Ch. 8 Love Will Cut You Just Like a Knife

(ADAM)

"Drew, he's not going to attack me. I have been alone with Fitz before. Anyway, if he tries I know where to kick. You'll see us in the dance in a few minutes," Clare comments. Then turns on her heel and walks off to find her blackmailer date.

"I feel like I should go with her," Drew remarks as we watch her turn the corner.

"I feel like if Fitz sees either of us he'll punch first and blackmail her later," I remark. Drew sighs reluctantly but nods his head. We walk to the auditorium and hand our tickets to the kids at the door. We shed our coats at the bleachers where nearly everyone seems to have made a pile. One of the first people we see when we come inside is Alli. "Gonna man up and tell Alli the truth?" I question when I see Drew watching her.

"Not a chance in hell, what Alli doesn't know won't hurt her and I'm not saying anything," Drew replies.

"Good luck with that," I comment slapping his back. Drew shoots me a look before walking to Alli. I look around and see Eli near the food, so I go over there.

"Hey Adam," Eli smiles, "I'm actually impressed how much the auditorium looks like a casino."

"Yeah, looks like the committee did a good job," I nod. I look at the snacks and take a few crackers, start munching and there's a moment of silence before Elis speaks.

"So, where's your sibs?" Eli questions. I'm sure he couldn't care less where Drew was and he's only asking about Clare.

"Drew's with his girlfriend and Clare went to find Fitz."

"I can't believe she's spending tonight with that bastard," Eli growls.

"She thought she was protecting us, and she can be a bit stubborn."

"A bit?" Eli says cocking an eyebrow and I laugh.

"Want to play the roulette wheel?" Eli questions.

"Sure, need chips though," I reply.

"Oh right, stake us out a spot I'll grab some," Eli responds. I start to reach into my pocket to hand him some money but he shakes his head.

I go to the roulette table and wait. Watching and cheering on the kids that are playing. After a few minutes I look for Eli, he's talking with Clare so I'm sure he's not coming to the table any time soon. I look back at the table until I see Alli running out of the dance in tears. Drew looks defeated, so I guess Alli found out about Bianca. Since Eli isn't going to bring me chips I go to the cashier. Mom gave us all money to gamble with, only because it supported the school. She was not happy about the theme of the dance.

I wait in line a few minutes, get some chips and go to the poker table. I put some chips down and get delt in. I play a couple of hands, so far I'm breaking even, although we're not playing for real money. Grand prize is a flat screen TV, which we don't need. Oh well, poker is fun, and I probably won't have the courage to ask any girls to dance to slow songs.

I'm dealt another hand but hearing my sister's voice I instinctually turn my head. Clare, Eli and Fitz stand in the middle of all the tables. Fitz and Eli are drinking from cups. Something about the scene seems off, and I wonder if I should go over.

"Adam are you in or what?" Chantay asks bringing my attention back to the table.

"Sorry, I'm in, I call," I respond.

After losing the next couple of hands I decide to leave the table. I go to the refreshments and get some punch and snacks. I look for my sibs, I don't see Drew, but Clare is dancing with Fitz. They aren't standing too close, and his hands appear to be in the right position. She seems okay, and I'm sure she'll speak up if she's not. I see Dave, Wes and Connor and go over to them.

We talk a bit and dance to a couple of fast songs. I see Clare and Eli on the dance floor which is surprising. We leave the dance floor when the slow song starts up. I use the washroom and when I come out Fitz is covering his mouth and running out of the dance. I also see my sister looking irate and saying something to Eli. Clare is pissed and she turns chasing after Fitz. She's on the other side of the room, it would be hard to go after her. So, I go to Eli to find out what happened. He looks ashamed and his head is hanging.

"Do I want to know what that was about?" I question.

"I really screwed up Adam. Fitz is even angrier at me, and I'm pretty sure I ruined my chances with Clare. I have to go find her," he tells me. He then runs out of the dance after Clare. I shake my head and wonder if I should follow. If Eli finds Fitz first, or even finds the two together, it's likely that Eli and Fitz will start fighting. Eli can hold his own though, and I decide it's better to let them figure it out.

"Hi Adam," Christa smiles. She's a grade nine in my remedial gym class. She seems sweet but we've never talked. She stayed away from me like everyone else when I was outed.

"Hi Christa," I smile back.

"Would you like to dance? None of the grade nine boys want to dance.

"Sure," I smile.

I offer her my hand, and we go to the dance floor. I keep my hands on her waist, and she puts hers on my shoulders. As we begin dancing I see my brother exchange a few words with Bianca and then rush out of the dance. Now both my siblings have suddenly left the dance. I look back at Christa, trying to enjoy probably the only slow dance I'll have all night.

"Thanks for the dance," Christa smiles when a fast song comes on.

"Anytime," I grin. I leave her and walk to the punch again I almost take a cup when my shoulder is grabbed. I'm spun around to face my sister, with a horrified look on her face. "What is it Clare?"

"Where's Eli?"

"He went looking for you. He wanted to find you and apologize, or explain, I don't know what he did."

"Fitz has a knife!"

"What? How do you know he has a knife? You think he's going to use it?"

"I don't know, I'm going after Eli, tell Mom about the knife," Clare tells me. Before I can stop her she runs off again. She also never answered my question about how she knew Fitz had a Kinfe. I hope she finds Eli and that Fitz doesn't find either of them. I go looking for Mom, I find her lecturing Sav and Holly J about dancing too close.

"Mom, I need to talk to you, now," I tell her taking her arm and interrupting her lecture on how student council should be setting a better example.

"That was very rude Adam," Mom scolds me.

"There's a student with a knife," I tell her.

"WHAT? Where are your brother and sister?" Mom inquires.

"Clare went looking for Eli, he's looking for her, they're in the halls somewhere…I think. I don't know where Drew is."

"Try the boiler room, getting it on with his tease of a girlfriend," Owen tells us as he passes with his arm around a cheerleader.

"Unbelievable!" Mom hisses angrily. "Stay here Adam, I'll tell Simpson and then I'll find Drew and Clare. Do not move until I come back to get you."

I watch Mom go over to Simpson and talk to him. A few minutes later all the chaperones quietly leave through the exits and then the lockdown is announced and the music stops. Mr. Perino is the only chaperone in the auditorium still, and he's trying to get everyone quiet. Of course, all the students are conjecturing on what happened. I try texting and then calling Clare but get no answer. I'm starting to get worried, staring at my phone and hoping I hear from someone in my family.

"Hey Adam, I hope the lockdown gets lifted soon. We were having a good time, and I got a ton of chips," Dave comments.

"Where are Clare, Alli, Drew and Eli? I haven't seen them in a while," Jenna remarks.

I just shrug, I don't know what else to do. I stay with my friends, waiting very impatiently for the lockdown to be over. Glancing at my phone every few minutes hoping for news. It feels like forever before Simpson finally says the lockdown is over. We're told to gather our things and leave calmly. I grab my coat, see Clare's and grab Drew's since he and I entered together. I want to run to the doors, but I walk with the others. I find Drew near the doors to the auditorium, I see Mom as well she's talking to Simpson and she's livid.

"Thanks, they wouldn't let me back in," Drew says when I hand him his coat.

"Here's your jacket Alli," Jenna says as they exit. Alli glares at Drew and walks off with K.C. and Jenna.

"Where's Clare?" I ask looking around the hall for her.

"Not sure, I didn't see her and Mom is pissed. No, make that beyond pissed at me. Did Clare even come into the dance?" Drew asks. His tone is worried and regretful. He's looking at the kids, but I can see the regret in his eyes.

"She came into the dance. She was with Eli and Fitz, then dancing with Fitz, then Eli and I think Eli did something. Fitz ran out, Clare ran after him, and after Eli told me he screwed up he went after Clare. Then Clare came back in and told me Fitz had a knife a…"

"Wait! Fitz is the student with a knife and Clare is somewhere in the school with him?!" Drew exclaims. The shame on his face washes instantly to worry.

"She went looking for Eli, I'm just hoping that she and Eli are hiding in a classroom or something because I really can't think of the alternative," I reply and Drew nods.

"Come on boys," Mom says coming over to us. Most of the kids are lined up at the door to leave, and I can see the police lights from here.

"Where's Clare?" Drew inquires.

"Outside giving a statement to the police," Mom says. We go to the front doors and an officer is standing there. I see Clare with a blanket on her shoulders in the cold. She's talking to two cops; Eli is talking to two other cops. Fitz is being put into the back of a police car with handcuffs on and the whispers and rumors are going. "That's my daughter out there, I would like to take her and my sons home," Mom tells the officer at the door.

"You can go out and be with her but can't take her home until she finishes giving a statement," he says but opens the doors for us. It doesn't look like anyone is hurt, which is the only good thing. "You boys wait at the car, I'll get Clare," Mom instructs.

"Here's her jacket," I say handing it to mom.

She takes it from me walking toward Clare. I put on my coat while Drew and I start walking to his car. A few minutes later Clare and Mom come over. Clare has her coat on, Mom has her hand on Clare's shoulder, and mom still looks pissed.

"Straight home, Dad is home, and I will text him in ten minutes, at which point your butts better be through the front door. Pack as soon as you are home. We leave first thing in the morning but you two are on lockdown as soon as we're back," Mom says in a harsh voice to Drew and Clare. "Getting involved with a boy that has a switchblade, and one that beat up your brother! Drew taking your girlfriend to the boiler room to…" Mom censures them and then stops herself. "I have to stay and help, straight home," she reminds us and then walks back toward the school.

I know Mom is angry, but I also know that Clare had good intentions when she accepted the date with Fitz. I'm also sure that there is more to Drew being in the boiler room with Alli than Mom thinks. We get in Drew's car, and he drives home in silence. When we come through the door Dad looks surprised to see us. Until he gets Mom's text and then his face changes.

"We're going to pack and get ready for bed," I tell Dad.

"I think that's a good idea," Dad nods.

We go upstairs and into our rooms, all of us changing into pajamas. We start packing in silence and hear when Mom gets home. She's still irate, but we all stay in our rooms packing. She and Dad also start packing and after they go to bed the three of us go to the basement, unable to sleep.

Drew tells us how he ended up in the boiler room with Alli when Mom found him. Clare tells us everything that happened from the moment she found Fitz at his locker to the police coming. We have the TV on, but no one is really watching. A little after one in the morning we finally go to bed.

I wake up a couple of hours later to use the washroom and hear another door open while I'm in the washroom. I expect to hear a knock or see someone waiting when I come out. The hallway is empty, but Clare's door is open. I go down to the ground floor to see if she's getting water or something. I don't see her, so I go down to the basement. I find her sitting on the sofa in the dark.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask and she nods. "Want to talk about it?" I inquire sitting next to her.

"I really like Eli, but the lengths he'll go to scare me. If Alli had taken a date with a guy to keep Drew from getting beaten up he'd be pissed. He might try to fight the guy or find a way to get her out of it, but he would never think of intentionally poisoning someone. It might not be as intense as threatening someone with a knife but it's still pretty bad. Fitz could have gotten very sick or seriously hurt, who knows how much ipecac Eli actually used."

"Do you think Eli would hurt you?"

"I don't think so, but I'm honestly not sure. He seems to go to extremes to protect people and it frightens me. Drew is protective too, but he's not scary."

"It's your decision Clare, I'd never dream of telling you what to do. However, if you're worried about being with Eli then tell him you just want to be friends."

"Yeah, I know," she nods.

"You've got all of break to think about it," I remind her.

"Mom's going to wake us in a couple of hours, we should get to sleep," I tell her.

"I can't, I'm okay, just thinking, go back to bed Adam," she insists.

I know she wants to be alone, so I go up to my room and actually manage to fall asleep again. It feels much too early when Mom wakes us up. Clare is already dressed with her suitcases by the door. I don't think she slept all. She falls asleep with her head on Drew's shoulder less than ten minutes into the drive. When we park at our grandparents she wakes up, fixes her hair and plasters a smile on her lips. I have a feeling she'll be doing that a lot on this trip.

(DREW)

I move the last box from the garage shelf and start dusting. I'd been doing it all morning and was pretty sure all the dust in the house migrated here. I'd already had to change the duster twice.

We'd returned from Christmas at our grandparents yesterday afternoon. Mom didn't make me and Clare clean yesterday. After unpacking and doing laundry we hung in the basement with Adam. Mom woke us both at six this morning and after we had breakfast Clare, and I were told we had to clean the garage today. It also started our lockdown until break was over.

We had a nice Christmas; Clare and I were both smiling and social when with our family. When we were alone or just with Adam we were pretty solemn and unhappy. I was pretty sure she spent the time thinking about Eli, maybe even Fitz. Though she never talked to me about it, and if she talked to Adam he never said anything.

I spent most of my break thinking about Alli. I attempted to message and call her several times over break, but she never responded. I was anxious for school to be back in session just to see Alli again.

I finish dusting the shelf, start putting boxes back and that's when I see Clare. She was supposed to be going through some of the boxes. Ones from the old house, to pull out anything we could probably get rid of. Right now, she looks like she's sleeping, her head propped on her arms on a box. I know she didn't sleep much during the trip but hid it with makeup. I go over and touch her arm, she jolts a little and looks up at me.

"Okay, go in and get some sleep," I assert.

"No, I'm okay," she replies shaking her head. She tries to grab some more things from the box, but I take her arm and haul her up.

"You're clearly not, go lay down, at least take a nap for a couple of hours. I'll tell Mom, but you need some sleep Sis," I insist in a stern, commanding voice.

"Mom will be mad I'm not helping, she'll ground me for another two weeks. I'm okay, I'll just get some coffee."

"Dammit Clare go to bed, or I will toss you over my shoulder and take you to your room myself."

She opens her mouth to protest, yawning instead and finally nods. "Okay, thanks Drew," she says kissing my cheek.

She goes inside and I release a breath hoping she gets some sleep. Mom is at a board meeting and won't be home for at least an hour anyway. I continue cleaning, working a little faster and harder while hoping Clare is getting some sleep. I finish dusting the shelves, get everything back on them and move the boxes on the floor to sweep. I'm just finishing sweeping when Mom gets home. She parks in the driveway and opens the garage door to see how much we've gotten done. She comes in and looks around the garage a moment.

"Where's Clare?"

"Sleeping, I'm not sure she got any last night because she was falling asleep sitting down and sorting through the box. I'm not sure how much she's slept at all for the entire break, other than the drive to and from Grandma and Grandpa's. I told her to at least get a couple of hours, and she can help later."

"She has been very tired," Mom sighs and I can see the worry in her eyes, "let her sleep, I'll talk to her when she gets up. Have you eaten?"

"Not since breakfast," I reply.

"Take a break and get some lunch," Mom tells me.

I go inside and wash up before making a sandwich with chips and fruit for lunch. I eat in the basement and watch TV. I'm careful not to be more than half an hour. Adam is not on lockdown, and he went out with Dave and Wes. I finish eating and get back to work, Clare comes back out to the garage almost three hours later.

"Sorry, I slept for about two and a half hours, but when I got up and went to the kitchen Mom wanted to talk," Clare apologizes when we she comes out. She looks better and I'm glad she was able to get some rest.

"It's fine, did you tell Mom why you haven't been sleeping?"

"Just said there was a lot on my mind. I didn't want to go into detail and didn't really want to talk to Mom about it. She said I could talk to her and Dad about anything and if I didn't start sleeping she was going to send me to a therapist."

"Do you want to tell me why you haven't been sleeping? Or at least which boy is the cause of it?"

"Eli, well mostly Eli, Fitz a little bit I guess. I really like Eli, but he goes to some pretty extreme extremes and that's a little scary. I was all ready to tell him I just wanted to be friends and then I got this yesterday after we got home," she says pulling out her phone. She fiddles with it a moment and then shows me an email from Eli.

He apologized for everything at the dance, everything he ever did to Fitz. How much he cares for Clare and would never hurt her. How everything he ever did was trying to protect her and Adam. He admits to losing it a little and being jealous when he thought of her at the dance with Fitz. Not only is it an eloquent, well-written apology but he did it as an epic love poem.

"Well, he apologizes well at least, and even poetically," I remark, handing the phone back after reading the whole poem.

"Yeah, very poetically. I've never had a boy write me a poem before, not even a haiku and this is a pretty epic poem. It's really sweet, it made my heart flutter and gave me butterflies. Now I'm torn, to the point that I couldn't get to sleep at all last night."

"I can't tell you who to like or even who to date, well I could but you'd never listen anyway," I comment, and she laughs. "But, if you truly think Eli is dangerous then you should stay away from him. Both you and Adam. It's not a decision you have to make right now, you won't see him until we're back at school next week."

"Longer than that, he got suspended for a week for poisoning Fitz and blaming him for the stink bomb," she says.

I just shake my head; I don't know what else to do or how to respond. We go back to cleaning, mostly in silence but I do put music on. Now, I'm not only thinking about Alli but Eli.

The next few days are pretty quiet and busy. Clare and I spend all day cleaning different parts of the house. We can't go out at all, but Adam is out almost every day. By New Year's Eve mom gets a little easier on us. She and Dad go to a party and the three of us just stay up watching TV. Mom doesn't wake us at six on January 1st, she actually lets me and Clare sleep in until eight. School is back tomorrow and we still do chores all day, but we got to sleep in a little.

Clare still isn't getting a lot of sleep, but she is sleeping a little better it seems like. At dinner Mom tells us about a letter that came from the school. One she already knew about because she's part of the school board. The letter says that because of the incident with a student bringing a weapon to school there will be metal detectors at the school. There will also be cops on the campus until further notice. We all just kind of roll our eyes at this news, but the next thing makes Clare and Adam angry. Apparently all after school and extra-curricular activities are cancelled until further notice. All but sports activities that is, which I think is why my sibs get so angry.

Tuesday morning feels like any other weekday. We get up and ready for school, eat breakfast and leave for school in my car. The whole drive I'm thinking about Alli, anxious to see her. When I pull onto school property is when I notice things are different. Cop cars, uniformed officers, two very organized lines out the door, presumably for the metal detectors. I park and we all get out, waiting in one line. You have to pass through the metal detector and if it beeps have a wand passed over you. As soon as I'm through the detector I go straight to Alli's locker. I saw Sav's car when I parked, so I was sure she was here.

"Go away Drew, we are done, I never want to see you again," Alli says when she sees me.

"Please Alli, letting myself get seduced by Bianca was a terrible mistake. I regretted it as soon as it happened and would do anything to go back to that moment and say no," I plead with her.

"If you think this is just about Bianca you're a bigger idiot than I thought, don't talk to me Drew, not now, not ever. As far as I'm concerned you are lower than scum," Alli spits at me. She then slams her locker shut, turns on her heel and storms down the hall.

My heart sinks to my shoes. The look of hate in her eyes made me realize that there's no way of winning her back. I've done some stupid things in my life, but right now I feel really low. I don't even walk to my locker, just go to homeroom with my head hung. When Owen comes into class we glare at each other, but no words are exchanged. I'm not really angry at Owen, I know Alli never would have gone with him if I hadn't cheated to begin with.

"Dude you look awful," Jake remarks, coming into class and sitting down at the desk next to mine.

"I feel it too," I sigh.

I try to pay attention in class, but my mind definitely wanders. I eat with Julian and some other guys on the football team. Owen is eating with the hockey team. I made the basketball team, but everyone on the team is eating with other groups. I see Clare and Adam eating together at the end of a table, eating alone. I think about joining them, but they have each other. I have music for 3rd period and when I get to class I see Sav.

"Will you ask your sister why she won't even talk to me? I tried apologizing and she called me scum and stormed off," I tell him.

"She's pissed, give her time to cool off. Besides, I try not to get involved with Alli's romantic life, too complicated," Sav shrugs.

I twist my mouth in disappointment but don't argue. I don't think I'd want to get involved in Clare's if the situation was reversed. Miss Oh comes in and assigns us instruments; when we signed up for the class we put down what we could play. I get drums while Sav and Jenna get guitar. Jenna is showing a lot more than she was before break. In 4th period I'm not happy to see Bianca is in the class. She's happy to see me though, she winks at me and blows me a kiss. I choose a desk at the front of the class just to not look at her. When school is out I rush out of class and quickly change for basketball.

"So, Alli hates your guts," K.C. comments when we're on the gym floor waiting for practice to begin.

"Majorly, I tried to apologize for Bianca, it seemed to just piss her off more."

"I heard from Jenna it's not just that you let Bianca blow you, but your mom said some pretty nasty things about her," K.C. comments.

My stomach sinks and I suddenly realize why Alli was so angry. I have to talk to her, but I can't leave practice and she's probably gone home. I make it through practice by shoving Alli to the back of my mind. After practice I shower and change, drive home and do my homework. Clare and Adam help me with my homework, but I didn't get a lot on my first day back. Anxious to talk to Alli I sleep restlessly, but I don't hear Clare getting up, so she at least seems to be sleeping better. I'm up early, shower and rush the twins out the door. When Alli gets to school I'm waiting at her locker.

"I told you to leave me alone Drew," Alli snaps at me.

"I'm sorry for the things my mom said Alli but pl…" I start but she cuts me off by shooting me a glaring, hateful look. Her eyes brimming with tears.

"Stop Drew, I don't want to hear it. Your mom made me feel like a whore and that was bad, but worse you didn't even stand up for me. You just let her talk to me like that. You cheated on me and that made me feel like nothing. When your mom found us I felt worse, and you couldn't even stand up for me. If you really liked me, if you really cared about me you would have the guts to stand up to your mom. Leave me alone Drew, thinking that I ever liked you, that I ever kissed you makes me feel dirty. Come near me again and I'll go to Simpson for harassment," Alli says. Her words drip with hateful venom, her eyes narrowed at me.

I can see the hate in her face, and I know there's nothing I can do or say to get her back. Alli storms off without opening her locker and I sink against the lockers in defeat. She's right though, I didn't stand up for her. I completely let Mom verbally berate her and I just stood there. It didn't even occur to me to try and stand up for her, and I have no idea why.

More chapters probably at the beginning of November. "God I've Had to Fight" going up next.