Sam stopped kissing me as the moisture reached his lips. I felt his hesitation instantly, causing him to pause in his pursuit of tasting my skin. Slowly he adjusted the way we sat, allowing me to face him. I couldn't meet his eyes, I was pathetic.

"Bella"

The way he said my name like a caress almost forced me to look up into his eyes. My eyes did raise from the ground to his chin. I watched as his mouth bent up in the left corner.

I would have assumed the Alpha of a pack would need to have a good poker face. I guess, however, that is not necessary with your mate. Sam's face was always like an open book to me. That book spoke of love and acceptance of anything I needed.

Sam opened his mouth slightly, as if to start speaking again. I closed the distance between our mouths, hungrily devouring his mouth with mine. I pushed softly on his chest. Sam did not hesitate to give me what I wanted. Leaning back slowly, he pulled me on top of him, our mouths never parting.

I felt my body melt into him. Our bodies matched in ways that no one else on this planet could understand. His hard muscled form held me like I was the most delicate of blown glass. Under his meticulous touch, I knew the structure of glass that was my body would not shadier.


Chapter 31: Past Permenant Damage


Trigger Warning: Bella has a worry about her disordered eating in this chapter.

If this is a trigger for you. Please message me and I will tell you the main plot points without discussing the disordered eating.


As Always Happy Reading!


My body shook me violently awake. Panic coursed through my system, as the sun streamed through the glass wall of my fathers house. Taking deep breaths, I tried to regain what was happening.

I was safe. I am in my bed. Sam is not here.

Gathering up my blankets, I pulled them closer to my cold body. That is one thing I will not miss about the Pacific Northwest, the consistent cold. Even now when my new friends comment about the warmth, I do not feel it, only feeling warm in Sam's arms.

I wipe away a traitorous tear. Now is not the time to fall apart. Shifting in bed, I feel something light falling from the mountain of blankets. Reaching for it, I pull the note towards myself.

My Love,

I wished I could have held you all night. Not stopping until you woke in the morning. I hope you had a restful sleep. I can't wait until you are by my side again. Come back to me as soon as you can.

Love you,

Sam.

Tears streamed down my face. I am not ready to leave this man. He has shown me more love then I have ever experienced. Not only embracing me as his mate, but providing me with a family.

A hard knock sounded at the door. Wiping away any evidence of unhappiness, I stumbled towards it. I cursed my emotional, uncoordinated movements. The last thing I needed was to fall this morning, if I was injured in any way it might look bad. I did not want to do anything that might look bad for Charlie and Sue.

Leah did not wait for me to reach the door. It swung it open wide revealing an arm holding a hot cup of coffee, offering it to me.

"Are you ready for today?" Leah's face beamed.

Even though the relationship between Charlie and Sue was new to me, it was not new to Leah. This wedding was a long time coming. I can feel the excitement radiating off Leah. Taking the offered cup of coffee and enjoying a deep sip, I let the warmth of the beverage stitch together my resolve.

I refuse to break down on my father's wedding day. Today is not about me. It's about true love.

"I think so. I am happy for my dad, your mom is a wonderful woman."

"Why so formal?" Leah laughs.

She strode into my room reaching for a robe I did not see before and picking it up off the chair. She offered it to me. I noticed that it is the same one that she has on.

"Mom got these for us. To help us get in the celebrating spirit"

I slipped it on, and in the mirror I saw the word "daughter" embroidered on the back. Tears stung the corner of my eyes. How was I going to leave this place? Everyone here has made this cold rainy landscape a loving home for me.

Quickly blinking away the tears, I refocused on the activity at hand.

I followed Leah out of my room, to the transformed living room. The couches had been pushed to the walls leaving a vast open space. Hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room, were all of our dresses.

Sue's wedding dress was gorgeous, the fabric hung from it's hanger with regal elegance. The satin material had a subtle glitter to it. The a-line form suited Sue perfectly. I was excited to see how the gorgeously created fabric would look on Mom.

Mom… My heart stopped slightly as I realized in the short time I was here, I had begun to think of her as a motherly figure in my life. If I were to stay here, I know I would go to her when I needed advice. The way she made Charlie happier than I had seen him, I wanted nothing but happiness for my Pacific Northwest Mother.

"Hey Mom, are you ready for today?" Leah asked.

I followed her smiling gaze. Sue was glowing as she entered the room. Looking at her made me long for the future I was almost guaranteed if I stayed here. One that only just began when I met Sam after a short walk down an aisle. Where he would hold my hands and promise to love me forever, and I in turn would promise to love him for the same length of time.

My heart contracted as I reminded myself that I was not walking towards that future. Instead, I knew I was sacrificing my own personal happiness for my mother's survival. It was my birthright, imposed on me, the same way the men did not choose to become wolves. Birthrights never promised to provide you with happiness.

Over the course of the morning I was thoroughly pampered. Sue had planned the entire morning to be a relaxing, beautifying experience. First, a masseuse came to give us each massages. Immediately after, I was invited the reclining chair, where a chatty lady painted my finger and toenails. Leah and I are sported matching gold with linear glitter flecks that sparkled in the light.

Sue had prepared a grazing board for us to casually grab food in-between treatments. I waited for my nails to dry before I walked over to the counter. Choosing a plump strawberry, I practically melted as the berry exploded in my mouth. In the entire history of my existence I had never been more relaxed then I was at this moment.

Sue was currently getting a massage and Leah settled into the makeup artists chair. Leah's short hair was curled into a feminine silhouette. I could tell she was impressed by how good it looked, as her eyes widened every time she caught her appearance in the mirror. Knowing that she was forced to cut her hair out of necessity, it was great to see her so happy with the results. Sam had mentioned he needed to cut his hair soon, or his wolf's hair would be too long, and snag on passing trees.

A rose coloured haze seemed to settle itself over the room. It was a unique experience to everything I had experienced. I was invited to the hairdressers station. Sue had them set up in Seths room. It was surprisingly clean, not exactly what I was expecting. Seth was never dirty, yet I did not expect a teenage boy to be particularly neat.

I relaxed myself into a chair that the hairdresser had set up, so I could look out into the forest as she got my hair wedding-ready. My scalp tingled as the woman brushed my hair. It sent happy jolts of electricity through my body. I remembered when Grandma would go out on Wednesdays for Bingo. Renee would wait for her to leave, lock herself in the bathroom and smoke a joint. When she came out of the bathroom the fan would be blaring and the window wide open. She would bring a brush with her from the bathroom. Calling me to the living room she would sit on the couch, turning on a Spanish soap opera. Renee could not understand a word of what the women on the tv was saying. She would have me sit in front of her, my back resting against her legs, as she brushed through my hair.

Renee didn't understand a lick of Spanish. Definitely not enough for her to enjoy the show that she played religiously when high on Wednesdays. Looking back, I think she liked the drama playing out on the screen. I enjoyed the community the soap opera had, everyone knew everyone. It was nice seeing a community that interacted and existed as a group, not like individual pieces that I had grown up experiencing in the big city.

The hairdressers sigh brought me back to reality. She was examining my hair, like it held a secret that I was not privy to. Almost like she just realized something that she did not know how to bring up. I waited. Anxiety picked up in my chest for the first time since after my massage. The peace I had found moments before shattered.

"Honey, I know this isn't my place, and that you are going back to live with your mom…" The hairdresser paused.

My soul wondered how she knew so much about me. Then I remembered, just like the soap operas that I had grown up watching, this community was close knit. That meant that of course she would know my story, before I even met her. I tensed slightly at that realization.

"I think you are skinny enough" She said almost as silent as a whisper.

This was not what I was expecting her to say at all. In my short time here I had gained, not lost. I wasn't actively avoiding food, in fact Sam made me clear my plate. None of my behaviour here would have any indication of an eating disorder. Not since the first day when Sam noticed my hesitation to eat.

Had that gone around the community? Maybe I was not cut out for small town life if my actions within pack walls had been shared around. Betrayal twisted in my gut. This place had felt like home, was I just being used as another topic in the rumour mill? I knew people outside of the pack had talked about me. I had expected that much. My dad is the chief of police, a very public facing job. I had been born here, and left when I was young. Of course people would be curious. I couldn't believe my new found family had talked about my eating issues to the greater community. I had hopped that if they noticed, they would keep it within the group.

I swallowed hard. I would not allow this revelation to derail Charlie's big day. It would be unfair for new family if I did. Even if they did not give me the same care with their actions.

"Thanks" was all I could say.

The hairdresser continued with small talk, none of it holding the weight of her first comment. I wanted to ask her what she meant by it. Yet, I couldn't get the words to leap from on my tongue. Bile had risen in my throat, I wanted to clear it from my system. Knowing now my eating was a topic of discussion, I knew I couldn't explain why I wanted to puke as anything other then what they would assume. My stomach turned uneasily as she styled my hair. Long gone was the familiarity I felt as she brushed my hair, now I only felt unease with each motion.

When she was finally done my hair was half up half down, with brushed out ringlet curls framing my face. I looked like royalty. More beautiful than I had ever felt, Except in Sam's arms. My heart faltered as I thought about him talking about my eating to the pack.

Thought I had tried to behave normally. I was eating regular meals, even though it was going to bite me in the ass when I return to Renee. Maybe I don't belong here. If people are even telling the hairstylist that I am having issues with my diet. I felt my heart break a little as the implication that the pack is spreading stories about me.

I thanked the hairstylist and escaped Seths room. Taking steadying breaths, I centred myself. Soon I would be out of this town. They can talk about me all they want when I am not here to listen.

Time seemed to be on two-times speed. Before long I was helping Sue into the limo. Leah and I both looked gorgeous. A part of me was slightly jealous of Leah, she seemed to be riding an excitement high. Between my nerves of standing in front of a crowd and my hurt from the hairstylist, I could only feign happiness.

I tired to school my features into the perfect mask. It wouldn't be the first time I had done it. I had been very good at masking in Phoenix. It was a necessity there, I utilized it almost everyday. Yet, here I had not needed to, because I had felt safe. I shook my head, feeling my mask falling into place. I would be the picture of a happy daughter this evening. I felt myself put the wall up between Sam and I. I needed to get used to not having him around.

Leah hopped into the limo last. She looked like a model in her dress. The moment our eyes met she shot me a questioning glance. Almost like she was trying to figure something out about me. Maybe she was trying to guess if I had eaten enough today. I forced my eyes to stay kind, and not glare at the wolf in the limo with me.

I saw the aisle appear out the tinted windows. My father stood at the end of it, looking gorgeous in a suit, Seth standing next to him. Soon I too would be standing on my father's side. Watching him commit his life to someone for the second time.

My traitorous heart desperately wanted me to look for Sam. I knew if I looked at him now, I would lose any resolve to leave. This time in the Pacific Northwest had been a fairytale. The thing no one tells you about fairytales, is that there is a price to stay in that happiness.

Seth practically bounded down the aisle towards us. The smile on his face gave off golden retriever energy. I can't wait to meet whomever he imprints on, they will have to be perfect for him. Either matching his energy or a counterbalance. I shoved that desire down, I would not be staying long enough to meet the imprint. Not with my current plans.

Seth opened the limo door. I stepped out first, holding Seth's hand for balance, I was not used to walking even in these short heels on such soft earth.

Sue and Charlie are lucky the sky is completely clear. This was the first time I had seen endless blue skies since coming. It was like the universe was trying to say they are a perfect match. Providing them the perfect weather for their union, as a wedding gift.

My eyes scanned the crowd. I could not let them rest on a member of the pack. My heart hurt as I thought about them gossiping about me. Instead, I found Rebecca in attendance. Next to her a beautiful woman with copper hair. The warm smile she gave me seemed genuine. I wondered what rumours the pack had leaked to her.

I focused my eyes forward, smiling at Charlie as I walked down the aisle. He looked happier then I had ever seen him. It was infectious. The closer to him I got, the happier I became, until I was genuinely happy when I reached the end of the aisle. Charlie intercepted me on my way to my place marker.

His arms enveloped me in a tight hug. Warmth and love bloomed in my chest as I hugged him back. I would not let the betrayal of my found family ruin my father's wedding day.

"Thank you for coming here kiddo. I couldn't imagine getting married without my little girl here." Charlie whispered in my ear. His cologne enveloped me, Charlie hadn't changed scents since I was born. My anxiety died as I breathed in his signature sandalwood citrus scent.

He dropped the hug, turning to hug Leah. I walked to my place. Standing in front of everyone I expected to feel uneasy. Instead I was grounded, as much as I felt hurt by the pack. Each time my eyes would betray me and look at one of them I felt courage surge through me.

Kyle was sitting next to the only pack member I refused to look at. His smaller frame had grown in the short time I had known him. As we made eye contact his smile became more genuine. I could see he was nervous for me, but also he still held a sadness to his posture. I wanted to yell at his parents for causing this beautiful boy any amount of pain.

How could they walk away from him. He was a child still. He needed his parents. A small voice in my head chastised me, wasn't I planning on abandoning him too?

I tried and failed to focus on the ceremony. I could feel Sam's eyes on my skin. I couldn't meet his eyes and maintain my mask. My soul could not be fake to him. I would crumple into a pile of emotions if I where to meet his burning gaze.

The ceremony was short and sweet. This was the second marriage for both Charlie and Sue. They didn't want it to be anything more then what it needed to be. It was perfectly them.

My mind was racing the entire time. Trying to justify me leaving Kyle. Its not like I could take him with me. I felt responsible for him. He was just a kid. If I stayed, I would have done anything to help him heal from the abandonment. Yet, now I was planning on abandoning him too.

Charlies vows brought me back to the ceremony:

"Sue, I had spent my life trying to catch your attention. Ever since we where kids I felt a pull to you. I know we spent the long run to finally start dating. After our first date, I knew I would marry you. That night I called the local jewellery store. I placed my order for a one of a kind ring. I am so proud that I get to give you that ring today. Thank you for loving me and my daughter. You bring me so much joy that I am excited to be your husband for the rest of my life, or the end of the world, whichever comes last."

Sue started her vows the moment Charlie ended his:

"After all these years together I knew you were my person before we started dating. I am so happy to finally stand in front of our friends to have our families join as one. I do not regret the journey it took for us to get here, without that journey we wouldn't have the amazing kids we have standing beside us. Thank you for loving me and my children. Without you, I don't think they would have become half as amazing as they became. I am so excited to be your wife. From this day forward, no matter the challenge, we will have each other to face them."

Tears stung my eyes as they spoke. I couldn't deny my heart any longer. My eyes didn't need to search to find the eyes in the audience I needed. Sam's gaze was intense and burning, like he was a man dying in the desert and I was the one thing he needed. My legs shook slightly under his eyes. My body felt the need to get to him. I only needed to fight the need for a few more minutes. I lost track of the ceremony as I drank in the sight of Sam in a suit.

Even sitting, the material pulled at his body, giving more then a hint at his Adonis body beneath. My mouth watered at the memory of touching his body. I had enjoyed it in all its glory last night.

I felt a pressure against the wall I put between us. Looking at Sam's eyes, I saw the need from him. He needed to feel my emotions, to know that I am feeling okay. If I'm not, he needed to know that so he could fix it.

Dropping my walls I felt the now familiar presence of Sam. The feeling spread across my body almost electrifying as our souls reconnected.


Authors Note: I promise I didn't forget about this story or this beautiful community that this story has created. My baby just started a regular nap routine and now I have time/energy to write again. Please Please Please let me know what you think in the reviews. Also I hope everyone is having a good Holliday. If this time of year is hard for anyone I hope this story helps brighten your days. :) Much Love ~ Meg.