Author's Note: Welcome to another installment of Drifters. Outside of the fact my brain's run out of creative ways to present the intro, I'm also a bit sick this week… so I apologize in advance for the more straightforward pretexts.
Alright, onto Reviews!
An Angry Green Boss: Lol, truer words have never been spoken. Although, Lute and Amp are about to have quite the competition for 'Biggest Asshole'.
Gamer of Action 44D: Velvette was honestly born for the trial scene. With the silent conflicts between her and Sera being a really fun interaction for me to write!
Although, I think I may have dropped the ball a little on the Adam and Amp interaction XD
While Adam did let Amp know that she could use the excuse of guarding the Seraphim as a way to mentally/physically rough up, and in their best case scenario enforce capital punishment on, the Sinners, he never outright ordered her to kill them.
Sorry about the confusion on that front. With Amp's mind on the topic of her secret plan to kill Vaggie during that same interaction, I can definitely see how Adam's message and her own goals got tangled.
Phew! Another great week of reviews as always guys!
But now, without further adieu, besides my traditional apology revolving around any grammatical mistakes that may pop up along the way, I welcome you back too….
Drifters
A Hazbin Hotel Fanfic
Chapter 28:
The Darwin Award
Nester's head pounded against the table on repeat. As he hammered in the fact that, despite being in Heaven to argue Charlie's points on Hell, Velvette had turned the start of this case into a work ethics debate.
One built on a false relationship he had with a person he didn't even know existed four hours ago.
'Somebody please kill me.' Nester banged the thought around his skull. And he had little doubt that if he looked up, he'd meet the gaze of the high Angel who'd like nothing more than to grant his wish.
"I fail to see how any of this is relevant to the topic at hand." Sera's low tone all but threatened the defense, "So enlighten me, what does any part of your ludicrous accusation have to do with redemption?"
"Oh, this has nothing to do with redemption." Velvette's casual response rose up, unaffected by the gravity of the situation.
"Then why, pray tell," Sera's eye twitch caused Nester's skin to tingle, "are you delaying the proceedings with this non constructive banter?"
"Non constructive?!" Velvette laughed at the question when she cracked her rhetorical one, "I assure you, while your official's antics have nothing to do with our argument, they have everything to do with this case."
Nester, regretfully, peaked his head up just in time to see Velvette point to him as some sort of innocent child. And in two seconds flat, his face was once again stamped to the desk when the Vee turned her digits to a horrifyingly confused Emily.
An Angel who, if going off the hiss of Velvette's accusing tone, may as well be a robed man handing out Kool-Aid.
"For what can our words about redemption possibly build, if the foundation has already been compromised by one of the contractors."
"W-what-" Emily, if nothing else, was more embarrassed about the accusation, then angry over the fact it was hollow, "I didn't mean to- I thought I was suppose- You had said my assistance was not-"
Heaven's classical ambiance did little to prevent the kind Seraph's words from echoing across a silent theater. Her anxiety ricocheting so clearly through the court, even Nester's nerves paused their own crisis in stunned awe of hers.
"I-I'm sorry if the nature of the tour had provided you too little information on the proceedings Nester," until the blue hued woman turned the crowd's attention back on the Doorman. And reminded his emotions that they were in the middle of their own nuclear melt down, "o-or if the informal way they came to light weren't concrete enough for you to inform your partners."
"…"
The world went quiet. And Nester's panic attack didn't even let him hear his own heart race, less the drum's beat distract him from all the misplaced sorrow Emily was experiencing. One caused by an accidental oversight on the defense's end, now used to question the integrity of the council.
"… it's fine." Nester's mumbled words rebounded all too loud and clear off the desk, "I was the one who didn't think to tell them. I thought it wasn't important at the time, and didn't double down on telling them when they waved me away."
Nester breathed out, and forced his neck to crane his wavering vision up. Despite the uneasiness all the eyes of Heaven produced, if his tone was going to be steady for once, he may as well utilize the clarity in which he spoke. If only to get the attention off him as quickly as possible.
"That's not to shift the blame onto somebody else, but it's definitely not on you." The brunette directed his steady words at Emily. In the hopes they'd calm her down, "I was the moron who didn't help out his team by relaying all the helpful stuff you told me."
Nester's lips, as per the orders of the animalistic programming running his brain, remained flat.
But, after opening wide to let out a hurricane of relief, the star cheeked Seraph's mouth relaxed into its natural smile.
Not that such a reversion could rewind time and make the moment go away. Sera's murderous expression was more than enough proof to forever remind Nester of that.
"I'll be damned." and while far more surprising, the whispered sneer Husk shot the avian ensured somebody would make sure he never forgot the moment.
Unless, given the almost proud way the cat glanced his way, Nester's brain had short circuited. And the bartender's smile was nothing more than a stress induced hallucination.
"I appreciate the modesty," Emily kindly replied, "but if there was anything I did to cause this communication error, please know I take full responsibility."
'Can you hold onto all the attention too.' Nester's mind moaned. As through her own polite nature, the Angel had the apology circle all the focus back to him.
"Unfortunately, the audience cannot." Velvette, regretfully and mercifully, took it off the bird, "And as such, it is a fact I would like the council to keep in mind throughout the course of this hearing. Knowing that any procedural errors or etiquette hiccups we make was contributed, at best, due to an official's dutiful negligence, or at worst, sabotage."
Slowly but surely, murmurs began to rise from the court to the tune of an apologetic Emily's nodded head. A motion that uppercutted Sera a melody of agreement.
"Fuck." Husk whistled out a low tune. And while still embarrassed, Nester watched Velvette stretch her hands and lean back into the harmony, "That was scary good."
"Emphasis on scary." Nester's mood and forehead followed the weight of his sweat drop down.
"Cheer up chicken shit." The influencer's sarcasm did a poor job wiping away her satisfied smirk, "Not only have I added an asterisk to every rule in a game we don't know how to play, I also managed to make you useful."
"… so?" Nester whispered. More so towards his self pity, then to the woman at his side.
"So," the Vee mocked him before gesturing towards the conceptual jury. Who seemed too preoccupied conversing with themselves about the case… to actually start it, "I get to show all the Angels I'm not somebody to be walked over, and when we return to Hell, you get to tell Vaggie and Charlie you weren't a complete waste of space on the trip."
Nester simply blinked at the pinkette's explanation. Before a shrug from Husk perched his chin on the wooden desk, and redirected his sight on the council gluing itself back together.
Outside of the jury and attendants already marinated in Velvette's strategy, Emily's hands were practically covering the sound block Sera's gavel wished to strike.
Her smaller digits a protective shield that did not relent, until the larger celestial being's nostrils flared her eyes shut. And with a deep breath, the towering judge gave a nod to her consultant. As the fingers of truth receded into a victorious thumbs up.
Landing pad clear, the hammer was raised to enforce the law Emily, for reasons beyond Nester, thought Velvette had honorably enforced.
"Until the situation can be further… studied," Sera's sigh echoed the strike of the hammer, "we will honor the defense's request, and shall overlook any procedural rules broken in a verbal manner."
The high Angel's gaze of unwanted acceptance around a content court ended with a narrowed stare at the defendants.
"Do keep in mind that for safety purposes, any rules broken through physical conduct, will still be enforced."
"We would hope so," Velvette scuffed back, "last thing we'd want is for you to let the boys over there know it's okay to beat us unconscious."
And like a brick wall before a tennis ball, Velvette once again took the force of Sera's attack, and made it her own. As she motioned to the Exorcist, and so carefully avoiding their spears and swords, gained another point before the match even started.
"Of course," the lengthy Angel's thin lips took the lost point in restrained strides, "as has always been the case in Heaven, disagreements are dueled with discussions, not brawls."
On instinct, for it most definitely wasn't a choice, Nester's hand joined Husk's in covering Velvette's mouth. And while she no doubt had the wherewithal to keep it closed, and their actions no doubt ensured a future pummeling, their bodies had acted knowing they'd be able to walk away from the Vee's. The same couldn't be said for the one hundred percent chance of death an Extermination slip up would cause.
"Now that the defense is finally settled," the Seraph attached her own elongated anchor to the word, "let us welcome in the prosecution-"
"Well it's about fucking time!"
Nester's neck had to ground off rust when it snapped upward. But whatever jolt of pain he felt was lost when the demeaning drawl of a winged… Well, to be honest, a winged Demon glided down into the empty desk across from the defense.
An Exorcist hovered down next to the large yellow and gray robed creature. And, if nothing else, her presence as his advisor or guard proved he wasn't actually a Hellish creature.
But between the fabricated jester's smile, the goat horns that protruded from his head with golden tipped barbs, and the downright privileged arrogance his voice bellowed out, Nester thought the guy looked like he would be coming home with them when this was over.
And, whether the gathered congresses were familiar with the man or not, between Velvette's words and his get up, most of the stares that came his way viewed him more as an assailant than a prosecutor.
"Adam…" a fact not lost by Sera's low pitched warning.
"I know, I know, dollar in the swear jar and all that God-" the man's raised hands were paused by the court's gasp, "Gosh awful jazz."
Despite his best efforts, he couldn't actually correct something that everybody else had pieced together.
"Seriously though," the masked Angel motioned his arms around the problem as if it was made to purposely spite him, "Lute and I were waiting in the green room for freaking ever."
Based on the high celestial being's eye twitch, Nester was pretty sure this Adam guy's vocabulary was on the verge of being a criminal offense.
"And our grand entrance was put off for what," the prosecutor's first acknowledgement of his opponents was a disgusted glare, and words he flicked at them like mucus, "three literal Demons questioning how we Angels determine what is right?"
"Right now it's gonna be delayed by all the questions I have regarding your qualifications to represent Heaven." Velvette stated plainly towards Sera. For in a rare moment, her disbelief lined up with Nester's and Husk's at the literal fever dream that had descended upon them.
"While he shares your," the Seraph raised an arm. If only to bar the vein popping Lute from breaking the no violence rule, "unorthodox approach to legal proceedings, I assure you there is no better soul to judge the mistakes of your species then the first man in creation, and the first human to transcend to the divine realm."
A testament to their newfound synchronization, the three defendants blinked as the man child before them wafted the praise into his nose.
"Guess he's… that Adam." Nester would say he was shocked at the revelation… but given the display going on before him, he still hadn't finished processing what he didn't want to believe.
"As if there could be any other!" the man sneered and snarled at the same time, "You lot may all be my descendents, but you're nothing but walking drops of cum compared to the real thing!"
Once again the defense looked to a vexed Sera in disbelief. Although this time they all wondered if she was going to smash whatever two ton swear jar Adam had amassed over his head.
"Do not worry… regardless of your familial ties," Sera sighed, "I assure you, he holds no biases towards your cause."
The head judge's warning was directed from the three Sinners to the original Winner. However, her subtle message towards the prosecution was waved off as if it was a compliment.
"Related my arse!" Velvette snapped out of her trance first, and was the first one to test the verbal hall pass they had… barring Adam hadn't already used it, "I don't care if you guys beat the theory of evolution to death with Darwin's rotted corpse, I'll start worshipping it like a fucking religion! So long as it means my family tree started with a germ eating primordial shit, rather than this douchebag!"
For the first time, Nester found himself not only agreeing with Velvette, but agreeing with her word for word. Not that he would admit so to the wide eyed Exorcists lining the courtroom.
"How dare you mock the being who gave all you worthless scum life-" the one next to Adam seemed just about ready to slash away Sera's warning to rip Velvette's head up. And if it wasn't for the first man's hand on her shoulder, she may have done just that.
"Chillaxs babe," the wannabe rockstar patted his words like he did his assistant's arm, "putting spoiled children down is my specialty."
The father of mankind certainly wasn't acting all that fatherly, as he flashed his clothed fangs towards the desk.
"So sit back and enjoy the 'D' man in action," the horned Winner stretched his arms over his head, and Nester wished the man wouldn't do the same to time, "because I can demolish any point you black sheep make without breaking a sweat."
While Husk and Nester remained trapped in a comatose state of deliria, Velvette crossed her arms. Daring the first man to back up his words.
"Like your stupid theory on Emily manipulating chicken nuggets." Adam moaned as if he had just mentioned the title of a bad 'B' movie, "Weaksauce solution for a weaksauce argument. So don't bother taking it into account as law, because my girl Rift-"
"Amp sir." Lute corrected. The growl it was on aimed for the defense more than Adam.
"Really? Why the fu- frack would we put- Oh… right." the prosecutor mumbled a loud tangent to the crowd before shaking his head back on track, "As I was saying, my girl Amp was watching Emily drag this sorry ass Sinner's butt around all day."
Her stitched eyes directly on them, Nester was also able to see the first crack on the woman's murderous glare. As a brief twitch momentarily eroded her stone faced demeanor.
"Bring her up Lute, and we'll have her personal Watcher show everybody how quick Demons are to lie!" The man smirked, even when the silence his answer lay in grew long.
"…" and the second crack in Lute came when her fabricated pupils flicked briefly onto her boss then back to them, "I… cannot sir."
The first man's arms, spread out in triumph, needed a second to rewind themselves back at his side.
"What the Hell do you mean you cannot?" his lower tone was hardly a subtle whisper, "Where is she?"
"I am…" Lute's gritted teeth only signaled to Nester that one of Velvette's eyebrows had been raised above a smirk, "not able to give an exact location at the moment. She is one of the few Exorcists who did not come to the courtroom to observe the proceedings."
"How convenient," the influencer next to the bird sneered. As she easily absorbed Adam's counterpoint into her original attack, "that the only person with video evidence to shed light on the answer, is the only Exorcist that didn't come to this hearing."
"Don't give me that crap," Adam snapped when the questionable murmurs began to wash over the assembly again, "Lute said one of the few! So at least two more of my girls are slacking off!"
Unfortunately for the first man, and the head Seraph who looked like she wanted to pull a Nester and strike her forehead down a new gavel, he only made the confused ambiance worse. As the specters multiple eyes gazed around at the literal thousand of Exorcists present here… rather than the handful that weren't.
"Whelp," Husk shot Nester a snort from over Velvette's sly grin, "how does it feel feather's?"
"How does what feel?" the bird cocked his head towards the cat. Only to follow his vision towards the imploding prosecution.
"To not be the dumbest guy in the room for once."
XxxxxxX
Whether she was in Heaven with him, whether she was in Hell with him, or whether they were light years apart trapped or lounging on opposite ends of creation… Adam never failed to leave Vaggie on the verge of a stressed induced stroke.
For fucks sake, she was watching him ruin his own case on a box television in a sex club, as she actively reaped the benefits of his crash and burn, and she still felt like dying from second hand embarrassment at every word he said.
'God… I almost forgot what a nightmare you were to work with.' Vaggie groaned.
While Charlie's mortified expression was enough for the guard to wish Heaven had never made the stupid decision to showcase the court drama to creation, the fallen Angel did find some sick solace in it. Especially when the camera showed the sister who took her eye and wings desperately trying to patch the holes of a ship Adam was hellbent on sinking.
"Why didn't they tell us they were going to air it on TV?!"
Of course, as Charlie grabbed onto Vaggie's shoulder and began to shake, she also had some leaks to plug.
"P-p-probably," the gray hued woman's voice came out as a tuned jack hammer, "b-b-because t-t-they d-d-didn't t-t-tell u-u-us a-a-anything t-t-to b-b-begin w-w-with!"
"But this is-" the heiress released her seismic hold on Vaggie to grasp her bangs as handrails, "Don't they care about the panic this could cause?!"
Unfortunately for the heiress, and more so Vaggie's role as her security guard, Charlie's breakdown was only attracting more and more attention to the televised court drama causing it.
"Is she seriously asking if the people who come down here to hunt us like rats care about our mental health?" Angel shot Vaggie a deadpanned look.
"I'm fucking glad they don't!" remarkably, the fiery red head who climbed up the actor's back just to give it a slap, made the situation worse, "The riot this shit's gonna induce will be a blast!"
Vaggie, and a good portion of the club's occupants, blinked in silent disbelief at the demolition Sinner. Wondering with widely different emotions, the uniformed thought of whether she was being serious or not.
"Jesus Christ." Angel mumbled already knowing the answer.
And when he brought a hand up to pinch his eye-line closer together, so did the rest of the club. As Cherri quickly swung over his outstretched wrist like it was a high bar.
"Oh my God, oh my God."
High levels of stress evidently being the cure to any hangover. Vaggie watched Charlie slowly melt to the floor, hands tightly clenched to her knees.
"I know, just look at that athletic form~" Pentious stated in awe. Misreading Charlie's words as he, in a swirly eyed trance, kept his gaze fixated on his acrobatic rival using the Spider Demon like some sort of jungle gym, "Sssimply marvelousss-"
So was the delivery of the guard's fist into the snake's abdomen. As she followed the serpent's fall to the floor in a far more controlled manner.
Although, still blazed out of his mind, the inventor giggled as if his slow motion plummet to the ground was taking place on the moon.
"Who says this is gonna be a disaster?" Vaggie placed a comforting hand on her partner. Trying to make use of the couple of minutes she had when her words wouldn't be a lie, "You prepared them as best you can. For all we know, Heaven broadcasting this will be to our benefit."
"You… you think so?" the heiress cautiously asked through her panic.
"I don't see why it couldn't. And I think that will be something even Cherri realizes once she starts to sober up-"
"Argh!" the screech of a cruel universe dislocating Angel's shoulder interrupted her.
"HEAVEN'S ABOUT TO CHUM THE WATER! AIN'T NO WAY I'M MISSING THIS BLOODBATH!" Cherri dismounted, and launched herself like a rocket through the club, and out the door.
The shocked crowd that watched silently were left with nothing but the whistle of her departure for a moment.
"Well…" until tempting fate again, Vaggie tried to fill the void before Charlie's dilated pupils shrank out of existence, "It's not like most people are going to react like Cherri-"
"Holy crap, this is gonna be a city wide shit show…"
A choice the guard instantly regretted. When an ink sketched seaman, with seaweed for hair and anchors for arms, rasped the realization of the crowd's collective consciousness.
"Oh no…" Vaggie one eye inflated like a balloon. Slowly picking up the fetal Charlie like a football, when she understood a silent bell was about to bring the place down.
A quick glance to Angel confirmed the actor sensed the upcoming play as well. And with Niffty safely snoozing in the booth, the furred Demon let his limp arm tick a metric, as his five good ones reached down to grab Pentious' tail.
"Hehe~" the serpent giggled. To busy smelling colors and tasting music to see the timer strike zero, "The ghost is back-"
"I'VE GOT TO PROTECT MY SHIT!"
"I'VE GOT TO GO STEAL SOME SHIT!"
"I'VE GOT TO FEED PEOPLE THEIR OWN SHIT!"
The occupants of the club surged forward one solid wave. Their thunderous footfall cared little for the bumper to bumper traffic and the small door outside causing it.
Instead, all the organic cars bulldozed the front wall down. And any bipedal vehicle that didn't choose to become a battering ram, had decided to be crushed into paste.
"P-people please-" Charlie all but sobbed when the earthquake began, "VAGGIE NO!"
Lifting her partner over her head, the guard did not heed the heiress' words. Rather, with the same motion Angel whipped Pentious into the booth, Vaggie threw her girlfriend to safety.
How well her aim had been, was not something her short stature would allow her to see.… even if the crowd of people around her hadn't become a stampede.
"Oh Hell-"
With Murphy's law not working in reverse, and evidently just as much a slave to accelerated mass as the rest of the universe, a literal wall of fat, muscle, and recently clothed debauchery charged through Vaggie.
The first wave quickly slapped her down like a domino. And before her nervous system could even signal its distress, let alone message her brain to get her arms up, the following migrations flattened her to the floor.
The crash of hooves, soles, and claws into her forehead weren't exactly an efficient way to tell time. So whether Vaggie spent a minute, hour, or day being mashed like a potato, she wasn't sure.
By the time the last grains of sand had left the chaos of the club for the streets, all the guard could confirm with certainty, was that healing every bone in her body was gonna take a hot fucking second.
"… that sucked." The guard's collapsed lungs bubbled out blood.
Gargling her golden geyser, the fallen Angel took a moment to adopt the glare of hatred the destroyed floor was shooting the ceiling.
"Okay, so screw it, the defense gets to cheat. Big fu- freakin whoop, it's not like that's gonna change anything." if only because its height had left the functioning television, and Adam's pixelated smirk, without a scratch, "So just say whatever you've got to say already."
With the camera panning over to nine defendants, Vaggie realized it was gonna take the better part of a minute for her brain to mold itself back together as well. But just as the three Velvette's on screen harmonized their response, a shadow eclipsed the guard's view.
Body masked by a voided cloak, the downed Angel' blurred vision didn't have to worry about picking up details on the shrouded person.
"… What?" not having flirted with the silent Sinner who had splattered the shark earlier, Vaggie weakly wondered why the person stayed behind to hover over her like some wannabe Grim Reaper, "Did your shoes miss the bullseye on the first go around or something?"
A scoff of sarcasm sneaked out of the white haired woman's mouth along with a hiss of pain from her resettling bones.
If the mysterious Demon found the joke funny, they certainly didn't show it.
Whether a product of reality or her own hatred, all Vaggie saw was the mass of cloak cascade itself down to kneel at her side.
"Okay…" wondering if she had been knocked out, the guard voiced her thoughts in what could very well be an empty dream, "Seriously, talk, help, or piss off. Pick one."
The being remained silent. But was now close enough for the fallen Angel to feel a general sense of unease.
And despite her weak attempt at sneer, neither her monotone voice, nor her raised eyebrow could stop the situation from feeling less and less like a hallucination… and more like a nightmare.
As a clothed hand reached into the sea of fabric like it was a holster.
"How about," the Sinner's muffled voice dragged itself down, "all three-"
"OH MY GOD?! VAGGIE!"
Until a blonde, white, and red blur accidentally sent the tone hurdling sideways. As Charlie shattered Vaggie back into reality.
"ARE YOU OKAY?!"
Blinking up in disbelief, Vaggie was about to say 'thanks to you'. But outside of the pain she felt everywhere proving that a lie… she wasn't even sure if the person Charlie bull rushed had meant her harm.
… or if Charlie had even meant, or knew, she had sent somebody flying.
With the way her girlfriend's laser focused pupils were staring at her, Vaggie was pretty sure the cloaked figure simply had the poor luck of being in the space the Morningstar had instinctively decided was the quickest way to reach her partner's side.
"I'm-" turns out the answer was a moot point. For Charlie quite literally popped Vaggie's lungs again when she peeled her off the floor like a bandaid.
"Don't worry, I'm gonna make you all better!"
Vaggie's eye was nearly squeezed from its socket as the distraught owner clenched her like a doll."
"Just stay with me! And whatever you do, don't go towards the light!"
"Outside of the fact… I can't die," the guard wheezed with each hydraulically pressed hug, "wouldn't that be against… our mission statement-"
The cough of blood Charlie wrangled out of her cut off the response.
"If we even still have one of those by the end of the night." Angel rasped. The actor slowly picked himself up from underneath the table he had used as cover. A giggling Pentious wrapped around his neck like a scarf, and a motor burping Niffty cradled in his lower arms.
When Charlie swung around to see his point, Vaggie got a great view of it over her girlfriend's shoulder.
For if the universe wasn't picking on her enough this evening, her eye focused her len's just in time to see a low definition Husk's fingers drill his temples. As Velvette growled something towards a crossed arm Adam. Who's relaxed lean may as well have been a full bodied middle finger.
"I-I don't- Do you think-"
Vaggie felt herself taken along for the ride, as Angel reminded the blonde of her original panic.
"You know what…" the actor sighed and stepped forward next to Charlie.
Incapacitated for the moment, the guard saw Angel's last remaining hand push itself into Charlie's back. As he slowly started carrying, leading, or wearing everybody away from the club.
"Let's head back to the hotel, and start tackling problems one at a time."
He and Charlie made for the open-air entrance.
"Yeah," Vaggie agreed, as she saw the lower half of the clothed Sinner stick out the far wall like a dart, "sounds like a plan."
XxxxxxX
Velvette had never been so infuriated to have a situation go so perfect.
But lo and behold, here she was pissed off in Heaven.
Systematically destroying their court system, showcasing to Charlie and all of Hell her 'willingness' to fight on the behalf of Sinners, and was going to fulfill Vox's dreams by losing a rigged game she didn't even have to pretend to throw.
All of which would make her image, not only untarnished, better in literally everybody's eyes. Ensure her ultimate goal of victory. And grant the Vees all the power they craved after the Extermination.
She was literally hitting a dopamine trifecta that should be rocketing her over the moon.
"I'm here, and you're in Hell," but even as his stupidity played into her hands, Adam's God awful smugness enraged her to no end, "so obviously being like me is what it takes to get into Heaven!"
The stitch work above the pinkette's twitching eye started to unravel.
"Case closed," the first man leaned back into his chair, smacking his palm into the sociopath next to him, "question demolished!"
"That's great," Vel gritted through her teeth, "but I asked you what the specific character traits for getting into Heaven are. So unless your name's an adjective, you didn't answer shit."
Sera was perhaps the one person in the room more annoyed at the prosecution than the influencer. A fact made potently clear every time her silence proved Velvette correct.
"Freak yeah my name's an adjective!" the horned Angel sat back up in his chair just to slam his hands on the desk appalled.
"Use it in a sentence." Husk muttered out from her side. The cat's palm shoved firmly in his cheek. Nihilistically questioning how far the train wreck could possibly go.
"Easy!" The prosecutor waved the feline off, "After the concert, I went backstage and totally Adamed the groupie."
"… is he the biggest idiot in existence?" Velvette deadpanned towards the judge.
"Pfht, says the person who's just been Adamed." The first man sneered.
"No, says the person who understands the fucking differences between adjectives and verbs!" Velvette snapped.
"Overlooking the fact your name's not either," Husk's sigh backed up the Vee's point, "are you really suggesting the key to getting into Heaven is to have an overactive sex drive? Because if it is, I know a guy you need to airlift out of Hell pronto."
"Obviously," Sera's voice cracked at having to address the topic, "being adequate at intercourse is not what determines the value of a soul."
"It's not?" Adam cocked his head. And Vel, honest to God, wondered how the man wasn't choking on his stupidity.
"Do you not know?" The Vee, like taking candy from a baby, reflexively took advantage of the situation.
"…" a situation Adam instinctively made worse as he waited on the high Angel to answer the question. His mouth only puckering when the Seraph's fingers tapped her desk, signaling it was his to voice, "Oh, uh, of course we know what it takes to get into Heaven!"
"Then tell us." The Vee deadpanned.
"Geeze, I freaking will, just give me a minute." more like an hour, since the panicked Adam seemed to be dedicating most of his brain power into dampening his vulgarity.
"… we don't got all day pal." Husk grumbled.
"Then be pissed off at yourselves for being to stupid to understand the answer I gave!"
"… b-but Sera just said it was incorrect." Nester stuttered.
And if things had devolved to the point the Doorman could poke holes in the prosecution's case, anybody could.
"No, she just said me being awesome in bed wasn't one of my many awesome traits that got me sent here." The rockstar retorted.
"Then just tell us another one of your 'oh so divine' attributes." Vel pinched her brow, "If you actually have any that is."
"Oh I've got plenty!" said the man… who had needed five minutes to voice one, "And besides, it's your traits that got you sent to Hell in the first place that really makes redemption impossible for you losers!"
"I'd say list them out then, but if you can't remember your own history, we don't have the eternity you'd need to figure out ours." Vel folded her arms.
"Oh, I wouldn't need a lifetime to tell people how you screwed up yours." The first man mocked the defendants.
"Then why don't you show us?" The Vee pressed. A smirk formed on her face when she saw Adam set himself up for her and, if she had to give the cat credit, Husk's point.
"Excuse you?" Lute's venom tried to shoot it down, "Why in Heaven would we ever showcase Adam's divine acts to such lowsome creatures?"
"Because," Husk, having gone past his snob tolerance limit for the day, snorted the rest of the influencer's bait with a smirk, "we've got recorded lessons from the hotel's redemption program. So if you truly lived a life that outclassed even the best Sinners, why not compare their greatest acts to yours?"
Letting the cat get in his jab, Velvette silently flipped her actual cell to the court. Showcasing all the daily videos she had taken over the last four months.
A form of evidence that, quite honestly, didn't blow the jury away as much as she thought it would.
"Wait…" or perhaps all their shock had just been absorbed by Nester's. Whose eyes widened when they scanned the clips dates, and reflected their many logical fallacies, "Didn't Vaggie have your phone for most of these?"
"Yep," Velvette snickered as she scrolled through the first two months.
"… then how-" the bird's eyebrow grew in confusion at the same speed the edges of the pinkette's lips rose.
"You can only break a rule if you're caught," upon a sigh, Husk shot a sideward glance to the bird. His vexed face identical to the one he wore when Velvette had revealed the archives to him hours earlier, "or in this case, post your evidence."
"Pfht, if your best evidence literally comes in the form of a criminal act, then we got this case in the bag!" Adam's lips raspberried the air, as he voiced his confidence to Sera, "If it means destroying their crappy mixtape, I'm more then willing to play my life's greatest hits!"
"Your journey on Earth did result in the first mortal soul transcending to Heaven," Sera hesitantly accepted Adam's false bravado, "I see this comparison as an acceptable measurement tool to judge a Sinner's ability to better themselves."
And as the lights dimmed to level the scale, Velvette's trap was set to spring around the entire court.
XxxxxxX
Thank you to everybody who has tuned into the twenty-eighth installment of Drifters!
I will try my best to upload a chapter every Friday. But until next week, please feel free to leave a comment! Criticism is always welcomed, so long as there's an attempt for it to be constructive.
As of this moment I am still looking for a beta reader. So to anyone interested, please feel free to shoot me a PM.