9 = 9 = Another (Doomed) Team-up
"Right, so just to refresh..." He turned to Elektra first. "You are Wonder Wo-"
"Elektra."
"Elektra! Of course! Who could forget..." He turned to Blade next. "And you, I'm surprised to see you here. I thought you retired."
Blade sneered back. "I don't like you."
"You never did..." And last, but certainly not least, he turned to Remy. "And who is this succulent reminder of my own inadequacies? I mean, look at you! You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye!"
"The name's Remy LeBeau, but you can call me the Gambit."
"I'm sorry, one more time please. Hit me again."
"They call me the Gambit."
"Do they? Are you sure you just really, really wanted them to but it just never quite worked out?"
Remy cursed in French. "You know, we've never had a Wolverine up in here. But I can tell you right now it's just a common courtesy to ask before you drink up all of my liquor."
"Well then, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck."
Before Nina could say something about being bad houseguests, she and Wade had to act fast and duck as Remy chuckled before swiping one of his cards in Logan's direction.
"Oh fuck!" the yellow-clad man cried as the card sliced the bottle clean in half, spilling it's precious contents.
"So embarrassing!" Wade hissed.
Logan simply tossed the half of the bottle still in hand aside and swiped another. "Boo, boo, boo!"
Behind his mask, Wade was clearly rolling his eyes. "Well, now that that's settled, we've traveled a long way to find you three-"
"There's four of us," Elektra corrected.
"There's four - hey, wait, is it Magneto? Please, dear sweet God in heaven let it be Magneto-"
"He's dead," cut in Blade.
"FUCK! What, now Disney get's cheap? It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass and started lying like crazy!"
"That's an image..." Nina blinked.
"Oh! You nasty!" agreed Remy, then began speaking rapidly in French.
"Not a single word," Wade said, turning to him. "What is it you do exactly?"
"Just playing cards, make them go 'boom!'"
"Your power is close-up magic? That's good, we're not totally fucked at all! So, who brought us here?"
"That would be me." Laura re-joined them then. "Don't make me regret it."
"Holy shit!" Wade cried. He looked at Nina. "Shorty-"
"I know," she agreed.
Then he turned to Logan. "Logan, it's her, it's X-23, she's the one we told you about."
Logan actually paused in his otherwise non-stop drinking to stare the teen down, which she met with equal ferocity.
"How did you all get stuck in the Void?"
"There was a knock at the door, and the TVA sent me here," said Blade.
"Me too," agreed Elektra.
"Maybe I was born here, it's hard to know for sure," said Remy.
"The TVA decided our universe was dying," Blade continued. "And I never even got the chance to fight for it."
"People like us don't go quietly. The TVA knows that, and so they took us out," Elektra added.
Wade gave a chef's kiss gesture. "The answer is yes! I'm in."
"In what?"
"A team! Me and you, you and me, all of us together." Now he made an all-encompassing gesture. "Let's get the fuck out of this place-"
"Don't listen to him," growled Logan. "He's a fucking liar!"
"It was an educated wish!"
"Ha!"
Wade turned desperately back to the group of survivors. "Look, we've been inside Cassandra's lair. The only way out of the Void is through her. She can get us home, she told us."
That got everybody's attention. "Wait a minute, you've been inside?" confirmed Blade. "And you made it out alive? All three of you?"
"Bullshit," decided Elektra. "Nobody's done that."
"We did," Wade insisted.
"Any time one of us has gone up against her, they die," said Remy. "The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil."
"Daredevil? I'm so sorry!" cried Wade.
Elektra shrugged this off. "It's fine."
"Okay..."
"Even that sweet baby angel, Johnny Storm," Remy continued with a sigh. "He up and gone missing what, two days ago?"
"Oh, that's so sad... Wherever this Johnny fella is, I'm sure he's thriving..." Logan chuckled at this, and Wade continued before he could intervene with more information. "Look, there's strength in numbers. Us plus you guys, we can put Cassandra over our knee and force her to let us out of the Void. Look, I know how it is to feel self-doubt-"
"I don't feel that at all." Elektra shook her head.
"I'm good," Blade agreed.
"Gnawing at your gut like a tapeworm?"
"It's like you're holding up a mirror to my soul..." Remy shuddered.
"You guys may not have been able to save your universes, but you can avenge them!"
"Wrong team, Wade," hissed Nina.
"It's what Johnny would've wanted!"
"Wait, you knew Johnny?"
Now Logan laughed. "Oh yeah. Dickhead here talked him into a team-up like he's trying to do with you, and poor Johnny came down with a little case of the deads."
"No, no, no, we don't know that," jumped-in Wade, still trying to save his ass. "It was just a flesh wound, he may have survived."
Logan snorted. "If he survived that, then he is prayin' for death!"
"Thank you, Dr. Wolverine!" Wade sighed and turned back to the others. "You see what I have to deal with?"
"Spill it!" growled Blade.
"What did you do to Johnny, huh?" Remy also pressed. "Talk, or I'm gonna start dealing-" He held a now glowing card between his fingers.
"Okay, hey, look! He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra and then she zip-zapped his skin, leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground while the soil greedily drank his blood, it was horrible! He was like a brother to me! Look, he died before he could make a difference, and maybe you couldn't save your words, but Jesus Christ, you can save mine!"
"I don't give a shit about your world," Elektra told him. "But if you three made it out alive then maybe, together, we can get back in and take her down."
The others needed more convincing. "Where I come from that's called suicide, Chere."
"Well if we can block her psychic powers we would be at an advantage," Nina said. "But that's no small feat, she's Omega-level powerful."
"So are you, technically, Shorty."
"Not right now, thanks to those fuckers in the TVA!"
"I know, fairly convenient timing, don't you think? Okay, so I know Magneto's dead, but I'd venture to guess that his helmet is lying around here somewhere-"
"Cassandra melted his helmet," Blade once again crushed Wade's dreams.
"Fuck!"
"After she killed him."
"FUCK!"
"She don't play."
"She knows that helmet was the only way to protect anyone from her powers," said Elektra. "The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut's, but he works for Cassandra."
"Juggernaut's helmet, that's it!"
Remy started to speak, but Wade cut in. "I'm so sorry Beautiful, I want this to be gentle: who is your dialect coach, the Minions? I feel like we're missing critical exposition here!"
Elektra began to pace. "I'm sick of this shit, I'm sick of hiding. Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us long ago."
"Or never knew about us," added Remy.
"The heroes we were," put in Blade.
"The lives we saved."
"Or wanted to save..."
"Maybe these three are our chance to be remembered the way we deserve."
"Yes!" cried Wade.
Meanwhile Logan threw his head back and gurgled the whiskey before spitting it out in an arc above himself. Nina sighed and snatched the bottle from his hand.
"An ending."
"Yes!"
"Legacy," added Blade.
"Yes, yes! Let this man cook! This is what I'm talking about! Big, slow-motion fights, sad music, everybody working together - who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing! Who's ready?"
"I was born ready." Blade swung one of his, well, blades.
"Yes! Gambit?"
"I didn't know my daddy, but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready."
"That time I understood," said Nina. "Unfortunately..."
"Yes, Jesus Christ that's graphic-"
"Yeah, he was layin' them buttery nuts all up in my mama, and I shot out there and I was like, 'what's up, doc?'"
Wade snorted with laughter. "Oh, Johnny must've loved you! X-23 what's it gonna be?"
"Laura-"
"The name's Laura-"
Both mother and daughter spoke at the same time. Laura nodded. "Let's fucking go."
"Let's fucking go!" he echoed.
"Sorry, what's this?" Nina was now peering inside a closet, the door ajar.
"It's not just people that come through the Void," Elektra explained. "Sometimes objects and clothes too."
Nina pulled one piece of purple and black clothing from it's hangar. It practically screamed Night Witch.
Wade gasped. "A comic-accurate suit!"
"With full coverage..." She turned to the others. "Where did you get this?"
"It was my Mami's," Laura answered. "It's all I have left of hers."
"May I borrow it?"
"You can have it."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, it was meant for a Nina. You should wear it."
"Thank you."
"It's on," Blade said.
"We're doing this," agreed Elektra.
"You're all fucking dead," growled Logan.
Once again, Wade whirled on him. "Oh my God, read the room!"
I was thinking that the Logan in my Cable stories could totally be 'Worst' Wolverine - that solves one problem at least!
Guess what's now available on digital?! ;) Now I will surely not miss any of the great one-liners!
The first time I saw the movie I audibly gasped when Chris showed up, and when Channing did too! And when Wade makes the comment about Hugh's divorce - brutal!
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! :)
