The mole rat trotted down the road to Nipton, with its rider and Akechi on its back.
Akechi wondered about what his next course of action should be. The NCR couldn't be relied on beyond what he had in his duffel bag, which enraged him but didn't surprise him. Amamiya and Niijima's appearance further complicated things. He could try and fight them off should they come his way – or more likely when they come – he had a silenced pistol and an element of surprise, and there were a few rifles in Nipton he could put to good use. He could, but he didn't want to.
It would probably get him shot without fanfare, but he accepted that fate.
In an attempt to clear his head and pass the time on his way back to Nipton, he pulled out his phone with the intent to solve some sudokus on an app he had on it. Considering the lack of network in the area it was as good a use of his limited battery as any-
-and then he realized he picked up a signal from a service provider 'Oracle :3'.
"[Of fucking course]" he muttered under his breath.
"What did you say?" asked the mole rat rider.
"Nothing," he replied. "Thinking out loud in my language."
He opened the sudoku app anyway but turned it off after idly staring at numbers for a minute. Sakura has established a connection with all the other Phantom Thieves, so everyone but the cat was on the same page. Amamiya and Niijima would reach the Mojave outpost soon enough, and since he had definitely left an impression there, soon they would all know that he's alive and stuck in the Mojave alongside them.
If the big reveal was unavoidable… should he warn them about the larpers? They've been around for a few hours, maybe they haven't encountered them yet. Hopefully they haven't encountered them yet. He kept thinking about Niijima and Amamiya being separated from the rest of the group, and about the two newcomers mentioning encountering Niijima alone. Could the others possibly have gotten scattered around the area? This place was dangerous. Incomprehensibly dangerous by the standards they were all used to.
There was a thought. A single note written on the garbled mess of a whiteboard of his mind. Maybe I've already outlived at least one Phantom Thief. He loathed that thought. After everything they've gone through, after everything he himself put them through, the idea that any single one of them left this world before he had filled him with rage at the uncaring unfair universe.
The mole rat approached Nipton town limits, demarcated by an improvised barricade of trailer carcasses and chain link fences, a town sign advertising JACKPOT OF blank MILLION, Caesar's Legion banners, and a few heads on pikes. Akechi added two more tasks to the whiteboard: "bury the dead/hide the bodies" and "burn the banners".
"Where do you want me to drop you off?" the transporter asked, as his mole rat slowed down to a walk.
"The general store is fine."
The mole rat marched to the entrance to the store, as ordered. "Thank you, sir," Akechi said, jumping off of the animal.
"No problem. Good luck," the transporter said, before departing on his mount.
Akechi stepped into the general store. A dozen or so convicts, weakened and hurt, but alive and safe-ish, were standing around or lying on mattresses dragged over from other empty houses, waiting for his return. There was also an NCR medic, inspecting the legs of someone 'lucky' enough to only get his kneecaps broken. Hearing the door open, he turned towards the newcomer. "Mr. Akechi!" he greeted him. "Anything to report?"
"The Republic won't help us, beyond the food and meds I brought," he pointed at the duffel bag on his back before taking it off. "The society doesn't give a shit about undesirables, story of my fucking life." Akechi ruffled through the bag and pulled out two boxes of ammo and a few cans of food. "There, your payment," he handed them over to the two convicts that came over from Primm and played guard while he was away. "I've got nothing more to offer you; you can stick around but you won't get anything for it."
"Thanks." Diego, one of said convicts, took the goods and split them between him and the other guy. "Outta curiosity, what's your plan now?"
"My plan?" Akechi repeated. "Well, the wounded folks here have nowhere to go and neither do I. I could wait for some more raiders to come over, kill them, and sell their stuff to keep us afloat."
"This sounds stupid," Joe, the other Primm con, proclaimed.
"Well, do you have any better ideas?" Pause. "This is a serious question. Maybe I missed something. I am, uh, not from here."
Someone in the crowd murmured "Yeah, no shit."
"Some cons are organizing in Westside," Diego pointed out.
"Yeah, that came up before you came over. It's a long way away by foot, and some of the cons aren't in good enough shape to make the trip."
"So you're gonna be stuck in a dead town for the next few days?"
Akechi sighed. "I will probably end up dead within the next few hours."
That got the attention of everyone in the room. "And, uh, why is that?"
Akechi hesitated for a moment, before realizing a bunch of escaped convicts probably doesn't have a moral high ground over him. "Long story short, I was an assassin in a past life."
After a few seconds, the only reaction came from Joe: "You're a kid, what fucking past life?"
"I-I've seen him in action," the NCR medic stammered out. "I'm willing to believe him."
"That was nothing," Akechi waved him off. "The raiders had one gun between them, just take aim and shoot and they're all fucking dead. But back to the main topic… I was an assassin, and a petty sadistic piece of shit besides. And on my way back here, I saw a few folks who I tried and failed to kill a few weeks prior. They're heading this way, and one of them will most likely shoot me on the spot."
"What do they look like?" one of the less wounded cons asked. "I could pick them off from a dist-"
"NO!" Akechi protested. "They're the good guys, don't fucking hurt them!"
"But you said they're gonna shoot you!"
"What part of 'petty sadistic piece of shit' is hard to understand?!"
"You got me down from a cross, you defended us from raiders, and then you ran to the outpost for supplies," the con countered. "Even if you're what you claim you are, any fucker that tries to hurt you will end up in a shallow grave." He glanced at the other cons. "Right, fellas?"
He got an enthusiastic murmur in response. Akechi remembered the joke he made about running a gang a few hours before and realized it has now become reality. "Guys, guys," he raised his hands a bit, "I don't want things to escalate more than they have to." The fact that he actually meant it made him feel uncomfortable with himself – more than the baseline, at least. "I'll try to talk the guy down if he comes."
"Why bother?" another random con asked.
"Because he's good," Akechi replied. "I swear, he's one of the few good men left in this world or another. And I've stabbed him in the back. Tried to kill him out of envious spite." He paused for a moment. "Believe me, the man you think I am? He's that man."
"Mr. Akechi," the medic raised his hand, "can we speak in private for a moment?"
"Sure, why not."
The two stepped out of the general store and turned a corner, to the road leading to the Town Hall. "What is it?"
"Honestly, I just wanted to give you a way to leave the conversation," the medic smiled awkwardly. "But now that we're outside… why are you shocked that people whose lives you saved are willing to defend you?"
"Once again," Akechi explained, "I am a piece of shit."
"Well, that's not what they saw," the medic countered. "And, like, being a piece of shit isn't what you are but what you do, isn't it?" After a pause, he added, "Look, I don't want to play the age card 'cause I have, like, a few years over you at most and you've saved my bacon once already, but you're way too young to be irredeemable."
"Kristoff…" Akechi said, "You cannot possibly wrap your head around how much blood there is on my hands."
Kristoff replied with an awkward giggle. "You… noticed I'm a medical officer, right?" he asked, incredulous. "I have seen enough of what Legion does to people, even before…" he gestured at the empty crosses, "...this. Maybe back where you're from you're some kind of large-scale villain, but in this world, you blend in the crowd."
"This world is fucking insane then."
Kristoff shrugged. "I mean, yeah?" After a long and awkward pause, he pointed behind himself. "I'll go back to the wounded."
"You do that," Akechi nodded. "Good job, by the way. I wouldn't have been able to help the guys as much without your help."
"Th-thanks, Mr. Akechi," Kristoff said before returning to the general store. Now alone, Akechi exhaled air through his nose in irritation.
He had to warn the Thieves what to expect in this insane world.
He pulled out his cell phone and thought for a moment. If they were all scattered around the area, which one of them should he call first? He opened the contact list and tried to call the one labeled 'Sakamoto'.
Not available.
His finger moved to another contact, 'Kitagawa'.
Again, not available.
Akechi needed to take a deep breath before selecting the next entry. Thankfully, this one worked just fine, and after a moment, Futaba's voice came from the speakers:
"[Jackass.]"
"[And a good afternoon to you too, Sakura-san]" he replied. There was something comforting in being treated like this. Familiar, even. "[You are probably wondering why I am calling you.]"
"[I am wondering how the fuck are you still alive.]"
"[I am not, I died and went to hell]" he replied. "[As for why you all are here with me, it's most likely because the world isn't fair.]"
"[El oh el]" Futaba replied, dryly. "[But seriously, back in the Engine Room I've scanned everything on the other side of the bulkhead and got no life signs. And after I got back home I bashed together a script that would've alerted me when your phone logged back to the network. It kept returning null.]"
After a barely noticeable pause, Akechi replied. "[Well, I used one of those return-to-entrance contraptions Akira carried around. They were easy enough to recreate at home. As for why you didn't pick up my phone… I was hiding in Mementos for a few days. I did get out at some point, but that was after you stole Shido's heart, so I guess you disabled your magic spell after that.]"
"[Correct, defective prince.]" Something was off about that story, Futaba thought. It felt… anticlimactic? Lacking in fanfare? Especially since there was this PVP thing that that mad god set up between Akechi and Akira… But that was an insignificant detail, not worth focusing on for the time being. "[And let me guess, you're here because the same god that forced us to change servers sent you after us to finish the job?]"
"[Honestly, I'm not sure if that's the same god, but I assume there aren't that many of them running around.]"
"[You're dodging the question.]"
"[If I claimed you you're completely wrong you wouldn't believe me, so let me just nod and move on.]"
"[Well, am I completely wrong?]"
There was a frustrated grunt on the other side. "[You're vaguely in the right ballpark, but you do not have all the data.]"
"[What am I missing then?]"
"[Firstly, I am not interested in another fight with you. I've got other problems on my plate. And secondly… in this world, apparently I am unbelievably low on the list of threats to worry about. I'm calling with a warning.]"
Futaba knew Akechi had the Bullshitter trait, but she also remembered her own random encounter with the Super Mutants a few hours prior. Especially the fact that she avoided certain death by pure dumb luck. "[You tried to call Ryuji and Yusuke before me. Did you want to warn them as well?]"
"[Yes. Neither of them speak English as far as I remember, and on top of that, Kitagawa-san is a weirdo and Sakamoto-san is a dumbass. You were next on the list because as clever as you are, it won't help when a psychopathic larper ties you to a fucking telephone pole and leaves you to die.]"
"[That, uh…]" That was way too specific to be a lie. "[Okay, I need context.]"
"[Right, context]" Akechi pinched the bridge of his nose. "[I spoke with one of the local soldiers and got a cliff notes version of what's going on. Two hundred years ago, the world was nuked to shit.]"
"[...wait a moment.]" She muted her phone and turned to Raul and Neil. "Right, in brief, the bastard claims he's calling with 'a warning' and I need a local to tell me if he's full of shit."
"Sure," Raul shrugged. "As long as he won't ask about anything from the past few weeks, because I was locked up by an angry Nightkin back then."
"Noice." She unmuted the phone and put it on loudspeaker. "Right, we're switching to English, so the locals I have here can fact-check your bullshit."
"Fair enough," Akechi said. "Greetings, by the way, my name is Goro Akechi and I'm a petty sociopath."
"We've heard as much," Raul deadpanned. "If I ever see your face around these parts, I'll put you in the ground."
"Finally, someone sane," Akechi exclaimed. "Anyway, as I was saying, two hundred years ago the world was nuked to shit."
Futaba glanced at the other two to gauge their reactions. "That is true," Raul nodded. "I was there when the bombs dropped, just outside of Mexico City."
"Oof," Futaba muttered.
"You sound lively for a two-centuries-years-old guy," Akechi pointed out.
"Ghouls can live pretty long," he explained, "if they don't go insane or if they don't get shot by racists or if nobody stabs them in the back and kills their moms."
"So Sakura-san introduced me properly," Akechi remarked. "Good, fantastic, some semblance of sense in the world. Anyway, we are currently in what used to be Nevada, near the city of New Vegas, formerly Las Vegas. Just in case you wanna hit a casino and lose all your money."
"To the point, comodín," Raul chastised him.
Akechi took a breath. "The point is, we're in the middle of a war between United States 2: Electric Boogaloo and a bunch of psychos in shitty cosplay of Ancient Rome!" He closed his eyes and took another breath. "And I am in the middle of a town that those larpers raided, killing everyone in it and torturing the rest!"
"O…kay?" Futaba's suspension of disbelief snapped like a cheap headphone cable, but Raul and Neil didn't seem to find it as ridiculous as she did.
"And what did they call themselves?" Neil asked.
"Kai-sar's Legion," Akechi replied. "They had crimson banners with bulls on them, and like I said, they were wearing shitty Ancient-Rome-esque armor made out of sports equipment."
"And what town did they raid?" Raul asked.
"Nipton. Near the NCR outpost with the big monument."
"Maldita sea…" Raul muttered under his breath, in a tone that immediately put Futaba on edge.
"So, uh, he's telling the truth?" she asked.
"The part about the war is unquestionably correct," Neil said. "The New California Republic and the Legion have been fighting over Hoover Dam and the clean water of Lake Mead. His description of Legion armor also matches what I have seen myself. As for the sack of Nipton… I am willing to believe the caller based on one detail."
"Thank FUCK," Akechi announced over the phone, audibly relieved, pushing Futaba just a bit closer to a BSOD.
"Wh-what was the detail?" she asked.
"Everyone calls them See-zar's Legion, but they call themselves Kai-sar's," Raul explained. "They use some weird Latin pronunciation of it."
"Now, Goro, was it?" Neil spoke up again, "I am not accusing you of lying, I am merely curious: how did you survive your encounter with the Legion?"
"...the larpers were waiting for someone to come to town," Akechi replied after a pause. "They made a show out of it, with their banners everywhere, heads on pikes, with a dozen or so folks fucking… [crucified, gasping for air… What sick bastard does that to people?!]"
"For what little it is worth, I am sorry," Neil proclaimed. "Nobody deserves to witness such cruelty."
"And what happened afterwards?" Raul asked.
"The leader of the fucking larpers proclaimed that I'm supposed to spread the word of what happened there and just… left. Unbothered. I was too stunned to fucking do or say anything." Pause for breath. "Me and an NCR medic that hid and survived the massacre managed to get the people off the poles and get them stabilized. They'll need time to recover, but they'll live." Another pause. "This is the part where Sakura-san mocks me for inexplicably growing a conscience."
No such thing happened. Neil and Raul realized that the girl was now staring at, or rather past, the computer screen with a blank, unreadable expression.
"Sa-sakura-san?" Akechi repeated, with more concern than the two expected from him. "[A-are you still there?]"
"[...Ryuji and Morgana are unaccounted for.]"
"[So everyone else is alive and safe?]" Akechi asked. "[I-I'm sure these two will come up soon enough too. There is no other option.]"
"¿Inglés por favor?" Raul blurted out.
"Sh-she's worried about two of her missing friends," Akechi explained. "For one reason or another, they don't have their phones. Or they have them turned off, or they're out of range. There's plenty of possible reasons why you can't reach them now!"
"Comodín makes sense, just this once," Raul said, crouching a bit so he was on Futaba's eye level. "I know both you and him had a very bad start here, but not all of the Mojave is like that. There are safe spots and towns in the area."
"Wh-what do you mean she had a bad start?!" Akechi blurted out.
"[And why do you care?]" Futaba hissed.
After a pause, Akechi replied: "[Because we are all in hell and only one of us deserves it.]" Beat. "[And in case it's not clear, I mean me.]"
"[Thanks for spelling it out, your self-deprecation was so subtle I barely picked it up.]"
"I understand you find your native language easier to communicate in," Neil said, "but keeping your conversation in a common tongue lets us stay on the same page and help if need be."
"Or I can talk in Spanish so that no one understands anyone else," Raul suggested.
Futaba gathered her remaining resolve, then switched back to English: "Right. I'm talking to you, Akechi-san: you call me to warn us about a bigger threat, even though that reveals to us that you're alive and stuck here as well. You even told me your current position. That's a lot of data it'd make sense to hide."
"I mean, I've narrowly dodged Amamiya-sama and Niijima-san on the roads, and they're heading towards an outpost I just left. And since they have phones, I assume, then you'd learn that within the next few hours at the latest."
"So, you had Akira and Makoto in your literal sights and didn't shoot at them. For you, this is a promising step up." After a pause, she glanced at Raul and Neil. "Look guys, I wanna get personal, and that means changing the language settings. Do you mind?"
"If you have to," Raul shrugged.
"Right." Futaba took a breath. "[Based on my documentation, method getCurrentPersonality() of class Akechi returns one of two values, 'SMUG_HOLIER_THAN_THOUGH_CELEB' and 'MURDEROUS_SADISTIC_EDGELORD'.]"
"[Let's pretend I understood the metaphor.]"
"[You behave unexpectedly]" Futaba rephrased. "[And you're showing actual genuine concern for me and for others. So now I'm dealing with a race condition.]"
"[One more computer science reference and I will demonstrate the proper procedure for operating the charging handle in an MP5.]"
Futaba groaned. "[Alright, fine: I hate you. You killed my mom and I ended up spending years in a foster care blackbox and it was such a traumatizing experience that I want you to go through it just to see how I suffered- oh, wait.]"
"[You don't-]"
"[Skip dialogue]" Futaba butted in. "[I know what you will say, wah wah I am evil so nobody should care about me, just delete my account and move on with your life. And like, yeah, but do you think I was a nice soft bundle of trauma that just needed a hug? No, I was an antisocial filthy gremlin, and if I hadn't rolled a nat 20 and gotten adopted by Sojiro – the one great dad in Japan, apparently – I'd remain an antisocial filthy gremlin.]" She paused for a moment. "[My point is, I don't trust you, and I don't have to forgive you, but I can empathize. You get dropped into a new world and the first thing you do is save a bunch of tortured people, that has to count for something. We're in a different worldspace, with none of the societal debuffs we had to deal with, so maybe you can do something right with the rest of your life. More saving people and less killing them.]"
Akechi sighed. "[To be fair, saving the last group of people did involve murdering a bunch of assholes in self-defense. The locals don't care though, and… I'll be honest with you, Sakura-san, I cannot wrap my head around that.]"
"[I'll be honest right back, I thought you wouldn't complain about getting to kill people.]"
Akechi replied with a vaguely disappointed grunt. Futaba saw a new entry pop up in her logs:
HAR - FTB, [timestamp, BUSY
"[Haru just tried to call me]" Futaba exclaimed, "[Heads up, her grief is yours to deal with and I'm not getting between you two.]"
"[I did not expect you to]" Akechi replied. "[Should I get off the line?]"
Another log entry showed up. "[She just called Akira and he picked it up, you can stay.]" She glanced aside, at bored Raul and Neil; with the personal stuff out of the way she could switch back to English. "Still, we should wrap it all up so I can actually warn the others about the larper psychopaths. And, well, say you're around as well."
"I can call some of them if you want me to."
"Stick to Ann, she's with Inari in… a town." She didn't want to disclose more than she had to; just because she had sympathy for the bastard didn't mean she trusted him enough. "While I'm at it, Haru's in a different town, and Akira and Makoto are on the move, but you know that last part. I'll talk to those three about the immoral murderous bastards running around… and also the Legion."
Raul mimicked a rimshot with a "Ba-dum-tss." Akechi failed to stifle a chortle.
"And what about you, by the way?" Futaba went on.
"'What about me' what?"
"I know you're in Nipton, but are you safe?"
"I have a handgun and I already fended off a bunch of raiders," Akechi replied. "I'm gonna get one of the less wounded survivors on a roof to play lookout and sniper. Should we get attacked by a more organized force, a few people I have here can still hold a rifle. I'll make do."
Futaba chose to parse that as a very concerning 'yes'.
"By the way, a bunch of them are, well, grateful," he pronounced this word with uncertainty, or maybe disbelief, "for me getting them off the crosses. They said they'll defend me if need be, so please don't shoot me on sight?"
Futaba thought that most other Thieves wouldn't actually try to kill him – punch him, slap him, turn him over, yes, but not kill – but didn't feel like arguing the point. "I'll relay it. And in return, I ask for one favor."
"I can't do much for you from a distance, but go on."
"If you learn anything about Ryuji or Morgana, call me. Immediately."
"Naturally. I will call you the moment either of them walk into town, unharmed, because that's the only goddamn possible option," he proclaimed, with utmost sincerity.
Raul thought to himself that they've covered denial, so one down and four to go, but didn't say that out loud.
"Okay then, just one more thing," Futaba adjusted her glasses. "[If this alignment shift is another lie, another stupid plan to frag us, I will recreate modern technological progress in this postapocalyptic shithole with the express purpose of wiping you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen before. Understood?]"
"[Yep.]"
The blunt response threw Futaba in for a loop a bit. "[...was that too harsh? Too dumb?]"
"[I mean, I know you can carry out that threat, I'm just too dead inside to be scared]" Akechi shrugged. "[Also, you're still giving me more slack than I'd expect or deserve from you and…]" He paused. "[...and I appreciate it, Sakura-san. You're alright, and I shouldn't have fucked you up the way I did.]"
Before Futaba could reply, Akechi hung up. "Hm," she muttered, putting the phone back on her desk.
"What was that last thing?" Raul asked.
"Oh, just some threats to keep him in line," Futaba replied. "Honestly, I expected more… open hostility from the bastard. Like, last time we thought he seemed ready and willing to cut himself on his own edge."
"That change of heart could be faked, you know?" Neil pointed out.
"Yeah, of course," Futaba nodded, "but back before he betrayed us he also tried to appear more harmless than he is." After a beat, she added: "The frustrating thing is, he's made real stupid decisions before, so maybe he thinks this scheme will work a second time."
"Honestly, it could go either way," Raul proclaimed. "The world is, as we say in my language, shit, but sometimes that shittiness motivates people to step up and do something right for once."
Akechi hung up and shoved his phone back into his pocket, promising himself to never ever be as vulnerable as he was five seconds before.
He decided to check something before calling Takamaki-san. He poked his head inside the general store and asked "By the way, guys, did any of you see a guy my age and race, with bleached blonde hair and speaking no English?"
A few 'no's came from the crowd.
"Okay, what about a black cat?"
"...the fuck's a cat?" one of the cons asked.
"An animal, about this big," he spread his arms to demonstrate, "covered in fur, with four legs and a tail? Goes 'nya'?"
"Nope."
"Nah."
"I'm sure I would've noticed."
Akechi felt relieved; if any of them were close enough to Nipton they probably wouldn't have walked out of the town alive. "Right. By the way, I need a volunteer in good enough shape to aim a rifle and go up a roof."
