POV: Theresa
The clouds rushed past Theresa as she stared uncomprehendingly outside the window of the airship, no longer paying much attention to what little she saw. Her recent experience in the prison facility had affected her more than she wished to admit. Something, everything about that spy felt wrong, like he should not even exist.
She shook her head. Lingering on the issue would not help her solve it, so she called Kiana on her phone, wanting to hear her niece's voice.
"Hi, Kiana. Have you reached Schicksal HQ?"
"I just arrived. Don't worry, I didn't tire myself too much flying here. I'm more than ready to start helping out. I can't talk right now, though. I'm going to be busy for the next few days, so let's talk again soon!"
Theresa smiled. Any good news was welcome in these days. "Do your best. I'm counting on you." She ended the call.
Kiana was finding her way in the world that was slowly coming to accept her for who she was. Theresa was proud of how far she had come. Himeko would feel the same, and so would Kiana's mother and father if they were still here to see.
If only he could, too.
Theresa thought of him and his plight. He had come home to a world he no longer recognized after years away from it. He could not accept it so easily, and if he did not accept the world, it would not accept him.
That's why I'm here to help him. I'm the only one who can.
He had seemed much happier when she guided him through the Hyperion, but this alone was not enough. His role as the battleship's captain had been an important part of his life, but it was only one part of his life and not all of it. He was more than just a captain. He had gained more to live for before losing them. As large as the Hyperion was, it was only one small facet of the world. To truly come to terms with the world, he would need to accept it in every way.
When she heard Bianka's voice from the speaker, she slowly stirred awake.
I fell asleep? I must have slept for hours…I'm a lot more tired than I thought…
Theresa groaned quietly before forcing her eyes open and looking outside the window. Solid land rose to meet her as the airship descended and finally returned to the Salt Lake base. Theresa exited the airship with Bianka and Rita and stepped outside into the dry air of the Great Salt Lake Desert.
"It's good to be back," Theresa said.
"It'll be even better to be back at Schicksal HQ. Has Kiana arrived there yet?" Bianka asked.
"I called her shortly after we started flying back. She'd just arrived then, so you can expect her to have gotten a lot done since."
Bianka looked pleased. "That's good. I'm happy that Kiana has found a way she can help. She'd been feeling restless lately."
"You've been spending more time with her, haven't you?"
"We have. I…feel that it's important that we get to know each other better. In a way, we were both creations of Otto, both moulded and designed for the purposes he decided for us. Now that he's gone, we each need to find a new one, and I believe we both have."
Rita sighed, her face weary. "As do I. As much as I find my new duties distasteful, they're something I must do."
Bianka turned to Rita. "Let's go relax. You sound like you need it." She nodded at Theresa before the two women returned to the base.
I need a way to relax, too. I think I know how.
She found Johann in the base's expansive library. Many tens of thousands of books were to be found there, each of them valuable and unique for what they contained. There were grand tales that spanned aeons, adventures that covered a lifetime, and stories that ended in under a day. Theresa had read some of them herself. Besides its wealth of creative works, the library also contained a host of knowledge covering any subject one could name.
Johann was sitting at a table in a reading area. The table was covered in books. He had one opened before him and tall stacks of other books beside him. Theresa stood near the table for a minute, wondering if he were ignoring her or too engrossed in his book to notice her. When she sat down across from him, he continued reading for another few seconds before he looked up.
"Theresa." His voice was warmer than it was before, but it was still nothing like the way he used to speak to her.
She gave him a sweet smile. "You seem to be enjoying that book a lot. I'm not surprised. You always did spend most of your free time buried in one. I'm glad you found some more that interest you."
"I am." He closed it and showed her the cover. The Known Histories of the Previous Era.
Theresa glanced at the other books on the table and noted that several also pertained to the same topic.
"I've been reading about the world before ours," he continued. "It's…fascinating in more than one way."
"More than one way? How's that?" Theresa was glad that Johann was speaking naturally to her again. She sensed no reticence from him in his speech or from being in her presence, although she doubted he was fully comfortable yet.
"They were like us, once. They were disparate. They hated each other. They killed each other. War, it seems, has always been part of human nature no matter the era. But they were also different. Their history was different even though they lived on the same continents as us apart from Mu, the continent destroyed by the Ninth. Their cultures were as diverse as our era's. They had different countries and different languages. But what set them apart from us most of all was how they united in a way we never have."
"They united? You mean against the Honkai?" Theresa felt slight embarrassment at her relative ignorance of the Previous Era. Her interest in it was mainly restricted to their war against the Honkai and how they had defeated their Herrschers. The Previous Era itself mattered less to her than its technology and methods. She listened carefully as Johann told her more. She wanted to hear more of his soft, calming voice. It was good to hear him speaking so much again.
"An external and existential threat like the Honkai did help with that, but they did what even Schicksal and Anti-Entropy failed to do," Johann replied. "They moved past the concepts of different nations and different peoples. Even before the Honkai attacked them, their entire world had merged into one global civilization with one shared language. Their lingua franca was even more global than English is today. I've been studying what's been preserved of it. It's a fascinating language. Some modern languages share similarities with it."
The Previous Era's language? Maybe…just maybe…
"Some phrases of their language must have been preserved, right?" Theresa asked.
"Yes, along with their writing system."
He opened the book and flipped to the section regarding the Previous Era's universal language. Its script was unlike any Theresa recognized. She could only describe them as archaic and unreadable. She made no sense of them.
Johann pointed at a string of characters.
ⵚⴳ ⴹⴷⵡⴱ ⴺⵋⴱ ⴶ ⵎⵓ
"This is a common saying the Previous Era started using after their war against the Honkai began," he explained. "It's read, 'Eba Dagami Tashi Ha Nu'. This translates approximately to, 'It is for the future that we must fight'...Theresa? Are you alright? You've gone pale."
Theresa stared at the strange collection of characters with her eyes wide and her mouth open.
What…what could this mean? Why did that spy…
"Theresa?" Johann's voice was concerned.
Theresa looked into his eyes. "Johann, are you absolutely sure this is what this phrase means?"
He answered slowly. "I am, Theresa. Are you interested in learning it? I could help teach you…" He took on an awkward expression. "I'm sorry. You're already so busy with your duties as Overseer, and you can't spend time on things like this."
Theresa forced a smile, hoping he did not notice. "It's okay. I appreciate your offer anyway. Maybe after all of this is over."
She grappled with herself over whether she should tell him about the spy and their ongoing efforts to capture them. He might have known a way to help them. He surely must have encountered similar problems as the Overseer of his world.
No. I can't give him even more to worry about. He has enough to deal with already. This is something I'll need to deal with on my own…but I don't know how…I don't know what to do…
"Theresa, you look upset."
She realized how long she had left him in silence. She cursed herself for letting him notice.
But…he was bound to notice. He could always tell when something was bothering us, and he did everything he could to help us feel better.
She took a deep breath and released it. "You're right. I am."
He was quiet. "Why?"
When Theresa answered, the words fell out of her without thinking. They were the burdens that had been crushing her before she became Overseer and well afterward. She had tried to suppress and fight away her worries and her fears, but this did not stop them. "I'm supposed to be the Overseer of Schicksal. But I don't feel like I am, and neither do the people. You don't know what they're saying about me behind my back. You don't know how they truly see me. That I'm a child. Someone without experience. Someone who doesn't belong here. I've tried to ignore them, but I…I'm starting to think they might be right."
"Theresa…"
"I might as well be a child when it comes to leading Schicksal. What experience do I have with this? What right do I have to even try? Otto's words? Why me? There are so many more qualified people who could take my place. People like you – "
As that word left her mouth, she stopped. She had said something forbidden. She wished she had never come here and proved to him how weak she was. She jumped to her feet and was about to leave before she felt his hand holding her by the wrist.
"Theresa."
She did not move.
"Theresa, it's okay to be worried. It's okay to have fears. But you can't let them drag you down." His voice was soft and reassuring, almost like her grandfather's when he used to speak to her."Theresa, you do have experience. You have what almost no one else in the world has. You are the woman who led the effort against the Honkai ever since the Herrscher of the Void awakened in Kiana's body. We're all where we are today because of you and what you've accomplished. Let no one tell you otherwise. They don't know what you can do. So show them."
"Johann…"
"Theresa, you're a natural leader. You always have been. When I was still the Hyperion's captain, I valued your advice and your skills the most of all. I couldn't have done half of what I did without you and Himeko at my side. Otto knew what he was doing when he named you as the next Overseer. He made so many mistakes, but naming you Overseer isn't one of them."
She turned back around. She wiped away the tears that formed in her eyes. "Could you say more about what it was like to be the Overseer in your world?"
He motioned for her to sit back down. When she did, he sighed. "It was hell. I had to start from almost nothing. Nothing but my own strength and will, and even with that strength, guiding the world forward was no easy task. Plenty opposed me in one way or another. When I dealt with them, I resorted to force more often than not. I…I didn't want to at first, but it was the easier option. And what was the worst of all is that I…I enjoyed it. I enjoyed finally having power. I enjoyed having the power to change the world into the way I wanted to see it. It was what Kallen, Otto, and I always wanted to see. A better Schicksal, a better world. At the same time, it terrified me."
Theresa wondered about the state of that world. She was not ignorant of this era's history. She knew what the world centuries ago was like before Schicksal became as powerful as it was now.
"Force? What do you mean?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Not everyone can be cooperated with no matter how much you try to. Sometimes, their interests are fundamentally opposed to yours, and no amount of negotiation will change that. You cannot negotiate with someone who only does so in bad faith. So I stopped bothering. I used Void Archives to create a mimic of Fenghuang Down and modify their minds to make them more amenable to what I wanted them to do. I…I tried not to. It was only my last resort. When there was a better way, when a path to a shared agreement was possible, I took it. But when it wasn't, which was a lot of the time, I didn't have a choice. Their free will had to be sacrificed for the world's sake."
Theresa hoped her situation would never become so dire. Fu Hua still wielded the powers of Fenghuang Down. Theresa shuddered at the thought of ordering her to use it.
"I…I believe that you did all you could with what you had," she finally said. "Even if I don't fully agree with it, I understand why you had to do it."
Johann's face twisted with guilt and remorse. Theresa told herself that he was the leader of an entire world for a decade and only ceased to be so a short time ago. Part of him was still lost in that old world, and part of him might always be.
"You must have been a busy man," Theresa said. "I hope you found time for your family. For Kallen and Lilika. Family can help us deal with the worst things we face." Theresa knew she was taking a risk by mentioning his lost family to his face. He had never once spoken their names while with her, but their names were what he needed to hear.
Johann. I'm sorry. I know this is painful for you in a way that none of us can imagine. But you can't mourn them forever. You need to confront the reality of your decision to come back to me. You need to move on.
He stared at her, his eyes filled with pain. But he did not look away. He stared at Theresa until his face softened again. He looked away.
"I did. I made time for them. Without them, I could not have led Schicksal. Some burdens are too heavy to bear alone. This is why I'm glad that you are never alone, Theresa. You have so many who will always support you."
"Johann, if it's okay with you, could you tell me about them? What kind of people they were?" She took another gamble. If she pushed him too hard, too soon, she would push him away from her after they had already started to bond again.
I have to try. I have to know if you can do this, Johann. You have to.
To her surprise, he was calm. He did not shy away from her. He looked directly at her as he answered her question.
"Kallen was strong, like you. She never let anything stand in her way. She faced life with all that she had. She was driven by her need to make the world better than it was. She was not perfect, but she tried her very best to be, and this was enough." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a photograph. He did not look away from it. "She was so full of life and love. Love for Sakura. Love for me. Love for Otto. Love for Lilika. Love for our world. I will always have a wound in my heart that will never heal."
She heard a crack in his voice.
"Sakura…" Theresa said. "You've said that name to me once but never said more about who she was. Could you tell me?"
He continued to stare at the photograph as he answered. "Sakura was the shrine maiden in the village Kallen and I fled to when we tried to dispose of the Herrscher of Corruption trapped in its prison. We took a ship so we could drop the black box overboard into the ocean, but before we did, we decided it would only lead to global extinction since we'd be throwing the problem away rather than solving it. It would have escaped eventually and corrupted all life in the seas, and without them, there can be no life on land. But we were ambushed by Schicksal's agents. We barely escaped with the box and found ourselves in her village. Sakura took us in, and our stay there was made happier because of her."
"The Herrscher of Corruption?" she asked, not expecting to hear that name.
"Yes. It was from the Previous Era. It was trapped inside a black box. Schicksal later discovered it and conducted experiments using it…and people. This isn't listed in any of Schicksal's current histories, is it?"
"No. Otto must have omitted inconvenient facts like that to suit his own needs."
Johann returned to the original subject. "Sakura had lost her younger sister, Rin, years ago. Her village forced her to sacrifice her. She hated them ever since, and then she met us…the rest can wait for another time."
Johann set the photograph on the table. Theresa carefully moved her hand over to it. Johann nodded in permission. She picked it up and was face to face with the two kinswomen she would never meet.
Portraits of Kallen were not new to her. Kallen's face had not been lost to time. From them, Theresa could see that Kallen was a beautiful woman. She would sometimes stare at the paintings hanging in Otto's rooms and wonder if she would one day share that same face if she were able to grow older. Seeing a photograph of Kallen in life was different. The paintings of her did not compare to the shine of her silver hair and the brightness of her blue eyes, nor could they capture the joy of her smile. She gently ran her fingers over her face.
"They look so happy here," she whispered.
"They were. I took this on Lilika's tenth birthday. It was…the day I left them. The day they last saw me. The last day I ever spoke to them…"
"They're beautiful. Both of them. And they were so happy because of you."
"No. Don't…don't say that."
"Johann…?"
He finally broke down. "Lilika…Lilika was my reason to live. Everything I did, all my efforts to make the world a better, safer place, was for her and Kallen. I will never see her grow up. I will never see her take charge of her own life. Never tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her. I know they aren't happy now. I…I hurt them. I abandoned them. I could have taken one of them with me, but this would only hurt the one I left behind even more…I can only hope that I succeeded in making our world better and that they can one day forgive me…"
The dam broke. The tears fell.
Theresa walked over to him and gently embraced him.
"It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to miss them. It's okay to want to go back and see them…" she whispered in her softest voice.
His weeping worsened.
"I just want you to know that you are never alone, either. I'm here for you, and so is everyone else. I know that nothing and no one can replace who you've lost, so I won't even try. Instead, I can just be another part of your heart instead of filling the wound in it, and I hope, even if it's only a little, that I can make you happy again."
"Theresa…"
"Yes, Johann?"
"Please…keep holding me like this…"
"I will. Anything for you, Johann."
She continued to hold him. Slowly, his breathing softened. Slowly, his crying ceased. Slowly, the river of tears dried up, and Theresa carefully dabbed them away with the handmade embroidered handkerchief her grandfather had once gifted her. She gently turned his face toward her own and smiled a beautiful smile. She wanted him to know that she meant each word with all her heart. He could feel vulnerable but safe whenever he was with her.
Johann was still, and then he smiled. It was a small, pained smile, but he smiled at her all the same.
Before she realized what she was doing, she was moving even closer to him, and although she could scarcely believe it, he was moving closer to her. They closed their eyes. Their lips met.
At any other time in her life, Theresa would have stopped long before she reached this point. She would have told herself that it was improper, that she should not be doing this. Now, she felt only excitement, thrill, and passion like she had never known. Her heart beat faster than it had in any battle. This was a new world to her, and she wanted to explore it even more even though she did not know if what she was doing was wrong.
A/N: The phrase from the Previous Era is from the Anti-Entropy visual novel.
