Chapter 22
They'd ensconced themselves in their secluded library nook once again. This time, however, differed from their last meeting. Instead of an air of formality and distrust, there was familiarity and anticipation.
Theo had arrived exactly at half seven, having fetched various cheeses, a loaf of bread and sliced meats from the Dungeons. He'd wrapped the edibles in cotton cloth, kept cool and fresh with a stasis charm. The aromas melding together from the selections had had his mouth watering as he'd carried it, despite having eaten mere hours earlier.
"Oh Merlin, that smells amazing" Hermione had groaned, reaching out to lift the edge of the cloth to see what he'd brought.
"Ta, my dear. Patience."
He'd pivoted slightly and laid the package down on the study table, just out of her reach. Her gasp of delight had pleased him as he'd unrolled the edges, exposing the goodies within.
"Theo." Hermione had looked at him then, her hand at her throat. "Are these... imported? How did you...? We've never had these cheeses and meat cuts here at Hogwarts. At least not at the Gryffindor table."
Theo had smiled, his face heating under her gaze.
"As soon as we'd set our study date, I had Blaise owl his mother. She has permanent residence on the continent and is always sending Blaise delicacies. An owl requesting such specifics with limited notice wouldn't arise suspicions."
"Suspicions?"
Hurt had fluttered across Hermione's brow before Theo had reached across to smooth it with his thumb. As much as things had changed between them, it was still only one week since they'd made their acquaintance and potential intentions known to each other.
The world outside and inside the walls of Hogwarts was still recovering. Factions and fissures still present in the fabric of Wizarding society.
Authentic change took time.
"Suspicions that could put you in danger." He said, his hand travelling from her brow to cup her cheek. The other hand grasping hers and bringing it up between them.
"Because I'm a—"
"NO!" Theo bit out.
At her look, his words had softened.
"Suspicions because of ME! Because of my father, what he stands for. Even after everything, even imprisoned for it, he still won't change. Because we are months into an era of peace as volatile as the wind. Because..." he'd bent and dropped his forehead to hers, "this is too new, and I don't want to do anything that disables you from safely escaping our association unscathed should you so choose."
"Oh, for the love of Morgana!" Frustration dripped off Hermione's words. "Theo, look at me!"
He'd pulled back, his eyes locking onto hers.
"As I've said before, you are NOT your father! I'm aware that both peace in our world and those living within can be fickle. Being friends with Harry; you see that firsthand. Rita Skeeter targeted me viciously in the papers. I realise the opinions of others can shift faster than a snitch in flight based on naught but rumours and wishes. Truths are boring. None of this is a surprise for me, Theo. I am here, with you, of my volition. We're getting to know one another and so far, I'm liking what I see. I'm liking who you are, more and more."
She'd squeezed his hand before angling her body to allow more distance between them, breaking the intimacy of their connection.
"Now, what do we have here?" She'd asked, effectively closing the topic.
Theo, unable to articulate fully the maelstrom of his emotions that had arisen at her candour, had appreciated the chance to sort them. To sort through his thoughts. He and Hermione had launched into a discussion of the various charcuterie. Their different preferences, positive or otherwise. How, as Blaise had been the one requesting, it was all safe to consume.
Hermione's own preparations of their date had caused his cheeks to warm. His hands became sweaty as his heart rate increased. There was solace in knowing he wasn't alone in his apparent anticipation or need to impress.
Flickers of light bounced off the stone walls, cast from the candled wall sconces spaced around the room. Hermione had lit them all, coating the room in warmth. She'd also altered the seating choices. Instead of the standard wooden library chairs—that not only did a number on one's back but also were individually inclined—she'd transfigured one into an incredibly comfortable, cushioned settee.
A settee they currently occupied.
Side by side, now peacefully nibbling away while working on their day's homework.
Holding hands.
Theo was thankful he was ambidextrous, though he hadn't yet needed his quill. Instead, reviewing his notes from the past day held his attention enough to prevent his brain from fixating on the witch beside him.
Hermione was pecking away at a slice of Gouda, reading through her Arithmancy notes. Screwing up his courage, knowing his words would change the tone of their study date, Theo voiced what had been on his mind since their little sharing session earlier.
"You've met Dolohov."
Statement, not question.
At his statement, she'd frozen, her hand halfway to her lips holding a bite of food. Hermione's grip tightened on his, the pressure on his fingers momentarily cutting off their circulation before relaxing. Blood rushed back into his hand and he flexed involuntarily.
Slowly, delicately, she lowered her fingers, resting the cheese back against the crisp cotton of the napkin. Removing her hand from his, she wiped off both of hers on the linen napkin she'd transfigured from a piece of parchment. His own was on his lap, preventing errant crumbs from taking up residence upon his trousers.
"I've had that unfortunate pleasure, yes."
Turning toward him, she once again took his hand in hers, resting it on her knee. Theo realised she was shaking.
"I met Dolohov back at the end of fifth year. Or rather, I met the curse Dolohov himself is infamous for."
Theo sucked in his breath. He knew that curse. His father had crowed about it, enchanted with how far-reaching the damage it caused to its victim was.
"How are you still alive?" He didn't realise he'd whispered.
"I wouldn't be, if I hadn't silenced him first. He cast it non-verbally. Gave me a lovely souvenir."
Theo's eyes widened as she undid the first two buttons of her shirt, exposing her collarbone. As she spread open the lapels, he saw the raised pucker of a scar. A scar that disappeared below the fabric of her shirt, continuing past the open line of cotton.
"How..."
"It goes from this shoulder… to here." Hermione's finger drew a line down and across her torso to rest just above the swell of her adjacent hip.
"I didn't know this curse left a mark."
He'd heard it was mostly internal damage, but maybe Dolohov wanted claim to his destruction visually as well.
"According to Professor Snape, that's the impact when cast silently. He'd only seen this happen twice. I overheard him talking to Madam Pomfrey. It rarely marks at all. Instead, the damage is deep and instantly visceral to the organs. Irreversible. I got off easy. Lucky."
Her tone's bitter, the clipped syllables ice chips in the air. Hermione wrapped her arms around herself, as if to hold all the pieces that made her whole, together. Theo couldn't hold himself back any longer.
"May I?" He whispered, opening his arms and moving them to draw her to him.
Instead of answering, Hermione turned and snuggled into him, resting her head against his shoulder.
She continued speaking as he ran his fingers lightly up and down her arm in silent comfort.
"Professor Snape... it makes so much sense now... how he reacted. I'd thought he was on our side, but I didn't realise the true duplicity and strain he was under. Not until later. He was... I don't even know the words. Agonised? I didn't know why... I wonder if Voldemort tortured him for keeping me alive?"
"I don't know." Theo said. He knew better than to lie, to attempt at sparing her feelings. She'd see through the smoke screen without question and insulted he'd even tried. "Knowing from father how the Dark Lord could be... If he was, it's not your fault."
"No." Sadness saturated the air through her exhale. "It wasn't anyone's fault. And all of ours combined. We each played the roles we'd been slotted into, or that we chose. Him, the spy; me, the best friend to the perpetual target."
"You'd have been a target regardless, Hermione."
Theo's words were gentle, but plain in the truth they carried.
Hermione raised her eyes to his. Theo felt like he was standing on the edge of an oasis, salvation to an otherwise barren existence.
"You were a muggle born, who constantly beat the marks of the two pure blood heirs of esteemed houses. Heirs of two of the Dark Lord's inner circle followers. You weren't subtle about your intelligence, nor in your convictions toward justice. The Dark Lord marked you just as much as Draco or Potter, only intangibly."
"I know. But I drew an even bigger target on my back with my associations and allegiances. Even knowing what happened... I'll never regret standing at Harry's side. He's the brother I never had. We've exchanged enough life debts throughout the years that we're as close to blood relations as can be."
'Interesting,' Theo thought.
"Life debts forged in blood, if I assume correctly what you implied earlier."
"Regarding Rowle?"
"Yes." She hesitated, scratching her nail against a spot of ink that had dried on the parchment in front of her.
"What is it, Hermione?" Theo wondered what could cause her pause. Surely, being bonded to Harry shouldn't cause her discomfort. Not in this manner, at least.
"Can you... well, it's something I want to research before peppering you with questions." She sucked in a breath, then continued. "Is there a book you can recommend that would give me insight into this type of Blood Magic? Or any Blood Magic, come to that?"
Theo sucked in his breath.
'Bloody hell.' Theo couldn't believe his ears, but kept his face as neutral and open as possible. He didn't want to scare her off by tipping his hand to how bowled over and proud he was by her seeking this knowledge. By her trust in him by asking.
"I have... there are books." His eyes scrutinised her face, and his lips spread into a wide smile he couldn't contain. A genuine smile. Not one tainted by the mask he'd donned for far too long. There was another quick intake of breath beside him, and he saw her eyes flicker briefly to his lips before dragging back up to meet his. "I'll put some together for you for tomorrow. I can't wait to delve into this topic with you Hermione."
He felt his face break out into a smile at the excitement spreading across her face.
"It's heavy reading and not for the faint of heart. There is just as much light as darkness within the pages. I expect what's between these pages will thoroughly captivate you Hermione. I might even have to send a search party if I don't see you much after this."
"Ho ho." She chuckled. Then a soft, "thank you, Theo."
There was a lightness to her tone, her features, now that she'd broached the topic. Like a weight had dropped from her shoulders, he'd been unaware she'd donned. "I appreciate your openness in helping me learn. Especially with this. It's nice to do so without the usual teasing or groans… or even judgements, that accompany my requests for information."
They stared at each other for a beat, before Hermione dropped her gaze.
"They're coming tomorrow."
"Who is?"
"Harry and Ron. Apparently our Headmistress has given permission for them to come up for the weekend. No idea where they're staying, if they're staying at the castle, or in Hogsmeade."
Theo felt himself tense at hearing of their imminent return. Potter and all the dramatics that followed him aside, his thoughts centred themselves on the other third of their trio.
He'd known, he'd seen, how Hermione had pined for her friend throughout their sixth year. Even before that there had been undercurrents. They'd always had... something... percolating beneath the surface of their friendship.
As his mind sifted and sorted through memories, he forced himself to relax. The knot that had formed at the base of his skull at her words unwound. His shoulders unclenched as he worked to soothe both his thoughts and his physical reactions to seeing Potter and Weasley again so soon.
"Knut for your thoughts?" Hermione was peering up at him, her nose scrunched in curiosity.
He wouldn't insult Hermione for assuming anything. He knew there was a lot he didn't know about the inner workings of their trio. Hell, last year was all but rumours and suppositions for him when contemplating the witch tucked into his side and her interactions with her freckled companion. About where they were, if they were safe… and what—and possibly who—they were doing.
All he knew for certain was that he trusted Hermione, and the fact she was here with him, as she was... well. He wouldn't give in to jealous or juvenile reactions. Whatever had or hadn't happened between Hermione and Weasley, it didn't involve or concern Theo. And it didn't change his feelings for her.
Unless she was hurting, and then he'd be there to comfort. To support. And work through his own emotions in a manner which wouldn't hurt her more.
"What happened between you two?" It did no good to play coy. Not about this. He brushed a strand of hair away from her eye, caressing her ear as he tucked it behind the outer shell.
"Me and...?" Hermione's eyes held an intensity that made Theo take notice.
'Huh. What is she...? Oh!'
"You and Weasley. Anyone with half a brain cell could tell you and Harry are nothing but familial with each other. And you all but claimed him as your brother moments ago."
"People's ignorance can surprise you." A frown flittered across Hermione's face, and Theo wanted to reach out and smooth the furrow between her brow again.
There was just something about that spot that captivated him.
Hermione moved, shifting away from where she'd tucked herself against him. He felt the loss of her warmth as she angled her body to face him.
"Ron and I danced around our feelings for years. Both of us did things we regretted in the name of jealousy, of fears of inadequacy. Our dance came to a head during the last battle of all the times and places. Afterwards, the more we tried to recapture or spark what we'd sought for years with the other, the more it felt like we were trying to mix oil and water. Square pegs and round holes and all that. We just didn't fit together, not in that way."
Theo felt his cheeks flame, and he lowered his eyes. He'd seen Weasley with Brown in sixth year, had heard whispers and jokes around his common room about the comportment of a blood traitor. Theo wasn't naïve; he knew the cultural differences between Muggleborns—hell, even Halfbloods and some Purebloods—was different to those that followed the traditional precepts, but he'd hoped...
"Oh Theo, no!" Hermione cupped his cheek, his eyes snapping up to meet hers at her tone. "Sorry! I didn't realise my words..."
Now she was blushing.
"Not that there would have been anything wrong had we done so, but Ron and I. We didn't..."
She ran her hand through her hair before wrapping her arms around herself again, as if to ward off the awkwardness of the conversation.
Theo let her speak, not trusting himself to articulate his own thoughts effectively, or without his voice breaking in an attempt. His heart had calmed hearing they hadn't, though truthfully he didn't know for certain if they were on the same parchment of thought. He hoped so.
"I don't know most of your Pureblood traditions and customs, but I am aware there's a potential difference to our upbringings regarding engaging in physical intimacies."
Theo felt his stomach clench. How would he compete against someone she'd pined over for years? Especially knowing his own…
"Theo," Hermione broke his train of thought. "Ron and I snogged, and well, we explored, a little… Hopefully, knowing this doesn't change how you view me. I'm not ashamed of it and won't apologise for seeking the comfort that I did from him during that time. But it didn't feel right. It didn't, it wasn't..."
Theo couldn't take it anymore. Pain bled from her eyes, but also determination. He hated seeing her pick her way through an emotional minefield that really had no baring on him or what they were developing between themselves.
"Hermione, you have nothing to feel guilty about or apologise for." He grasped her hand, holding it reverently as one would a fledgling sparrow. "My traditions are just that, mine. You aren't bound by any expectations or judgements for not knowing them or not acting in-line with them. As you said, different cultures and exposures have raised us, so to speak. I'm not angry, hurt, or any other feeling you fear this knowledge evokes. Nor do I begrudge you your time or… experiences… with Weasley."
Theo placed her hand in his lap, turning it so the palm faced up. As he spoke he traced along all the lines indented in her skin—her lifeline, heart time, all the lines that made her unique.
"I'm grateful that you're granting me the pleasure of your company at all. That despite all odds, I sit here, beside you. With an opportunity to begin truly learning and experiencing who you are."
Theo raised his eyes. Hermione's smile was blinding. It bolstered his confidence, seeing how his words pleased her.
"I know you want to learn all about Pureblood culture," he said. "But I think we've forgotten something important. Your muggle heritage. It's something I'm not versed in. Not at all. I… We can both learn from the other—our cultures, traditions, and beliefs—and I'm looking forward to doing so."
He bent so that his forehead touched hers as he said, "I won't pretend I'm not relieved though, that we can learn and... explore fully... together, Hermione."
"It's only been a week, and yet I feel like it's been longer." Hermione sighed, linking their fingers together. He stared down at their entwined fingers, hers slightly darker than his. The contrast was beautiful. "I've never felt connected and drawn to someone as I am you Theo. It's... a bit unsettling to be honest. But it's also," she gnawed at her lip. "Exciting."
She squeezed his hand, then leaned back. "I love Ron, and always will, but forever as a friend. We're still ironing out the boundaries of this friendship, as the past months have been a whirlwind—"
"That's an understatement!"
"And it's not like our friendship was ever a placid lake to begin with. We've always could rile the other as great as any storm. Ron is my forever friend, and Harry is my chosen family. That's where it begins and ends."
She peered at him then, her eyes narrowing slightly. "I also wouldn't be here, like this, with you, if there was still anything between Ron and I. Just to clarify."
"I had no belief that you would be, Hermione. That hadn't even entered my mind. But I thank you for your frankness. And your confidence. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable discussing the aspects of your relationship, or feel you needed to justify or apologise."
"It would have always been uncomfortable, Theo. As any conversation around your past will be. But that's how you build solid foundations, you clear out the dust of the past to expose all areas of potential cracks. Then you fill them in with better materials."
Hermione shrugged, appearing ready to move on and put the conversation behind them. She made to turn away toward the table however, Theo's hand had already gripped her arm. Her head snapped around quickly.
'Here goes nothing...' Theo thought.
"There hasn't been a… There's been no one, Hermione. No one for me, but you."
She sucked in a breath, her eyes wide.
"What?"
"I've never been interested in anyone other than you. I've never sought affections or attentions from another. My attentions have been for you alone. Not that I could show it, or approach you. Not like I could make any sign... until now."
"Oh, Theo."
Hermione's face was a kaleidoscope of emotions.
"As you said, we can talk deeper about this another time. I just wanted you to know Hermione, that I'm serious about getting to know you."
Before she could speak, Theo smiled and gestured toward the books and parchments scattered on the table like he hadn't just dropped the proverbial dungbomb.
"It's getting pretty late, and I know tomorrow's going to be… interesting. Let's dive in and choose our project's topic. We've got a lot to wade through here. Curse our curiosities and brilliance!"
"Let's!" Hermione moved so she could give his hand a squeeze with a look that accepted his promise of revisiting his statement again another time, before letting go and turning to face the table once more. He appreciated her allowing his change of subject and the space provided by it.
"You know..." Theo's lips pulled up as he thought of what tomorrow would bring. "Tomorrow will be the first time Draco and Potter will be in the same vicinity since the trials, yeah? Think that will be an issue?"
"Oh Merlin," Hermione grumbled. "That's one thing I'm thankful for."
"What's that?"
"This year I won't hear Harry winge on about Malfoy constantly! He's already asked about him in the one and only letter he's sent me. Can't say I'm surprised though. He's always been obsessive about Malfoy."
"Well, what about that! So has Draco, in reverse." Theo felt like the cat who'd eaten the canary. He leaned over and whispered in her ear something that made her blush and cover her mouth. She'd muffled the squeal, but it was still audible as it escaped around her fingers.
"Morgana's tit, that puts some things into perspective... or at least a different context." She laughed, and Theo's heart bloomed in warmth.
"You can't repeat that. Any of that. Not even to Ginny. Or Weasley." His eyes were firm despite the mirth he still felt dancing across his facial muscles.
"Of course!" She waved her hand. "I'm just thankful you told me! Tomorrow will indeed be interesting."
"Quite." Theo agreed.
And with that, they turned and delved into creating and choosing the focus of their final year project.
oOo-xXx-oOo
A/N: There are no words to begin to cover how I feel about you dear readers. Thank you for everyone who has supported this story so far, and for those still joining the journey. Your patience, your reviews, your enthusiasm... they fill my heart.
This past year... oh wow, there are no words. And it's still going... It has been a hell of a year, on all fronts. So much has happened, and honestly, the creative well ran extremely dry. Too much was happening globally, locally and in my own family, and writing on all fronts took a hard backseat.
HOWEVER, I have picked up this story again and hope to be writing/updating more frequently. I hope you enjoyed Theo and Hermione's first study 'date.' Next chapter will be the end of the week, and a return of Ron and Harry... duh duh duh drama!
I hope you are all well and safe, where ever you are in the world. Hugs and light. xo ~G