Chapter 34: Ghoul Fools:
This Chapter takes place during the Control Spires Arc
Patamon and Armodillomon are laying on the grass.
"Don't you just love staring at clouds and thinking what they look like," asks Patamon.
"Yeah, it calms mah inner demons," says Armodillomon.
"Wow, look at that cloud, it looks like Gatomon."
"Ah'm not seein' it. Hey, that there cloud looks like... uhh... a cloud!"
"It does. Hey, that one. It looks like Veemon, doesn't it?"
"Sure does... who's Veemon again? Hey, that one looks like a bath house fallin' from the sky!"
"UUUUUUUUUhhhhhhhhh... Armodillomon, I think that is a bath house falling from the sky." The bath house hits the ground. "What is it?"
"Probably one of them fake haunted houses. Like the one Disney made."
"I don't know," says Patamon, "it sure looks scary."
"It looks fun," says Armodillomon, "Ah'm gonna check it out."
"Wait for me!"
...
Patamon and Armodillomon enter the bath house.
"Wow. Look at this place," says Armodillomon, "It's so cheesy! Check out this lame doorknob." The doorknob's a skull.
"I'm not so sure about this."
"Don't be a baby." They look around. "See? This ain't scary."
"Hey, this is a nice picture," says Patamon, but then snakes come out of the picture and attack him. "AAAGGGHHH!"
"Hey, Patamon, over here!"
Patamon runs over to where Armodillomon is. "Coming!"
"Even the spiders are fake! I wish something would... pop out of a closet! Like a big, hairy hand!" Door opens and a big, hairy hand comes out and takes Patamon, attacking him. "That would be scary, but this place is too low budget for that. Would be somethin', wouldn't it?"
"That would be cool," says Patamon, liking this place less and less. Then he hears music. "Where's that music coming from?"
"I think from that lady over there," says Armodillomon.
The see what appears to be a teenage girl playing the organ. "Who dares enter my haunted bath house?"
"We do," says Armodillomon.
"And what do we have here?"
Armodillomon opens her mouth. "Look at the attention to detail in her mouth. t's all rotten and slimy." The girl then breathes fire on Armodillomon's face. "Her bad breath is incredible! Her hair is very authentic, too. It's dirty. Eww. It reeks and check out the workmanship on the jaw mechanism. Remarkable-build quality! Obviously, a puppet or a robot! Oh, we must be in one of those fancy pizza parlors, with those singing animated robots!"
"Robots? Puppets? Pizza Parlors?"
"Sing us a song, robot," says Armodillomon.
"Very well. Here's a classic I think you'll like."
The ghost then summons American singing busts.
Singing Busts: Oh, well the crypt doors creek and the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a swinging wake
Happy haunts, materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim Grinning Ghosts, come out to socialize
When the moon climes high on the dead oak tree
Spooks are awake for the midnight spree
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes
Start to shriek and harmonize
Grim Grinning Ghosts, come out to-to-to socialize
Now don't, close your eyes and don't try to hide
For a silly spook makes it by your side
Shrouded in the depths disguise
They pretend to terrorize
Grim Grinning Ghosts, come out to socialize
Well, the ghouls begin to shed their skin
And demons shake their bones
A banshee sails into the night
And sing their frightful tone
Welcome, foolish mortals
To the haunted mansion
(Mwhahahahahaha!)
Please move to the dead center of the room
A-when you hear the nell of a requiem bell
Were glow screams where spirits dwell
Restless bones, ethereal eyes
Raise of spooks of every size
Grim Grinning Ghosts
Grim Grinning Ghosts come out to socialize
When the crypt doors creek and the tombstones quake
(Ahhhh!)
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!
"Do you believe we're ghosts now?"
"Where's mah pizza," asks Armodillomon, "what kind of pizza place is this?"
"Pizza? Very well." The girl then summons a pizza.
"That's more like it," says Armodillomon, but the pizza has anchovies.
"They are ghosts," says Armodillomon and Patamon.
"So, now you finally believe."
"Oh, please don't kill me, Miss Ghost Robot! Take mah best friend here. He's live a full life," says Armodillomon.
Patamon is surprised.
"Great friend you have there," says the ghost.
"Why have you come to the Digital World," asks Patamon.
"Funny you should ask. Usually, when I come to another world, it's to terrify the people and enslave their souls in eternal torment, but this time we blew a head gasket."
"I didn't know ghosts had gaskets in their heads," says Patamon.
"Not us, you imbecile! Our engine room broke down. Hey Mike, you got that busted head gasket out yet?"
"Here you go, Boss," says Mike.
"Say, maybe you two dummies... I mean handsome gentlemen could pick up a new one for us."
"Uh, uh, us," asks Patamon.
"Yes, and to make sure you do; I'll be taking your souls!" She then takes their souls and puts them in jars. "Here's a sandwich. Succeed and maybe I'll make you another one."
"How could a sandwich get us a new engine part," asks Patamon.
"She ain't just scary, she's cheap too," says Armodillomon.
"If you aren't back in 24 hours, your souls are mine and you'll be part of my ghastly crew, um," goes over to check calendar, "let's see here, three weeks from Thursday... forever!"
"Um, can we run away screaming now, Miss Ghost," asks Patamon.
"Sure."
Patamon and Armodillomon then run away screaming.
"They sure are cute."
...
Patamon and Armodillomon run into Veemon and Gatomon.
"We found ghosts," says Patamon.
"And they're real," says Armodillomon.
"And cheap," says Patamon, "she expects us to get her a new head gasket for a sandwich!"
Veemon grabs the sandwich, eats it, and then steals a head gasket from Mummymon's car.
"What?" Mummymon sees then walking away. "I'll follow them and teach them to steal from Mummymon!"
...
"I hope I'll get my soul back," says Patamon.
"I just wanna take their food," says Veemon.
They enter the bath house.
"Looks like it hasn't been lived in for years," says Gatomon.
"Four years," says Armodillomon, "Nah, Ah'd say longer than that."
"Look, more sandwiches," says Veemon.
"Wait, it probably has ghost germs," says Patamon.
"Come on, there's no such thing as germs," says Veemon. He's about to eat the sandwiches, when the ghost appears.
"Who dares touch my lunch?"
"It's just us, Miss Ghost," says Patamon, "we brought back the head gasket. Can we have our souls back?"
"Very well." She then places the souls on her lips.
"But I thought..."
The ghost then kisses Patamon. Gatomon was not too pleased. The ghost then kisses Armodillomon.
"A dead girl just kissed us," says Armodillomon.
"Those weren't souls, that was a special lip gloss I use."
"I was wonderin' why mine was lime flavored," says Armodillomon.
"But what about our souls," says Patamon.
"Eh, I never had them. Everyone knows you can't hold onto a wild soul. Well, now that that's settled, there's still a little matter of..."
Veemon and Armodillomon start eating the sandwiches and Mummymon comes and takes the head gasket back.
"Well, it is mine," says Mummymon.
"I'll make you all pay for that," says the ghost.
"I use the power of the Digi-Egg of Courage," says Veemon, "nothing scares me."
The ghost then sends Veemon, Armodillomon, and Mummymon to the Void.
...
"So, this is Limbo, huhh," asks Veemon, "man, am I hungry. Oh, look a fridge." Veemon opens it and it's empty. "NO!"
...
"Wow, this void sure is relaxin'," says Armodillomon. Then a donut appears and Armodillomon tries to grab it, but it keeps floating hire. "Why is this happening ta me?"
The donut laughs. "Welcome to your worst nightmare." The donut continues to laugh, but then notices Armodillomon has stopped. "Hey Stupid, don't you want to try to grab me anymore?"
"Not really. Ah don't like plain donuts."
"Well, what kind do you like?"
"Sprinkles!" The donut has sprinkles. "No chocolate!" The donut is chocolate. "No, a bagel!" The donut's a bagel. "No, pancakes!" The donut's a pancake. "No, wait..."
"Pick one so we can get on with your eternal torment!"
"No need to be pushy! A burger!" The donut's a burger. "With pickles and ketchup! Wait, wait, wait, Ah know what Ah want now... a plain donut!"
The donut turns back into a donut. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!"
...
"So, what's my vision of eternal suffering going to be," asks Mummymon.
"I will never love you," says Arukenimon.
"Might as well start crying." Mummymon then cries.
...
"Hey, Flirt," says Gatomon, "you better let them go... well, Mummymon, you can keep."
"And what are you going to do, Kitty Cat," asks the ghost.
Gatomon scratches her and somehow, that frees everyone.
"Thanks, Gatomon," says Veemon.
"I still have to make you pay," says the ghost.
"Hey, this sign over here says, 'welcome to Sakuya Yamamoto's Bath House'," says Patamon.
"Sakuya Yamamoto," says Gatomon, "aren't you afraid she's gonna want her bath house back?"
"Nah. I used to work for her. I stole this bath house from her hundreds of years ago and she hasn't even found me yet." A large house appears next to it. "How did she find us? Unless there's a snitch in here?"
"It is my civic duty to report stolen property," says Patamon.
"You ruined everything," says the ghost.
"And you are an evil, conniving, cruel creature," says Mummymon, "would you like to join me and Arukenimon?"
Sakuya then enters. "Temari Kadokawa."
"Sakuya, glad we finally found you," says Temari.
"You stole my haunted bath house!"
"What? No, we just went to see a movie."
"It was 300 years ago!"
"We got lost."
"We got lost. We've been looking for you ever since... to return it."
"Oh, well, in that case..." Temari books it. "Well, now I'm peeved."
...
"That Sakuya's always been a sap," says Temari.
"Yeah, but she's on our tail," says Gatomon.
"Now that the engine's fixed, she'll never catch up to us."
"UUUUUUUUUhhhhhhhhh... boss... the mummy guy took the head gasket back."
"Oh, right."
Sakuya catches up to them. "Going somewhere?"
...
In the void.
Patamon, Armodillomon, Gatomon, Veemon, Mummymon, and Temari are forced to work in a theme park attraction. Patamon's a ghost host, Armodillomon's a groundskeeper, Veemon's a hatbox ghost, Gatomon's a fortune teller, Mummymon's stuck in a coffin, and Temari's a bride.
