Scarlet Justice - ep. 97
"Impression"

"My comrades, who have supported me for...no. Not it. My friends, who are bonded to me in life and in death, I must...no. Not that...either."

It's a few days after the beginning of the new year. I've decided that it has to be now...with each day that passes, my ability to resolve this issue properly decreases. I don't want to keep this from my loved ones any longer. Even if it means they...

"..."

I don't want to think about it. There's every chance that I'm overreacting, like I was with the old man. He told me that I did the right thing, and I know my logic was sound. It's just that...how will the others feel? Wouldn't killing their own family be a step too far, even on the battlefield? The choice between 'winners' and 'losers' in that single moment...

A burst of cold winter air snaps me back into reality. The Hyuuga residence is a place where we can have our privacy to some degree, and Hina has taken measures to keep our area clear of any eavesdroppers. Neji will be watching over us as always. A few extra bodies will be present aside from Team Eight. Erika, who comforted me despite not knowing any details, Ruki and Kakashi, Naruto and Hanabi. The information might filter down one more level, but that's the end of it, or I would hope so. But I don't care if the village commoners despise me. It's these people that I worry about the most. It's not that I...couldn't survive being cast aside. That was never the part of it I feared the most.

My body is shaking a bit as I reach the front entrance. Neji is there to meet me, and he gives a respectful nod as we meet.

"Senpai. Have you recovered properly?" he asks.

"Not yet, Neji. But there are things...I must do."

"I understand. Follow me, the others are having tea as they wait."

"You should be inside for this as well...it's something you should hear."

"With your permission, then." He leads the way, through a different set of paths that are much shorter in total length than the last few times. This is one of the areas for guests, and inside of a relatively small room is everyone mentioned from before. They're sipping tea and talking amongst themselves. Neji slides the door closed and clears his throat after I remove my sandals.

"Lady Kobayashi has arrived."

Almost immediately, I'm overwhelmed by voices in front of me.

"Boss, you're alive."

"Lili-nee! You're here!"

"Hell of a way to come back, you scared me."

"Lili...you're alright, I'm so glad..."

"I really thought something bad happened to you! Lili!"

"Everyone, settle down. Don't crowd her so much, alright?" Kakashi says as he gently moves everyone away. "I know you're all glad to see her, but we still have that announcement to get through."

I sigh. "I...it's alright. I'm really happy to know that you all care about me so much. Even after I made that request to stay away, you all thought of me, and I...sorry." I wipe at my eyes. "I was hoping not to get too emotional after the past few weeks."

"It's more than alright," Hina says from her seat. "Please, if today is too much..."

"It has to be now, Hina. I want to put this off, too...but it has to be now, in front of all of you."

"Whenever you're ready, senpai. I have the area secured," Neji says.

"Thank you, Neji."

"You okay? Maybe you should sit, you look a little pale," Kurenai says. "Seriously, don't push yourself. Like Hinata said, we'll come back another day if you just ask."

"Thank you...but I can make it like this. I feel better standing up right now."

"Got it."

I stand in front of my precious people. Nervous. Just a bit frightened. My toes curl and uncurl against the floor. I press my hands together and tap my fingers against each other. I try to steady my breathing.

"You are all...special people to me. I love and care for all of you in this room. Not just you, but...I mean to say that you're important, and I wanted you to hear this. I trust you to keep what you hear in confidence. What I don't know is if...you will look at me the same way again after I say those words. I have shown parts of myself to you and others in this world, and you sitting here have accepted those parts of me in full. That means...has always meant...so much to me."

Everyone's expectant eyes...even as they mean well, they're a bit too much right now. I close my eyes and take several breaths in.

"Shino and Hina found the note that I left a few weeks ago. Shortly before that time, I captured a messenger that had posted a letter to my door. When I opened it...it revealed that there was going to be an attempt on the lives of my immediate family. My devoted maidservant and sister Luna...and my mother Emi. I contacted Ane-ue, known to most of you as Midoriko, the woman who defeated the strongest colossal snake and helped save the Leaf many months ago. There had been an elaborate scheme put in place to block her, so...I left the village, and ran up to the mansion. When I got there...everything was set aflame."

Everyone is quiet as I open my eyes, pausing to gather myself before continuing.

"Mama was outside with Ane-ue. The barrier around the mansion weakened her slightly and blocked any sort of space-time techniques, such as summoning. We quickly devised a plan to rescue Luna. She would disable the barrier, and I would dash inside to assist directly, facing down the two mercenaries who were behind this terrible siege. I could...smell the blood before I even reached the front steps. When I...got inside. There were those two shinobi, and a third man. He had hired them and organized everything himself."

"So...are Luna and your mom okay?" Naruto asks.

"Yes," I say while nodding. "Mama is fine. Luna was badly hurt when I found her, and still willing to fight for me. But she's recovering now as well, with Ane-ue."

"That's great news!"

"It is."

"The third person...must have had quite the grudge against you," Ruki says.

"He did. He was...very close to us, in many ways. He knew me...my mother...Luna...and Ane-ue. Personally." I steady myself and take another breath in. "Because he had lived in that place for many years with us. His name was...Leonidas Rothschild, CEO of Kobayashi Rice Corporation."

"There's no way...Lili, your..."

"Father. One of the two people who brought her into this world," Erika finishes for Kurenai.

"Yes. My father. He planned to kill my mother and Luna, all the while using the event as bait to draw me in along with my elder sister. The two criminals were listed in the Bingo Book as S-Rank."

"Hiring two of them for a job like that...it sounds like the sort of thing that only big money could buy," Kakashi says. "But it also sounds like a grim situation for any one shinobi."

"One of them left to defend the barrier from Ane-ue. He, along with his partner, exhibited strange abilities that made them extremely hard to kill...I must leave it at that for now. That meant that in the foyer I was...left to defend Luna against my father, and that other shinobi."

I run a hand through my messy hair, trying to gather my thoughts again. This part is...a vulnerable part. Something deep enough that nobody really knows about. I know that these people won't judge me, but...it still makes my stomach knot up.

"This is a lot already," Hanabi says. "Your own father...hiring people to kill you?"

"Even as much harm as Father caused me in the past, he would always protect me from the worst possible fates," Hina says. "I knew that, on some level, he cared for me and hoped that I would grow into the person he thought I could be. And eventually, he did learn the error of his ways. He became a kinder person, and now he sees me in a different light. I won't forget what happened before, but I can forgive it...because I know that he's trying, and that he wants to treat me like a father should treat his daughter. But that...hearing that, it's beyond cruel. All of the terrible things that man said and did to you, Lili...and now this?"

"He continued to say hurtful things when I confronted him," I continue. "I thought that I could endure and just put a stop to him, perhaps bring him back to his senses. I didn't know how deep his hatred ran. And when he...he called me..." I let out a breath. "He called me a mistake. And it hurt me in a way that I...didn't think possible. I collapsed in on myself. I almost gave up. But...I gathered the pieces of myself together again. I found the light inside of myself, and used that to ascend beyond my broken shell. I became the most terrifying weapon to ever exist. I crushed that shinobi, that man who had taken the lives of so many others, and left him bleeding on the floor. From that point...it was only the three of us."

I swallow the lump in my throat.

"I asked my father, over and over, to stand down. It was my love for him that tore me every which way, and it was my love for him that persisted enough to call for his surrender. I wanted to shoulder the pain, I wanted to take on the sins of that man, as awful as he was. He hurt me so many times before, and...perhaps foolishly, I wanted to see him whole again. I continued to reach out to him, even as the time grew short. But he kept approaching, with awful intent. And then I saw him reach into the pocket of his suit and...I..."

"Boss-"

"Let me finish...let me finish, Shino."

"Right. Sorry."

"It's okay. You meant no harm. I saw him...and I heard him threaten Luna, who was in no condition to do anything. And so, I acted before he could."

I move my arm and make a shooting motion with it.

"I used my technique and shot him, right through the heart. I had already come to the conclusion that he would not stop if I let him go. Even if he were to be put into a prison, his wealth and connections meant that he could order the same operations from inside of his cell. There would be no end to the pain and destruction that he would bring down upon me. Upon all of us. Nobody would be safe from his wrath. He would not stop until I was destroyed, until all of my loved ones were erased from existence. The strife, the darkness...it would never end unless he ceased to be. I never wanted that to be the final outcome, but I knew inside of myself that it had to be so. I killed my father. And I...even as I stand here before you, trembling because of those memories...to protect the people I love so much, I would...I would do it again. Only because I had to. Only because I knew that I was...never anything other than a burden to him. But even if he did all of those terrible things to me, even if he tried to kill me, there's this terrible weight on my heart. He was still my father, my family. And what I did wasn't just part of another day. I've done something that can never be taken back in the eyes of heaven. That's what I wanted to tell you all. I wanted you to hear this yourselves, and make your own judgements...to decide for yourselves what kind of person I will be to you from now on."

I wonder if I should just leave it at that, and just leave the room altogether. I don't know if I want to hear any of this. But it's only right that I hear what my comrades have to say to me. Whether it hurts or not. It's quiet for such a long while that I wonder if time itself has stopped moving. Nobody has said anything, and they're all simply looking at me with...disbelief, I think. Perhaps some pity as well. It's hard to say for sure.

"When...Haku and Zabuza died...they chose their own ways out."

I look at Naruto as he speaks.

"Haku saved Zabuza by putting himself in front of Kakashi-sensei's lightning jutsu...Super Chidori-"

"Lightning Edge," Kakashi and Ruki say in unison.

"Yeah, that. And then Zabuza...he had both his arms busted and asked for one of my kunai. So I gave it to him, and he...he killed a lot of people before lopping off that sleazebag Gato's head. After that, he was too injured to go on. But I'm sure that if he wanted to, he could have run away on us. Point is...some people make choices in life, and we can't stop 'em from doing that. Even if that was your dad, the person you shared blood with...if he did all of that to you, and then tried to kill someone you cared for right in front of your face...then there's nothing wrong with what you did, Lili. I know how it feels. I lost my head when I thought Sasuke died, back on that bridge. I just wanted to...to kill Haku, right then and there. But even then, my head cleared and when I saw Haku's face, I couldn't go on."

"What Naruto is trying to say is that it's a difficult thing to strike down those you feel close to," Kakashi follows. "They might hurt you, wound you...but still, you think that they can be saved. You think that if you just yell a little louder, look a little angrier, they'll see the error of their ways. But sometimes that isn't enough. Jiraiya and Orochimaru...it was the same for them. Orochimaru, who had already escaped the grip of the Third Hokage, was also confronted by Jiraiya, his comrade through many battles and wars. And yet...even that supremely dangerous criminal couldn't be struck down by his friend."

"I could never think less of you," Erika says. "In that moment, you made a difficult choice. You did it without hesitation, even as you understood the impact. And it's more than enough that you wanted to save the man you called your father, even as you found yourself forced to deliver justice unto him. You are not a monster, Lili."

"She's right. You're not a monster. You're not a bad person for what you did. We can argue that you could have just injured him, that you could have walked away or turned him in yourself," Kurenai says. "But you understood better than anyone else what was at stake. Your life, the lives of your family, and so many other innocents. He had already taken lives before...it's hard to imagine that he wouldn't do so again, just to get to you."

"He was an awful bastard who deserved the punishment he got. To hell with him," Hanabi says angrily.

"Lady Hanabi, language-"

"Brother Neji...respectfully, fuck that noise."

"Ugh." He shakes his head.

"Lili-nee, you did what was right. That man was a father to you, because he did give you life along with your mother. But he wasn't anything like a dad to you. And trying to kill you, not just physically but spiritually...that's the kind of scum that deserves to rot in hell. We're here for you, and will always be here for you. So don't worry about us rejecting you, or thinking that you're some sort of horrible monster. If you draw a sword, then expect a sword to be drawn on you in return. That's what my Daddy says. What your father did was unforgivable, Lili-nee."

"I agree with my sister in full," Hina says. "I still think the best of you, Lili. I always will. What your father did was unacceptable and out of line. The outcome was just and deserved. You are not a monster for what you did, and you are not alone."

"Hanabi made a good point," Ruki says. "Father or not, he tried to kill you and Luna. When he made that unfortunate choice, he sealed his own fate. I don't feel sorry for him at all...just for you, because you really did do everything you could to try and save him. But he rejected that, and hurt you to this degree...it's an awful, abominable thing. I hope he suffers for it, forever."

"You acted decisively to save a loved one, and the lives of many others. You did more than enough, Boss," Shino says. "The courage to take on that sort of situation, the worst nightmare of many shinobi...that is something that should be praised above all else. While your father's death is unfortunate, it was an outcome that ultimately he chose for himself. I could never think badly of you for that, Boss."

"As a person who had dark, violent thoughts himself in the past...and as someone who was ultimately saved by compassion and understanding...it's hard not to think that there was some other way to settle the strife," Neji says.

"Seriously?! Neji, you're-"

"Brother Neji is not simply being contrary here," Hina says to Hanabi gently. "His experiences are valid too. Let's listen to him, okay?"

"You're right. Onee-sama, I apologize. And to you especially, Brother Neji. Please, continue."

"Thank you, Lady Hanabi. I do understand your initial frustration, but it's as Lady Hinata said. My approach is from a different perspective. Naruto here used his fists and determination to open the door of my mind. Lord Hiashi was then able to give me the information I needed to start my healing. I...can only wonder, if senpai had done what she could to harm him without causing his death, perhaps with the same passion that Naruto gave me...would that produce a different outcome? Would another approach give him a second chance, something to think about from the inside of a prison cell? Would that not also be justice? What if I did something shameful, like the things I had inside of my head...bringing harm to those like Lady Hinata..."

"You thought about that?" Naruto asks.

"Brother Neji has told me that story, yes. He was filled with so much hatred and sorrow, and it twisted his world view. I accepted that part of him as well...and I know that he has changed for the better," Hina says.

"Yes. I know now that my father gave his life for the sake of the brother he loved. Taking all of that into consideration...this is the conclusion that I have reached. Some people simply cannot be reached in time, no matter how hard we try. There is always tomorrow, yes. But the decision must be made on both sides. And at some point, the sand in the hourglass will run from top to bottom, and we will be in a place where nothing can be done. Senpai's father...what he did was the equivalent of cracking open the hourglass and spilling the grains of sand onto the floor at her feet. He mentally battered her, threatened the lives of her family, and backed her into a corner with no other options. Forgiveness may be infinite, but our capacity, not just as humans, but as people, is limited. There are times where the resolution to conflict must be violent. We must take up the sword, or else be destroyed by those in opposition to us."

"So...you ultimately agree with the actions that Lili took?" Ruki asks.

"Without question. We can only rescue those who wish to be rescued. And beyond that, in our fight for the greater good, we may come across those must be struck down, even if our first wish is for them to surrender and live to see another day."

"It seems like we're all in agreement," Kakashi says. "We can see that it took a lot for you to come to us with this, Lili. Thank you for trusting us."

Everyone bows their heads towards me. I feel tears coming to my eyes, but...at least this time, they're not born of despair. Not just accepting what I did, but understanding it. Showing me the right things, instead of saying what I wanted to hear. Speaking with passion and grace, giving me reason to hope for a better future. I know that I'm not deserving of this, nobody could possibly be. But I accept it, all of it. I will never forget this beautiful, pure feeling. I don't have to be afraid anymore.

I get to the floor as soon as they raise their heads, going to my knees and bowing my head until it's pressed against the wood.

"Thank you...I'm unworthy of this love and praise. My hands are covered in blood, and may very well be for a long time. But with you, I can do anything I put my mind to. Thank you for your kindness, for your compassion. I love all of you...thank you so much."

I raise my head to see Hina in front of me, smiling. She wraps me in a warm, wonderful hug. I close my eyes and accept her loving embrace.

"Nothing more needs to be said, Lili. Please forgive yourself...and remember that you are loved."

After today...that is something I will never forget.