109: His name is-
I sigh as I finally finish lowering myself from my perch on Jason's dragon. He snickers, and I flip him off in response.
"Alright, now… let's solve this maze," I say with a grin.
-At that moment, there's a flash of light, and we're once again standing in the driving rain as the Labyrinth disappears.
"Hm, hm… nice job, Master. You really are a genius," Jason says, nodding.
"I'll punch you again."
A few feet away, I can see my other companions looking around with slight confusion on their faces.
"Hm… guess that means you guys took down that Minotaur?" Cu asks. "Seriously, why didn't you just use a Command Spell? There was no reason for you to get that banged up, Master."
Come to think of it, I do look a little bruised, but- "Nah, all my injuries are Jason's fault."
"You swung first and second. You don't get to complain when I don't just sit and take the third hit," He rolls his eyes.
"Um, so you are Jason after all? I didn't recognize you at first," Mash says.
"Heh, that's right! This is my true handsome face!" He says, loosely flopping his drenched hair in an attempt to toss it arrogantly.
"There's a pretty big gap between 'handsome' and 'not homeless-looking'." Cu Chulainn snarks.
"Putting Jason's hideous face aside-" "OI!" "-our next step is…" I trail off. No, something already feels wrong.
Where's the follow-up attack? Alter Ego ought to have known where we were going to exit the labyrinth, so why didn't he hit us with another attack the moment our guards were down? For that matter, why did he let even this much happen? No matter how much he might change, Natsuki Subaru isn't the type to just throw away an ally to die for nothing. The only answer is… he couldn't see in the labyrinth or something?
Or, there's the other possibility. The sickening notion that he truly possesses [Return by Death], the same as me, and whatever was screwing up my resets in the labyrinth screwed him over too.
If he didn't foresee this… knowing me, he's freaking out and having an emotional crisis after losing an ally, even one he wilfully corrupted. Even better, I'd guess that he's panicked and pulled his forces away to avoid losing more. In that case, the plan has to be…
"...Let's slip away and find a Leyline. We need to get someone who can deal with Heracles before Alter Ego can rally his forces. [Detect Gold]." A holographic map of surrounding islands appears on my wrist - and, sure enough, there's a mark displaying the location of a leyline. I feel a grin taking shape on my face. "As expected of Da-Vinci."
"Mmm… that's a bit far for the Levitation Mystic Codes," Cu notes with a grimace, looking over my shoulder. "Having Shielder carry you might be a bit dangerous if we need her shield… I can overcharge two of them, put you on Bayard with one, and Mash with the other, and Jason and I can go in Spirit form. But it's definitely gonna fry those two forever. Really wishing you had some kind of water walking spell right now, Master."
"...I'm never questioning Da Vinci's judgment again," I mumble.
"What about that island?" Jason asks, pointing to an entirely different location, set apart by two craggy mountains. "Pretty sure that's what Asterios was talking about - where he hid that friend of his."
"Euryale, right?" I ask, tracing through my memories. "Medusa's sister… sorry, but that needs to wait. I can't imagine she's very strong.. If we could just use your ship to get around, it would be different, but-"
"Yeah. The leyline's the right call for now. We gotta stick close to the sea, though. The air is Medea's territory." Jason nods.
The rain continues to fall like a hail of arrows. Even from my relatively sheltered position, clinging to Georgios on the back of his horse, I can feel it beating against my forearms with such force that I wonder if they'll bruise. Beneath us, the waves gnash against each other hungrily, each swell almost as tall as me.
Wow. This is awful.
Still, even now, isolated here, far from any cover and totally exposed to the presumed cannons of that supposed Pirate servant, no attack comes.
"Just what is he waiting for…?" I mutter.
No answer comes. Instead, we continue like this, for another twenty minutes, totally without incident.
As we draw closer to the island, I notice the rain starting to ease up, and by the time we touch down, it's waned to a simple drizzle. "Is the storm ending?"
"No, Senpai, look around. See how thick the rain still is everywhere else?" Mash says as she touches down. "I think… it must be something about this island."
"It's been blessed," Cu says as he materializes. "Or maybe it's considered sacred because of the leyline. Either way, that's what's protecting this island from the worst of the storm."
"Okay, let's go somewhere else!" Jason says. "Messing with sacred islands is always bad news."
"Did you forget the part where the Levitation Mystic Codes were damaged by our travel here?" Georgios sighs. "Let me take the lead. I will handle any divine punishment for our intrusion."
"You're crazy! You can't just 'handle' divine punishment, you nutjob!" Jason shouts, but Georgios ignores him entirely, walking up the gently sloping shore towards the island interior.
"Well, let's just hope there's no bronze giant here," I joke as I follow after him.
"Don't joke about that! Don't you dare freaking joke about that! Do you know how scary that guy was!?"
What waits for us there is not a giant of bronze - but rather, a giant of a man who looks as if he was carved from stone. He wears the garb of a warrior monk, with eyebrows so low his eyes seem almost invisible.
He gives no sign of noticing us as he sits there, chanting a sutra under his breath as rain slowly drips down his face.
"...Greetings," Georgios finally breaks the silence.
"Mm… please, don't mind me. I'm simply chanting the rain away," The monk gives a calm smile in response. "If you're here for the leyline, then by all means, feel free to make use of it."
That feels way too awkward!
"Um, just doing that when a Servant we don't know is sitting nearby is a bit…" Mash mumbles.
"I see… nonetheless, I do prefer to stay in this spot. I can't keep the rain away unless I'm connected to the leyline," He says apologetically.
"Then how about telling us your name?" I ask. I mean, considering he's an enormous warrior monk, I've got some idea, but-
"My name?" He asks, a strangely self-satisfied smirk spreading across his face. "My name… is Jugemu Jugemu-" Is he-!? "-Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no-" He is! "-Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji-" He's doing it! He's going to pull the whole name off! "-Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no-" Bring it home, you magnificent stranger! "Chokyumei-no Chosuke!"
Georgios and Mash look totally lost. Cu looks slightly annoyed. Jason is still on the beach. But as for me-!
There's only one possible response I can give-!
"What a coincidence!" I say with a grin, pointing a thumb at myself. "My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke!"
A single tear trickles down the cheek of Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke. "I see… I see…! Let us be friends, then, Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke!"
Under a drizzle of unnatural rain, the hands of two Rakugo enthusiasts clasp in brotherhood.
"What the hell did I just witness..?" Cu Chulainn asks.
"Hm? You've never heard the legend of Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke?" I ask, a wicked smirk on my face.
"Indeed, the legend of Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke - that is to say, my legend - is quite famous." The monk says, a similar smirk on his.
"Stop repeating that stupidly long name!" The caster shouts.
"-Anyway, you're Musashibou Benkei, right? I can't think of too many other 200 centimeter warrior monks carrying seven weapons on their back," I say.
"That is so. Musashibou Benkei - I have been reincarnated as a spearman. I hope you will forgive my little joke there." He says.
I give a fake sigh. "Maybe one day I'll meet the real Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke."
"I'd like to meet him as well… Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke." Benkei nods seriously.
"Senpai, your ability to recite that entire name perfectly is amazing, but can we please get to connecting with the Leyline?" Mash says, a forced smile on her face.
"Fine, fine," I say, a big grin on my face.
The magic circle shines brilliantly - and as it dies down, I can see her, sprawled out as if lounging. A black haired girl with red eyes, wearing a red t-shirt with the word 'Buster' on it and black shorts. She blinks, once, and takes another bite of a potato chip.
Finally, as she looks at me, and then at Mash, the circumstances click in her head, and she inhales.
"I've been summoned to another world!?"
Whaaaat.
I can feel a headache growing.
"So, you are an Archer class Servant." I verify, receiving a nod. "...From another version of Chaldea. Somehow, inexplicably, we summoned you straight from your room, into another timeline."
"Mhm. It was probably because of Gudaguda particles or something," the Archer says.
"What the hell is a Gudaguda particle!?" I shout.
"It's a mysterious particle that basically does what it says. It makes everything way more confusing, stupid, and just… gudaguda. I emit them all the time, so it can't be helped!" She says with a grin.
…Could this be the work of Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no Surike Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigoyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke?
Wow, I feel more stupid already. Gudaguda particles are amazing.
"I can't help but notice… you didn't give your name at any point, Archer." Georgios says.
"Wahahaha! That's because this is my chance, idiot! Now, I can finally be a main Servant, and you know what that means… time to hide my identity! You can call me… Mysterious Archer N!" She says.
"Ar-chan it is, then." I sigh, before brightening up. "Hey, if you're from another version of Chaldea… do you have information we don't? We're in the middle of the Okeanos singularity-"
"Nope! I don't remember any of the singularities before Camelot! They were all really boring, so it can't be helped!" Ar-chan laughs. "But hey, Since Waver's not here, I can finally show off my strategy skills! And I can identify Servants! Like that guy, he's…" she trails off pointing at Georgios. "-Rider with taunt!"
This girl is useless.
A/N:
This might be the dumbest chapter yet. I'm so sorry. Welcome to "I can't believe it's not Konosuba".
The 'Mysterious Archer N' gimmick will last for approximately two chapters.
Nobbu is from canon Chaldea, and it doesn't really matter because she only paid attention during her own story appearances (read: never).
Valentine Scenes: France
A collection of short Valentine scenes for Original and Crossover Characters who appeared in the France chapters, in a hypothetical scenario where they were summoned in Canon Chaldea.
Ahab
"Hmm," The old whaler grunts, his face growing pensieve. "Hmmmm. Chocolate… is it?"
"That's right!" Ritsuka chirps. "For all your help!"
"Aye, I understand. And, if I be not mistaken, the custom in thy country is… a return gift, yes?"
"No, don't feel too obligated…" She responds, but the bashful smile on her face makes it obvious she expects something in exchange.
"...So be it." He sighs. "There be little I can give thee, however. Spare peg-legs and harpoons ill suit thee, Master."
The Avenger spends a few moments stroking his chin. "Ah. I suppose there be that!"
With that, he disappears back into his room - and a moment later, he deposits a misshapen gray hunk of wax in his Master's expectant hands. A moment later, her face twists in a grimace. "What… is this stuff?"
"Ambergris," He answers. "One of the byproducts of my trade. We sold it to perfumers, to craft their goods."
Ritsuka takes a tentative whiff of the substance- "Bleck! It reeks!"
Her Servant lets out a bark of laughter. "Tis an ingredient, Master, not the perfume itself!"
"But what is it?"
"Ambergris is formed in the gut of the Sperm Whale - thou shouldst be glad, Master, 'tis illegal to hunt this sort of thing these days!"
"Th-thanks…" Ritsuka says, forcing a grin onto her face as she pockets what is arguably solidified fecal matter.
Ambergris.
A natural waxy substance found in the intestines of sperm whales. Used as a fixative to allow scents to last much longer, it is highly valued by perfume makers. Even a piece this small would be worth over a thousand United States Dollars - although, it is illegal to even possess in that country.
Reid
"Happy Valentine's!" Fujimaru says the moment Reid's door opens.
"Oh? Making an offer, you?" A lurid grin appears on his face.
"Not in the slightest!" She says, raising her Command Spells menacingly.
"I get it, I get it. No need to go that far, you," The Sword Saint says with a sigh, before changing the subject. "Hey, if you're giving out that obligation chocolate or whatever, hurry and give some to Beardie, you. Idiot's pissed at me for getting something before he did."
"Blackbeard, huh… ugh, he's totally gonna give me porn as a return gift, though," Ritsuka groans. "-But on that subject, who even gave you chocolate?"
"Hey, what the hell are you implying, you!? I'm the freaking Sword Saint, you! I can get a woman, you!" He shouts, incensed.
"Oh yeah? Then who actually gave you Chocolate today?" Ritsuka retorts with a smirk.
"...It was the Arneb brat. But! But, there'll be more! Musashi! Musashi promised me chocolates yesterday! Just because she hasn't showed up yet…"
"That…" Ritsuka thinks back to when she saw Musashi speaking to Hassan of Serenity yesterday. And Shuten Douji. And Wu Zetian. And Paracelsus. And Circe. "...I'm sure that'll go great for you!" She gives him a beaming smile.
"No question of it, you!" He grins. Yeah, this guy is gonna get poisoned and then challenged to a duel.
"...Anyway, why would Louis give you chocolate? I know you guys are from the same world, but-"
"Was for her brother, probably. Using his body right now, after all." He heaves a sigh. "...That damn Young Fish probably put her up to it."
For a moment, Ritsuka contemplates asking a bit more about the relationship between Natsuki Subaru and him. But, in the end, she decides it's not really her business. And so- "Return gift, please!" She holds out her hand expectantly, a beaming smile on her face.
"Huh? Oh, sure… I've got a spare magazine around here somewhere…" Reid mutters.
"Exactly the same as Blackbeard…" His Master mumbles.
Swimsuit Magazine.
A magazine advertising various women's swimsuits. A gift typical of the crass Sword Saint.
…Well, that said, it's actually rather tame by the standards of Earth. Reid, having come from a medieval world with no oceans, gets worked up just from the idea of a swimsuit. Blackbeard has made a killing pawning off this low power level merch on his friend.
"Good Morning, Fujimaru-chan. How do you feel today?" A familiar voice asks her.
But it's impossible. Because, that person, is already-
"Hm? You look kind of pale… are you not feeling okay?" He steps forward, removing a glove to check her temperature. "Hm… well, you can just rest if you want. It's White Day today, but… I'm sure everyone will understand if you need to take the day off."
Doctor Romani Archman's kind smile is the same as it always was. Why did she think that…
"I'm fine, Doctor. I think I just-" had a bad dream, she wants to say.
But deep down Fujimaru Ritsuka knows that isn't true. Even though she wants to fall into this beautiful illusion-
"This return gift… is way too cruel, Francois."
Francois Prelati
The false world shatters, and she finds herself once again standing face to face with the grinning Alchemist. "Hm? You didn't like it? Not quite saccharine enough? I got observations for some of your Lostbelt friends too, do you want me to-"
Naturally, she punches him in the face.
A Beautiful World
The return gift of Francois Prelati. A Chaldea that can never be.
All of your friends are here. Even those already departed, even the crypters who you might have been friends with in some other life. It's all been handcrafted with love and care, based on Chaldea's records which he received from his living counterpart.
By the way, if you make the wrong choice, this Valentine Scene has hours upon hours of Bad Ends to keep you entertained. But it goes without saying at this point - the moment you opt into the illusion, there is no Good End to be found.
Chlodovech
"Chocolate, huh? Awfully presumptuous of you, brat," The pint-sized king says with a grin.
"And yet, Gilgamesh accepts it every year!" Ritsuka says, smiling back.
"Seriously!?" For just a moment, his normally deep voice cracks, and Ritsuka freezes the sound of Chlodovech's true voice in her mind.
"That's right, so don't you dare look down on it!" The Last Master of Humanity points at him. "Also, your real voice is super cute."
"Y-you want me to split your skull, brat!?" He stutters.
"No, but I will accept a return gift."
"S-so shameless!" The Rider takes a single step back. "W-well, I did prepare for this, though… here."
He vanishes into his room for a moment, shortly returning with a vase almost as tall as he is.
"Hm…" Ritsuka strokes her chin, looking up and down the vase, her eyes catching the glittering lines of gold running through it. "Wait, is this-?"
"The Vase of Soissons - Kintsugi edition. Your people have some interesting ideas about art - but I like 'em," Chlodovech explains. "I was gonna go with a pure white lily, but… well, I'm sure you've already got one from another French servant, and white isn't the most flattering color with Earth in its current state."
"Y-you're not going to split my skull if I break it, right?" his Master asks.
"...I regret that now, I think," He admits after a moment. "The man who broke it was thinking of his king's prestige. He didn't do it because he hated me, but because he loved me… but I still resented it enough to murder him over it later."
The First King of France leans against the wall and sighs. "Blame the alcohol, I guess. Made fools of us all. The King of Conquerors too - he's got a story like this one."
"Ah, I think he said something like 'I wouldn't have become the King of Conquerors sober' when it came up a while back," Ritsuka says with a forced smile, and Chlodovech lets out a bark of laughter.
"That's right! I can't imagine I'd have gone for half of that nonsense I pulled back then if I wasn't drunk!" His sharp-toothed grin turns menacing. "Say, Master, aren't you of legal drinking age now-?"
"SorryI'mbusygottago!" She disappears in a flash.
The Vase of Soissons
An enormous vase, painstakingly pieced back together with gold.
To shatter something beautiful, and then remake something just as lovely from the wreckage - if this form of art had been known to Chlodovech in life, he would have adopted it with glee.
He did eat the chocolate later, but even though he enjoyed it greatly, he didn't apologize for turning his nose up at first. Until King Gilgamesh came after him, anyway.
"You dare look down on that which suits your king, mongrel!?"
Merry
"So, I can't help but notice… everyone seems very busy these past few days. Is there something I've missed?" Merry d'Lyon finally asks, a confused look on her face."
"Oh! I guess you wouldn't know - your summoning is super unusual, even for a Pretender. Oh my, oh my, where to begin…" Charlotte Corday mutters. "Alright! So, as you know, Saint Valentine's day is approaching!"
"That's true… but it isn't just the Catholic Servants who seem excited. Is there something about Saint Valentine that makes him special even to pagans?" the younger girl asks.
"Ah… not quite," Charlotte gives a forced smile. "Basically… as society grew more secular, Valentine's Day became a holiday to celebrate romance. After that, it grew into a holiday where one gave gifts to their friends - and in Japan it specifically took on an identity where 'girls give chocolates to boys'. There's some giving of 'obligation chocolate' there, but the important part is-"
"I see, so it's about courtship…" Merry mutters, her face turning slightly red. "Still, women giving gifts to men directly… isn't that a bit… forward?"
"Right?" The Assassin replies, strained smile remaining in place. "But anyway, considering Master is from Japan, the girls who fell in love with him have been giving him chocolate every year. It always turns into a really big mess…"
"O-oh…" Merry mutters, looking away. "I guess… I should probably stay out of that, then."
After all, these feelings in her heart… the circumstances of the Ninevah sub-singularity… she hasn't sorted them out yet. Besides, Ritsuka is a pagan, and from a different time, and really there's just no way she, a teenage girl with the eyes of a dead fish, who surrendered even the aspiration to become a maid on her first confrontation with a certain Beach Tyrant, could possibly compete with the beautiful legendary women after his heart.
Charlotte nods. "Yup! You should just stay out of it. This is why you and I get along so well, Merry!"
…Why does her friend's smile make her so angry, though?
"E-even you're making chocolate, Gray?" Merry asks in shock. "I didn't really think you liked Master like that…
"Oh! No, um, don't misunderstand. For Master, it's just obligation chocolate," The other girl waves her hands back and forth.
"But that leaves things unsaid about my brother, right?" As Reines El-Melloi intrudes on the conversation, Merry's body rapidly enters fight-or-flight mode.
"Um, I was just leaving-!" She stands up, trying to retreat from the tea room, but-
"Hey, Merry, you get along with Gray just fine," The Rider complains. "Do you really have to run so quickly every time I try to get to know you?"
"Th-that's-! You're a English Noblewoman, and I'm, um-!" The peasant girl tries to stammer an excuse.
"Now, now, sit down. I promise not to hurt you," Reines says, but the smile on her face promises something else entirely. "Now, why don't you tell me about your problems?"
Merry opens her mouth, and closes it again. And then she does it again. And again.
"Um, Merry?" Ritsuka asks. Somehow, he manages to avoid asking the girl if she's doing a fish out of water impression. Somehow.
"O-o-obligation! It's obligation chocolate!" She shouts - before she places a four by four foot box into his hands.
"Ah, just obligation chocolate, huh…" Ritsuka mutters, peeking at the contents - wow, that is one enormous heart-shaped chocolate. Decorated with smaller hearts. And an entire poem.
Somehow, he manages to stop himself from raising an eyebrow as he looks at the Pretender.
"R-right! B-besides, you have beautiful women like Artoria giving you chocolate-!"
"You do know you've got basically the same face as Arotoria, right?" He asks. Sanpakugan and sharp teeth aside, MHX definitely has effective damage on this girl.
A million thoughts pass through her mind at that moment. But in the end, they all resolve into one.
Merry d'Lyon flees, tears in her eyes.
Obligation Chocolate (False)
Chocolate representing the earnest feelings of a pure-hearted peasant girl. Decorated with red and pink highlights, both in the form of more heart shapes and a poem. The literary servants of Chaldea have kindly refused to comment on it. Except for Anderson, who called it irredeemable trash.
The chocolate itself is quite good, though, thanks to the oversight of Gray and Reines.
By the way, Corday didn't speak to Merry for a day after learning about this.
Edward of Woodstock
The familiar sound of steel creaking against steel rings out in the halls of Chaldea as the Black Prince examines his received gift.
"I know you can't actually eat it, but…" Ritsuka's explanation trails off as she gives him a smile.
{"No, I appreciate the gift regardless."} His voice rings out in her mind, buttery smooth as always. {"But, Master, I can't help but worry. You shouldn't make a habit of giving gifts to wicked men."}
He's probably right about that. Goodness knows her next visit is going to be nerve-wracking. However- "That doesn't matter here. Because Edward is a good person."
The Rider freezes. He doesn't make the associated sound, but she can tell from the way his shoulders move that he takes a single deep breath. In, and out. And then-
A crash of steel rings out in the hall as his gauntlet slams into the wall next to her head. Edward leans over her, and his frigid fingers grip her chin, tilting her head up towards him.
"Are you sure about that?" Ritsuka shudders as his voice, barely a whisper, issues forth from his armor.
"I am." A simple kabedon won't faze the last master of humanity! Even if her heart is racing!
"If I had a real body… who knows what might happen to you." The empty black helmet draws close to her face - and then, he takes a step back, hand brushing through her hair as he withdraws. {"...Thank you for the gift, my Master. I do hope you summon me as a Saber one day."}
And with that, Edward turns and goes on his way, leaving a slightly flushed Fujimaru Ritsuka behind.
It takes a few minutes for her to finally notice the black rose slipped into her hair. "Th… that damn smooth, Otome prince-!"
Black Rose
Return gift of Edward, the Black Prince. In the civil war that followed the death of him and his father , the rival factions each had a different color of rose as their emblem - oh, who are we kidding. He picked a black rose because he's an edgy Otome prince.
Black Roses do not exist in nature. They are created by dyeing a red or white rose - and just as dye can be removed from a flower with the right means, perhaps with love, you can cleanse his black heart. Or something like that.
Love won't fix his Innocent Monster skill, though, so you should probably just summon him as a Saber.
Ley Batenkaitos
"Happy Valentine's!" Ritsuka barely has time to say the words before the chocolate is snatched from her hands and stuffed into the grinning mouth of Ley Batenkaitos, wrapper and all.
"Ah! Oh my! So this, is Valentine's! Amazing, spectacular, wonderful, delicious, *slurp*!" Batenkaitos babbles as he gnashes his teeth. The sound of paper and plastic tearing prompts a grimace from his Master, naturally. "This really is… kind of… boring."
Ley's face falls into a disappointed frown. "...Is that really all? It's just another candy. Master, we don't really understand. Why was everyone so excited…?"
Ritsuka gives a kind smile. "That's because it's not about the food. It's about the feelings behind it. Surely you understand that concept, right?"
"Ah," a smile returns to the Foreigner's face. "Yeah, we get it now. But, Master, the truth is, we're not that good at understanding other people's emotions from interaction."
"Mm, so it's like that," Ritsuka mumbles. "Okay! I'll just say it outright. Ley, the way I feel about you is - even though you were an enemy at first, even though you're kind of an annoying guy to interact with, seeing you stack all of those buffs on yourself at once when your Noble Phantasm gets popped really gets my dopamine flowing, so I appreciate you!"
"We… we don't understand," He mutters - but then, his grin goes wide. "We've never had a feeling like that!"
He lunges for her, left hand outstretched-
"[Gandr]!" - and is sent tumbling backwards as a curse nails him straight in the forehead. "Seriously Ritsuka, what the hell are you thinking, talking to this guy alone!?" Natsuki Subaru shouts. "And you-!" Batenkaitos activates his [Leaper's Talent] and vanishes before Subaru can give him the treatment he deserves.
"Ah… Now I'm gonna need to track him down later and let him know I'm not mad…" Ritsuka mutters.
"No, you should be mad! You should definitely be mad!" the Foreigner servant protests.
"Mm.. I mean, this is pretty much just who he is, so I won't resent him over it." Ritsuka says. "No harm was done in the end, since you made it in time!"
"No harm was done, she says.." Subaru mumbles, rubbing the base of his skull. "Look, I'll ask Louis to track him down later, but for now I'm going to give you an escort."
"Oh! While she's at it, can she let him know I'm still expecting a return gift?" Ritsuka says, Yen symbols visible in her eyes. "If he can't think of anything, an infant [White Whale] would be cool!"
"Your standards for return gifts are insane!"
White Whale - Super Duper Compact Model.
Ley Batenkatios's return gift. A tiny version of his Noble Phantasm, it belches fog and lets out annoying high-pitched screams in the middle of the night. Ritsuka swiftly regretted asking for it, but before she could figure out how to get rid of it, it disappeared mysteriously.
The Mini-Cu plushie has been looking awfully satisfied with himself lately, for some reason…
Natsuki Subaru
"Anyway, you've got really good timing, Subaru! One hand-made chocolate, just for you-!" Ritsuka says, handing him a red bag which he gingerly unwraps.
"A-ah, I, um, th-thank- OI, this is clearly from a convenience store!" He shouts, pulling out and pointing at a popular candy bar. "What the hell is this!? Ley gets handmade chocolate, and I get Strawberry and Thunder Crunch!?"
Ritsuka doubles over laughing. "Ha! Ha-haha, the look on your face - open it! Open it!"
He inspects the candy bar, and- "Oh, this end is taped shut. Let's see…" He opens it, and finds that wrapped around the expected candy bar is a piece of paper. "...Oh, it's that 'buy a star' scam. Did you seriously pay for this?"
Ritsuka is totally unfazed by his disappointed expression. "Wait! Wait, look at it! Read the name!"
"'Subaru's… Valentine choco. Oi, they seriously okayed this!?" The girl falls down laughing at his gobsmacked expression.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I'll eat my Strawberry and Thunder Crunch and cry myself to sleep," Subaru mutters. "How did you even get this set up? Is this Caesar's new business or something?"
"No…" Ritsuka stands up again, wiping the tears from her eyes. "No, I set this up a while ago. Before you went missing."
Subaru looks away, gritting his teeth.
"...I know you aren't the Subaru I know." Ritsuka finally says. "I never existed in your timeline, right? For you… I'm just some girl who thinks she's your childhood friend. So if you want to reject that-"
"No." Subaru says. "No, I'll accept it fully. Even if I don't recall a single bit of it… Fujimaru Ritsuka is my precious childhood friend. So… just give me a bit to remember exactly who we are to each other."
"Mm." She nods, a bittersweet smile on her face.
"...By the way, you want to compare rosters? Our little gang of borderline feral children - I'm curious to see if anyone else is missing from one or the other." Subaru says.
"Okay! So, first, there was EMIYA-"
"Liar! I get that this whole childhood friend angle is totally contrived but don't just make things up!"
"-second is Fujino-"
"Please don't just pick all the modern Japanese!"
"-Flat is third-"
"It would be cool, but he's twice our age!"
"-then Miyako-"
"That one's true, though."
"-Eh?"
Patxy Plushie (Handmade)
Return gift from Natsuki Subaru, to commemorate the conquest of the first Lostbelt.
Even if something was erased, it still matters. Subaru earnestly believes this, even now.
By the way, the fact that he's been summoned as a Servant and Emilia can't be means that he's totally single! You can do this, Ritsuka-chan! Just ignore the fact that Rem can also be summoned! The Childhood Friend always wins, after all (lol)!