Disclaimer: I only own the plot and my OCs. Anything you recognize as not mine belongs to Rick Riordan, Greco-Roman mythology, and/or their otherwise respective owners.

Author's Notes: Sorry for the later-in-the-day posting! Been busy today lol. Not much else to say about this chapter.

As always, I hope you enjoy. Until the next one,

~TGWSI/Selene Borealis

~The Finding Home Saga~

~Finding Home~

~Chapter 94: The Demon Dude Ranch~

We finally stopped in a room full of waterfalls. The floor was one big pit, ringed by a slippery stone walkway. Around us, on all four walls, water tumbled from huge pipes. The water spilled down into the pit, and even when Travis shined a light, we couldn't see the bottom.

Briares slumped against the wall. He scooped up water in a dozen hands and washed his face. "This pit goes straight to Tartarus," he murmured, and I noticed how he sounded a bit maturer, now that he was no longer around Kampê. Still not as old as I thought he would and should probably sound, though. "I should jump in and save you the trouble."

"Don't talk that way," Annabeth told him. "You can come back to camp with us. You can help prepare. You know more about fighting the Titans than anybody."

"I have nothing to offer," Briares said. "I have lost everything."

"What – what about your brothers?" I asked. I wasn't much better than him right now; I was sitting on the ground, my ἒνδεσμα off so that I could rub my belly without anybody freaking out over how weird it looked. Briares hadn't even reacted to it; maybe something about his powers meant that he could see through the amulet.

Katie kept on giving me worried looks, but I was fine. I was having some mild cramping, and a lot of kicking from the twins from the excitement, but no more than that. Lee had told me that I would know if it was something really to worry about. "Trust your instincts," he'd said, and all that.

"We can take you to them," I continued.

Briares' expression morphed into something even sadder: his grieving face. "They are no more. They faded."

The waterfalls thundered. Annabeth stared into the pit in a muted horror.

"What exactly do you mean, 'they faded?'" Travis asked. "Aren't you guys immortal?"

"Travis..." Katie said gently.

"Sometimes, even immortality has its limits," Annabeth reminded us hollowly. I knew she was thinking about our chances to win the war, if two of the biggest heavy-hitters truly were gone. "Some gods aren't believed in enough anymore, so they don't have the strength to carry on. Monsters also get forgotten, and they lose that will, too."

Briares sniffled. "I must go."

"Kronos' army will invade the camp," Travis said. "Annabeth's right, we need your help!"

Briares hung his head. "I cannot, demigod."

"Come on! You're strong! You could do it!"

"Not anymore." Briares rose.

I started to try and get to my feet, thinking that maybe I could try and convince him myself. It'd worked before, after all.

But Katie beat me to it. "Rest," she said to me, placing her hand on my shoulder to show there was no room for argument. Then she went after Briares.

I don't know what she said to him, because they went closer to the waterfalls, where we couldn't hear them. They talked for several minutes.

In the end, though, Briares turned and trudged off down the corridor until he became lost in the shadows. Katie came back, defeated.

Finally, Annabeth stood and shouldered her backpack, her expression hardened once again. "Come on, guys. This pit is making me nervous. Let's find a better place to rest for a while."

We settled in a corridor made of huge marble blocks, although we didn't stay there for long. It looked like it could've been part of a Greek tomb, with bronze torch holders fastened to the walls. It had to be an older part of the maze, and Annabeth decided that this was a good sign.

When we started to walk again after my slight cramps had subsided, with a few sips of nectar to help with the magical exhaustion (I didn't want to overdo it, lest that I risked spontaneous combustion), the old stone tunnels changed to dirt with cedar beams, like a gold mine or something. Annabeth's good mood, or at least the facade of it, quickly vanished.

"This isn't right," she said. "It should still be stone."

We came to a cave where the stalactites hung low from the ceiling. In the center of the dirt floor was a rectangular pit, kind of like a grave. But we didn't focus on that for long.

We ducked into a tunnel and saw light up ahead. We then were staring at daylight streaming through a set of bars above our heads. We were under a steel grate made out of metal pipes. I could see trees and blue sky.

"Where are we?" I wondered.

Then a shadow fell across the grate and a cow stared down right at us. It looked like a normal cow, save for it was with a weird color – bright red, like a cherry. I didn't know that cows came in that color.

The cow mooed, put one hoof tentatively on the bars, then backed away.

"It's a cattle guard," Katie said.

"A what?" Travis asked.

"They put them at the gates of ranches so that cows can't get out. They can't walk on them," she explained. At his further curious look, "I grew up on a farm before my dad died, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," he coughed. "Right."

I turned to Annabeth. "Didn't Hera say something about a ranch? Maybe we should check it out."

She hesitated, but ultimately relented. "Alright. But how do we get out?"

I opened my mouth to tell her to use her torch, but then Katie stepped forwards. She summoned her vines, making them long enough that she could curl them around the gate. It took a bit of effort, but we all heard when the lock unlatched. "There," she said.

Annabeth and Katie climbed out of the tunnel first, and then they and Travis helped me get out, the son of Hermes right behind me.

We were in a ranch, alright. Rolling hills stretched to the horizon, dotted with oak trees and cactuses and boulders. A barbed wire fence ran from the gate in either direction. Cherry-colored cows roamed around, grazing on clumps of grass.

"Red cattle," Annabeth said. "The cattle of the sun."

"What?" I asked.

"They're sacred to Apollo."

"Holy cows?"

"Exactly. But what are they doing – "

"Wait," Katie said. "Listen."

At first, everything seemed quiet...but then I heard it: the distant baying of dogs. The sound got louder. Then, the underbrush rustled, and two dogs broke through.

Except, it wasn't two dogs. It was one dog with two heads. It looked like a greyhound, long and snaky and sleek brown, but its neck V'ed into two heads, both of them snapping and snarling and generally not very glad to see us.

"Holy shit," Travis said.

I was half-tempted to make a snide comment about the holy cows producing holy shit, but the two-headed dog bared its teeth. I guess it wasn't impressed by Travis' remark. Then its master lumbered out of the woods, and I realized the dog was the least of our problems.

He was a huge guy with stark white hair, a straw cowboy hat, and a braided white beard – kind of like Father Time, if Father Time went redneck and got totally jacked. He was wearing jeans, a DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS t-shirt, and a denim jacket with the sleeves ripped off so you could see his muscles. On his right bicep was a swords-crossed tattoo. He held a wooden club about the size of a nuclear warhead, with six-inch spikes bristling at the business end.

"Heel, Orthus," he told the dog.

The dog growled at us once more, just to make his feelings clear, then circled back to his master's feet. The man looked us up and down, keeping his club ready.

"What've we got here?" he asked. "Cattle rustlers?"

"Just travelers," Annabeth said. "We're on a quest."

The man's left eye twitched. "Half-bloods, eh?"

I started to say, "How did you know – ?"

Annabeth put her hand on my arm. I didn't like it, but I didn't rebuke her. "I'm Annabeth, daughter of Athena. And these are Percy, son of Poseidon, Katie, daughter of Demeter, and Travis, son of Hermes."

"Four on a quest, that's bad luck," the man said. He ignored how I bristled, though he did glower at me. "And I know half-bloods because I am one, sonny. I'm Eurytion, the cowherd for this here ranch. Son of Ares. You came through the Labyrinth, I reckon. We get a load of visitors here from the Labyrinth. Not many ever leave."

"Wow," I said sarcastically. I couldn't help myself. "I feel welcome."

The cowherd glanced behind him like someone was watching. Then, he lowered his voice: "I'm only going to say this once, demigods. Get back in the maze now. Before it's too late."

"We're not leaving," Annabeth insisted. "Well, not back from where we came. We were told we have to go through here."

Eurytion grunted. "Then you leave me no choice, missy. I've got to take you to the boss."

I didn't feel like we were hostages or anything – and I know, I know, what a stellar review. But Eurytion walked alongside us with his club on his shoulder. Orthus the two-headed dog growled a lot and shot into the bushes once in a while to chase animals, however Eurytion kept him more or less under control.

We walked down a dirt path that seemed to go on forever. It must've been close to a hundred degrees, which was a shock after San Francisco. Heat shimmered off the ground. Insects buzzed in the trees. Before we'd gone very far, I was sweating like crazy. Being pregnant and out in the heat did not a fun experience make, particularly after exhausting my powers, regardless of the usage of nectar.

Flies swarmed around us, a product of the heat and simply being on a farm. Every so often, we'd see a pen full of red cows or even stranger animals. Once, we passed a corral where the fence was coated in asbestos. Inside, a herd of fire-breathing horses milled around. The hay in their feed trough was on fire. The ground smoked around their feet, but the horses seemed tame enough. One big stallion looked at me and whinnied, columns of red flame billowing out his nostrils. I wondered if it hurt his sinuses.

"What are they for?" I asked.

Eurytion scowled. "We raise animals for lots of clients. Apollo, Diomedes, and...others."

"Like who?"

"No more questions."

Finally, we came out of the woods. Perched above us was a big ranch house – all white stone and wood and big windows.

"It looks like a Frank Lloyd Wright!" Annabeth said.

Now, I know that Annabeth is a daughter of Athena and all that, which means she's obsessed with architect, as I've mentioned before, but I couldn't help but think this was not the time nor place for her comment. To me, the house only looked like the kind of place where a few demigods could get into serious trouble.

Nevertheless, we walked up the hill.

"Don't break the rules," Eurytion warned as we walked up the steps to the front porch. "No fighting. No drawing weapons. And don't make any comments about the boss' appearance."

"Why?" Travis asked. "What does he look like?"

Before Eurytion could reply, a new voice said, "Welcome to the Triple G Ranch."

The man on the porch had a normal head, which was a relief. His face was weathered and brown from years in the sun. He had slick black hair and a black pencil mustache like villains in the old movies. He smiled at us, but the smile wasn't friendly; more amused, like Oh boy, more people to torture!

Yet I didn't ponder that for very long, because then I noticed his body...or bodies. He had three of them. And you'd think that I would've gotten used to weird anatomy after Janus and Briares, but this guy was three complete people. His neck connected to the middle chest like normal, but he had two more chests, one to either side, connected at the shoulders, with a few inches between. His left arm grew out of his left chest, and the same on the right, so he had two arms, but four armpits, if that makes any sense. The chests all connected into one enormous torso, with two regular but very beefy legs, and he wore the most oversized pair of Levis I'd ever seen. His chests each wore a different color Western shirt – green, yellow, red, like a stoplight. I wondered how he dressed the middle chest, since it had no arms.

The cowherd Eurytion nudged me. "Say hello to Mr. Geryon."

"Hi," I said. "Nice – err, ranch you have here!"

"Why thank you, Percy Jackson," Geryon said with a grin. He winked. "Don't think I didn't miss your slip-up there. I know, I know, it's what everybody thinks of when they first see me. But as long as you follow the rules from here on out, I won't fault you for it."

"Hold on a second," Annabeth said. She pointed at Geryon. "How do you know his name?"

"Just like I know yours, Annabeth Chase, and Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner," he said. "I make it my business to keep informed. Everybody pops into the ranch here from time to time. Everyone needs somethin' from ole Geryon."

His accent had to be fake, I thought. No way a dude from ancient Greece – I remembered he was important figure in Greek mythology, but nothing more than that – could have a natural Southern drawl.

Geryon patted Travis' shoulder as he tried (and failed) to act like he wasn't still ogling him. "Now, come along, folks. I want to give you a tour of the ranch."

Geryon had a trolley thing – like one of those kiddie trains that take you around zoos. It was painted black and white in a cowhide pattern. The driver's car had a set of longhorns stuck to the wood, and the horn sounded like a cowbell. I figured maybe this was how he tortured people. He embarrassed them to death by riding around in the moo-mobile.

Eurytion climbed into the back with his spiked club and pulled his hat over his eyes like he was going to take a nap; I knew he had to be keeping an eye on us, though. Orthus jumped in the front seat next to Geryon and began barking happily in two-part harmony.

Travis, Annabeth, Katie, and I took the middle two cars.

"We have a huge operation!" Geryon boasted as the moo-mobile lurched forwards. "Horses and cattle mostly, but all sorts of exotic varieties, too."

We came over a hill, and Annabeth gasped. "Hippalektryons? I thought they were extinct!"

At the bottom of the hill was a fenced-in pasture with a dozen of the weirdest animals I'd ever seen. Each had the front half of a horse and the back half of a rooster. Their rear feet were huge yellow claws. They had feathery tails and red wings. As I watched, two of them got into a huge fight over a pile of seed. They reared up on their wings at each other until the smaller one galloped away, its rear bird legs putting a little hop into its step.

"Do they lay eggs?" Travis asked.

"Once a year!" Geryon grinned in the rearview mirror. "Very much in demand for omelettes!"

Katie's eyes bugged out. "But they've got to be an endangered species!"

Geryon waved his hand. "Gold is gold, darling. And you haven't tasted the omelettes."

My best friend looked ready to attack him for that alone. Only me putting my hand on her arm briefly stopped her.

"Now, over here," Geryon said, "we have our fire-breathing horses, which you may have seen on your way in. They're bred for war, naturally."

Annabeth's eyes flashed. "What war?"

Geryon grinned slyly. "Oh, whatever one comes along. And there you can see some of Polyphemus' sheep – " indeed, there were the metal-colored giant sheep from before, in their own pen that was full of lush grass and large enough to accommodate them. They didn't look anything like the other sheep I had seen last summer, but that didn't stop me from briefly wondering how Cleisthenes and his family in the Heliades were doing. It'd been a long time since I'd thought about them. I hoped they were doing alright.

I hoped Cleisthenes had found someone, as I'd said he would.

" – And over yonder, of course," Geryon continued, "are our prized cows."

Sure enough, hundreds of the cherry-coated cattle were grazing the side of the hill. They had an entire pasture all to themselves.

"That's a lot," Travis said.

"Yes, well, Apollo is too busy to see to them," Geryon explained, "so he sub-contracts us. We breed them vigorously because there's such a demand."

"For what?" I asked.

Geryon raised an eyebrow. "Meat, of course! Armies have to eat."

"You kill the sacred cows of the sun god for animal meat," Katie deadpanned. She was getting more and more riled up.

"Oh, it's alright, dear. They're just animals. Besides, if Apollo really cared, I'm sure he'd tell us about it."

"If he knew," I muttered. I had to agree with Katie; I doubted our mutual half-brother would be pleased with all this, if his cattle were feeding who I thought they were feeding: his and the rest of the gods' enemies. Kronos' army.

I wasn't naïve. I knew he had to be catering to both sides.

The next field was ringed in barbed wire. The whole area was crawling with scorpions. They reminded me of the ones Quintus had let loose at camp.

"Hey, Mr. Geryon, I have a question," I said. "Did a guy named Quintus get scorpions from you, by any chance?"

"Quintus..." he mused. "Short grey hair, muscular, swordsman?"

I was surprised he knew who he was so quickly. "Yeah."

"Never heard of him," Geryon said. And he didn't give me a chance to refute him. "Now, over here are my prize stables! You must see them!"

I didn't need to see them, because as soon as we got within three hundred yards, I started to smell them – and just the faintest whiff of the smell made me want to gag alone, as if my morning sickness was returning with a vengeance.

Near the banks of a green river was a horse corral the size of a football field. Stables lined one side of it. About a hundred horses were milling around in the muck – and when I say much, I mean literal horse shit. It was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen, like a blizzard of shit had come through and dumped four feet of the stuff overnight. The horses were really gross from wading through it, and the stables were just as bad. It reeked like you would not believe – worse than the garbage boats on the East River.

My friends weren't much better than I was. "What is that?" Annabeth demanded, her eyes watering.

"My stables!" Geryon said. "Well, actually they belong to Aegas, but we watch over them for a small monthly fee. Aren't they lovely?"

"They're fucking disgusting," Katie growled. "How can you keep animals like that?"

"For real," Travis agreed.

Geryon scowled. "Y'all are getting on my nerves! These are flesh-eating horses, see? They like these conditions!"

"Plus, you're too cheap to have them cleaned," Eurytion mumbled from under his hat.

"Quiet!" Geryon snapped. "Alright, perhaps the stables are a bit challenging to clean. Perhaps they do make me nauseous when the wind blows the wrong way. But so what? My clients still pay me well."

"What clients?" I demanded. If he was going to double-deal, he could at least have the modicum of a shred of decency to admit to it.

"Oh, you'd be surprised how many people will pay for a flesh-eating horse," Geryon chortled. "They make great garbage disposals. Wonderful way to terrify your enemies. Perfect at birthday parties! We rent them out all the time."

"You're a monster," Annabeth decided.

Geryon stopped the moo-mobile and turned to look at her. "What gave it away? Was it the three bodies?"

"You have to let these animals go!" Katie hissed. "It's not right!"

"And the clients you keep talking about," I said. He wasn't going to do it of his own accord, so I was going to force him to. "You're talking about Kronos, aren't you? You're supplying his armies with horses, food, or whatever else they need."

Geryon shrugged, which was very weird to see since he had three sets of shoulders. It looked like he was doing the wave all by himself. "So what if I do? I work for anyone with gold. I'm a businessman. I sell them anything I have to offer. At least I'm honest about it."

A chill swept through me between that last part and the look that he gave me as he said it.

Did he – ?

He climbed out of the moo-mobile and strolled towards the stables as if enjoying the fresh air. It would've been a nice view, with the river and the trees and the hills and all, except for the quagmire of horse muck. I saw him make a gesture with his right hand.

Suddenly, before I could get up, Orthus pounced on my chest and growled, his face an inch away from mine. He seemed a bit confused, like he could detect that my belly was greater than it should be despite the magic protecting it, but he ultimately wasn't deterred.

"Percy!" Katie gasped, lurching forwards.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you, Ms. Gardner. Orthus will be more than happy to tear out Mr. Jackson's throat," Geryon said. He turned around with a smirk. I had the feeling that he was lying – not about Orthus' willingness, but about his own ability to make him do it. But I wasn't going to call him out on that, not when fear was racing through my heart over my life and the lives of my babies. "Now, usually I'm not the type to interfere with quests. Don't wanna offend the gods and all that.

"But times, they are a-changing. Did you know that Luke Castellan is offering very good money for half-bloods, especially powerful half-bloods?" he asked. "I can only imagine the price he'd offer for the lot of you – particularly you, Percy Jackson."

"Well, I am the child of the Prophecy," I said. It was the only thing I could think of to say.

Geryon chuckled; that was all that he did in reaction to my comment, thank the gods. "But, as I said, I am a businessman. So, I'll make you lot a deal. These stables haven't been cleaned in a thousand years...but it would be worth my while to have them cleaned. I'll be able to sell more stable space. You clean the stables before sunset, Percy Jackson, and I'll let you all go on your way."

"But he can't do it!" Annabeth suddenly cried. It was most unlike her; her stormy grey eyes were wild.

Geryon raised an eyebrow. "And why not?"

I knew what she was thinking about: my pregnancy, all the health risks that cleaning up so much literal shit posed. Lee was definitely going to kill me if he heard about me doing this later. Luke would, too.

Did I have any other choice, though?

What would happen if we were sold to the Titan army? I couldn't imagine anything good – not for my friends. And if Annabeth and Travis found out Luke was the father of my kids, if they somehow escaped and got back to camp...

Then the gods would know I was pregnant.

And even with the protection of Rhea and Demeter, I wasn't so sure of what Zeus and the other gods would do in that scenario, where they didn't feel assured I would absolutely be on their side by the end of things.

"Fine," I said. "I'll do it."

Katie's eyes flashed. "Percy – "

Geryon grinned. "Eurytion, secure our prisoners." My friends all yelped as the son of Ares did as instructed; he was too big and strong for them to evade him. Geryon got back in the driver's seat. "We've had the tour. The rest of us will go back to the lodge, have some lunch, and send an Iris-message to our friends in the Titan army."

"You bastard!" Annabeth shouted at him.

As I got out of the moo-mobile, Katie telling me not to all the while and Travis looking pale, Geryon smiled at me with the reminder: "Until sunset, Percy Jackson. No later."

Then he laughed once more, sounded his cowbell horn, and the moo-mobile rumbled off down the trail.

Word Count: 4,142

Next Chapter Title: I Scoop Poop