Chapter 20: Heartache

The Doctor collapsed from his chair and slouched to the floor below. Clara dove out of her seat, falling to her knees beside him. She jammed her fingers into the side of his neck. His skin was cold and clammy. To her horror, she could feel no pulse. "Doctor!"

Hearing the commotion, Missy dashed into the room. She had happened to be on break and was nearby. She froze in the doorway, stunned by the scene in front of her.

"Missy!" Clara cried. "Go into the sickbay and bring me the crash cart! It's bright red, please hurry!"

Springing into action, Missy raced to the sickbay. Clara climbed over the Doctor, straddling his hips. Lacing her hands together over his chest, she pumped hard. His chest rose and fell with each compression, ribs creaking under her forceful pushes. She knew he only needed one heart to live, so she focused on the larger one on the left. Thank God for the mandatory CPR classes at Coal Hill. She had hoped she'd never have to use that knowledge.

After thirty compressions, she hooked her fingers under his chin and tilted his head back. Sealing her lips over his, she pinched his nose shut. She blew air into his lungs and watched his chest rise. The kiss of life. Releasing his mouth, the air rushed back out again. She gave him another breath and resumed CPR. Her own heart pounded like a hammer against her sternum. Tears welled up in her eyes, distorting her vision. This could not be happening.

Missy returned with the cart, rushing it into the room on squeaky wheels. Clara pointed to a device on top. "The AED, hand me the AED!" she demanded. She grabbed the defibrillating machine from Missy's hands and set it on the floor next to the Doctor's still body.

She stabbed the button to turn it on and thankfully it lit up with a cheerful beep. She yanked apart his lavender dress shirt, sending white buttons flying everywhere. Taking two adhesive shock pads from the compartment, she peeled off the protective covering and stuck them to either side of his bare chest.

"Analyzing rhythm," a mechanical male voice sounded from the machine. "Abnormal rhythm detected." It charged itself up with a hum. "Shock advised."

"Stand back, Missy!" Clara yelled. She clambered off of him and knelt to the side, taking care to not touch him lest she get shocked herself. She readied her finger over the bright red button. "Clear!"

She pressed the button. A large jolt of electricity shocked the Doctor's hearts. His muscles convulsed with the shock, temporarily causing his body to jump. His back smacked against the tile with a dull thud before he fell limp against the floor again. His head lolled to the side. Clara thrust her fingers into his neck again. Nothing.

"Clear!" she yelled, removing her fingers from his skin. She pressed the button again. Another jolt shot through his body. She felt for a pulse again. Still nothing.

Missy stood back and watched in wide-eyed horror. She felt utterly helpless. He was supposedly getting better, how the hell had this happened?

"Missy!" Clara cried, desperation underlying her voice. "Hand me that epi pen! It's bright orange!"

Fumbling with the syringe, Missy passed it to her. Clara popped the cap off and stabbed the short needle into his thigh. Normally, epinephrine would be delivered via an IV, but he no longer had his inserted. Clara had removed the catheter days ago, and she did not have the time to place another. This was life and death.

"Let's shock him again," she spoke to herself. "Clear!"

Another jolt wracked his system. The smell of sizzling flesh permeated the air where the electrical shocks had burned his skin. His chest was red with the beginnings of hand-shaped purple bruises forming over his breastbone. Clara jabbed her fingers into his jugular again.

Finally, a pulse. It was thready and weak, but there. She pressed her ear against each side of his chest. Both hearts beat slowly but steadily. She almost cried in relief.

Missy brought a gurney into the room. Together, they hoisted his limp body onto it. His rhythm might be back, but he was not out of the woods yet. They raced to the sickbay, feeling all kinds of déjà vu.

Once inside, Clara hooked him up to the monitors and quickly checked his vitals. His blood pressure was low and his heart rate was bradycardic. Wrapping a tourniquet around his upper arm, she cut off blood flow to make the veins bulge. Finding a good one in the crook of his elbow, she carefully placed an IV line and taped it in place. She released the rubber tourniquet with a snap.

She readied a syringe of atropine, flicking it to jostle the bubbles out. Screwing it to the IV port, she injected it slowly. She needed to raise his blood pressure and heart rate before his hearts stalled and arrested again.

Within moments, the numbers on the monitor improved. Grabbing a small scanner from the counter, she ran it over him from head to toe. It whirred as it captured the information. "Cardiac muscle damage," it read, but what it showed was old. There was no new damage, but the excitement to his weakened hearts had caused him to lapse into a deadly arrhythmia. Clara choked back a sob. She did this to him.

Adrenaline wearing off, Missy finally caught up with her racing thoughts. "What the hell happened?" she breathed, deeply concerned.

"I–," Clara started, unable to speak around the lump in her throat. "I did this to him. This is all my fault."

"You what?"

"I should have known, Missy!" she cried, whipping around to face her. "Especially after that episode he had last night during the mind meld. It was too soon. He was too weak."

"Too weak for what?" she questioned, hands on her hips.

"I kissed him, Missy," she confessed, tears streaking down her face. "But I didn't expect that he would have this reaction."

Missy groaned and rolled her eyes. "Clara, of course he would," she sighed in exasperation. "That oaf is madly in love with you. It's so obvious that it hurts."

Clara raised her eyebrows. Missy was more perceptive than she let on. How long had she known? She turned her focus back to the Doctor and took one of his hands in her own, hugging it against her chest. "Oh, Doctor, I'm so sorry," she wept. Guilt ate at her bones. "I'm so sorry."

"You could have killed him," Missy seethed, crossing her arms angrily. "No more hanky-panky. If you try something like that again, I'll tear you apart myself."

Clara met her gaze, knowing Missy's threat was real. She nodded hastily.

A cough sounded from the bed and they looked to the Doctor. He grimaced in pain. His chest ached as if an elephant had stood on it. The superficial burns to his skin stung with a fury. He blinked his eyes open, realizing that he was back in the sickbay. "How did I get here?" he wondered aloud in a hoarse voice. He looked to both women for answers.

"You suffered an arrhythmia, a heart attack." Missy spoke, no nonsense in her tone.

He gazed back with a mixed look of confusion and surprise. "No, that's not right," he denied, shaking his head in disbelief. "Clara and I were eating lunch, and then…" Realization dawned on him. He met Clara's watery gaze. "Oh."

"Yeah," she confirmed. She patted his hand which was still hugged against her chest. "But we got you back."

"Oh, Clara, I'm so sorry," he remorsed, hating the shaken look on her face. "I must have frightened you terribly."

She shook her head. "No, Doctor, it's my fault. I should have known this would happen," she apologized. She could only hope that he would forgive her. "I knew your hearts were weak. I wasn't thinking."

He smiled faintly, remembering the kiss he'd almost died for. His sore hearts fluttered. "What a way to go it would have been though," he joked, trying to lighten the somber mood.

Clara could not suppress a giggle. All at once, the tension and worry rushed from her body like air from a balloon. He was going to be okay. "You stupid old man, you almost died again and that is all you can think about?"

He shrugged. "I'm a simple man, Clara."

She snorted. "No you're not. You're the most bloody complicated man I've ever met."

He cracked a smile. The pain disappeared. Her joy was contagious. Now that he had gotten the words out, he felt a massive weight lift from his shoulders. No more secrets. No more lies.

Bringing their still-linked hands to his lips, he kissed the backs of her fingers softly, not once breaking eye contact. "I love you, Clara," he whispered. Now that he had said it once, the words rolled off his tongue with ease. "My Clara."

A tear fell from her face and landed on the crisp bedsheets. She had almost lost him again, but he came back to her, like he always did. "I love you too, Doctor."

In the background, Missy sneered in disgust. She couldn't stand to watch them all moon-eyed at each other. Excusing herself, she left the room in a huff. Jealousy now burned in her heart like a wildfire, consuming everything. She bided her time, but this rejection would not go unpunished.

A/N: phew. Don't forget to review!