Chapter Thirteen: The Proposal
"Good night, Jin-e…"
"Good night, Chisa."
Back in present day Tokyo:
They were inching closer to Jin-e's life as a hitokiri, which would be a turning point for Chisa's "love story." Kenshin and Kaoru knew she was trying to buffer the hurt with things that she relied on to get through her days, weeks, years. Kaoru was thinking about Kenshin again; wondering if he had any memories that buffered the hurt that he must have felt as a young teen becoming a hitokiri. Kenshin had become silent but occasionally glanced at Kaoru across from him to make sure the talk of Kurogasa hadn't upset her too badly. She seemed engaged and relatively relaxed. He was relieved.
"Chisa-dono, are you ok?" Kenshin looked at her with concern, thinking back to the different emotions she must be feeling from everything, including seeing Jin-e's body. "You've had a taxing day."
"All things considered, I do not feel poorly. This has been rather…I wouldn't say a happy occasion, but very worthwhile. You all have been excellent company, and I greatly appreciate you taking your time to listen to me. You have my gratitude." She smiled sweetly.
Kenshin thought about wanting to express his gratitude to the others earlier. He wished he would have been more openly grateful to Kaoru. She deserved it.
"So what's next?" Yahiko chimed in.
Chisa thought for a moment. "The seemingly brief period of time before he left for the Shinsengumi. One of the last times I saw him before he became a murderer."
Kaoru glanced at Kenshin this time, if only briefly, to see his reactions. She was again thinking about the origins of Battosai. Without knowing it, her thoughts mirrored a mental question Chisa had earlier in the day: If Jin-e couldn't come back from the war without going mad, how did the legendary Battosai become so…domesticated?
Chisa continued. "Even after the night in his apartment, my father still somehow was able to convince my mother to allow me to spend time with the two boys as long as we were all together. She knew what my feelings were, but also knew that it was a simple childhood (though nearly adulthood) infatuation. Jin-e took on jobs for my father, moving metal that he used in his shop, sweeping up scrapings, or sharpening blades. He only had a half-an-hour or so where we could see each other, even supervised. Meanwhile, I was plotting about how to get Jin-e to stay and not join the Shinsengumi." She shook her head, seemingly at her own adolescent folly.
"I knew he wasn't going to be far even if he did join since the group was based out of Kyoto, but something seemed so final about it. A few nights before Jin-e left, I had a frank conversation with my father that went exactly how I needed it to. My plan was falling into place." Chisa had a look of confidence on her face, the first time the Kenshingumi had seen this.
"The last night he came to our house, I simply snuck off with him to our fishing spot that Akari had suggested. I think my father knew, but turned a blind eye at the time. We sat on the ground for a while and he just held me silently for around fifteen minutes before I got the courage to tell him what my father had said."
Kaoru, having also been held by Jin-e (Kurogasa), subconsciously shuttered.
"I told him that my father gave us permission to marry, even if he proceeded to join the Shinsengumi and despite our youth. We were just eighteen. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, lying in the grass on that summer night being held by a man I felt like I loved." She smiled; in her eyes was an air of warmth.
They all smiled with her, except Kenshin who suddenly recalled a detail from earlier in the day.
"When I told him this…he told me 'I can't ever do that.' The finality of the word 'ever.' I swallowed hard and couldn't even cry. 'Ever.'"
Kenshin had remembered that they had only been married thirteen years from the present day.
"What young Chisa didn't know, that Jin-e told me much later, is that he already anticipated what role he would be playing in the war, even if it was post-Shinsengumi: hitokiri. He swears…swore that was the only reason he told me no; so he could protect me. He said he didn't want me to be a young widow." She laughed. "Look at me now."
Kenshin suddenly felt guilty, though deep down he knew he was not at fault. He was involved in this woman becoming a young widow. Kaoru privately recalled seeing the moment Chisa became a young widow. Yahiko read Kenshin's expression and tried to make eye contact with him.
Sanosuke, who had been silent for some time, asked, "How did you respond?"
Chisa tilted her head, "Well, after that he hugged me and kissed me. It was the last time before he left. That was that."
"That was that? He just left? You've spared no detail this whole time and you just give a 'that was that'?" Kaoru insisted.
"Kaoru-dono…" Kenshin gave her a look that said "be gentle." She nodded back and then redirected her gaze towards Chisa.
Chisa, however, was lost in a memory. The truth was that there were parts to that story that just belonged to her and Jin-e; parts that even Akari didn't know. She didn't tell how after he told her that he wouldn't ever marry her, she tried to leave but he grabbed her wrist. She didn't say how he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her again. She didn't say how he told her that she was the only thing that would keep him alive through the war. She didn't tell how he took her innocence that night on the damp grass in the summer heat.
That was just her story now. That was that.
