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Chapter 35

Unpronounced

Edward

Bella snuggled up to me and I couldn't help but embrace her with my arms.

It was such an incredibly satisfying feeling to feel her tender warm soft limbs against me, just to look her openly in the face again. Of course, the uneasy tension, which had been most palpable in her room this morning, could not be denied and even now it had not completely disappeared. However, I was probably not entirely innocent that this was the case. Countless questions burned on my tongue, but I had firmly resolved not to push her into anything - to leave it up to her when and how she wanted to reveal herself to me.

But my patience was put to an even harder test today than last night. Now she was there, tangible ... But any answer was hidden behind an inexplicable impenetrable veil - she would just have to speak her thoughts for me.

Frustratingly, that of the question of guilt, which I had long since declared null and void, lay heaviest on her heart. Of course, it had hit me at the first moment. But who was I to blame her? I had contributed as much to the situation as she had. Now it was time for the consequences ... I wanted to clarify the issue in order not to commit the same mistakes again ... But obviously I had to wait for that - as hard as it was for me.

I should be satisfied with how things had gone so far. When I had stood in front of her - so unsure whether she wanted to be touched by me at all, what I could do with a wrong gesture - the relief had still been immeasurable, when she threw herself into my embrace. It had all felt so natural again in one fell swoop. I had acted instinctively, no longer weighing every step. But now my inquisitiveness beset me, made it difficult for me to enjoy the moment, to take in the beauty of the clearing - the only one I was aware of was in my arms.

And then, of course, there was my guilty conscience. The images of my naked beloved, which I had seen and especially that which I had not seen again, I barricaded in the farthest corner of my memory after an agonizing night. It would certainly not be beneficial to bring these feelings of guilt into the already emotionally charged situation. I was glad that she was so relaxed in the meantime and tried hard not to let it show or even spoil her pleasantly relaxed mood.

"Are you still hungry?", I asked, when the position became too uncomfortable to all appearances, she stirred and sat down differently - thus inevitably moving away from me a bit.

A sandwich wasn't much, so without waiting for her answer, I grabbed a strawberry and held it in front of her mouth questioningly.

"With a seduction like that, how can I resist?", she said before closing her lips over the fruit and taking a bite.

My reasoning suspended for a moment - a hot shiver ran through me at the sight, turning into a familiar unwelcome blaze as she clasped my hand, using her tongue to extract the rest from between my fingers. This was a mistake. I could well do without that desire, not wanting to allow it again until I knew what I had done wrong at the earliest.

My body, however, apparently saw it differently - jumping, without even asking, at the simplest visual stimulus. But I didn't want to spoil her obvious pleasure and continued to feed her various morsels. Bella chewed with relish, beaming like a Cheshire cat, and to top it off, licked her lips completely unconsciously. So I now wisely tried to look away at that gesture and withdrew my fingers in time.

We talked some more about the memories of that crucial day here in the clearing.

It was indeed a key event. If I had fought then to resist her blood, it was now about a completely different greed. Her body odor, which was becoming more intense in the sun, didn't exactly make it easier for me to resist it now either.

I noticed how she became more restless, her cheeks reddened more and more and small beads of sweat formed on the tip of her nose, although she had long since pushed her sleeves back and also rolled up the trouser legs of her jeans.

A dark blue long shirt was not a smart choice for the weather up here.

With a "Whew! I think you've fattened me up enough," Bella reached for the water bottle and then wiped her forehead.

"You are too warm. Would you like to move to the shade?" I offered her and already looked around for a suitable place.

"Ummm ..." she bit her lips in embarrassment. "Actually, I'd like to enjoy the rare sunshine even longer," she murmured.

"But?"

"I'm really a little too warm ... and ... I don't have very much underneath."

"We're alone here - not a person for miles," I assured her, as my mind raced as to what 'not very much' might mean and how little I could take.

"And vampires? Does Emmett know we're here?"

She had a point there - one of my kind could be here sooner than either of us would have liked - and it could certainly to be expected of him.

But I was able to reassure them.

"Alice has assured me that we will be undisturbed - and she will do everything she can to ensure that."

"Okay," she mumbled, but still remained sitting motionless with a brooding expression on her face.

Oh ... what was she thinking again?!

She continued to maltreat her lower lip and blinked at me critically.

What? Should I turn away? What was she embarrassed about now? I hadn't consciously noticed any typical bra edges, but the thin cotton fabric wasn't the only layer covering her ... I was sure of that by now. Otherwise, I would have long been at the other end of the clearing - or would have voluntarily turned my back on her.

"Oh, what the heck!", she finally grumbled to herself, knelt to the side, pulled her shirt over her head quite quickly for a human with her dexterity and lay down on her stomach.

Puzzled, I watched her actions.

But even the simple crop top - or sports bra - or whatever such a piece was called, gave me no clue about her behavior. Did she still feel so uncomfortable in my presence - or had the events given her a setback? Did her evening exploration have the opposite effect than hoped?

I passed over her behavior, which was inexplicable to me.

"Have you had enough to eat?"

"Hmm ...", Bella agreed, and I then packed everything up and carried it into the shade outside of my immediate smelling area so it wouldn't go bad and smell even worse than it already did.

Within seconds, I was lying on my back next to her, frantically concentrating on the warmth of the sun's rays on my face, breaking them down into UV-A, B and C, infrared and X-rays.

Why hadn't I taken more time and done everything at human speed? Bella didn't look particularly talkative, so I went through some compositions to distract her and hummed them to myself. Stupidly, I needed air to do this - and her scent changed with the increasing sunlight ... Smelled like pro-vitamins and soon after like hormones and vitamin D. It was fascinating and, together with the increased blood flow, awakened an irrepressible desire to examine this phenomenon more closely, to taste ... every square inch of her. Stop. Wrong direction. The sun had almost reached its zenith and Bella's sensitive skin would soon redden unhealthily - I hadn't encountered a protective cream in the basket this time.

I turned to the side and tried, as best I could, to ignore her delightful appearance - or rather, to contain its effect on me.

"You'll get a sunburn if we stay here much longer."

I stroked her arm, which seemed red-hot to me. Fearing that the sun had damaged her, I automatically put my cooling hands on her shoulders, which let her at first hissing breath suck in, but then hummed with pleasure.

"A little further back along the creek is a beautiful spot under a willow tree in partial shade."

She was persuaded, grabbed her top and scrambled up to follow me.

It was truly an enchanting place. The light curtain of low-hanging branches formed a small cozy cave right next to the flowing water, which was quietly lapping away.

When Bella discovered the water, she immediately took off her shoes and socks, carefully dipping her toes into the cool water and pulling them out again in a flash.

I had meanwhile made myself comfortable on the blanket and watched her amused at her ongoing attempts, which soon made her shiver.

When she turned around, there was a happy smile on her lips and once again I didn't dare spoil her happy carefree moment with my unspoken questions.

So I lay on my back, folded my arms behind my head, and watched the yellow-green play of lights in the foliage above us.

I felt her looking at me intensely and couldn't nip in the bud the taunting frustration that the mental void emanating from her kept triggering in me. Would this ever change? As much as I enjoyed not being continually harassed with any figments in her presence at some moments as I did with everyone else, it tormented me, and I cursed it most of the time. What was she thinking? What was going on inside her?

She came closer and closer, disturbingly slowly, and I could feel her hungry gaze gliding over my body.

I closed my eyes and tried to collect myself.

What was she up to?

I smelled her nearness, felt the warmth radiating from her, heard the pulsing rush in her veins, her footsteps and the rustle of her clothes as she settled down - and snuggled against me. Her fingers wandered over my chest and the tip of her nose up my neck and along my jawline.

Briefly, my teeth gritted against each other - but who was I to deny her a few cuddles and caresses - before I moved towards her. I turned on my side, pressed an innocent kiss on her nose and her slightly open mouth, loosened my hands and then hoped to be able to satisfy her with a hug and some harmless strokes. But already her fingertips, which slid through the hair on my scalp and her soft lips, which stubbornly followed my evasive maneuvers and no longer wanted to let go of me, let me guess/fear that she had a different idea, and she would not be so easily dispatched.

Suspicious of where this was going, I rolled onto my back again.

Which of course in no way prevented her from following me, to make herself comfortable on me and to seize my mouth. To ensnare me according to all the rules of art, with any means available to her, that my self-control was put to the almost immeasurable test on a new, not just thoughtlessly give in to her efforts and allow her warm enticing tongue access. Only a slit wide. Just so far that she would not be able to penetrate to my teeth. The blazing desire was no longer to be stopped and I pushed her back ... automatically checking with a deep breath whether there was an injury in her sensitive mucous membranes ... And finally followed her with a deep sigh into her wet cave, beginning a gentle dance.

But the wilder her heartbeat and the movements of her hands under my shirt became, the more uncontrolled her soft sounds and more intense the urging of her body, the greater my reservations became. As demanding as my own desire throbbed, my doubts prevailed. Was this her method? Confrontation therapy or something like that? How was I supposed to respond? What could I do? Could I do anything at all without doing something wrong again? How was I supposed to know what to avoid?

My insecurities and fears grew the further Bella's rational mind seemed to depart.

Increasingly, I stiffened and finally held her back.

"Bella, what are you up to? Can we please clear this up first?"

The woman I was talking to lifted herself up a bit from my chest to look at me. She blinked several times and slowly regained consciousness. Single strands framed her slightly reddened face and her sweet breath brushed my face intermittently.

When she finally understood the words, she gasped briefly, her cheek color became a touch more intense, and with her lips pressed together, she hid against my chest, where she then murmured, "Can we talk afterwards?"

I had to stifle a quivering laugh.

She was just too cute in her embarrassment and frustration that I had stopped her yet again.

"After what, exactly?" I was very interested in what she had in mind.

Her fingers tightened on my skin for a moment, but then she sighed and took a deep breath. But she did not look up at me, but continued to communicate directly with the fabric of my top.

"I'd like to try something ..."

The started sentence hung meaningfully in the air for a few seconds until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay ... what?"

"Do I really have to explain this? I would much rather ..."

I interrupted her and suppressed a chuckle.

"So, I'd already prefer to know what I'm getting into."

"Okay, okay," she grumbled, admitting defeat. "Alice and her stupid pronunciation drivel."

I felt the heat of her cheeks rise and waited impatiently for her to describe what she was in the mood for.

"I just feel so comfortable right now and I feel like ... I want to see ... if I can ... let myself go again, like the other day ... So just like that, dressed, sitting on you ... Trying out ... how far I can get if you don't distract me."

"I distract you?", I asked, surprised.

"Or I get distracted ... it doesn't matter."

Bella slowly raised her head to look scrutinizingly into my face.

"I'd like to just enjoy the beautiful mood with you and not muck it up with talking ... Make sure I haven't ruined everything ... that there's still nothing wrong with me," she added, still quietly explaining, as I grimaced doubtfully.

I could tell by looking at her how much she had overcome and felt how she increasingly tensed up and the atmosphere threatened to tip over. I felt so sorry for her and simply could not allow it.

"Dear, of course there's nothing wrong with you." I clasped Bella's face, looking firmly into those big brown rueful doe eyes, and gave her an affirming kiss. "If that's what you need," I breathed against her lips, pulling her up to me. "As long as you don't ask for more from me."

Thank you for reading!