Chapter 3

Two crossed lines

I still waited for the results. With my pants zipped back up, I set the test on the counter to wash my hands.

What would I do if it were positive? Would I tell Edward? The truth and honesty worked well for me in the past but this was a whole other level.

After what had happened with Cody, guilt had been my shadow. I had broken my vows, sinned against God. I couldn't look Edward in the eyes without feeling disgust for myself. He would touch me at night, and I'd stop him, remembering how another hand touched me. Feeling dirty and unworthy of him.

I wanted to tell him, to assuage my guilt, to make him see that he deserved better. He never gave any impression that he knew but I found it unlikely that he didn't.

I was afraid of seeing Cody, of going to Biology. What if Edward read it in his thoughts while we passed him on campus? What if I slipped up and did it again? He was a reminder of my crime. What was even worse was what if Edward really didn't know? Was it right to lie about this? To keep secrets.

Did it matter if he knew? What good would that do? None, it would only cause him pain. Ignorance was bliss, wasn't it? It was better to just sweep it under the rug. Forget about it and stay far away from Cody. I wasn't going to let it happen again.

My guilt boiled over not more than one week later.

I stood at the window in our living room. Gazing out at the street lamps lit below. Edward had his Friday night Neuroscience course and would be back soon.

My mind was still consumed with my crime from the week before. However, instead of holding the guilt and weight of lying above my head, my mind drifted to the other feelings from that night.

The warm darkness. The feeling of a warm touch on my skin, the pressure of another body against mine. My fingertip traced absentmindedly over my bottom lip. The palm of my hand pressed into my belly button. My breathing sped as I remembered the sensation.

I heard the lock of the front door turn and jumped. I felt the warmth of my reddening face. Embarrassed at being caught with these thoughts. I met Edward's eye as he opened the door.

"Welcome home," I greeted with a smile. What would he think of my blush? The helium balloon holding up my guilty weight popped, crashing down on me with a mental humph. I turned my attention to the kitchen on the other side of the open-spaced apartment. There was a single bowl in the sink that needed to be washed right away.

Edward, who had returned my welcoming smile, set his bag of textbooks, props he called them, on the table. "How was your day?" he asked warmly. I felt his eyes on my back.

"Good," I responded, not turning my back. "How about yours?" The silly bowl had a black spot I refused to yield to.

"It was good," he spoke slowly. Frozen in his spot, his stare burning into my back. We stood there silently for a minute. Only the running water and my breathing could be heard. Breathing, which seemed to get harder and heavier with each passing second.

I have to tell him, I thought, he should hear it from me. I took a deep breath, but instead of a confession, a deep sigh came out.

"I'm worried about you Bella," He stated calmly. What should I say to that? I kept my focus on the soapy sponge.

"Please look at me," He pleaded. I sighed again, turning off the water.

This was it. I had to tell him. I forced myself to turn and look at him. His features were concerned and worried as he took in mine.

"Edward," my voice broke, "I am so so sorry." The lump in my throat grew bigger. "I...I...I slept with someone else." The tears slipped over as I finally admitted it.

He was silent for a moment, taking me in. Then, like a doctor asking a patient about a broken bone, he asked me softly, "How did this happen?"

"It was last week after the BBQ. I had a beer or two," I crossed my arms uncomfortably, why did I have to mention the alcohol? Was I wanting it to excuse my behavior? I'm such a coward.

"You were hunting and we were just hanging out, you know." I shrugged guiltily, peeking up at his blank expression. Would he be angry? Would he try to hurt Cody?

"It wasn't his fault. It was avoidable," I confessed, thinking of the hand I chose to take. "I made the wrong choice." My body was tense, waiting for his reaction.

"Why did you make that choice?" He asked more solemnly.

I thought of the warm darkness. The feeling of Cody's fingers on my arm when I had made the decision. The yearn in my body as I looked at his lips before he kissed me. That was the real betrayal. I hung my head. Silent tears falling to the floor.

"It's okay," He said gently.

"No, it's not," I cried, "I cheated on you. You deserve better. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I forgive you," he stated, moving towards me and cradling my crying face in his chest.

"What do you mean?" I urged, "Don't you care?"

"Of course I care," he was quick, "I'm sad about it but it's not worth you enduring this pain. This doesn't stop me from loving you."

"It should," I stated, soaking up his unfathomable understanding.

He chuckled then became serious again. "Do you want to be with him?"

"No, of course not." My bewildered eyes finally looked into his.

"Then let's not make a big deal out of it," he shrugged, "Our love is stronger than some meaningless one night stand."

His words made my week of obsessive guilt and worrying seem unnecessary. I should have just talked to him.

"But please," he added, "try not to do it again." He had smiled down at me, hiding the true pain he had surely been feeling.

We continued on, but his forgiveness and acceptance almost made it worse. My guilt was still there, coupled with another striking example of my inadequacy. I wasn't good enough, he deserved a faithful wife. Someone stronger than me.

I put my efforts into being that good wife. I focused on my studies and avoided the parties, despite Edwards encouragement. I didn't pressure him for sex or talk about when I'd be a vampire. I kept my head down and he noticed.

The feeling of guilt that had pressed down on me over those months barred its weight again as I looked down at the pregnancy test in the convenience store bathroom. A pink line on the stick started appearing faintly, then another. It was positive, two lines were crossed.

Still looking for Beta. :)