Chapter 4 - LPOV

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The drive home was a sobering experience for me to say the least. I had just blown this whole thing WAY out of proportion for absolutely no reason.

It was just difficult for me to watch Edward wrapped up with another whore. It made my blood boil. I had very little control over myself. It wasn't me who did that. Technically... But it was me. And I felt terrible.

What was I to do? Apologize to him for what I did.

No fucking way.

But I most definitely summoned up enough courage thanks to the two shots and the margarita. Jess had been telling me all about her cookie business. She was beaming, and I was so proud. We had our third celebratory shot. She told me how Edward being back could only mean one thing, shaking her eyebrows at me suggestively. I chuckled.

We were about to call it a night until speak of the devil himself Edward strolled in with his date. I wasn't really looking for a big showdown, I guess. I was just trying to embarrass him. Although Edward and I are no longer an item, it's repulsive seeing him with someone else. It was just too much for me to see.

My best friend could feel the energy radiating from me. The shift was palpable. The happy buzz from our drinks was quickly replaced by a simmering tension. Jess leaned in close, her voice low and soothing. "chill, please," she whispered.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Edward's presence always had a way of throwing me off balance. They're all over each other. It made my blood boil.

"Let's go." Her eyes filled with concern.

I hadn't even been feeling too affected by the alcohol at this point. I wanted to see how far he was going to push me this time. The thing with us, is we can't see either of us with anyone else.

"In a minute," I whined softly.

I guess I should have listened to my bestie. She tries to tame the beast. But, she knows I can't just sit there and watch that. He did approach us. Jess excused herself. A while after Edward took his drinks and stalked back to her.

I was trying not to look for a whopping sixteen minutes. When Jess came back I snuck a peak. Jess really wanted to get out of there. She didn't like the look on my face.

She snatched up our stuff from the barstools and told me with her lips beside my ear, "I'm gonna pull up the car, we are leaving."

She's such a mom sometimes.

He was alone standing across the way. And he was looking right at me. I was pissed.

I thought quickly of the ways I could go about this. I want to live a straight life, I'm working and doing everything I need to be doing. I can't risk going to jail. So, I can't touch the brunette. There have been some like her. Edward and I had taken a lot of breaks due in part to his life style. And, frankly, my life was out of control at the time as well.

Nobody's perfect.

I was just about to walk out. Jess had even been ringing my cell. I was scanning the room to behold the sight that just made me snap. They were literally all over each other, just about kissing, and I felt like I'd been stabbed.

The room seemed to close in around me, the noise of the bar fading into a dull roar as my focus narrowed to Edward and his date. The jealousy and hurt twisted inside me like a knife. All the emotions I had been trying to keep in check surged to the surface.

Without thinking, I turned back towards them, my heart pounding. I could feel Jess's call vibrating in my other hand again, but I ignored it, my vision blurring with the sting of tears.

Literally thought of what I was going to blurt out as the liquor that was leftover from my drink-which was more than half still-left the cool glass I was clutching in my hand.

So I threw a drink.

And lied.

Publicly.

So I surrendered completely and got carried out. Dan was shaking his head the entire time.

I acted on instinct. A bad one at that. I was sort of happy immediately after. Until, of course after Dan the bouncer placed me down gently on my heels. They clicked loudly against the concrete outside the bar. Not even a moment after, Jess was on my ass.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, LEAH?"

"YOU'RE LUCKY THEY WON'T CALL THE COPS!"

"I'M GONE FOR FIVE MINUTES, AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME?"

I am extremely impulsive.

Before ya know it, right after lighting a cigarette Edward comes out and starts hooting and hollering at me for what I did. I was hurt, and furious. Guilty I guess too. I just felt so many different things.

Jessica was silent on the way home, probably sparing me a lecture since I was still a little drunk. I kept my head against the cool window, allowing the refreshing breeze from the air conditioner to blow lightly against my face.

The rest was a blur, i remember Jess chatting away at some point about how she didn't remember the last time I had gotten this drunk, blah, blah, bleh...I could hardly retain any detail of the one sided conversation. I curled into a sitting fetal position and passed out.

Before I knew it, we were pulling up into my driveway. Some drool was on my chin. I tried to clean it but my depth perception was seemingly failing me. I felt a lot better now that the car had stopped moving. I couldn't wait to get into bed.

My head was already full of a bunch of debilitating thoughts of how I didn't measure up to that bitch that Edward was with.

"Alright, girlie, we'll talk tomorrow. Just know, it's all gonna be alright. And you are bat shit crazy," Jessica said humorously, snapping me from my inebriated thoughts.

I gave her a reassuring smile. At least I think I have her smile. I couldn't really tell.

"You gonna be able to make it inside?" She asked looking worried as she watched my hand fumbling with the door handle.

I shrugged her question off "got it bitch!" and finally got the door open after much effort.

She shook her head realizing probably that if she let me continue to try and get out of the car the way I was, she'd be out here for hours with me. "Fuck it," she laughed and opened her driver door.

It was like magic, I shut my eyes for like two seconds and once I opened them I was on the bed inside my bedroom with a stinging migraine.

Apparently Jess got me out of my black dress and into a big grey shirt . I seriously needed to get the woman a gift basket with tons of chocolates and perfumes for dealing with me. I felt like such a shit bag friend.

It was about three o' clock in the morning when I heard a car pull up to the house through the open window.

I sat up in bed, my head throbbing, and listened closely. The car engine turned off, and I heard a car door slam. Footsteps approached the house. My mind raced with possibilities, none of them comforting.

"Who the hell is here at this hour?" I muttered to myself, rubbing my temples to alleviate the pounding headache.

I stumbled to my feet, my legs shaky from the alcohol and the sudden movement. The dim light from the bedside lamp cast long shadows on the walls, making the room feel eerie and unfamiliar

Odd, Sam shouldn't be back for a few more days.

What day is it?

I swear I gotta quit drinking. Does nothing for me.

Before I could finish my thought, I looked out the window and was surprised to see Edward's truck parked in front of my driveway.

"Oh no," I whispered.

If I was being timed I would've broken a world record. It took me seconds to run from the bedroom, down the stairs, and dash to the front door.

I reached for the lock but immediately pulled back as if the metal burned me.

"Ah shit!" I began pacing back and forth in front of the door. I clasped my hands together tightly.

What the fuck am I supposed to say? I didn't think he'd actually try to confront me. I should've known, but then again, I've been incapacitated for the past few hours so...not much can be said.

Toughen up, Leah.

A lot easier said than done.

I had to somehow shrug off this awful hangover and try to muster up enough strength to talk to this fuckhead about whatever was bothering him. Almost completely forgetting that I tossed a drink in his face.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. With a whoosh, I opened that door and waited for him to come up the steps into the front porch.

My arms instinctively wrapped around my stomach. I was so nervous I could vomit.

He stomped through.

The look on his face, looking just as disheveled and troubled as I felt. His arms cross as he takes one step closer to me. "Why are you doing this to me?"

I trembled slightly at the cool breeze entering the house through the open doorway. His eyes were swallowing me whole. I swallowed hard. "What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to sound braver than I felt.

His eyes reflected a mixture of frustration and desperation. "Do you have any idea what you did earlier?" he questioned, his voice rising. "You caused a whole fuckin scene because of your jealousy."

His words stung.

I was jealous, yes, it was something that was innate with me associated with Edward. I had a sort of trigger finger for shit like this. But, seriously. He's in town for what feels like five minutes and my world already feels turned upside down. This man has me settling into an existential crisis.

"You can't stand to see me happy with someone else?"

Fuck.

I couldn't hold his gaze anymore. I looked down at my feet, feeling a mix of shame and anger. "I don't know, okay? I was drunk, and seeing you with her...it just set me off."

"Set you off?" he repeated, his voice rising. "You humiliated me in front of everyone! Bella left because of you. Do you even care about that?"

My head snapped up. "Of course I care! But what about me, Edward? You think it's easy seeing you with someone else?"

His expression softened for a moment, but then he shook his head. "This isn't about us anymore, Leah. You can't just act out every time you get jealous. We're not together. Lashing out fixes nothing." He then added bitterly, "plus you're getting married, dude."

"I know that," I said, my voice breaking. "It's easier to be angry than to feel anything else that you've brought with your presence."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to fight with you. I came here to talk, because I do care about you."

I couldn't answer.

He continued. "You aren't happy with what you did?" His arms uncross, rough hands cupping my face. I couldn't help but let a small short yelp pass my lips as he pushes me against the door. His face gets closer to mine. "Don't fuck with me, Leah."

"Wha-what? What, Edward?!" I was feeling absolutely flabbergasted and aroused as we both shouted over each other. I could feel the heat coming off his body, meanwhile, a pool is forming in my underwear and I'm automatically taken back by guilt. I shouldn't feel this way.

But he's just so close now.

I could smell his aftershave, woodsy and so fucking sexy. I was inches away from his beautiful face, so close to those tantalizing lips..

I finally realize Edward is waiting patiently for me to say something. His eyes desperate.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You know exactly what I am talking about, don't play dumb now baby girl."

Oh, I loved the way that sounded.

I, in fact, do know what he's going on about of course. I knew this was about me shouting out in a public bar that Edward gave me an STD, which was a really bad lie that my drunk mind came up with as I stomped towards the beautiful couple.

In the present moment this man was raising his voice to me, in MY house. I didn't care if I ruined his big night with that bimbo. I was looking to fight him about this, but inside I knew I was stupid for what I'd done. I'm dumb for feeling anything for this man. Right person, wrong time...Again.

But I do want him. I wanted him to ravage me, completely and utterly violate me in every sense of the word. I felt as if I was close to getting what I wanted in the first place, all I had to do was poke the bear a teeny bit more.

The guilt from Sam wouldn't stop me.

"You clearly wanted to make sure tonight would end with Bella the way you wanted it to, before I even got a chance to give a shit, Leah."

"Whatever." I knew I sounded extremely childish, but I really did not give a shit.

"Oh, whatever," he spat back mockingly. "You can't just go around doing and saying whatever you want!"

I raised my brows. "Wanna bet?" I was challenging him. Prompting him. And I saw a little glimmer in his eyes.

Let inhibitions go. Don't look back at this and ask yourself: why didn't I just say what I really felt?

But how do I feel in the first place?

Before i could think twice about the way he looked at me, he pulled away grasping at his hair and groaning. "You're fucking with me." His hands fell back above my shoulders against the door, causing me to jump unexpectedly. "What do you want from me?"

He need not ask, for he already knows. Edward had a way of knowing exactly what I was thinking. He leaned down towards me until our foreheads were touching, "you're getting married," he whispered. His warm breath smelt of Jack Daniel's and winter fresh. The aroma unmistakable, vanilla, oak, and spice. The smokey and robust flavor that I could just taste with him this close to me. Sweet, with that nice edge from the alcohol. It's intoxicating.

I couldn't even respond, my throat was so dry. My body almost seemed to be on auto pilot. I was overwhelmed with arousal. I couldn't keep staring into those enchanting eyes. Deep, lush hues of precious gemstone.

As I glanced down with the intention of staring at my feet, but, instead noticed the very visible bulge in his jeans; I was in awe. My throat was no longer feeling like the Sahara.

His desire for me is blatantly put on display. Just for me. And I'd love to do nothing more than to take him all right there in my mouth, on the front porch, absolutely no fucks given. Now that I see his blatant semi. I got the goosebumps and shivered slightly. My immodest wardrobe made me feel so very naked in the moment.

My reticence in the moment was so uncharacteristic. I was actually surprised. Took me waaaayyyy off guard.

I let out a guttural noise that could only be explained as a moan and bit my lip to fight back anymore nonsense that I could just blurt out. Even though I chose not to say a damn thing. He knew. Edward knew how desperate I was feeling, because he felt the same way. His hand slides down and around my face until he was gripping my jaw, his other hand sliding up until his fingers push through my hair holding me back against the door.

"I can't help how I feel," I whispered back, my voice trembling.

He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "This isn't fair, Leah."

"You're the one that came back," I griped, "but then we can't do anything about it."

"Well," he paused, moving his hands away from my face and hair. Losing all his warmth I feel a cold shiver creep back up my bare legs. I cross my arms and stay still against the door between the front porch and the mudroom.

"Tell me you don't give a fuck about him then, Leah," he spoke fast. It took me a moment to catch up. I was probably still feeling some effects of the liquor from earlier. "I want to say so much, but, this is pretty complicated." The weight of this conversation hung heavy in the air, each word laden with mixed emotions. His voice sent more chills down my spine; it was that tone. His sensual, deep voice. Like velvet caressing my ears, smooth and rich. He enveloped me with his voice. Each syllable used has weight and meaning.

My hands fell to my legs with a loud slap. I was speechless. I forgot how forward he always was. Just knows what he wants and goes for it. I felt like the tone of the talk was shifting, but, we were still trying to follow some moral compass. There was this energy shooting off one another. I know he feels it too.

Now taking a half step back; he bit his upper lip. His green eyes searched mine for a while. Almost looking like he may get emotional. "Do you even love him?" His question cut through the brief silence like a knife, forcing me to confront this head on.

My heart was beating so fast. I hesitated, the answer not coming as easily as I wished it would. "I...I care about him," I finally admitted, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. My own voice betrayed me once again and trembled as I struggled to articulate my thoughts, the raw intensity of the moment leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable. Edward's piercing gaze bore into mine, his emerald eyes searching for the truth behind my words.

"That's not the same," he murmured, his words echoing in the dead of night. "You deserve more than just settling, and so does he."

Tears welled up in my eyes, stinging with the truth of his words. The realization hit me like a tidal wave, crashing over me with a force I couldn't ignore. "Maybe we can't be friends," I whispered, the words hanging in the air between us like a barrier that couldn't be crossed.

Edward's eyes softened, a flicker of understanding passing between us. "It's like a conundrum," he sighed, his voice tinged with resignation. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Truth is, I wasn't so sure what I wanted him to say either. But before I could stop myself, the words spilled out of me without warning. "Just stay," I whispered, my heart pounding in my chest as I waited for his response. The whole porch was still.

The croak of a frog interrupted the silence.

Edward's brow raised slightly, and he looked as though he was suspicious of my words and the meaning in them. "Say it again?"

I just couldn't help myself anymore. I was tired of feeling empty. I just needed him here. And I knew he couldn't resist if I put the pressure on him. I stepped forward, reaching out and placing my palm gently against his chest. His heart was beating so fast. "Stay here tonight," I repeated louder.

He became quiet again. "You're with Sam."

I wanted to cry, because it already felt like he was rejecting me. "It's okay, I understand."

As I began pulling away he grabbed me suddenly by my arm. "I will fuck the life out of you if I stay," his words were low and husky, sending a shiver down my spine. Each word enunciated in intensity. I was breathless, craving more.

"I promise you that, Leah."

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I struggled to process this all.

This is happening so quick. My shaking becoming uncontrollable.

Last time was so amazing. Until it wasn't, and then in the end he left.

"Edward..." My voice barely audible even to myself.

He didn't let go of my arm, his grip firm but not forceful. His eyes bore into mine, intense and full of need. "I'm not playing games, Leah," he said, his voice low and rough. "If I stay, things will change between us. I can't promise you what will happen, but I can promise you it won't be the same."

I felt a surge of conflicting emotions wash over me. On one hand, I longed for him to stay, to feel his touch and lose myself in the passion that always seemed to ignite between us. But on the other hand, I knew the consequences of giving in to that desire like, right in this moment. It would only complicate things further, adding more chaos to an already turbulent situation.

I was still technically with Sam. Then again. I don't think he really even gives a shit. He has grown so detached and vapid. It would be right to wait...

Impulsivity is the tendency to act without thinking.

"I know," I finally managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper.

I tried to keep on with the moral compass. Enough is enough.

This man clearly came back into town for me. I know it. He won't say it, and I'm tired of playing games too. Edward and I didn't play well in that way. When together we had loved teasing, and prolonging any encounter with one another. Back in the day whenever in the vicinity of each other there had been times where we were on a break, and there would be hens flocking and roosters strutting. But, there was no way in hell that he could handle seeing me with anybody, Sam included, and vice versa. It's impossible.

We've tried.

There's a connection. The need to want to be near one another.

I know he feels that too.

Horny Leah is going to be getting her way tonight though, I know it.

My head lowered, gazing up at him and fighting the sudden urge to smirk. "But... I still want you to stay."

Made slight changes and edits as of 06/04/2024 12:05AM. Also listening to criminal trial on youtube to try to stay awake as I am editing, Haha! Where I am it's rainy, but nice. It's not humid. It's just beautiful. The rain has been feeding my little garden so I am grateful. I worked at both jobs Monday and really felt compelled to get this chapter buttoned up.

& I hope you have had a great day. I meet a lot of different people, and, I just hope the best for people. So I really hope that whomever has stumbled upon this story is blessed with only love and happiness in life.

-A