"Never try and wish away your youth, you don't know when you might grow up."
Simple words, ones that she had taken far too lightly.
But what did that matter? Growth and change were a constant, it was both illogically and stupid to believe that she and the world around her would stay the same.
'Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.'
Her mind was going into overdrive. Her heart was racing, as if she were being shot at in her training sessions, instead of shaking in front of the sink, gripping the edges of it so hard her knuckles turned white.
'Pull yourself together.'
Ally took a deep breath. A faint nagging rattle of the little pills in the bottom of her bag, tearing at the side of her brain. 'Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.'
She didn't need them.
She had to do this herself.
She had to prove…but what was there to prove?
She was better, smarter, stronger-What was there to prove? It was medicine, it was going to help her. Help her. 'Help me.'
Ally swallowed reaching into her bag, she was still shaking; but that didn't matter…she had to focus…focus…Where the hell was it?
"Come on…" Ally hissed, agitation sparking in her veins, the wild thought of dumping the satchels contents onto the grime filled cracked tiles and digging through it, seeming like the best solution.
Ally sighed, pulling out the clear bottle. Turning the lid, she slid out on the blue and white coloured pills, popping the one in her mouth. Stuffing the bottle back at the bottom of the bag.
Ally walked back to the sink, closing her eyes, taking another deep breath. 'One. Two. Three.' She opened them, her heart slowing to its normal pace, her thoughts filling into their proper positions.
"I can do this."
PRESENT DAY: TWO YEARS LATER
Things had changed in the past two years, but if there was one thing, one thing she was determined to stay the same, it was John. Sure, she left her home, for the most part, her morals (as some would argue) and her sanity (also debatable). She never could really leave John.
She wasn't nearly that cruel.
While the visits were scarce and phone calls had lessened over time, there was some…comfort in knowing John was around. Some comfort in knowing that he was there and that maybe, just maybe she wasn't completely alone.
However, she found herself unable to tell him. The truth; Sherlock Holmes was still running around (she had a feeling her Jim was too, but that a whole different story), being unusually moronic (in her opinion)…She couldn't bring herself to tell John. He'd been through enough.
"Hi," Ally greeted, knocking lightly on his door. "Can I come in?" she asked, already poking her head though the door of the small doctor's office.
He was doing well, much better than she had been. He'd grown a moustache that made him look a hundred, and he was currently dating an ex-assassin. But we all can't be perfect besides, Mary was fairly sweet and safe, as someone from the life could be. She'd had made sure of that.
"How's everything?" Ally asked, sitting down on of his spinning chairs. John shrugged, setting his pen down, rubbing his moustache with his hand. Ally blinked, trying to turn off her brain and focus on John conversation about his and Mary's current relationship, went to park, had a picnic, walk, ice-cream. You know, date stuff.
She tried to turn it off, but her brain was sprouting it out at her.
'New haircut. Groomed.'
'Restaurant research on his computer'
'Ring box in left inner jacket pocket.'
'Proposal. Two days from now.'
'Nerves. Unsure how to bridge the subject'
'Shirt, Mrs Hudson gave him.
'Plans to visits Baker Street'
'Dirt on his shoes, soil and grass.'
'Graveyard-visited She-'
"That has to go." she blurted out, cutting him off, her right hand unconsciously holding to her left arm. 'Pull yourself together, Ally.'
"What?"
"That." Ally said gesturing to her own face. "You look older enough to be my grandfather." she said, squeezing her hand gently, even though she wanted nothing more than to-'pull yourself together, Moriarty.'
John frowned, touching it lightly. "Really? Thought I'd try it out…Mary likes it."
"Does she? Really?" Ally said, hoping the persuasion in her voice was enough to sway him. John blinked, rubbing his chin, but Ally knew her words would stay in his mind and if all went well the blasted thing would be off in two weeks.
"Anyway," Ally said, quickly changing the subject. "Congratulations are in order I believe."
John blinked, a gentle smile forming on his lips. "You knew."
"Mary's a lucky woman. I'm aware, the congratulations bit happens after but, I'm sure, she'll say yes." Ally said quietly. "Thank you, it's been…um…" John started.
"I know." Ally finished, staring at her shoes. "Hm." John said, with a nod.
Her phone buzzed. "Sorry-" Ally mumbled, pulling it out from her pocket, setting it down on the desk, putting the volume down.
John snapped out of his stupor, giving her another small smile. "So, how are you? How's living with your grandparents been?"
Ally smiled. It was a massive lie, but it was wrapped and tucked so neatly in truth, he wouldn't have known any better. "Fine. It's nice to be back in the city though. London air, I needed to breath in the city. Feel its soul, I guess." Ally mumbled, her phone buzzed again furiously. Ally looked at John, paying it no mind.
H: Answer your bloody phone!
"So, back to Baker Street?"
The phone gave a few loud sharp buzzes, before he could even get a word in. Ally glared at her phone. John glanced down at it. "Need to get that?"
"No." Ally said quickly, glancing at the ID caller, turning her phone off. "You were saying about-"
Her phone buzzed again. Ally made a noise of irritation, picking it up.
H: Pick your phone up right now Moriarty.
Rolling her eyes, Ally set the phone down. "Nothing, important." The second she said that, the damned thing buzzed again. Ally smiled tightly, glancing down at the text.
H: Can you just pick the damn phone!
Ally shaking her head, glancing up at John. "It's nothing, you were talking about-"
H: FOR GODS SAKE MORIARTY. I'M YOUR BLOODY BABYSITTER
"I'm sorry, really annoying, um-"
H: PICK UP YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW YOU ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT.
"You can take that, Ally. It's alright." John said gently, not seeing the least bothered by the phone. Ally shook her head. "No it's just-"
The phone rang.
"For gods-" Ally cried, grabbing the phone, jumping up. "What!" she snapped. "Oh, is that how we greet people now?" Reyes replied. "Seriously, Rey. I don't have time for this-"
"Oh, you have plenty of time, sweetheart." he said smoothly, but sharply. She hated that tone. "You just want to spend it, fraternising with some half-wit and being all nostalgic and shit with 'how the good old days had been' Am I right?" he said, without missing a beat.
Ally sighed, knowing he had won this round. It was dangerous enough to send postcards and picture and texts to John, but seeing him would put him on another level of danger.
She wasn't exactly the Brainy Ally Holmes anymore. She was Ally Moriarty, the Crown Princess of Crime. The Queen of the Criminal Underworld. And that life. Her life, it came with a whole new set of problems and danger.
"I thought so." Reyes sang, a rustling of fabric and chattering in the background. "Now get your arse out of there. I'm on my way to pick you up."
"You called me to tell me that, and you're not even here yet?" Ally scoffed.
"Yeah."
"I was just going to take a cab, I'll meet you there." Ally said tiredly. "No!" Reyes spat. "Why not?" Ally asked, knowing his answer was going to be as stupid as his attempted reasoning.
"Last time I checked, short stack, I'm your bodyguard, your brains blow out on my watch, I gotta deal with Moran and I'd rather—"
"Alright, thank you." Ally said, cutting off his rant. He'd go on all day if she didn't. "Will with you?"
"Oh, yeah he's just getting the bags." Reyes grunted, the sound of him blowing, something, most likely a cigarette echoing out. Ally sighed, running her fingers though her hair. "He's not your personal assistant, Rey.."
He chuckled. "Yeah, okay…."
"Hey, I'm serious don't be-"
"Don't be an idiot, my darling Janie."
"What does that have-
"Love you." he said, cutting the call before she could get another word in. "Son of a-" Ally growled under her breath, holding it in, not wanting to blow up in front of John. "So-
"Do I wanna know?" John asked simply. It wasn't judgment nor cruel, just sort of quiet odd understanding.
Ally tucked her phone in her pocket, shaking her head. "I don't think so."
The bed felt wrong. Too soft and too hard. She didn't like it.
The argument in the next room, grew louder. It made her ears ring. Rosa opened her door, closing it gently behind her. "Okay?"
"Nope." Ally said popping her p. Rosa nodded, running her fingers though her hair. "You should be asleep." Rosa said, sitting on the edge of her bed, making it creak.
"I don't do that much anymore." Ally mumbled. Rosa glanced back at the door, before at the pile of blankets that was Ally. Rosa dug in her pocket, the light jiggle making Ally poke her head out. "What's that?" Ally asked, Rosa fingering a small bottle, with little tablets in it.
"I thought, I just…" Rose said, opening the bottle handing a pill to Ally. "To help you sleep. It's meant to help. Calm the nerves and stuff."
Ally took the pill, holding it in her hand. It was blue and white, a small thing, smooth to the touch. "Here." Rosa said, handing her a glass of water. Ally took it, swallowing the tablet, taking a dew sips of water.
"Just for tonight." Rosa said, tucking the bottle into her pocket.
"Honestly," Ally said, slamming her car door. "You're lucky I didn't decide to carter you off to Somalia, Don."
The man in question, Donald, Don Reyes poking his head out, making a face at the sidewalk. "Might have been better than this," he mumbled sniffing the air. "Smells like someone pissed on your flowerbeds."
"Thanks for that vivid image." Will said, closing the car door, standing next to Ally, following her gaze to the door. "Okay?"
It was rare for all three of them to be in the same place, hell, the same time zone; but she knew behind Reyes's crass comments and rolled eyes, and Will's forced blank faced, but his flickering eyes that gave him away instantly; that they were concerned for her. Unnecessary of course, but present all the same.
"Fine." Ally said stiffly, staring at the golden numbers of 221. "Nice door." Reyes said, straighten his suit. "Thanks." Ally said, taking a breath, straightening her suit jacket. "Okay, wait here. I'll call you in when I'm done."
"What?"
"You're leaving us outside?"
"Well, yeah." Ally said, turning back around. "First time I've seen her in two years. Imagine how horrified she might be when she sees me with a seventeen year old moron dressed like a declined ballet dancer," she said gesturing to Will's tight black long sleeve shirt and pants.
"And a sixty something year old dressed like a wannabe gangbanger out of an NCIS episode." Ally said, gesturing to Reyes's clothes, the man frantically looking down instinctively trying to smoothen his brown hair down, looking quite aghast.
"She'll have a heart attack." Ally said shortly.
"I'm not sixty! I'm thirty five." Reyes squealed. "I don't look like a ballerina." Will whined.
"Deluded. And I don't care what you were going for. It's stupid." Ally said without missing a beat, knowing quite well that he was in fact thirty five and quite well for his age; but that he was a vain creature and the possibly of a wrinkle might have cause him to go into shock.
"And the term your looking for is probably ballerino," she added to Will. "But that's a whole other story, so just stay out here." she said, opening the door.
"Mrs Hudson?" Ally called, closing the door, looking around the empty entrance. The carpeted stairs.
"John have a cup of tea make yourself at home. Don't wait up?" her father's voice. The sound making her jerk.
She had reached the bottom of the stairs waiting patiently for her father. When she paused, hearing a loud 'Damn My Leg!' shout from the flat.
Sherlock looked at her raising his eyebrows. "He's an army doctor" she said walking back up slowly. Sherlock nodded in thought. "He is."
"Mrs Hudson!" Ally called louder, shaking her head violently. She didn't need this. She didn't want this.
"Oh look at you all happy it's not decent" Mrs Hudson said smiling brightly.
"Who cares about decent the game, Mrs Hudson is on."
"Yes!" Ally cheered. He grinned at her, walking out the door hailing loudly. "Taxi!"
Ally grinned to herself as she ran onto the pavement, and jumped into the yellow taxi.
'The game is on!'
Ally took a deep breath, lightly touching the wall on the side.
"That was ridiculous." John said, as the three walked into Baker Street. Pulling off their coats, Ally sank into the stairs. He and John leaned against the wall. All of them breathing heavily. "That was the most ridiculous thing. I've ever done."
"And you invaded Afghanistan."
The three laughed. "That wasn't just me." John said. "Why aren't we back at the restaurant?" he asked. "They can keep an eye out. It was a long shot anyway." he replied, Ally leaned against the wall. "So what were we doing there?" John asked.
"Oh, just passing the time. And proving a point." he said, Ally grinned looking up at the two. John stared at them. "What point?"
"You." Sherlock said, raising his voice. "Mrs Hudson! Dr Watson will take the room upstairs."
"Says who?" John asked. Ally got up, smiling as the knocker knocked. "I believe the man at the door." she said. He smiled, ruffling her hair fondly as John opened it.
Ally leaned her head against the wall, shutting her eyes. She could almost feel him, standing next to her, smiling. When he was just Dad. When it was just them.
"So what were we doing there?" John asked.
"Oh, just passing the time. And proving a point."
Ally opened her eyes, looking into her father's. Curled hair, suit, that was neat, but a little rumpled, breathless from running, adrenaline still coursing through his vein.
"You love proving points," Ally whispered, looking into his eyes, eyes that she used to think, matched hers…just a little…which she used to hope…matched hers…just a little…
"It's what got you killed."
The sound of a click of a lock, unlocking making her father vanish, snapping her harshly back into reality.
Still in one of her floral dresses, a little flour on her black sleeve, her hair the same way she had left it. Mrs Hudson. Ally straighten up, giving the woman a small smile. "Hi, Mrs Hudson. It's been a while."
The woman blinked, looking her up and down. "I…Ally?"
Ally smiled.
The room was quiet.
Seb was out, busy. But he'd made himself clear, he was only in to make sure Jim's life didn't go to waste. His heart wasn't in it. Not anymore. She couldn't have that. Seb wanted out, she needed to give it to him. To do that, she needed to learn. Really learn.
Which meant this.
"You look like one of the hair ball my cat throws up." the woman said, ruffling her dark hair. Ally sighed. "Okay, fine whatever. Will you train me in the art of self-defence or not."
"The fact that you said, 'art of self-defence' is telling me that you're not cut out for this, as much as your pink cardigan." the woman replied taking another sip of her coffee. Black, 4 sugars a dash of milk.
"It's not pink." Ally snapped. "It's salmon. And that shouldn't matter anyway."
"Okay," Lydia said, looking her up and down. Her eyes locking on hers. Ally meeting her cold brown eyes. Lydia downed her coffee and scoffed. "God, Rosa wasn't kidding, you really wanna do this."
"Yes." Ally said stiffly. Lydia licked her lips. "Alright. You wanna kick it with the big leagues, short stack?"
Ally nodded. Lydia set her cup down, taking a sip of her water from the glass next to her(or what she thought was water) "First thing, first. Lose the cardigan and put on something loose, coz I'm going to be kicking the crap out of you in an hour. While you learn how to stop me."
Ally nodded, getting up.
"Kid," Lydia said, making her turn. "For future reference, don't wear cardigans, you need something that makes you look strong, and while, the cardigan is nice. Unfortunately it won't garner the respect you're gonna need."
Ally looked down, pulling on her sleeve, her eyes drifting to the dark pull out bin, near the kitchen sink.
Lydia looked at the bin, gravelly. "The world you're going into. You lose yourself. You have to become something, you never thought you'd be. Or else, you die. So I'm gonna ask, you sure you want to do this?"
Ally took a deep breath, pulling of her cardigan and dumping it in the bin. Lydia's gaze fixated on the bin. Ally folded her arms. "I'll be ready in 15 minutes. You can kick the crap out of me for an extra 45 minutes."
The hallways were silent, unnaturally so, then again, she hadn't been there since that day when they saved those kidnapped children with Sherlock and John. It was still the same.
The second the investigation finished they called her, as expected. She had been in Paris at the time gaining control of the Parisian's underground criminal network. It didn't take long for her to get 'her people' sewn deep in Parisian government and for her to gain total control of its criminal network. Adding it to her 'collection', as Will called it. She hadn't planned on making a trip back to London yet, but Lestrade's 'investigation' on Jim Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes was big surprise, proved everything that she and John had said, years ago.
Assholes.
On the bright side, she had handled her shit with Mycroft, so that was that.
"Ally?" Lestrade said, making her turn around. He looked old. Weary and broken, his wife left him again. His daughter hates his guts. He's smoking again, lost his house, now living in a small flat. A disgraced DI, that's got his first win in a while.
She crossed her hands behind her back, giving him the smallest of smiles. She'd been here less than three hours, and she already flown into extreme deduction mode. Unbelievable. His voice was warm, a little unsure. It was an uncomfortable reminded of John and Mrs Hudson's reactions to her.
"Lestrade." she greeted, glancing behind him at Donovan who was staring at her; her mouth slightly open. Bitch.
Ally took a breath, she expected to be angry, fluming, while she felt it, the simmering, angry it was hot and raging. It was cold. Maybe that was good, she didn't need to blow up, or something in Scotland Yard.
"Here to tell me what I already know or is there something new you'd like to add?" she asked, watching the colour drain from his face. "Well?" she asked, glancing between the two of them. "Donovan?" she said, watching the woman lick her lips, looking down at her shoes. "What cat got your tongue?"
"Nothing new." Lestrade replied, shuffling on his feet. Ally nodded. "Then why am I here?"
Silence. "Well?" Ally asked, glancing at the Superintendent's office, as Lestrade's phone rang. This is why she was here.
"Need to get that?" Ally asked, watching the phone intently, as Lestrade tried to turn it off. "Yeah, sorry, its-"
"It's alright." Ally said, Lestrade giving her a pat on the shoulder that made her tense at the sudden movement. He gave her an odd look, before licking his lips, walking a few paces away, to answer the phone.
Her gaze drifted back to the Superintendent's office. "Out sick. He'll be back tomorrow." Donovan answered quietly. Ally hummed. "Really?"
"Look, Ally," Donovan started, running a finger though her hair.
"I don't want an apology. I don't want sympathy. I don't want whatever you are going to give me, in some attempt to make yourself feel better." Ally said, glaring at her. "I got enough to deal with." she mumbled, watching Lestrade walk over to them.
His face told her everything.
"Sorry," Ally said before he could get a word in. "I'd say he was a good man…but honestly he was an asshole," Ally said making a face. Donovan staring at Lestrade. "Well, I'll leave this in your capable hands," Ally said gesturing to the phone in Lestrade hand.
"I'm sure it's an open-shut case," Ally said, tucking some hair behind her ear. "With any luck, I'll hear about in the Sunday news report in about a year or two." she said with a smile.
"Got to run, lots to do. So…yeah," Ally said, straightening out her jacket sleeves, putting her hands into her coat pockets. "Thanks for calling me, I guess. See you around." she said, smiling at them before walking out, opening the door.
Walking less than a block away. Ally pulled out her phone. "Tommy," she greeted. "Beautiful work, as usual. I mean, gorgeous.-Perfect. Will and I will meet you at the house for the doc"-"Bye."
She said, tucking the phone into her pocket, walking to the black car in front of her opening the passenger's door. "Will."
"You're happy." Will said, starting the car. "It was a good day." Ally replied, putting on her seatbelt.
"Where to?" Will asked.
"Home."
Thoughts?
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Till next time...
