The tension in his body is palpable, the fingers tracing her face are stiff but still gentle, like there is no version of him that can ever hurt her, no matter how angry or upset he might be, no matter how deeply the things she says hurt him.
Bonnie can't even blink as she observes his reaction to her words and silences, to each pause and broken breath.
"So, you could go as far as to meddle with death rules for Enzo but couldn't bother to fight for me?" His palm travels along her forehead, pushing away a strand of hair. His blue eyes are brilliant and tormented, and the way he lies on top of her, careful not to crush her, makes her feel ashamed and heartbroken for him.
She can see self-doubt bleeding in and knows that feeling enough to suffocate.
"It's not like that," she tells him, feeling half panicked, fingers wrapping around his biceps to hold on to him should he decide to leave her in an impetus of pride and resentment.
The idea hasn't touched him.
"I swear, it's not like that."
"And how it is, then?" he asks, looking at her glossy eyes, perfectly conscious of the fact that should she tell him she doesn't love him half the way she loves Enzo he would still not leave her. Vampire or human, some things never change, it seems. Only this time he would be giving her the only years he's got to offer and would die old, bitter and still loving her with all of his soul.
"I just…" Her eyes keep moving away from him, ashamed, though he can't connect the feeling with someone as good as her. What can a woman like Bonnie Bennett be ashamed of when she's never committed a single sin in her life? "I just didn't want to let go of the only man that could ever love me," she says, her eyes shining with tears.
"I love you," Damon says, trapping her face in his hands so she can't turn away from this truth. "Didn't I make that clear enough?"
"You don't understand." She insists, cutting him a little deeper. "I was so scared no one else could love me but him," she confesses, tormenting her lower lip with her teeth, one tear falling as she blinks. "I was scared you could never love me the way I do you."
It is so embarrassing to tell him like this, but there is no way around it. She must do it, wishing so hard that baring herself will soothe the wound she has inflicted with her half-lies and the pretending.
"The moment Elena woke up I knew I had to go away. I couldn't watch you go back to her and forget about me…" It's like she can see it happening in her mind, in front of her eyes, even now. It feels like dying slowly. "It would have killed me." It's a simple truth so obvious she doesn't know how she hid it for so long. "But I couldn't admit that I was such a bad friend that I couldn't get myself to be happy you two were together again, so I told myself I just needed a change of scenery, that traveling would expand my horizons and my powers, that Mystic Falls had nothing to offer anymore. And I clung to Enzo because he was the only one that had ever put me first."
"I picked you over Elena when Kai—"
"And spent the following summer telling me all about how you regretted it," she corrects him.
"But later I basically told you I couldn't bear to live without you," he retorts, offended that she'd believe any different, though he knows first-hand the pain she is telling him about.
"And in the same breath you told me how much you missed Elena." She's not trying to have a fight, she's not trying to push him away, but she is scared still.
"Bon, I left her at the altar to run after you to the other side of the planet, and I'm here tellin—"
"But I'm still scared," she confesses in a cry. "There is nothing that scares me the way that it does to think that you could not love me the same way I do." Her eyes are large and her fingers are tight around his muscles. "I can't imagine a world where you love me the way I love you, but I can't stand a world where you don't either," she says, desperately. "And so I tried to convince myself Enzo was all I wanted, and I detached myself from all the rest, to the point that I was half dead, even with all my powers growing, maybe even more so because of my powers growing. Because I had everything and nothing. But then you called and I..." She shakes her head, unable to believe how fast all of her carefully built defenses had crumbled down. "And when you kissed me…it felt so perfect…and I knew immediately that I could never go back to pretending that I didn't love you as hard as I do. But you were about to get married to the girl I always cared for as a sister, and for you, chances were that it had probably just been just a strange side effect of the adrenaline. And what if in a couple of days you found yourself regretting it? What about me then? I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk my heart," she explains candidly, as he kisses her forehead to try and calm her down.
"I promise your heart is perfectly safe with me," he tells her firmly, speaking against her skin, fingers in her hair and legs still intertwined. "Can you trust me?" he asks, without getting an answer.
Her stubborn silence doesn't dishearten him.
Damon moves enough to look down into her eyes, her wet lashes stick together giving her an innocent look.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to give in to you," he says, breathing the scent of her hair. "You are the best person I know and I couldn't fathom you loving me, not the way I wanted you to. Then again, I've spent so long swearing to anyone that would listen that Elena was the only one for me that I felt ashamed when I realized I had only behaved like a child fixated on a toy only because he's been told he can't have it. My brother died to give me my epic happy ending with the girl he had always believed was his soul mate, and I just woke up one morning and realized she wasn't the one for me," he admits with a trace of shame in his voice. "Maybe he would have made a different choice had I realized that before."
Bonnie shakes her head 'no', and somewhere inside he already knows that to be the truth but the guilt has been eating at him for so long he needs to admit it aloud.
"He sacrificed himself for nothing…and you…" he says softly, "you are so steadfast that you would have had the right to consider me fickle. And worse, you could have hated me because I hurt your friend. So I kept the charade up, telling myself that if I could stick it out a bit longer it would all go back to normal, to before I fell for you. The only problem was that having you close made me constantly slip up, so at some point putting myself to sleep had seemed like the best course of action."
She blinks slowly, suddenly confused at his words.
"What?" she asks, trying find the sense in that statement.
"I think I fell for you at some point in between our grocery shopping trips and Kai trying to set me on fire."
"But you were always talking about how much you missed Elena," she protests, appalled.
"I'm glad I could convince you, at least. I could never fool myself no matter how much I tried." He grimaces. "And I really, really tried." He sighs. "I tried so much I almost married her, even though I was wishing it was you the whole time."
"You loved me…" She's astonished. There's some part of her brain still trying to tell her this is too good to be true. It must be a dream, it must be an illusion, a cruel prank.
"Look me in the eyes," he tells her, almost begs. "I loved you. I loved you even when I didn't know that I did. And I love you now, so much that loving you more than this could physically kill me." She's looking so intently into his eyes he finds himself breathlessly waiting for a sign that she'll trust him. "You have to believe me".
"I want to," Bonnie admits in a whisper and it's all he needs.
He bumps the tip of his nose against hers, asking "Can you forgive me for being so stupid?"
"I think I can," she murmurs, large eyes shining as she looks up at him.
"Thanks," he says with a devilish grin. "You've always been the better one between us." He kisses her deeply, enjoying her nails scraping lightly against the back of his neck. When he leaves her mouth she's breathless, and he's satisfied about that. "I, on the other hand…" he continues with a sinister light in his eyes that makes her shiver in anticipation, "…am vindictive and mean, and will not refrain from punishing you a little."
Damon is deadly set on showing her exactly how good a decision she's made in loving him. And he's always been more than convincing when running his mouth.
It's with a certain pride that he discovers, when he slowly travels down her body, that having a need for breathing now, does not take away from his capabilities. In fact, the looming risk of choking on her wet sex is extremely titillating.
Bonnie moans his name, and yes, and please-please-please as she thrashes around in bed, pulls at his hair making his scalp burn a little, and sinks her pretty, milky nails into the taught muscles of his shoulders. Damon is aware that the signs of her pleasure on his skin will not leave in a few days.
The idea almost distracts him from devoting the whole time to her pleasure only.
#
Bonnie is startled when the door to her shower stall slides open letting in a naked Damon, but she doesn't protest. Her eyelashes tremble as she peeks behind her shoulder to the naturalness he has as he invades her space and her mind, again.
"What are you doing?" she asks as he lathers her back and presses in fingers down along her spine to loosen up her muscles. It is somehow still a novelty to her that he is now in his right to touch her like this, to see her naked and vulnerable and aroused. It's new, even if he's spent the best part of their time together with his face between her thighs writing his full name with his tongue in every position that came to mind, and it makes her tremble.
"I was thinking we should start planning our afternoon already, so why not save time and water?" he asks almost distractedly, dropping a kiss in the hollow between her shoulder and neck. "I know how much you care about the environment," Damon murmurs against her wet skin, sending another shiver through her.
Bonnie's eyes fall closed as she enjoys the chaste, reverent contact.
"What do you want to do?" he asks, hands sliding down until his arms can wrap around her to press her against his chest in a lulling motion. It is so sweet between them, carnal and pure at the same time, to the point of feeling almost painful. Her eyes are glossy from the unadulterated happiness he gives her, and she's glad he doesn't realize — thanks to the shower's jet — that she's on the verge of tears.
She's completely defenseless against him. And it would make her panic and flee if not for the fact that she can feel his love all around her.
"Anything you want," she answers like she's in a trance, because right now he could ask her the most absurd, dangerous, extreme thing and she would gladly oblige. She closes her eyes, abandoning her weight against him, enjoying the warm water falling over their naked bodies, and his fingers tracing small circles on her stomach.
"I am the only one who ate this morning," he says nonchalantly, clearly alluding to the fact that he's spent half a day with his mouth between her legs, making her tremble and blush in his arms.
"Damon!" Her voice is suffocated, an embarrassed shriek, and she can feel her cheeks grow hotter.
"What?" he asks unfazed and innocent. "Your pussy does count." He grins at her reaction.
His eyes fall to her cleavage, observing the way the water slides over her breasts and her dark nipples.
"As I was saying…" He's told her he wants to do this slowly, one step at a time, but this doesn't mean he can enjoy every inch of this promising journey. "…I think we need to put something in your stomach first, then we can take a stroll around and see where Paris brings us. Do you agree?"
His husky voice is so low her hips sway on their own looking for friction.
"Yeah." She feels the tension coiling again in her lower muscles. "Damon…" She moans his name, neck bending to look up at him, where he's watching her with complete adoration.
"Not yet, my love." He says, using hard fingers to angle her face like he wants to steal a kiss.
Those words, and the touch of his tongue, make her dizzy and concupiscent, suddenly, vividly aware of the many new forms of intimacy they'll get to experience together, and all the first times they'll share, of the tiny details she'll learn about him as a lover.
Bonnie can only nod her consent to his decision.
#
"Is it good?" he asks, watching her bite into the fragrant croissant in her hand. Before she can answer, he uses one finger to take a trace of chocolate from her lips and put it in his mouth.
"Very," she answers, trying to not let him distract her.
Actually, everything is delicious in a way it never was before Damon appeared in her room to tell her he loved her. The cup with the extra whipped cream looks prettier, their hot coffee smells much better, the pink flower on their small table looks lovelier. There's something infinitely charming in the scratches on the butter knife lying in front of them, and the small indentation on the tine of the fork. Paris is suddenly ten times more beautiful than she ever saw it, and the air she breathes feels sweeter. She can't help but wonder if life will now be perpetually in technicolor, if she's always going to feel this lucky, this beautiful, this right.
Damon tells her he wants to visit with her all the places she's seen alone, so that he can rewrite her latest days and make her remember the city as the most romantic place on earth, taking away all the sad moments. So, they stroll together though Montmartre and in the evening share a picnic in the public garden of the Vert Galant.
Damon is absolutely in favor of public displays of affection and he kisses until her mouth burns while they sit on the blanket.
Bonnie doesn't doubt he's being petty and trying to erase the connection that Paris has to Enzo. She's not so righteous to hold it against him, or even be sorry about it.
She loved Enzo, and she tried loving him as hard as she could while he was there with her, but that comforting spark cannot compare to the constant fire that is Damon's touch or even the mere promise of it.
That night they sleep in each other's arms, exhausted from the long day and already excited for the next. She lays her cheek against the base of his neck, and his hand slips under her top, resting around her waist like it belongs there. Because it does.
In the morning, her voice is almost puzzled when she says, "You have a hard on," looking down to his lap. And he chuckles.
"And you have a boyfriend without erectile dysfunction," he replies without losing a beat before dropping a kiss on her head. "We are both so lucky."
Bonnie turns her head to look up at him, his blue eyes are still slightly fogged by the remnants of sleep, but he's grinning at her with a certain beatitude.
"Maybe I can help." She tries not to sound timid. There is a small part of her that is half scared to not live up to his standards, a small part of her that is still scared she's going to ruin this at any moment. And her hand travels down so incredibly slowly she's not entirely sure she's moved it at all.
Damon smiles at her, taking her face between his hands. "I'm so sorry to break it to you, Bon-Bon, but you can only make it much, much worse." And when he moans into her mouth it seems to electrify her to the tips of her hair.
#
Damon watches her reflection in the window of a jewelry store, eyes dropping to her neckline and her cheeks feel hot all of a sudden. His fingers laced through hers feel like a vice, like he intends to keep her against everyone, herself included, and she likes the idea.
"Why aren't you wearing my necklace?"
For a moment she feels the lack of oxygen, and her small gasp makes him turn towards her with a little frown of worry.
"You okay?" he asks, almost ready to fight an invisible enemy. Maybe a vicious sniffle.
"I lost it," she admits with a burning regret.
Damon had put so much thought into that gift, given her everything that kept him alive during his long existence as a vampire, and she lost that silent vow so carelessly. He'd had the right to be mad, to feel unimportant and unnecessary to her, though he is none of those things and could never be.
"That's too bad," he tells her regretfully, "that was the closest thing to a collar I could put on you. Maybe you won't mind a real collar?" he asks wistfully. "Or a tattoo. Property of Damon Salvatore. Do Not Touch."
"I don't think that's my style," she cramps his plan with a smile, and he looks at her with adoration, forgetting his plans of public ownership for a moment.
"The collar or the tattoo?" he inquires, grinning.
"Both."
"But what if the collar has diamonds?"
Bonnie laughs and pulls his hand over her head so that Damon can wrap his arm around her shoulder as they stroll through the streets of Paris.
"I like shiny things," she admits as they walk, side pressed against side, her cheek occasionally brushing against his firm shoulder, "but a collar seems a bit excessive, and tacky."
"Well, jewelry seems like a classier option…"
"It depends on the jewelry, I suppose," she replies before asking, "Compared to what?" She peeks up at him as he guides them both through a pedestrian crossing. The scent of him lingering on her clothes makes the closeness an erotic experience, and she knows that if only he met her eyes now he would see desire burning her to the core.
"Peeing all around you?" he suggests, the absurd words rolling so easily off his tongue Bonnie can't help but laugh, hiding her face in his chest.
They stop on the sidewalk and she looks up at him giddy and amused. "I'm not your property, Damon." She denies him, almost sing-songing.
Oh, I'm obsessed
With the way your head is laying on my chest
How you love the things I hate about myself
And no one knows, but with you, I see hope again
His eyes take a different light, his expression becomes softer, more vulnerable. Naked.
"Don't go breaking my heart now, Bon," he murmurs as she's leaning against his chest, his hands are wrapped around her waist. It takes her by surprise, the sudden change in the air, the longing in his eyes, and she can't find the words to speak before he leans down to kiss her lips.
Damon's kiss is warm, sweet, a sudden spark that goes off immediately the moment his mouth parts from hers.
It is unnerving, the easy way he lights her up and leaves her hanging. It is frustrating how he can dictate the tempo of this relationship. How she wants to let him.
She is the only magic creature between them. She could absorb the power of this whole city like a sponge and use the world like a rigged vending machine but Damon Salvatore can make her weak in the knees with a look or a couple of words.
Oh, I'm a mess
When I overthink the little things in my head
You seem to always help me catch my breath
But then I lose it again, when I look at you, that's the end
"I won't," she promises with her softest voice, dropping a kiss on his clothed chest, over his beating heart.
The change in his placid expression is so abrupt she feels a little breathless. The light in his eyes, the intensity in his look is so violent she feels herself tremble ever so slightly. Damon smiles down at her like he wants to reassure her, or convince himself he can get a hold of whatever he's feeling. His smile is tense, and his gaze is electric, and she can't help but grip the fabric of his shirt and wish he wouldn't try to restrain himself, for she wants so badly to see what Damon Salvatore looks like when he's completely overcome by her.
"Having a heart has become an exhilarating — bordering on hazardous — experience since I've got you," he says, making her stomach drop and her heart race. This time, when he kisses her, deep and long, under the light of the streetlamps turning on as the sun starts to go down, she wants to tell him maybe she was wrong.
#
They are quietly walking hand in hand, and she's observing the trees of the Grand Couvert, the central, tree-covered portion of the garden Tuileries when Damon pulls her aside, pressing her back against the coarse bark to kiss her. One hand under her top, the other holding her cheek, and his mouth demanding and merciless.
She's lightheaded and a little fearful as she tries to focus enough to check if someone is watching them. She can barely catch the green behind him before his mouth sucking on her pulse point make her eyes roll back.
"What are you doing?" she asks breathlessly, almost moaning.
"If you need to ask, I'm not doing it very well," he replies cheekily, pulling his head back to look her in the eyes.
"I don't want to be arrested for indecency." She tries to sound rational, trying to convince herself that she should at least attempt to resist him every now and then, if only to mitigate his misplaced outburst of vehemence.
"Me neither," he concedes with a sigh, guiding her away from their little improvised private spot. "Unless they let me keep the handcuffs."
Their steps on the cobblestone is a new fascinating melody.
And why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes?Butterflies can't stop me falling for you
"You're…" Her words trail as she realizes what he truly did, "…the worst!" She accuses him, though she keeps walking next to him, pressed to his side as he holds her with one arm around her waist.
"Why is that?" he asks, putting all his effort into looking surprised and hurt.
"You know why." Her reproaching tone fails to carry any gravity. "You left me a hickey…" she explains, hoping her hair will provide a little coverage, "…all because I refused to go around Paris wearing a collar or something equally stupid."
"Well, you lost the necklace," Damon justifies, shrugging. And her expression darkens a bit.
"I'm sorry about that." Bonnie looks sincerely regretful. "I must have lost it while I was visiting the city," she explains as they reach one of the circular ponds.
Most of the people are around the larger one while they are alone on the border of one of the smallest. Damon stops in front of her with his back to the water, and she's too focused to hear any sound he makes.
"It could be everywhere," she says more to herself than him, turning around like it could appear in front of her eyes any moment.
"Everywhere?" he asks, barely curious at all. "Even here?" He looks around them like he is about to start turning over every rock and leaf in the Tuileries garden.
"Yeah, but that would be way too much luck." She sits down on the border of the pond. "I think I used up all my luck already," she says as her fingers trace absently at the curve of her neck where she can still feel his warm mouth.
"I can't argue with you on that," he agrees with a smile, sitting next to her before giving a peek to the water in the pond. "But I do see something blue."
"What?" Bonnie asks reflexively, turning towards the point where his gaze is fixated.
"Don't you?"
"Yeah, but…" She was in the garden the day she lost it, after all. It could actually be the necklace, though a gigantic strike of luck.
"Should we leave it there?" Damon asks gently, sounding as if he'd be unaffected by her decision.
Bonnie blinks looking at the shade of blue in the water. It can't be it, but what if it is?
"You just want to re-enact the wet shirt scene from Pride and Prejudice," she jokes.
"It is entirely possible," Damon admits amusedly. "Though, I like it much more when you're the one who's wet."
"See? You are really the worst," she says before motioning with her hand to have the blue object levitate towards her from the bottom of the pond.
Under the lights the small thing does not appear immediately clear, maybe because her hope holds up enough to not let her give in to reality yet. Still, Damon grabs the box as her powers stop holding it, droplets of water fall away sparkling, and he opens it easily, not looking down to see the diamond ring appear on the silky white base.
And darling, this is more than anything I felt beforeYou're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find
"Is this shiny enough?" he asks with a smile.
"What?" She feels empty-headed, confused, and about to cry, because this cannot be what it looks like it is. And the moment reality sets in, it will be clear that it's not what it looks like her heart will probably break and she'll look like an idiot.
Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreakBut I know now I found the one I love
"As I already told you Bon, I want you. Completely. All to myself," he repeats, clearly, still sitting at her side but with one knee on the ground. The only sound around them is the distant chatting of people walking through the gigantic gardens and the singing of the cicadas. "So, be mine, Bonnie. Say yes. Marry me."
#
Note: The song I used in this chapter is "I guess I'm in love" by Clinton Kane. We're coming close to the end of this story, and I hope you'll reach the ending with me.
If you want to contribute and support me you can buy me a coffee over my kofi profile [/]paintedwithwords. I'll be waiting to read your reviews, for they inspire me a lot when it comes to keep writing.
