Past
Chapter 6
Caitlyn sat at her desk awaiting the arrival of her partner. Anxiety filling her chest, as she had no idea what to expect from Vi. The past few weeks had been filled with tension and stress every time Vi was present. Little things setting her off. Caitlyn was used to working in unpredictable situations. As Sherriff, it was just part of the job. Her relationship with Vi was different though. Vi wasn't exactly predictable, but she was never a ticking time bomb like she had been. The worse part was, is that Caitlyn had no idea why her girlfriend was acting the way she was. Every time she tried to talk to Vi about it, it only seemed to close her off further.
"Hey Cait, you wanted to see me", Vi said as she entered the Sherriffs office, pulling Caitlyn from her thoughts.
"Yes Vi, please come in" Caitlyn said as she made her way to the door closing it. "I'm worried about you Vi"
"Cait, I told you I'm fine or at"
"Vi stop", Caitlyn said cutting her partner off. "You're not fine, in fact you are anything but fine. As your girlfriend I'm worried about you, about us, but as your Sherriff I'm worried about the way this is affecting your work. You have been shorter with people, innocent people. Yelling at random strangers for no reason. You have been constantly distracted for weeks now, not finishing any paperwork, leaving early, showing up late. So, I need to ask you Vi, are you fit for duty, or do you need to take some personal leave?"
Caitlyn stood back, leaning against her desk as she watched her partner go from confident to weak. Caitlyn had seen Vi in bad times, but she had never seen Vi break. She watched on, as her partners breath became heavy, her body slouching, eyes beginning to fill with tears. She instantly walked forward grabbing Vi, bringing her in close, holding her tight, as she could feel her partners body shake as she sobbed against her shoulder.
Vi hated crying, she always saw it as a weakness, or a luxury only those with something to lose were capable of doing. Spending time in prison didn't help. Tears were only met with punches to the face, or having your lunch stolen, as you put a giant target on your back, as someone who couldn't handle the life inside. Even around Caitlyn she hated showing this side of herself. She knew her girlfriend would never judge her for it, in fact she would probably appreciate it. See it as a sign that Vi felt more comfortable around her. But this feeling wasn't something she was used to. She never expected Caitlyn to confront her at work, she found herself unprepared as new emotions flooded her vision. She knew the second Caitlyn touched her, that there was no stopping what was about to spill over. She reached her arms around her partner, letting herself go, as she couldn't stop it now if she tried.
She leaned her face in between Caitlyn's neck and shoulder, as the tears left her body. Hoping it would end soon, but with every new touch from her partner, it only brought on a new wave. She leaned in as Caitlyn brought her hand up, running it through the back of Vi's hair and scalp. Something Caitlyn did often to comfort her when she found herself woken up by night terrors.
They stayed like that as the minutes ticked by. Caitlyn allowing her partner to unravel, hoping it would help her to finally trust her with what was bothering her. Caitlyn had never seen Vi so vulnerable. She knew what ever she was hiding must be important for it to be affecting her like it was.
Vi finally pulled her head back, examining the newly soaked shirt that draped across her partner. "I'm sorry" Vi said as she tried to wipe the remaining tears from Caitlyn's shirt.
"I don't care about that Vi" Caitlyn said as she grabbed Vis hands while looking deep into her partner's eyes. "Please tell me what's going on? Maybe I can help?"
"You can't" Vi said pulling herself back from Caitlyn. "No one can"
"How do you know if you don't let me in. I love you, and you can trust me with anything"
"I'm sorry Caitlyn but some things should remain hidden"
"No Vi, taking this on by yourself is only going to destroy you, more than it already has"
"I'm willing to take that risk if it means shielding those I love from the same fate"
"Vi, what does that even mean. Please just give me a chance"
Vi looked at Caitlyn, knowing she was hurting her by holding on to this secret, but she knew now that she could never let Caitlyn know the truth. She knew this was something that should have been erased years ago, never finding its way to the surface. In that moment, she was flooded with the reminder of her love for powder, only for it to be replaced with her hatred for Jinx. For the cruel actions played out by her younger sister. Vi knew Caitlyn loved her mother, even idolized her at times. Tainting the memory of a dead woman seemed like a cruel joke. Something Vi couldn't bring herself to do to her partner. It would be selfish of her to take away so many cherished memories, and replace them with doubt, just like her memories with her sister.
"Your right Cupcake, my work has been suffering, and I know I haven't been treating you the way you deserve. I think I just need some time away from all of this. Get my head straight"
"Yes Vi, you can take all the time you need from work"
"Not just work"
Caitlyn's heart sank at these words, not knowing the full implications, but knowing she needed time away from her, from their relationship. "Vi please" Caitlyn said pleading with not just her words, but with her eyes, and heart. Hoping she could reach her partner before it was too late.
"I'm sorry Caitlyn, please understand, I just need time"
"How much time?"
"I don't know, but I promise ill keep in touch when I'm able, I'll let you know I'm safe" Vi saw the look of hurt in Caitlyn's eyes, as she made her way for the door. She knew she needed to do this but that didn't make leaving Caitlyn any easier.
As she walked back to her desk to retrieve her things she expected to feel, fear, or anxiety, but was surprised by the lack of emotion that sat in the pit of her stomach. Apathy, a feeling she hadn't felt before. She didn't have much of a real plan, but knew she needed to get away. Get away from Piltover, the city that brought more heartache than anything else. Get away from Caitlyn, before she did or said something she wouldn't be able to take back. She loved Caitlyn more than anything, making this the easiest, yet hardest decision she has ever had to make.
Caitlyn sat back in her office, stunned at the outcome. She never thought Vi would leave her. And maybe she wasn't leaving her for good, but in the moment, it sure felt that way. Tears spilled over as she tried not to think of what life without Vi would mean. She loved her girlfriend more than anything, even had a future planned out for them, but in that moment, nothing seemed possible anymore.
Caitlyn allowed weeks to pass without trying to contact Vi. She wanted to respect the wishes of her girlfriend, but didn't know how much longer she could go without seeing her.
As end of day finally came, Caitlyn decided she was going to check on Vi even if she were met with an unfriendly presence. She began packing up her stuff, as the office cleared itself out.
She made her way up the dark cold steps to Vi's apartment, hopeful that her partner would be happy to see her. She knocked on the door as fear, and anxiety filled her chest.
Knock, knock, knock
Caitlyn waited patiently with no answer. She decided to try the door, happy to find it unlocked. She opened the door, only to be met with the most shocking and terrifying view she could have imagined. The apartment was empty. Completely cleared of any remanence connected to her partner other than a few empty beer bottles that lay in the corner.
Her heart sank, as she glanced upon the nothingness that resembled their now broken relationship. Vi had left her. Not only had she left, but she didn't even say goodbye. Caitlyn never thought she would do this to her. She promised she only needed time, time to figure things out, so why would she just disappear like that?
Caitlyn sat in her home hurt by the current situation that had fallen upon her. Had she pushed Vi to hard to open up, should she have approached the situation differently? She sat back doubting any action would have changed the outcome, but it didn't stop her from searching far beyond the minds reach for answers she would never get.
Days passed as Caitlyn found herself falling further and further into darkness. She tried to throw herself into work, hoping the distraction would help her to forget the loneliness that fell upon her every night she returned to her now empty home. But Nothing could help fill the giant hole left in her heart. At first, she kept small things of Vis around the house, hoping for gentle reminders of her presence, but when they only brought heart ache she decided to rid her place of any remaining items.
Hurt turned to anger, as she thought about someone being so selfish to leave without so much as a simple goodbye. She found herself questioning their relationship altogether. Had Vi even really loved her or was she playing her the whole time? "No, Vi loved me, I know she did. I could feel it every time she was around" Caitlyn thought to herself, only making what happened harder. What has to happen to someone to cause them to leave the only person who loves them?
Days went on with no relief, as Caitlyn tried to get back into her normal routine, hoping it would help. She woke early, made her coffee, and headed out onto her back porch to read the morning paper.
"Hey Cait"
Caitlyn jumped out of her chair, coffee spilling everywhere as she turned to see the one person she never expected to see again.
Tears filled her eyes, as she looked upon her old partner. She found herself filled with joy at seeing Vi again, only to have the emotion quickly replaced with anger.
"What the fuck are you doing here Vi, have you not hurt me enough?"
"Caitlyn I'm sorry, you know my intentions were never to hurt you"
"No Vi, I don't know that, because you left, left without so much as a goodbye. So, I ask again. What are you doing here?"
"I came to give you this" Vi said as she handed her enforcer uniform over.
"You came all this way just to give me that. You said you were coming back, that you just needed time"
"I know I did. I really thought time would be able to help clear my head, maybe help me to work some things out"
"And did it" Caitlyn asked, unsure she would get the answer she wanted.
"In a small way yes, but it only made me realize that I'm not meant to be here in Piltover. This isn't my home; I can't keep pretending I'm happy here"
"So, I can't be your home, you can't be happy with me?"
"You are the only thing about this place that could ever make me happy Cait. But I realized I was only hurting you by staying here. It felt claustrophobic, like I couldn't catch my breath anymore, and yes being around you helped, but in the moments we weren't together I found myself feeling trapped by these walls. It was causing me to lash out at you, and I hated myself for that. You deserve happiness Cait, with someone that shares your same interests, your same lifestyle."
"I don't want someone else Vi, I want you"
"I know it feels that way, but I promise, you will find someone that makes you happy. Someone that can give you what I can't"
Vi had her whole speech planned out before meeting with Caitlyn. Knew exactly what she would tell her, hoping it would help her to move on, or give her some form of closure, but she never planned for how much it would hurt. Seeing Caitlyn again only made her heart ache for something she knew she would always miss. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Caitlyn was apart of her, and she hated having to lie to the one person who trusted her with all their heart. But this was the only way she could think to end what they had, without destroying Caitlyn.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I didn't mean to be gone for as long as I was, you didn't deserve to be left that way. Just know I'm grateful for all that you have done for me. You are an amazing person, Caitlyn Kiramman. You will find happiness, I know, because you bring joy and comfort to all those around you" Tears began to fall from both women, as Vi readied herself to leave for the final time. "You will always hold a special place in my heart Cupcake" Vi said as she smiled
"There's nothing I can say or do to stop you?"
"I promise this is for the best"
"I know its not Vi. I also don't believe your excuse about Piltover, but I'm not going to stop you. I hope you find the peace from whatever is haunting you. Just know, I'll never stop loving you. I have no desire to replace what we shared, the idea of trying to find someone that makes me happy will forever be lost with your memory"
Vi found herself lost for words. She knew Caitlyn was smarter than to believe any excuse she came up with, but she was hopeful she wouldn't call her out on it. She also didn't expect Caitlyn to deny herself future happiness because of her.
"You probably better get going Vi, before I change my mind about letting you leave"
Vi ran up to Caitlyn, sharing one last embrace, before exiting.
