At first, L was a little concerned at how his and Light's relationship might change things at the investigation headquarters, but it quickly became apparent that it would not have such dramatic consequences. They were chained together and so had to spend all their time with each other anyway, so the added romantic aspect fit perfectly into their lives. They had already started cuddling, so the only real change was the addition of kissing and holding hands and sometimes exchanging affectionate words.
They were both very good at hiding their relationship from everyone else. L already knew that he found it fun to play multiple roles, and he wasn't worried about Light's abilities in that area, but it was almost unnerving how Light instantly switched behaviours when they moved between locations where they were alone and where they had company. It was impressive. Almost suspiciously so. But L kept those suspicions packed away in the back of his mind in case he had to examine them later. He hoped that he would not.
Their relationship was only a conflict of interest if Light turned out to be Kira. And as time went by, L suspected him less and less. And not just because he didn't want Light to be Kira. Light had done nothing so far that provided direct evidence that he was Kira while the two of them were chained together. One day the chain would come off, but now L would look for reasons to push that day back as much as he could rather than speed it along. He didn't want to prolong the case, but if it did go on for a long time, he wasn't complaining. He was happy with keeping Light close, and he wasn't confident of his abilities to do so once they were not physically attached to each other.
Misa had sulked for a few days and refused to talk to anyone. Light made a comment in earshot of the rest of the team that they had had a little disagreement. Eventually she came around and asked them to come and hang out with her as she was bored. Thankfully she didn't bother with any tedious attempts to win Light back, and begrudgingly accepted that she'd rather see Light with someone else if that made him happy. They turned off the microphones during their visits to her so they could speak freely. The time the three of them spent together was much more pleasant after this, and L believed that in time he might even be able to start to consider Misa a friend.
It wasn't like L was unhappy before. He was more than satisfied with the challenge the Kira case gave him, and just meeting and interacting with an intellectual equal like Light had brought him a lot of joy. But every time he looked at Light and remembered that Light liked him as much as he liked Light, he was filled with an indescribable feeling of warmth and wellbeing.
But as the weeks wore on, L started to wonder if Light was happy with how their relationship was progressing. They had verbally expressed their love for each other, and, as the teenagers put it, made out a few times. Light hadn't mentioned it, but L couldn't help but think about the fact that Light might want to do other things too.
It was when they were lying in bed one night that L decided to broach the subject. The chain was neatly arranged between them in a way that wouldn't disturb them. L hadn't yet settled enough to shuffle over to cuddle up with Light, but Light's eyes were already closing.
L considered how to frame the question, and eventually decided that simple and direct was best. "Light, do you want to have sex?" he asked.
Light's eyes flew open. A look crossed his face, half alarm, half annoyance. "Do I look like I do right now?"
"No, no, I didn't mean now, obviously. But, some time."
Light dropped his gaze. "I, uh…"
"It's okay if you don't. I've been thinking and just wanted to ask."
"Well…" Light began, then paused. "Ryuzaki do you think now is the best time to talk about this?"
"It's just that after you said you loved me, and I told you I love you too, that's usually the next step people take."
Light propped his head up on his arm. "Is it the next step you usually take?" he shot back.
L looked at him. Light was being unusually evasive. "Light. Is there something about the question that bothers you?"
"I don't know, the fact that I'm under your surveillance? That we're in the building built specially for the investigation in which I'm a suspect?"
"Those things did not bother you before. Forgive me, but I do not think your points are valid."
Light sighed. "I just don't know, all right? I don't think I'm ready for anything like that."
"That's fine with me," L said, and got ready to settle down to sleep because in his mind that meant the subject was closed, but then Light looked like he wanted to say something else.
"I don't know if I ever will be," he said, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of himself.
"Also fine."
Light frowned. "You're not supposed to be fine with that."
"Why not?"
Light sighed as if the answer was obvious.
"Do I make you uncomfortable in some way?"
"With all the questions?"
"It was initially one question. You chose to complicate it."
Light frowned. "It's a complicated question."
"It isn't. Yes or no would be valid answers."
"But you'd be offended if I said no."
"I wouldn't."
"I'm sure that most people would be."
"I see," L said, putting his thumb to his lips and biting on it.
Light looked at the chain to avoid L's eyes. "I just… sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me."
"How so?"
"There's always been girls who wanted to date me, right? I could have my pick of them, my friends always told me how jealous they were of me for that. But I only went on dates out of obligation, because that's what I was supposed to do, that's what I was supposed to want. It was never as fun as people said it was."
L smiled. "In the circumstances, one could suppose that you might like boys instead?"
"That's just it, I don't think I do. I never understood why my friends were obsessed with seeing girls naked, but I've never wanted to see boys naked either."
"Hmm," L said, chewing on his thumb thoughtfully. "But you like me, yes?"
Light moved his face closer to L, and reached out to stroke L's hair. "More than anyone I've ever met."
L smiled.
"You have no idea how much I wanted to kiss you. For a long time before."
"I think I might be able to guess," L said, leaning forward and touching his lips to Light's gently. "I thought about it too."
Light's eyes were intense when the parted. "But what if I never want to do more than kiss you?"
"That's fine."
"Would you stop saying that!"
"But it is. I don't mind. In fact, it makes me love you more. We may be even more similar than I realised."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't experience sexual attraction. My libido is also lower than average. But that is fine, I am above average in plenty of other respects. And from what I have heard from other people, those things are distracting and can sometimes cause disaster."
"I always thought I was normal."
L snorted. "Light, you're not normal in any way!"
"Are you trying to make me feel worse?"
"No of course not. You're exceptional. You're amazing. Kira is a blight on society, but in a way I must thank him for bringing us together. I'm unbelievably lucky." L shifted closer and wrapped his arms and legs around Light.
Light wrapped his arms around L tightly and sniffed like he was trying to hold back tears. L patted Light's back. Light put his head on L's shoulder and they lay like that for a while.
"So that's settled. let's not have sex. I just wanted to ask and make sure you're not missing out on anything."
Light narrowed his eyes. "So you didn't want to have sex?"
"No."
"Ryuzaki, you sounded like you were offering it to me. What would you have done if I'd said yes?"
"Well, I would have attempted to accommodate you."
"What, even when you don't like sex?"
"I didn't say that. Fulfilling the desires of my loved one might be quite pleasing. I couldn't say without trying it."
"So you do want to?"
"I don't know. But whether we do or we don't, it won't affect how I feel about you."
"I don't know either. Everyone says you're supposed to just know. I can understand most other things, but this is a mystery to me. Why is this so hard?"
"It doesn't need to be hard. Let's just do the things that make us happy. I don't want you to be scared or annoyed or uncomfortable. If things stay like this forever, I won't be unhappy."
"I'd like to not have to hide from everyone except Misa."
"Me too."
"And I'd like to not have this handcuff on forever."
L suddenly felt worried. "You want to be away from me, Light?"
"No. I'd still want to be with you a lot of the time. But I miss my freedom, and it would be nice to get a little time to myself."
"I'm joking, Light," L said to pacify him. But he was happy to hear that Light thought about staying together after the investigation ended.
"Let's hurry up and catch Kira."
"We'll do it tomorrow. Now I need you to snuggle me. Otherwise I'll only stop you from sleeping."
Light sighed. "You're such a pain," he said as they settled down to sleep, but L could tell he was only teasing.
