need a favor."

"If you need money, mom, I'm broke."

Lie.

She raised her hand to stop me from talking. "No, no, no. Emily asked me to go to her apartment to check on the cats, but I hate those cats. All those allergens!"

"What, you want me to go over there?" I asked, perturbed.

"Could you?" Her dark almond shaped eyes pleading with mine.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "When?" It's not like I enjoyed partaking in the clean up process of a litter box.

"Today would be preferable, I'm gonna head over to Quil's after I finish making this."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll pass by there before going out with Jessica." I made my way across the kitchen to stand closer to my mother. "So are you going to agree to stop meddling?"

"Leah, for God's sake if I wanna talk to Eddie, to hell with your opinion, I'm gonna talk to him," she argued back.

"Edward, mom, Edward," I corrected before proceeding. "Man, it's ridiculous, you only like him as much as you do cause he always bought you stuff," I reminded her.

She glared at me for a moment, and I stared right back at her. 'Till something shiny caught my attention, a pair of beautiful pearl earrings.

Oh for fucks sake.

"Did he get you those?" I asked.

"Huh?" She was already acting suspicious, I already knew.

"You have no shame, Ma."

She groaned pressing her fingers against her forehead. "Aye, Leah, go to your cousins and check on the cats please, you're paranoid."

As I slowly made my way out I shouted loudly, "My own mother, being bought by my ex...classic."

Secretly I thought it was cute that Edward still did things like that for my mother, but it was unnecessary.

On my way to Emily's apartment I decided to at least try and get in touch with other Sam. But my attempts were greeted with his voice mail, which really had a way of pissing me off. Can't just answer a phone to tell me you're okay?

I tried to keep myself from continuing to call Sam's phone as I pulled into the apartment complex's parking lot.

The first thing I see when I go into her place is not even the cats, I saw a lingerie set from Victoria's Secret splayed out nicely on her couch and on it was a note. I really wanted to be nosy considering everyone in the family thought my cousin would never be getting any cause we just never saw her with anyone anymore. We've had some awkward instances in the past. For the past few years she's grown distant from me and hasn't been around much.

Looked as if she was going to have some fun. Thank God, she needs some dick.

I unfortunately had the misfortune of having to clean cat dookey. Her tuxedo cat Stefano just stared at me the entire time I cleaned it, which made me uncomfortable so I was excited to leave once I was done.

On my way to meet Jess I tried to give Sam a ring again.

"Hello?" His voice made my jaw clench.

"Hey!" I tried sounding enthusiastic.

"Sorry I haven't been available, it's been hectic."

"I understand," my phone buzzed and I held it in up so I could see. I squinted seeing that it was Jess.

Jess: put on something sexy we r goin' to The pit 2nite. Mommy needs her drinky drink.

I smiled, but, it faded as I focused back on Sam. "How's everything going?"

"You mind if I call you later tonight, Leah?" He asked rapidly. "I'm swamped with paperwork."

My hand slammed against the steering wheel as I began grinding my teeth. "Sure," I said through gritted teeth. Can't even answer my question as to how your day went?

"Alright, Leah. Love you."

"Love you too." I just now realized how stale and forced our love seemed. I was just annoyed.

I got off the phone pissed off and was feeling rebellious..

I checked the text from Jess one more time and snickered as I replied.

Me: Sexy it is! Don't have to tell me twice

I will be revising this chapter and probably adding way more to it. I'm just too exhausted but I really wanted to get another chapter posted! Hope anyone who is reading this enjoyed it genuinely.

More to come soon

Peace and love ya sexy Mo'fuckers!

-A