A/N: I have this full story *very* rough drafted, but will try to get each chapter out ASAP as I review and edit them. Longish.

There will be mature scenes (no *major* violent crimes). You've been warned. Also, I put Paige's live in danger in this one, and I really want you to be impressed by that. :P

My premise of this story came from rewatching, and realizing that Walter, with ZERO memory of the rocket mishap, would NEVER just be cool with never knowing with 100% certainty what had happened. He hacked the hospital for the footage of Paige kissing him. He hacks things. He's a control freak. A perfectionist. And then Elia says how *he* had reviewed it soaking the idea. No way you can convince me Walt is just like "yeah. Got blasted into space, there's full footage of ever aspect of it, but it's fine, my friends are all giving me strange vague answers about what happened and I'm totally cool with accepting that and never looking into it. Also, why am I craving baked alaska?!" In Russia we have a phrase for this, loose translation: BANANAS CRAZY! Not even looking at the footage for Paige, but to see how the mission went, what he did, what he should have done, how the team managed… how to solve it so that wouldn't happen again.

That's my rant.

Peace, love and Scorpions!

Xoxo

Also, I painted my Halloween pumpkin tonight with the scene of Waige on the roof of Chernobyl with the extension cord, and my family thinks I'm weird, but I know you guys will appreciate my obsession.

--

Walter stood outside Paige's apartment, his heart hammering in his chest. He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, or why his feet refused to carry him away as his mind insisted they should. But the pull toward that door was stronger than his instincts for self-preservation at this point.

Hours of debating whether to come here or not came after hacking into the footage database of Elias's mission control, and replaying the harrowing scene more times than he could count. It was a simple quest, see what went wrong since he had no memory. Analyze his own performance. Determine what steps could have been done differently. For him and the team. He had to know. Basic scientific data.

But then he watched it all.

Heard it all.

Heard what he said to a Paige that wasn't there, but also what he said to a Paige that was there, in mission control, wiping tears from her face as she also said things.

She had been acting strange around him all week, since his rescue, but he hadn't paid it much mind, assuming she was just worried for his well being as she usually was when he did really stupid things. Hadn't thought much at all about her questioning his memory, again dismissing it as a concern for his brain, nothing more.

But then, he'd watch it all. Seen it all.

Now, he needed to hear the truth from Paige, even if it threatened to unravel absolutely everything.

Finally, he raised a trembling hand and knocked.

When Paige opened the door, her brows knitted together in surprise.

"Walter? Um, hi. It's uh… it's really late, is everything okay?"

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He couldn't seem to string together a coherent thought as he took in the sight of her, standing there, her expression somewhere between concern and curiosity, clad in her plaid pajama bottoms and a plain tank top, hair pulled up in a messy bun, and something he rarely saw, her glasses. She looked beautiful. He swallowed, his voice barely audible.

"Uh, hi. Yes. It is. I'm sorry. I um, yes. Okay. No. You're right. I should…"

He immediately turned to flee, when her hand clasped his arm, stopping him in his tracks, pulling him back lightly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Walter, hey. Just wait a second. What's going on?" Walter turned, his eyes settling on her hand still touching him, to which she quickly retracted it. "Walter, please. Come inside. Tell me what's on your mind?" He was still so unsure, and also longing for her hand to be back on his arm. It was warm. "You're here for a reason. You might as well come inside."

Paige led him to the couch, her unease mirroring his own. Walter sat at the edge, his posture rigid, staring at his hands clasped tightly together. The silence stretched, and she finally spoke again.

"Walter, what's going on?"

He let out a shaky breath.

"Um, well, I uh, I spoke with Richard Elia… a few days ago. He… mentioned how he reviewed the footage of the incident. Of what happened when I was... in the stratosphere."

Paige's eyes flickered with something unreadable, fear he thought, or maybe, or a hint of recognition.

"Oh."

Walter's voice wavered as he continued.

"Yeah, and now that I am feeling better, I, well, I hacked into the system today… trying to determine what I could have done differently, and I uh, watched the footage… in its entirety." He risked a glance at her. "I guess I know now why I've been thinking so much about Baked Alaska…"

Paige's throat tightened, and she took a small scooch back on the couch, adding distance between them, her arms crossing over her chest as though trying to protect herself from what might come next.

"Walter, I--"

"Was it real?" He interrupted, his voice suddenly desperate. "I don't remember everything. I keep getting these… flashes if you will. It's all very confusing. But I need to know. I watched, and so I know it happened, but I guess, I need to hear it from you to make sense of this. Did I really… and did you really say those things?"

Her hesitation was palpable, and when she spoke, her voice was tinged with sadness.

"Walter, you were hallucinating. You were oxygen deprived, disoriented… you weren't thinking clearly. I… I don't think you can take anything you said seriously."

"I suppose that's… valid. But what about you? I know part of what was said was just my hallucinating, but then it was you. I saw you, on the footage. It wasn't just in my head." He pressed, ready to go into detail, but stopped himself, suddenly unsure if he had the right to repeat her words. "You said things, too."

Paige turned away, her gaze drifting to the window as if the night outside could offer her the answers she was struggling to find within herself.

"Walter… I… I don't know if I can give you the answers you're looking for." He looked so confused, so… sad even, and she sighed, running her hand through her hair, frustrated that she couldn't just give in to it, tell him everything he was apparently suddenly willing to hear after years of avoiding it, but she couldn't. The timing wasn't right. She was with Tim now. She had said those things to Walter in the heat of the moment, believing he could die. "I'm sorry, Walter. When you were up there… I mean, I thought you were going to die, Walter… but then… you didn't. And I'm with Tim. It's just… far more complicated than a simple answer."

The mention of Tim was like a punch to the gut. Of course, she had moved on to the man he practically pushed her into dating, why wouldn't she? But there was no escaping the fact that hearing her say it out loud still hurt more than it should have. There was a reason he ended up stranded in that rocket to begin with, to avoid anything having to do with Tim and Paige coupling.

"I… understand." He said, his voice barely a whisper, so dejected, standing from the couch, looking at the various trinkets on her shelf. A long pause, with a hovering awkwardness between them settled before he spoke again. "But Paige… it wasn't just a hallucination. What I said up there, what I felt in that state… I've felt it for a long time, even though I couldn't say it. I've tried not to feel that way, but apparently that is not as simple as my equations would lead me to believe. But I recognize that you and… Timothy… are involved now. I just didn't want you to think it was a falsity brought on from oxygen deprivation."

Paige turned back to face him, her eyes shimmering with unspoken emotions.

"Walter… what you said to me in that rocket… those things don't just go away because you want them to. I heard you, I really heard you, and… I said what I said because I was afraid I'd never get to say it at all."

His breath caught in his throat.

"So it was real? What you said being… how you feel?" He murmured, his voice trembling, being in such a vulnerable state that Paige had never witnessed in him before, while still just calculating it all in his mind, turning over the information to fit into some emotional graph.

"Walter… please don't do this."

"Paige, please. I just need to know the truth. That's it. I'm trying to make sense of it all, and I can't. I just… I need to know."

Paige took a hesitant step toward him, leaving the couch behind.

"It is real." She admitted, feeling her heart breaking. This was everything she had wanted for so long. For Walter to acknowledge the feelings they shared, to want to express them, and now that they were, she couldn't. She couldn't be with him. "But things are… are… different now, Walter. I'm with Tim. I… I can't just forget about that."

Walter nodded slowly, his heart sinking.

"I know. I uh, I wouldn't ask you to. I uh, I just needed to know, so I could make logical sense of it all, and well… now I do. So, um, yeah. That's, uh, complete. Thank you. I uh, I appreciate your candor."

The room fell into silence once more, the weight of unspoken words and possibilities pressing down on them. Paige reached out, gently touching his hand, feeling the surge of warmth and desire ignite in her at the contact.

"Walter, I--" She faltered, unsure of how to finish the thought, not without hurting him, or hurting Tim, or hurting herself.

She loved this man. But her heart wasn't free to give to him anymore.

He met her gaze, a faint, bittersweet smile on his lips.

"I'll let you get some sleep. Thanks for… hearing me out." He shifted on his feet, his hand lingering in hers for a moment longer than necessary before he turned toward the door, his final expression shattering her barely held together resolve.

As he left, Paige watched him go, her heart torn between the reality of her current relationship and the undeniable truth she had just confessed. The door closed softly behind him, but the unrealized possibilities lingered in the air long after he was gone.

Paige Dineen was in love with one man who she had been so sure wasn't capable of fully loving her back, but committed to another who she knew would love her fully without question, but that she knew she'd never be able to fully love back.

She leaned against the door, her heart and mind racing each other for answers to questions she didn't even know she was asking herself.