"Hermione!" She heard Harry calling her name as he entered the Common Room but she didn't lift her gaze from the Russian translation she was working on for her tutor. "Come with me."

"I already told you, Harry, I'm not going to waste my time trying to force the Room into revealing what Malfoy is doing in there," she said, frowning down at the grammatically incorrect sentence she'd just written. "You're not going to get it to open for you unless you know what he's using the Room for."

She always tried to avoid joining in any conversations about Malfoy whenever Harry brought him up - which was often, unfortunately. Even though she was almost certain that she knew the truth, there was no actual evidence that Malfoy was responsible for the attacks nor that Dumbledore was the intended victim, which was the main reason why she hadn't shared with Harry any details from her and Dolohov's discussion on the matter. It weighed on her heart not to share something so important with her friends but she was, regrettably, used to keeping important things from them by now. Not only that, but the whole situation left her feeling frustrated and confused: why weren't Snape and Dumbledore doing anything?! It couldn't surely just be that they didn't believe Malfoy capable of actually achieving the task he was set, an unremarkable threat to the Headmaster's life? Malfoy's recklessness had almost killed two students. He didn't care who he hurt. But that was because his own life might be forfeit if he didn't succeed. Or did Malfoy's life not matter? Were Snape and Dumbledore prepared to sacrifice him just like she believed they would cut her down? How many students were they willing to lose so that Voldemort was defeated in the end?

And that was the crux of it all, wasn't it?

They couldn't let Voldemort win.

All of Hermione's soul-searching about her professors and their intentions didn't change the fact that Dumbledore was leading the fight against Voldemort. Without him, what chance did they have? She might not know what Harry was learning about in his private lessons but she knew that her best friend wasn't ready to take down Voldemort and all his forces. And she had lost faith in Scrimgeour's running of the Ministry months ago.

The impossible situation wound round and round in Hermione's head, leaving her feeling trapped. It wasn't often that she could hold back when there was a wrong that needed to be righted but she genuinely didn't know what to do. Draco Malfoy would never accept her help, and she suspected that any attempts to reach out to him would probably cause him to panic, lash out and make things worse.

And so, to her shame, she had done nothing. Did that make her just as guilty as Snape and Dumbledore? If Malfoy ultimately succeeded in his mission, or hurt anyone else, or even lost his own life, she knew that she would have that on her conscience. Another burden to add to her growing list.

"No, I'm not here about the Room," Harry said. "There's someone here to see you."

That did get her attention. "What?" she asked in surprise. "Who?"

Harry grinned and beckoned. "Come on. You'll see."

Intrigued and reassured by his positive mood, Hermione put down her quill and followed him. She couldn't imagine who it could possibly be. No one had ever come up to the Fat Lady's portrait to visit her before.

"Tonks!" she gasped. It had been months since Hermione had last seen her, back when Tonks had been reassigned to remain in Hogsmeade to watch over the school.

"Wotcher, Hermione," the auror said but as the two women embraced, Hermione was upset to see and hear that all these months later Tonks still hadn't recovered to her normal cheerful disposition. What was going on with her? Tonks pulled back slightly. "It isn't one of your burning days, is it?"

"No, that's not until Wednesday," she replied, ignoring the swooping in her stomach at the thought of seeing Antonin again.

"Good, so I'm not hurting you then," Tonks said, reaching down to give her fingers a squeeze and Hermione shook her head.

"What are you doing here?"

Tonks frowned. "I came to try and talk to Dumbledore - got a colleague to cover my position in the village for a couple of hours - but he's away again."

Hermione wasn't surprised at Dumbledore's absence. It seemed that the Headmaster had been away from the school more than he'd been present this year - but with all her current conflicted emotions regarding Dumbledore, Hermione wasn't exactly missing him.

"Then I came across Harry, knocked arse over elbow once again," Tonks continued and Harry rubbed his nose, looking embarrassed, "and he reminded me that I hadn't seen you in months. I've still got an hour or so before I have to be back in the village. Do you want to go for a walk in the grounds? Catch up?"

Hermione's initial instinct was to pull away. She didn't really talk to anyone besides Harry and Ron - and even with her best friends she made sure she kept conversation light, just about life within school, nothing that required her to crack into anything that was going on below her surface. Tonks would probably want to probe deeper though. She might try to open her up in some way. Had the Order sent her? Had she really come to see Dumbledore or was that all a ruse?

Or was that all complete nonsense?

Hermione had no idea what was real anymore.

It would be easy to make up an excuse - she had an awful lot of work to be getting on with - but it was the weekend, she had time to do it later. If she wanted to know whether Snape or Dumbledore had sent Tonks, the only way she'd find out was to go with the auror and wait for her line of questioning.

"I'd love to," Hermione replied. "You don't mind, do you, Harry?"

He shook his head. "Not at all. Ron should be back from his apparition training soon anyway. I'll catch you later."

Tonks waved him farewell, momentarily slung her arm over Hermione's shoulder, and the two women walked down the corridor. Hermione waited for Tonks to ask her first question but they only walked in silence for a couple of minutes.

Unable to keep her tongue still any longer, Hermione asked, "Why did you want to see Dumbledore?"

The abruptness of the question made Tonks stumble down the first step of the staircase.

"Sorry," Hermione added quickly, "I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, you're alright," Tonks replied with a quirk of her lips. "Just me being dead clumsy again." She sighed. "I just wanted to know if he'd had any up to date news from people in the Order. I heard a rumour that there were attacks not mentioned in the papers. I'm often out of the loop in Hogsmeade, can rarely leave my post. You haven't heard anything, have you?"

"News from the Order?" Hermione answered with a quiet scoff in case there was anyone nearby. "No one tells us anything about what's going on."

"Right," Tonks said, chewing on her lower lip. "I just thought you might have heard from some of the people who are out on long-term cover. I mean, you're close with Kingsley, right? And all three of you get on with Remus, don't you?"

"Yes," Hermione agreed, though she felt a little puzzled. "But I haven't heard from them lately. I last saw Remus at Christmas, and Kingsley's so busy with the Prime Minister… Is there something I should be worried about?" Tonks's demeanour was unsettling - and not in the way Hermione had anticipated at the start of their conversation. Her suspicions that the auror had been sent to dig into her and open her up were fading by the second. Their months apart had caused Hermione to temporarily forget who her friend actually was at heart - there was no way that Tonks was capable of acting so deceitfully. Ironically, given that she was a metamorphmagus, what you saw was what you got from Tonks. She wasn't much of an actress; she wore her heart on her sleeve.

"No, it's nothing," Tonks denied, but her vacant stare said otherwise. "Like I said, I'm just out of the loop up here. I don't hear from anyone. It can get… a bit lonely."

Far from being reassured, Hermione's concern only deepened, guilt flooding her stomach. She'd known that something had been off with Tonks for months - going way back to the previous summer - and she'd done nothing to reach out to her friend. There was every chance that Hermione wouldn't be able to help, or that Tonks wouldn't want it, but to not even try was shameful. They'd reached the bottom of the staircase and Hermione paused. "Tonks - " she began but was cut off by the auror's attempt at enthusiasm and an arm once again slung around her shoulders, forcing her onwards.

"Anyway, enough about that. How's school? You still top of the year, smashing all your lessons?"

"Um, yes, school's fine," she replied.

"That's my girl," Tonks said, giving her a squeeze and almost choking her. "What have you been learning about lately? Anything good?" Hermione went with the topic of conversation. If she was actually going to get Tonks to share what was affecting her, it was more likely to happen out in the grounds where they were guaranteed more privacy.

It was a beautiful sunny spring day but there was still a bit of a chill in the air brought from the northerly breeze, so Tonks cast a light shielding charm that diverted the wind around them.

Tonks turned her face up to the castle. "You know, I do miss this place - I had such a wonderful time here. But alI this talk about lessons has confirmed that I absolutely do not miss all the school work. I have no idea how you're managing to do all those N.E. on top of everything else you've got going on."

Hermione shrugged. "I like to keep busy." She had less time to think that way, which suited her perfectly, particularly in these last few months. Before, it had distracted her from her estrangement from Harry and Ron, but now it kept her from dwelling on her uncertainties about Snape, Malfoy and her own safety - not to mention keeping her mind off of Antonin. Thoughts of him and the moments they'd shared recently were very distracting, setting her heart racing, her nerves tingling and her face flushing with arousal. It was totally inappropriate for her to think about him in lessons or when she was carrying out her prefect duties, but the mental presence of him in her thoughts was even more persistent than the real Antonin - unless she resorted to her Occlumency shields to block him and everything else out.

"Well, busy is fine so long as you're still looking after yourself," Tonks pointed out, but Hermione wasn't convinced that her friend was following her own advice. "How are you doing - you know, emotionally?"

No creeping suspicious doubts poisoned Hermione's thoughts anymore. She didn't believe that Tonks had any sinister intentions behind her questioning, but Hermione still knew better than to respond with anything close to the truth. She couldn't let anyone in because nobody would understand. Besides, just because Tonks didn't appear to have been explicitly sent to question her, there was still every chance that she'd report back anything that was shared to someone in the Order. "Well," she began, trying to keep her tone serious but not too heavy, "I wouldn't say it's been easy with everything that's happening, but I've got my friends to watch out for me."

Tonks nodded a little absently, clearly still distracted by whatever was bothering her. "Of course. You, Harry and Ron are strong as rock."

Hermione paused, expecting some remark or question about what happened to drive them apart over Christmas but Tonks said nothing. Did she even know? Had no one told her? Perhaps she really was kept out of the loop.

"Yes," Hermione agreed carefully. "There's not much anyone can do but keep going. The mood in the castle is much more sombre than normal - we all hear about the attacks and deaths happening out in the magical community, everyone's worried that it's going to be their loved ones next." Tonks turned her head away but, as she did so, Hermione was surprised to catch sight of tears in her eyes. "Tonks," she said in concern. "What…Has something happened?"

The older woman kept her face averted and gave a loud sniff as she wiped away her unshed tears with the cuff of her robes. "No," she said thickly. "Nothing's happened… that I know of," she added in a pained tone under her breath but it was still loud enough for Hermione to hear.

"Oh, you're worried about someone?" Hermione asked, her mind immediately trying to work out who it was. Her parents? But Tonks was surely keeping in touch with them. Who else?

"Forget it," Tonks said brusquely. She gave another loud sniff and added a bit of pace to her strides, forcing Hermione to move quicker to keep up. "We're not here to talk about me."

"Well, why not? We're friends, aren't we?" Hermione asked, still trying to figure out who Tonks was worried about. She'd asked after Order members…

Tonks glanced at her. "Yeah," she said after a slight pause. "Of course, but -"

"Friendship goes both ways," Hermione interrupted, pulling on Tonks's arm to make her stop. "You were such a support to me with everything that happened last summer. I know there's something bothering you - has been for months - and it sounds like you don't get a chance to talk to anyone much with your posting. So, I'm here for you, if you want me."

She reached out and gave Hermione's arm a squeeze but then shook her head. "Thanks. I appreciate it but I'm not going to unload my burdens onto you when you've already got more than enough on your plate," Tonks said "Speaking of - how's Dolohov been lately? He still being a bastard?"

But Hermione didn't hear the question. "Is it Remus?" she asked. "Is he the one you're worried about?"

Tonks's mouth dropped open, her eyes wide with shock. "How the…? Bloody hell, they don't call you bright for nothing, do they?" she muttered then looked down, scuffing the ground with her boot. "Or is it that flaming obvious?"

Hermione reached out reassuringly to her friend. "No, it wasn't obvious. It's only because you mentioned Remus earlier and I know his work seeking out other werewolves could put him in danger. It made the most sense."

Tonks momentarily held her head in her hands and gave a deep sigh. Presented with a clear view of Tonks's hair, Hermione finally realised that the light brown shade the auror had been sporting for months matched that of her former Defence professor. The truth had been before her eyes for so long and she hadn't even noticed. However, if this was a love story, Hermione had the horrible feeling that it wasn't a happy one.

At Hermione's gentle encouragement, Tonks lifted her head and began to talk. She revealed how her feelings for Remus had grown as they completed numerous missions for the Order last year; how she'd finally confessed how she felt when they were keeping watch on a suspected Death Eater's house one night, and how Remus had rejected her again and again because he didn't want to endanger her, because he was too old, too poor - because he thought that she deserved better.

"Better," Tonks scoffed the word angrily. "There is no one better than him - why can't he see that?" She brushed a tear away from her cheek. "I told him that first night - if you swear that you don't have any feelings for me, I'll walk away and we'll never speak about this again. But he couldn't. Why won't he let me love him? Why won't he let himself be happy, the stubborn fool?"

It was a conversation she'd apparently had with Molly frequently over the summer but since starting her posting in Hogsmeade, Tonks hadn't had many opportunities to get away. "And Remus has been taking long-term, dangerous missions just to try and prove his point," Tonks said, tears in her eyes. "I heard that Greyback has made another attack and I can't get it out of my head that it could be Remus. I wanted to find out the truth, to hear it from Dumbledore, but he's not here. So now all I can do is wait and hope."

Hermione found herself deeply affected by all that Tonks had to say. There was already so much fear and suffering in their community, and here was a chance of some happiness and love between two people she cared deeply about. Hermione could see how Remus thought that he was protecting Tonks. Perhaps he was too scarred to risk opening his heart up to anyone else. After all, the poor man had lost so many of those he cared about - people like Sirius, and Harry's parents, who had grown up and loved him for who he was.

Hermione felt a strong empathy for Remus even though his actions were causing Tonks so much pain and heartache. He seemingly believed that he was damaged, unworthy of love and unable to have a 'normal' adult relationship because he was a werewolf. Thanks to Dolohov's curse, Hermione viewed herself pretty much the same way. Who would love her when her life was bound so tightly to Antonin, seemingly forever? Okay, so she might not be dangerous herself, but with his possessive claims on her lately she was almost certain that Antonin wouldn't be up for sharing. Right now, she couldn't see any possibility of finding love for herself - whatever was between them, she certainly didn't love Antonin, nor did he love her. But Tonks didn't care that Remus was a werewolf. Hermione knew that his monthly ordeal was horrific but Tonks would help to see him through it, and for the rest of the time he was free to live just like everyone else. She wished that he would listen to what Tonks was saying to him and let himself love and be loved. He deserved happiness more than nearly anyone she knew.

The two women walked and talked for a while longer, Hermione offering sympathetic and reassuring comments where she could. It felt a little odd to try and give insights or advice to an adult about their relationship, more grown up. She'd been talking to Ginny for a couple of years about her feelings for Harry, and tried to help Harry himself when he'd been seeing Cho last year. Honestly, she would've quite liked to be able to talk to someone else about her and Antonin - but that was completely impossible. She knew, of course, that anyone and everyone would advise her to keep away from Antonin, to cease their new physical closeness at once, but she didn't see how she could - not when the curse would keep pulling her back to him, not now that she knew what it felt like to have his mouth on hers, the taste of him on her lips. No. No one could help her there. But she did want to know more about sex - about what to expect, what she was supposed to do, and how to keep herself safe. The sort of conversations a young woman would have with friends or trusted adults when she felt she was nearly ready to have sex for the first time. Antonin had said he'd take care of her and she was inclined to believe that he would - he seemed to know what he was doing and the moments they'd shared so far had definitely felt good - but Hermione needed to know more about what she was getting herself in for, even if it was just the basics. Having the answers was just part of her nature. The school library was, of course, her usual source of knowledge and perhaps some of what she wanted to know was in there somewhere, but she didn't know where to look and she certainly wasn't going to ask Madam Pince for some pointers.

It was a shame because if it was some other, more suitable partner that she was considering having sex with and not Antonin, Tonks was probably the exact person Hermione would ask about this. She'd never want to talk to Harry or Ron about sex, and the idea of discussing it with most of the adults she trusted was equally as excruciating. But Tonks was only a few years older than she was, and she was normally quite cool and laid back about matters. The auror would probably be practical, tell her what she wanted to know without judgement and soothe any worries.

Hermione chewed at her lip and glanced over at Tonks. Although she thought it had done Tonks good to vent about her worries, it was clear that the auror was still very much caught up in her own head. Yet Tonks's distracted state and her isolation from other members of the Order might give Hermione an opportunity…

Tonks cleared her throat and turned to Hermione with a lopsided pull of her lips that was probably meant to be a half-smile but came across more as a grimace. "Sorry - I told you I shouldn't have dumped this on you with everything else you've got to deal with."

"Don't be sorry," Hermione replied earnestly. "I'm glad you trusted me enough to share something so important. I just wish I could've been of more help."

Tonks shook her head. "There's nothing anyone can do about this except me and Remus, so a supportive pair of ears was all that I needed right now until I can find out the truth about these Greyback rumours."

Hermione wanted to tell Tonks that she was sure that Remus was fine - but she couldn't because the awful truth was that he might not be. There was no guarantee that anyone was safe right now, particularly not someone who had put themselves up against an individual as violent and dangerous as Fenrir Greyback. "I really hope that Remus is alright," she said instead, "and that he comes to his senses soon." As much empathy as Hermione had for Remus's dilemma, she hoped that he could see that his attempts to keep Tonks safe were still causing her such pain and heartache that she was almost like a completely different person, a shell of herself. She didn't think it was right for him to do that to someone he supposedly cared about.

"Thanks, Hermione," Tonks said and then gave a noisy sigh. "Please tell me that your lovelife is a lot less stressful than mine."

Hermione paused, hesitating over whether to say anything or not. It was a risk but it might also be her only chance to gain real life knowledge or advice, and not just outdated and clinical words from an old book. "Actually," she said slowly, her heart hammering in her chest. "I wonder if I could talk to you about it."

"Course you can," Tonks replied. "Especially after I've been chewing your ear off this whole time. What's up? Are you dating someone?"

Dating? Hermione strove not to wrinkle her nose at the perfectly normal term because what she shared with Antonin certainly didn't come under normal. She didn't think a label existed for whatever they were. But because it was easier, she said, "Yes. It's quite new but no one else knows. He's a Seventh year." She felt a little bad about the lie but it was necessary.

Tonks just nodded and waited for Hermione to continue.

"Anyway, I, um, wanted to ask you…about…" She could feel her cheeks becoming warm and she forced the words out. "About sex."

"Oh," Tonks said shortly, giving Hermione a quick surprised glance before her expression settled back into its former expression. "What about it?"

Face still aflame, she said, "Well, I know the fundamentals but that doesn't seem enough knowledge if I decided that I wanted to have sex with someone. Are there things I should know? Things I should do?"

Tonks frowned. "You said this is a new thing. Is he pressuring you to have sex?" she asked.

Hermione shook her head. "No, he's not. He's waiting for me to be ready and we both know that I'm not. But I still want to know what to expect for when I am ready. There's not really anyone else I can talk to about this."

Tonks scratched at her head. "Okay, then I'm glad that you felt able to turn to me." She gave a small snort. "I'd hardly call myself an expert but I think I should be able to tell you enough so that you're more informed and you know how to keep yourself safe if and when you decide that you're ready. Alright?"

Hermione nodded.

"OK," Tonks said, letting out a small breath. "Let's start with the absolute necessities - contraceptive charms and potions…"

Hermione pulled down another book about Ancient Runes from the shelf. She knew that she was pushing it, that she was only delaying the inevitable and ran the risk of making things worse, but she couldn't make herself leave just yet with something so unpleasant and awkward on the horizon.

She knew she was going to have to face Snape again eventually. It would be unfair to ask Professor McGonagall to solely take on the responsibility of escorting her to and from the school gates, not to mention that the Deputy Headmistress might have questions about why she didn't want to be near Snape anymore. Ordinarily, he would have been the one to take her last time (her first visit since their confrontation) but Professor McGonagall had been free. Before Hermione had even thought about approaching her about this next visit, she received a small note from Snape rolled up within her returned Defence homework on Monday which stated that he would be escorting her in two days' time.

No doubt he would want to talk to her, try and convince her again that she was mistaken about her risk from the Order. Maybe he'd try and break through her Occlumency defences. Or perhaps he'd just give her detention for the way she'd stormed out of his office two weeks ago seeing as they hadn't been alone together since. In Defence classes she'd made sure to keep her behaviour as normal as possible whilst maintaining her Occlumency shields at all times, and Snape's treatment of her was typically disdainful but she felt his gaze on her more than normal.

Hermione glanced at her watch and sighed. Time to go. She'd never been late for a scheduled appointment in her life and if she didn't leave now she'd have to really hurry to make sure that record wasn't broken tonight. Besides, once she'd endured proximity to Snape she would be with Antonin again. Her pulse quickened at the thought, her heated skin tingling in anticipation.

Her discussion with Tonks at the weekend had answered many of her questions, though the prospect of sex still made her more nervous than excited currently, further reinforcing her belief that she wasn't ready. Tonks had explained (thankfully without going into graphic detail) that there were different types of sex, that people enjoyed different things, that she should only ever partake in sexual activities that she felt comfortable with - that it was absolutely okay to say no or change her mind at any point. Communication between partners was apparently important to make sure that they both received pleasure. Hermione hadn't really thought about what she could do to make their encounters pleasurable for Antonin: she'd assumed that sex was more something that happened to women, that he would take the lead just as he had so far. And should it even matter to her if he received pleasure? They weren't a proper couple - not even close. But the problem was that even if she didn't really care about Antonin's wants, she did care what he might think about her in any intimate moments they might share going forward. She hadn't asked Tonks what men liked during sex because she'd said that everyone was different and maybe Antonin wasn't like most men so she didn't want to do anything wrong. Tonks said that it would probably hurt the first time she had penetrative sex but that would soon go away. Could you do sex wrong? She'd never seen a penis before, didn't really know much what to do with it. Was it possible to fail? What if she was bad at it? A couple of times over the last few months she'd tentatively tried touching herself at night but nothing had felt remotely arousing, and she'd just ended up feeling ashamed.

But with Antonin touching her it felt completely different - and she was sure it wasn't just because of the curse. He'd said it was okay that she wasn't experienced, that he could teach her, which was somewhat reassuring, but her stomach still filled with butterflies whenever she allowed herself to think of them being intimate together.

She replaced the book on the shelf and turned to leave the Ancient Runes section. However, she came to an abrupt halt when she saw who was only a few feet away: Theodore Nott. He was paying her no attention, just perusing the spines of the books in front of him.

Even though she had never spoken to Nott before, Hermione had lately found herself thinking of him and the other Slytherins that she believed to be at risk of following Antonin's path. Just as with Malfoy, Nott's father had been imprisoned after the battle in the Department of Mysteries (Hermione had, in fact, been the one to stun him and take him out of the fight, though she didn't think Theodore was aware of that). The Slytherin student was also very bright, his scores often coming close to competing with hers in the lessons that they shared. Voldemort would want Nott amidst his ranks, to carry on the family tradition within a new generation, to further his influence amongst the young Slytherins and seep his poison and hate into those who were indoctrinated and too young to know better. And it was possible, of course, that Nott already had that hideous mark seared into his skin. Malfoy did, and Antonin had only been fifteen when he'd received his. Was it too late to try and save him?

Antonin had claimed that Malfoy wouldn't want her help but Hermione had her doubts - the boy had been set a near impossible task by Voldemort, with his life likely to be forfeit should he fail. No one would be fine in that situation, and she could see the strain of it all over Malfoy's face. The delicate, high-stakes situation was the only reason she hadn't reached out to Malfoy (though her inaction still left her feeling incredibly guilty and uneasy).

But approaching Nott almost certainly wouldn't come with the same jeopardy. Maybe he did want a way out, an escape from a future of servitude, fear and pain. It only made sense to her - but she hadn't grown up with a Death Eater for a father.

"If you're looking for a book to help with the Runes homework, I found this one really useful," Hermione said, the words coming out in a bit of a rush due to her nerves, and she tapped her fingers against the spine of a book which was roughly halfway between the two of them.

Nott's gaze was onto her quickly, peering down at her with cold suspicion from his far superior height. Silence stretched between them. Hermione, already hot and uncomfortable because of the curse, found herself flushing at Nott's stony stare. She averted her gaze and pulled out the book, offering it to him. Nott's eyes slowly tracked down to the tome and then back up to her face. "I don't touch things tainted by mudblood filth," he said haughtily.

Hermione wasn't at all surprised by the comment. "Well, I've touched about half of the books in this entire section so good luck passing your Ancient Runes N.E.W.T next year if you plan on avoiding picking any of them up." She placed the book that she'd offered to him onto the study table behind them and said, "In case you change your mind."

She could feel his eyes on her as she moved into the main corridor of the library and she tried not to smile. That hadn't gone awfully - he hadn't even tried to curse her. It would take a lot of work to have a proper impact but it was a start. Unfortunately, she now had to run down a couple of corridors so that she wouldn't be late for Snape.

The cold stare from Nott was replaced with an equally frosty one from her Defence professor as she hurried down the stairs into the Entrance Hall. He turned, walking through the large doorway without acknowledging her, and Hermione could only hope that he maintained the silence all the way down to the wards. However, as soon as they were beyond the immediate vicinity of the castle and therefore were definitely not going to be overheard by anyone, Snape said, "I appreciate that you have been under a great strain for many months, Miss Granger." He was attempting to make his voice soft but Hermione could still hear anger underpinning every word. "No one understands more than I do what you are going through. I can think of very few who would be able to endure your curse and all its added complications as well as you have."

Previously, a compliment like that from Snape would have meant the world to her, but now she only heard it with suspicion. Safely protected within her shields, she said nothing in response but she sensed his head turn towards her in the descending gloom of twilight.

"I am concerned that you have allowed Dolohov to manipulate you."

Silence.

"You must not let yourself forget how dangerous he is. That man will say whatever he thinks you'll want to hear to allow him to gain a hold over you," Snape pressed, his tone becoming more urgent.

"He says much the same about you," Hermione commented coolly.

His hand was suddenly gripping her arm tightly, bringing them both to a halt. His dark eyes bored into hers. "You have spoken of me to him?"

Hermione tried not to wince at the vice-like hold and instead focused on keeping her shields secure. She could feel Snape trying to prise open a way through but she remained firm, denying him access to any and all memories of Antonin. "Not by name. I swear," she said solemnly. "He knows that I speak to someone in the Order but he suspects that it's Professor Dumbledore. I would never risk divulging your identity." Snape continued to stare at her, perhaps frustrated that he couldn't determine the veracity of her words. Was he regretting how well he had tutored her in Occlumency?

Hermione pushed slightly at the arm that was still clamped on her own and Snape let her go, looking faintly surprised to find that he had grabbed her in the first place. Then his expression hardened. "His word cannot be trusted," he told her firmly.

"I know that," she replied. And she did. Mostly. There was much that she didn't trust Antonin on, but that didn't change the fact that he occasionally spoke the truth. Snape himself had confirmed what had really happened to Antonin's parents.

"He acts for his own benefit - not yours," Snape persisted.

And what about you? Hermione silently asked him with a pointed look, not brave enough to voice it aloud. She no longer believed that Snape had her best interests at heart. His eyes narrowed angrily but before he could say anymore, she said, "I know that, too. But he has opened my eyes to dangers that I was previously unaware of. Constant vigilance, right, sir?"

She resumed walking towards the school gates, Snape half a step behind her. "You must not lose sight of what is at stake," he urged her.

Hermione glanced at him over her shoulder. "My commitment to Harry has never wavered," she insisted. "However complicated this curse becomes, I'll never do anything to hurt him. You told me that there's no such thing as a good war - and I know how important it is for us to win - but doing so at all costs and losing ourselves in the process is not a victory. Not for me." She already felt compromised by her inactivity about Malfoy, but her approaching of Nott was at least something, a tiny pebble dropped into a vast ocean of hopelessness. She wouldn't allow Snape to sway her into believing that further moral sacrifices were necessary to beat Voldemort. No doubt he would think her a weak, naive, self-righteous fool. Maybe she was. But she could live with that far more easily than betraying who she was at heart.

The journey continued in silence and Hermione assumed it would remain so until she disapparated. But just before Snape unlocked the gates, he said quietly, "I am doing what I can to protect you."

After all that he had done for her that year, Hermione desperately wanted to believe him.

But she couldn't. She hadn't forgotten that Dumbledore had tasked Snape with something he didn't want to do, and that could very well be her death.

She was on her own.

A/N Guys, believe me, I dislike having chapters without Antonin as much as you do but sometimes it can't be helped . Because you've been starved of your Antonin content, I will endeavour to upload the next chapter more quickly than I normally update, and it will pick up moments after where we've cut away here.

I hope you still enjoyed this chapter though! It was nice to give Hermione a bit of support after all her trials. I doubt there was much (if any) sex ed at Hogwarts and she doesn't come across as the type to read a smutty book, so I imagine she would be quite clueless when it comes to sex. It's not like she has internet access either!

As ever, I love writing the Snape and Hermione scenes with all the tension and wariness between them.

Anyway, hope to deliver an update to you all soon. Take care!