Chapter 3

One Crossed Line

Bella's POV

The convenience store bathroom was small, and the smell of urine that didn't make it into the bowl wafted up into the air as I waited. I drove out farther than normal to a neighborhood I hardly ever visited. It was my lunch break but I needed to know.

All morning I kept staring up at the innocent red bow of the ionic cat, mocking me from across the room. Its bright red color reminded me of the blood that hadn't come this month. Our monthly meeting was always a hallmark of relief, as far as biology was concerned. Yet, I somehow missed it this time.

I ignored the convenience clerk's judgment and bought the pregnancy test quickly. Tucking it in my purse, as if there was someone around to hide it from, and immediately headed to the bathroom. My fingers shook as I tore open the packaging.

I took a deep breath before reading the instructions. They were simple. Pee and wait. One line, not pregnant. Two lines, pregnant. The peeing was easy, mindless, robotic. The waiting wasn't. My mind raced.

How could this have happened? X-rated scenes flashed through my mind, patient moments of crinkling condom wrappers being opened and awkward moments when it was discarded. We took precautions.

But the act itself has its risks. I knew that. Yet, I kept playing with fire, time and time again? Did I want this to happen? No, of course not.

Did I think I was some immune woman who never had to pay the consequences? No, the problem was that I didn't think at all. Getting lost in the moment. Addicted to the instinctual drive and giving in without any hesitation.

Shacking up with Derek had been second nature to me at this point. Hardly a whisper from my conscience.

It had been a casual drink after work with the other office members. Not my first choice of activity, but I was a team player. An intriguing discussion about classical literature kept me there for a few more drinks than normal. Even more so as the discussion became less eloquent and more ironic.

"Dorthea had to have had sex with Edward," Derek assured, "They were married, and in those days it was essentially required."

"But he was so old, he probably couldn't even perform," Terry debated, "Plus they kept saying they married for each other's intellectual company."

"Oh please, you know that's just how they describe it to keep it PG," Derek protested, "There are scenes where they're in bed together. You know that dirty old bastard was getting all he could."

"Maybe she was just giving him hand jobs," I offered, "Wouldn't she have gotten pregnant if they had done it?"

"Ha good point!" Terry exclaimed.

"Maybe," Derek considered, "But you're married, Bella and don't have kids. Are you just giving your husband hand jobs?" His teasing question was clearly rhetorical, but the irony conjured a laugh in me that was on the border line of hysteria.

With alcohol flushed cheeks I answered, "We can't have kids."

"See, maybe that's the same for them." Derek continued confidently, "It doesn't mean they weren't having sex."

"I think we have to consider him being gay. Even during their honeymoon -," Terry was cut off by the beep beep of his phone.

"That's the wife," he informed, standing up, "I'd better get going." As he put on his coat, he assessed my slumped state. "Bella, I can call you a taxi before I leave."

"Don't worry," Derek reassured, giving Terry's shoulder a manly pat, "I'll make sure she gets home alright." They shook hands and we said goodbye.

"I'll pay your tab, you can get me next time," His credit card was already being handed to the waitress, "Are you going to be able to walk?"

"I'm not that drunk," I stated, standing up with dignity and sliding my coat on. I hiccupped, "I probably shouldn't be driving though."

"No, not with those pretty hands," He agreed, giving me a wink. His eyes combed down my body longer than what was professionally appropriate.

I smirked at the gesture. Derek was always funny and confident, and when he looked at me, I couldn't understand how he was still single.

"You don't mind riding with me, do you?" He asked.

"Of course not," my response was fast and too eager.

"Great," he sounded innocent, but the truth was in his eyes.

I became very aware of my lower half. My swollen groin pulsing with the beat of my heart. It was going to be one of those kinds of nights. I'd had my share of bar hookups and one night stands but this was my first with a coworker. The thought excited me.

We walked to his car. "So, do you think Dorthea gave the old man blow jobs too?" he coaxed.

"Hmm," I answered getting into the passenger seat, "I'm not sure how hygienic they were back then, but…," I held his gaze, sucking on my bottom lip seductively, "I think you are right." I leaned in closer to his eye-widened delight. My right hand coming to his knee and sliding inward. "Those two probably got down to some dirty business."

His grin widened in the darkness of the cold car cab. "You're a bad girl," he growled. My hand glided over the hard bulge in his jeans and released the button.

Coming home I hadn't bothered to hide the smell. Accepting the walk of shame through my own front door. I greeted Edward, who sat in the living room reading a book, and got in the shower. That was the first night of what would be Derek and I's long affair.

My thoughts assaulted me at the memory and I gripped tighter at the pregnancy stick. You faithless women, I berated myself, how could you have let this happen? Yet the path to my infidelity had started long before Derek. The gapping difference of my guilt from being with Derek versus all those years ago attested to how far I had really gone.

My mind drifted back to the cool late summer night breeze in my second semester at Dartmouth.

The biology class I had signed up for in spite, had gotten me acquainted with a good group of friends. Maybe it had been because my intimidating vampire husband wasn't there that they felt comfortable talking to me. Regardless, with them I started feeling more like a college student.

There was going to be a BBQ at the park, complete with apple pie and frisbee. Autumn was on our doorstep and the nice days were numbered.

It was our intention for Edward and I to go together. However, as the weather report predicted clear, blue skies, and the half-leaf fallen trees provided little cover, he decided it was too risky.

"You should still go," He prodded me in the morning as I stood in front of the weather report wearing my nighttime shorts and tank top. "You promised your friends."

"I don't want to leave you alone," I countered, always feeling bad when he was excluded. Our experience in college thus far had been much better than our time in High school. I could see Edward's joy with being able to have intellectual conversations with classmates. Dartmouth offered a much larger student body, with an average IQ much higher than Forks High.

"Don't worry love." He flashed me his charming grin. "How about I start my hunting trip early? That way I can make it back to you one day earlier." He pulled me into him and pecked my lips.

His body's coolness caused me to flush. His aroma never failed to excite me. "Have Melanie walk you home, okay?" he breathed, the icy wind traveling out of him and along my collarbone where his lips were at work. The titillating chill was evident.

"Okay," I obeyed my instincts, which guided me closer. My hand rubbing its way up his arm until entwining with the hair on his neck and pushing his head closer into my chest. My hips, trying to move closer, were restrained by the now firm hand at my waist. He maintained the space between us. Anything that was normally covered by a bathing suit, I wasn't allowed to touch.

The gap remained as he guided me to the couch. His right thumb massaging circles around my erect nipple while the fingers of his left hand started slipping below my waistband. My chest rose and fell with labored breaths. His eyes glued to mine, watching my expression as he removed my shorts.

The flesh between my legs pulsed and I rotated my hips seeking relief. The clothing glided over my feet and left me, but the hands returned. Palms gliding over my ankles, tibia bone and stopping at my knees, which he slowly spread apart.

It was simple with us. Where his hands stopped his lips began. Kissing their way down my thigh. His icy breath was even colder against wet places. I leaned back, letting him have his control.

"Oh my god, he's so cute," Melanie yelled in a hushed voice. The music and chatter of the room did not carry voices.

The BBQ party had been so successful that no one would let it stop. After the security guards kicked us out of the park, a group of us brought it back to the apartment of Cody, my friend from biology, and Eric, his roommate. Eric was the man Melanie spoke of now.

"I've seen him around campus, but I've never talked to him," She giggled. I wasn't sure how much she had drunk. Although still underage, we both found ourselves with beers in our hands.

The first I drank out of curiosity, knowing that one wouldn't hurt. The second I kept as a prop, learning quickly that it made it easier to turn down more people offering me drinks.

The party had slowly mellowed down. Our original group of 12 dropped to 10 and then cut itself in half. I thought about leaving but there was nothing that hurried the action. It was late and my apartment was a bit off campus. I promised Edward that I would walk back with Melanie but as she got closer to Eric, that seemed less and less likely.

They had been giggling in the kitchen while Cody, Trent and I played Mario Cart. All of our heads turned at the sound of Eric closing his door.

"Yeah boy! Get it!" Trent cheered in his drunken state, wobbling slightly in his seat.

"Well, I guess I got my answer," I exasperated. Not recognizing the tinge of jealousy I felt from her all-too-easy-to-get homerun.

"Whoa," Trent marveled, getting to his unstable feet, " You were holding out for Eric?" He hiccupped, his long black hair bouncing with the motion.

"No," I guffawed, "I was going to walk home with Melanie." I explained, leaning away from Trent who looked like he might puke.

"Oh," he wobbled and turned for the bathroom.

"I can walk you home Bella," Cody offered, setting his controller down.

"I'm fine. You should probably stay and check on Trent. He doesn't look so good."

Cody chuckled, turning his green eyes fully on me. "You're probably right, but it's dangerous out there at night. How about I call you a cab?" He smiled.

It was a good idea, I thought. Edward would be angry if he knew I walked alone at night. College campuses weren't known for being the safest places for women.

"Yeah, that sounds great," I answered enthusiastically, smiling at him in gratitude.

"Umm yeah," He breathed deeply holding my gaze, "It's not a far walk to the street, but I'll go with you there too." He shrugged, turning his attention to his game console.

"Thanks," Cody was that guy who always had your back. In class, if you needed a pencil, a dollar, an answer to the homework assignment, he had you covered.

His console powered down and the iconic Mario song stopped. At that moment we both heard the muffled grunts, moans, and squeaks coming from Eric's room. Both our eyes widened as we looked at each other, unsure if we were really hearing what we thought.

Cody laughed and I followed. This was so awkward. Listening to someone do that was definitely taboo. Yet, it sent a strange thrill through me. My face reddened at my guilty pleasure to hear more.

I looked back at Cody. He stared into my eyes and reached his hand out. A single finger touching my forearm and making a soft figure eight around it.

My chest heaved but I did not move or look away. The heat from my embarrassment ran down my spine, right into my stomach and continued lower. The electricity stunned me. I hadn't felt this with anyone other than Edward. I didn't know what to think as he moved closer.

He kissed me. His warm lips were unfamiliar yet inviting as the rest of his warm body encompassed me. His arms wrapped around me, running a firm hand along the curves of my backside. There was no space between us, his chest against mine, his groin pressing into me. I could feel the hardening of his shaft through his pants and he did not pull back.

His tongue slipped into my mouth and I moaned. This was so different. The heat, the touch, the taste with no barriers. But the intense need for more pulsed through my body just as it would with Edward. I was overwhelmed.

This was not my husband but his closeness shook me. The animal inside coming awake. I responded, pressing my hips into him and he did not pull away. Intoxicated by my need, my logic and control were not to be found. Giving in only to what I felt.

We pulled apart for a moment and I panted. The fresh air had me thinking I should leave now. However, Cody nodded to the bedroom asking an unspoken question. Another jolt of arousal ran through me.

I took his hand. He led us into the darkness of his room where there was only sensation. Skin against skin. Body against body. The grinding of one part on another continued as pieces of clothing were removed in the dark room. The thoughts that I shouldn't, that I should stop, were overthrown by the increasing intensity of his touch, until finally the train was at the gate, and I let it enter.

When all was said and done and my breathing and heartbeat returned to normal, I got dressed and got out of there.

The blue hue of the approaching sunrise lit my path home. I felt dirty. Immediately I started a load of laundry and got in the shower. Scrubbing endlessly at my body, unable to wash off my wrong doings. What had I done?