Hey, everyone! So this story was inspired by a dialogue I had in my mind of someone trying to talk another individual off the edge. Merlin became the obvious choice to develop a story for since he goes through a lot. Details are purposefully vague. This takes place sometime in Season 5 but other than mentions of Mordred, there are no episode-specific details (yet). I did manage to include most of the dialogue I wanted in this story and if anything sounds familiar, it's probably because it is. I've taken quotes from various sources (not all to do with this heavy topic) and changed them just enough so they're not direct quotes.
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TRIGGER WARNINGS: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt (kind of), hints/allusions to self-harm, and depression
Merlin was tired. So, so tired. He was tired of the lies and weary from the constant pretense of being someone he wasn't. Tired of feeling guilty, stressed, worried, and sick to his stomach from it all. Weary of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, feeling it press down on him as if he were hauling mountains on his back, all while pretending the weight was nothing more than mere pebbles. Each day became a struggle, a battle against the fatigue that seeped into his bones, leaving him longing for a release from the burden he could no longer bear.
He just wanted everything to end. He couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the pain and exhaustion, couldn't stand the guilt. Couldn't take looking his friends in the eyes and knowing he was lying to them. They trusted him and he was lying to them. But that couldn't be helped. And it wouldn't end unless he was dead. Things would have been so much easier if he had never shown up in Camelot. Life would have been so much easier.
Merlin made it to the woods, finding a quiet spot. Someplace secluded where no one was likely to stumble upon him. He didn't want anyone to find him until it was too late. That was why he had left his note for Gaius in such a place where his mentor wouldn't find it too soon. He didn't want anyone to discover it and try to stop him. It wouldn't do any good for someone to come before he had finished. He would have ended it all within the citadel walls if he wasn't concerned about his friends' grief. But he couldn't picture one of his friends finding him like that, trying to save him, knowing they were too late. This... This was easier. Away from prying eyes. This way, he wouldn't have to be concerned about who found him.
He withdrew the small dagger from his pocket. He twisted the blade around in his hand, studying it as if it held all the answers. Maybe it did... Because this seemed the only way to finally end everything. All the pain, all the suffering. He rolled up his sleeve, adjusted his grip on the blade, and searched for an unmarked spot.
"Dying is easy, you know," came a soft voice. An unfamiliar one.
Merlin jumped, somehow avoiding marking his skin as his eyes scanned the area for the source. He found it not a moment later when a figure stepped out from behind a nearby tree. They were shorter than him, if he had to guess, and wore simple clothes. Brown boots, brown trousers, and a green cloak which was pulled up to conceal their face. There were small tears in the clothing, indicating they were well-worn. They were also slightly dirty as if the figure had been in the woods for a few days—but clean enough to indicate they didn't live in them. He saw no revealing features but they didn't appear to be nobility of any kind. However, the voice indicated they were female.
"My apologies," she said, pulling back the hood to reveal dark red hair and soft blue eyes. "I didn't mean to startle you. M-may I join you?" She gestured to a spot next to him.
Merlin continued to stare at her, unable to speak. That was such an odd thing to say. He certainly didn't want company right now. It was why he had come out here. To be left alone, to die alone. But then she was here and he had no will to do anything in front of anyone. Even a stranger who conveniently showed up right before he could act. He studied her, eyes narrowing slightly as he did so. This stranger didn't appear to have been stalking him though. It was more like she had also stumbled upon this spot. She seemed just as surprised to see him as he did her.
He never answered her and she took his silence as permission. Quietly, she shuffled over to him and then sat down to the right of the tree Merlin was currently leaning against.
Great, he thought bitterly, unhappy that his plans had been disrupted. Now she knows what I've planned and isn't going to leave.
The girl—for she was far too young to be any older than eighteen and Merlin would've eaten Arthur's socks if she was even that old—stared at him intently. Then she sighed and looked down, choosing instead to focus on the weeds before them. She picked one and began twisting it in her hands.
"I won't stop you," she suddenly spoke, still avoiding eye contact.
"W-what?" Merlin stuttered out, surprised.
She cast a glance at him and then looked away again. "I won't stop you... Because I won't be able to. If you truly think this is the way to go, nothing I say—or do—will stop you. You'll say anything to get me to leave you alone, to convince me you're fine. And then when I do, you'll try again. Maybe not today... But you will try again. And I likely won't be there next time."
This was certainly not how he thought this conversation would go. She talked like she had experienced this before. He swallowed. "Why are you here then?"
She shrugged. "I was going for a walk... Found you. Thought you might want someone to talk to."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Something's on your mind. Else you wouldn't be here... Considering this..."
He paused, staring blankly at her. But she refused to even look in his direction. Finally, Merlin turned his gaze to the treetops. "I can't..." he whispered, holding back a sob. "I can't talk about it... You wouldn't understand. Couldn't understand. No one does."
She hummed a little as though she did. "Then perhaps you can enlighten me... What's made you believe that your life is no longer worth living?"
He shrugged, eyes searching for the sky through the mess of branches above him. "There's no point anymore."
"And why is that?"
Merlin turned to scowl at the girl, but it was ineffective since she wasn't even looking at him. Why can't she just leave me alone? He knew he could just get up and leave, but he also knew it would be days before he got another chance. Today, nobody would be looking for him for hours. Arthur had dismissed him until evening and Merlin had fled to the woods rather than the physician's quarters. Both likely assumed he was with the other man. And Merlin was afraid if he left, he would have to build up his nerve again. It had taken him days to convince himself that this was the best option. He would just have to persuade the girl to leave then.
"I just told you why," he grumbled.
She looked at him then. "No, you didn't. You told me you couldn't talk about it and that I couldn't understand. But you don't know me. You have no idea what I could or couldn't understand. Just as I have no inkling as to what has driven you this far." A pause, then, "This isn't the way."
Merlin scoffed. "I thought you said you weren't going to stop me."
"I believe I said I wouldn't be able to stop you. If this is what you truly believe, then I won't be able to say anything to stop you. But that doesn't prevent me from trying..."
"Why do you care?" he shouted, annoyed. "You don't even know me!"
"Because I believe every life is valuable. From the poorest peasant to the highest king. Your life matters."
Merlin was stunned into silence by that. A stranger thought he was important. It was a nice sentiment but that wasn't why he was out here. Though he did doubt the others cared about him sometimes—Arthur called him useless multiple times a day—it wasn't on his mind at the moment. No, it was the weight of destiny, the price it demanded from him. It was too great to handle. She couldn't understand that and he didn't know if he could explain it to anyone, especially a stranger.
The girl was studying him but her cerulean eyes and expression betrayed nothing. He had no idea what she was thinking and the intensity of her stare made him look away. Merlin turned his gaze to the knife in his hands. He wondered if he could just do it now and be done with it. But no... The girl would probably react and manage to save his life. Drag him back where he would have to face the others.
I could just use magic... Force her to leave, he thought. Or paralyze her to prevent her from helping. That seemed rather harsh though. Especially since she hadn't done anything to him and Merlin couldn't work up the courage to do it. He wasn't even sure his magic would allow him to do something like that to an innocent person. His magic seemed unusually calm and relaxed in her presence. Besides, there was every chance that once he was too weak—dying—she could fight the spell.
I should just confess to sorcery, then. Surely that will get the job done... But knowing his luck lately, it wouldn't. If she even believed him—and that was a big if—she knew what he wanted to do. So she would know he was saying whatever to convince her to let him die. Even though it was true, Merlin doubted that confession would deter her.
The girl sighed and Merlin looked back at her. "Alright... You don't have to talk," she conceded.
Thank you, he thought and was sure it showed on his face when her mouth downturned slightly.
"But will you please listen? Please? And after I'm done..." She swallowed and looked away briefly. "After I'm done... I'll leave you alone. You can do whatever you want once I leave. I promise. I'm just asking you to listen to what I have to say before you make such a rash decision."
Merlin hesitated, but the girl had promised to leave him alone. The least he could do was hear what this stranger had to say. He doubted it would change much. But if that's what it took to be left alone, he would do it. So a tad reluctantly, he nodded.
She gave him a small, sad smile and then began her speech. "Death comes for us all. The rich, the poor, the sick, and the healthy. It has no preference. It is the great equalizer among living things. It is the one thing we can be sure about in this life. We will all die."
Merlin furrowed his brows in confusion. Where on earth was she going with this? Then he remembered she had taken a strange approach to the conversation earlier and decided to stay quiet. She would likely get to her point eventually.
"And to be honest... Dying is the easy part. Living is what's hard. Living with the grief, the loss, the pain, the struggles. Knowing that the choices you make affect others, hurt others. Knowing that lives depend on you and not being able to save everyone. In life, we have to make sacrifices that have us doubting that we're doing the right thing. Or that we're even a good person."
Oh... Merlin realized. This girl has seen some things. She definitely knows what she's talking about. And for some reason, that made him very curious and more inclined to listen.
"But that's not all there is to life. It's not all bad. There are good things too. There's friendship... Love... Love of country, of friends, or family. Love of your home and the people that live there. Surely you are not alone in this world... Someone cares about you, right?" She paused, but Merlin didn't have time to answer before she continued. "There's beauty in life too. Nature is beautiful in the way it sings. The sunrise and the sunset are stunning..."
As she spoke, Merlin recalled the unicorn he had seen all those years ago. The creature was so beautiful and innocent. It didn't deserve to die. He had mourned its death and was glad when it was resurrected. It was like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Something so beautiful and pure was alive again. He reflected on the magic in the earth. Everything was vibrating. So full of life. It was a wonderful, beautiful feeling. He suspected only those fully in tune with the magic around them could sense this. It just made him more aware of what was going on around him.
He used to enjoy it. The sounds of life around him constantly. Now it just annoyed him because he felt so dead inside. Everything around him was alive but he... he wasn't. He felt nothing, he sensed nothing. Even nature, something he had always felt connected to, felt like a stranger to him. He was alone, numb, drained. How could he think himself alive when all he had in his heart right now was the cold emptiness of death?
The girl was still talking when he pulled himself from his dark musings. He had no idea how much he had missed. "People can be beautiful as well. And I'm not talking about their looks... I'm talking about their heart, their character. These are the things that make life worth living. They bring joy to our lives. These are the things that matter. There are things in life worth living for. And if you don't have something, y-you find something." There was an odd tone in her voice as she stumbled through the last part but Merlin couldn't determine what it was.
"I have nothing to live for..." he said, looking away again.
"What about your friends? Family? Why are you out here, alone, if you don't have any of them? You're worried about them finding you... That's why you came out here. To be alone."
That was true. She had an uncanny ability to know what he was thinking. It was like she knew what was bothering him without him saying it. Merlin began to wonder if perhaps she actually did know why he was considering this.
"What do you think this will do to your friends?" she questioned. "You need to live for them. Because this... This will hurt them more than you could possibly imagine."
Merlin startled and caught the girl's eye. There was barely concealed grief in her eyes and she seemed to be pleading with him. Oh... he realized for the second time. She had lost someone... Likely in a similar fashion. And then he conceded that she was right. He hadn't thought of what the consequences of his actions would be on others. He knew his mother would grieve him, but he had already resigned himself to that fact. It was why it had taken so long to convince himself to go through with it. But he hadn't considered what the others would think or do. Not really. Suddenly, he found himself wondering if they would even care.
Gaius would for sure. The man was like a father to him and he knew the physician saw him as a son. This would hurt him beyond measure. But the Knights? Arthur? Gwen?
He had been close with most of the Knights once, especially Gwaine. However, nowadays, it seemed the Knight barely had time for him. And when Merlin was with them all, they treated him more like the servant he was than a friend. He supposed he couldn't be too upset about that. He was a servant and shouldn't expect them to treat him any differently. But it did hurt... Lancelot was the only one who treated him like a friend, like a brother. But he was gone now... Just another person he had lost for the sake of his destiny.
And Gwen? They had been close once when they were both servants. Now that she was Queen things had changed between them. It didn't seem appropriate to keep the close friendship they once had. Regardless of that, she would mourn his death. He knew that. She had a kind heart and they were still friends, if from a distance. This would hurt her too.
But what about Arthur? Merlin didn't even know where to start with him. Sometimes he thought the King hated him. But he always noticed when Merlin was in a dreary mood and did his best to fix it—in typical Arthur fashion. This usually involved teasing or mocking Merlin for the sake of a laugh. Even this morning he had asked if something was wrong. They were friends, weren't they? Arthur did like to bully and pick on him, but that was what friends did. Right?
Merlin was aware that Arthur allowed him certain courtesies that others were not, the name-calling for one and his delinquency for another—though that was often due to saving the idiot's life. If it had been anyone else he likely would have been sacked by now. But did that mean Arthur actually cared about him? Or did he just like the fact that Merlin didn't care that he had a title? That despite their societal differences he treated Arthur the same as everyone else? Actually, Merlin treated him worse than everyone else—both could admit that he truly was a rubbish servant and he insulted the royal in ways he would never think to do to others. Arthur was the only person that Merlin had dared to call out their abhorrent behavior to their face.
But what did that all mean? He saw how Arthur interacted with the Knights and other nobles. And while they did banter back and forth, he was never as harsh with them as he was with Merlin. He trusted their word and guidance over his own, and not always for the better. The times Merlin had tried to convince Arthur a person was wrong had always backfired. No matter what Merlin did. He was just a servant so his word counted for nothing against the others. Even when he was later proved right, he could never expect an apology from Arthur. In his eyes, Merlin was always wrong. So maybe they weren't friends. Certainly not to the degree Merlin thought they were. Would Arthur even care or would he just tease him? Call him a girl?
Merlin then realized just how alone he truly was. Three, maybe four, people would miss him. Gaius and his mother were the only ones who really knew him, the real him. But even they didn't understand the burden he carried. Didn't understand just how many people he had hurt—killed, even—in pursuit of his destiny. How each one seemed to take a piece of his soul. And it all seemed for naught. After everything he had done, Arthur's death was closer than ever. Especially now that Mordred had shown up in Camelot—and was a Knight no less! Everything he tried, failed. What was the point of staying around to watch it all come crashing down?
For someone trying to convince him to stay alive, this girl was doing a poor job. Merlin felt worse than he did when they had first started talking—and that was saying something since he had come out here to die.
Something must have shown on his face as the girl softened her expression. But her eyes went surprisingly blank and Merlin could no longer tell what she was thinking. "It's also an incredibly selfish thing to do," she said and Merlin snorted in protest, looking towards the sky in obvious disagreement.
How was it selfish if I seemed to be the one causing all the problems?
But the girl didn't let him speak. "No... It is. Taking your life... Who exactly are you taking it from? Once it's gone, it's not you who'll miss it. You're taking it from everyone else. Depriving others of your life and the effect it has on theirs. It's being selfish. Your life is not your own. You don't get to decide when to end it. Especially after..." Her breath hitched and Merlin snapped his gaze to her. She was staring in his direction, but not at him. She was somewhere else, far off. "...after people have died before their time. Their lives carelessly cut short. And you're just going to do the same thing to your friends?" The girl turned her attention back to him and he saw both sorrow and anger in her eyes. Angry at him?
Merlin swallowed reflexively, wondering why that thought made him so nervous. Why do you care what this stranger thinks? he thought. He looked away, unable to hold her gaze when she was watching him like that.
"Maybe I deserve it..." he mused quietly to himself. He didn't want the girl to hear. But even from his periphery, he could see her shift which told him she had heard it nonetheless.
"No," she replied, voice soft but not pitying. "You don't."
He found himself angry with that response, though he wasn't sure why. His attention snapped to her again, eyes flashing. "How would you know?!" Merlin practically snarled at her. He was surprised she didn't recoil at the ferocity of his words. He scared himself with his harshness. "You have no idea what I've done!"
"I don't need to," she said soothingly.
Like a mother would a child, Merlin thought. It was very strange that she was the one so motherly when he was clearly older. Yet he was the one acting like a child by yelling at someone who was only trying to help. And suddenly his anger left him just as quickly as it came.
"I can see from this that you're a good person, that you have a good heart. Otherwise, you wouldn't be hurting this much. Whatever you've done... It's not too late. You can come back from this."
In this, she was wrong. "I've killed people!" he blurted, tears in his eyes. He didn't wipe them away, hoping the girl wouldn't see.
"So I have." Her voice was quiet, almost lost.
Merlin stared at her then, dubious. There was no way this girl—this child—had killed anyone. She seemed far too young, far too innocent. But then again, Merlin admitted, many suspect the same of you. People didn't believe he was capable of such violence. Yet he had killed thousands. All for Arthur, all for the sake of destiny.
Unexpectedly, he found himself studying her for the first time. She was young, yes. But in appearance only. Her eyes and face looked haggard and weary. Almost dull and not full of life and innocence one would normally see in one so young. She looked almost shattered, broken. Someone had hurt her, took that naivety found in children. And when he looked in her eyes, really looked, he saw himself. And that scared him. Scared him that anyone that young could feel what he felt. That was why she seemed so wise beyond her years. Because this girl, whoever she was, had gone through more than anyone could imagine. It was almost as if she did understand exactly what he was going through. And the thought of someone so young feeling like that pulled at something in him. A need to protect or perhaps shelter her from the world. But the damage was already done. Irrevocably so it seemed. What the hell had happened?
Then he remembered the dragon and the three—or was it four now?—attacks on the castle caused by Morgana. She had probably lost family and friends during those events. Merlin felt guilty that he had caused her pain and here she was trying to comfort—help—him. He who was to blame. Granted, he knew the deaths Morgana caused shouldn't be on him. However, he couldn't help but feel remorseful about them. If he had never poisoned her, perhaps none of this would be happening. Then again, Camelot probably wouldn't have been standing either. He thought he was saving them, but how many innocents had lost their lives since, because of him?
Despite wanting to comfort her, he found himself drawing them both back to the conversation. "Why should I get to live when they don't?" He wiped his tears on his sleeve, knife being cast to the side at some point during their discussion. Merlin didn't know when he had dropped it, just that he no longer held it.
The girl eyed him, curiously. A look of confusion—or surprise?—flashed quickly across her face and he would have missed it had he not been studying her so intently. "Perhaps because it was their time..." she answered mournfully. He noted that her answer satisfied neither of them.
So she didn't have all the answers, he thought wryly.
"All I know is... When it's your time to die, there is no power on earth, no m-magic that will be able to save you." The mention of magic piqued Merlin's interest but he didn't have a chance to say anything as she continued. "But I don't know why good people have to die while evil ones live... It doesn't seem fair. What I do know is that we don't get to make that choice. We may wield the weapon that slays someone, but we have no say in whether they survive or not. At least we shouldn't..."
She looked away at the last part as if she had tried to interfere on someone's behalf. Like he had done with Arthur and with Uther. He failed in one but succeeded in the other. But at what cost? He had killed Nimueh to save the then-prince. Their deaths just added two more to his conscience and Uther's had likely turned Arthur against magic forever. His destiny seemed so close yet so far at the same time.
"I will say that if it's their deaths that are weighing so heavily on you. That's pushed you to this..." She turned to look at him again. "It's normal for killing to haunt, to weigh on your soul. It just means you're human. The moment it doesn't... the moment it becomes second nature, that's when it becomes a problem. Those who kill for fun or for the sake of killing are no longer human. They're monsters... Any warrior or knight will tell you the same... They hide it better than most, but it weighs heavy on them too."
Merlin suspected that was true. He had seen the Knights, especially Arthur, after a battle. Had seen how sorrowful and regretful they looked. How weary and despondent they were. He had always assumed it was the deaths of innocents that caused it. But maybe it was more than that. Perhaps it was all the lives they had taken that weighed on them as well.
"It's not a reason to end your own life," she declared rather firmly. Merlin flinched slightly. It was the first time either of them had admitted what he planned aloud.
"No one would care... No one would know..." Merlin found himself saying quietly.
Something dark flashed in her eyes that he couldn't read before she spoke. "That's not true... You know it's not. You've isolated yourself out here because you don't want anyone to find you until it's too late. You know there are people who, if they knew what you planned to do right now, would stop you. Don't you realize how selfish that is? They're about to lose you without having any say in this. It's such a violent way to lose a friend or loved one." She shook her head, seeming to be clearing some memory from her mind. "It may not always look like it, but people do care. I care. I know what you intend to do and I cared enough to try and stop you. I could've just walked away if I didn't."
Upon hearing this, Merlin looked at her with a hint of curiosity. This girl, this stranger, didn't know him. Whether he was dead or alive it didn't affect her in any way. He could have been anyone, could've been someone dangerous—and depending on who you ask, he was. She could have easily ignored him. But she hadn't. Regardless of the risk to herself, she had come up to him, stayed to help, and talked with him.
"Why didn't you just ignore me?" Merlin asked, the words out before he could stop himself.
She shrugged. "Was I just supposed to walk away after discovering you wanted to kill yourself?"
"You keep insisting that people care, but I know for a fact most would not stop for a stranger..." he countered, pushing. He needed to know why she bothered with him.
Her eyes narrowed a bit, studying him. "Would you?"
Merlin didn't answer her knowing full well that he would have. If the situation was reversed he would be doing the same thing she was. His current mindset probably wouldn't even matter at that moment. He'd still try to help. And this girl seemed to know that, without him saying it.
"I'm not most people," she said in lew of a response from him.
Merlin glowered at her. "Well, that's very thoughtful of you," he stated, bitterly. "But you're wasting your time helping me. I'm not worth it. I'm worthless. A nobody. And no one will even care that I'm gone."
The girl's eyes widened and Merlin knew he had won. She knew now that nothing would stop him. But he had to commend her for still trying. "That's not true! That's just your head messing with you! It's not true... People other than me care about you. No one is truly alone in this world. You know that! What do you feel deep down? Can you honestly tell me that there isn't some part of you that feels guilty, that isn't worried about what your friends might think of this? It's why you are out here, away from people. There's something deep inside trying to tell you that this is wrong."
She had a point. That was why he had come to the woods. To make sure no one found him. Was it because some part of him knew this would hurt the people he cared about? He had never wanted to hurt anyone. Never wanted anyone to feel the pain he was feeling.
"Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem," the girl continued, "You cannot undo this! Whatever it is that's bothering you can be fixed. I promise. It's not too late for you. But if you do this... you cannot come back from it!" She appeared more flustered than she had been the entire conversation. It seems he had struck a nerve and she was getting desperate.
Had she really thought she could save me? Merlin wondered. Despite saying she wouldn't be able to? Despite promising to leave if he just heard her out? He opened his mouth to point that fact out when she spoke again.
"Please, listen to me..." she begged. "How you feel right now, in this moment, is not your permanent residency. You don't have to stay there unless you want to. But this... Death? Death is permanent. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal...Your struggles may seem unbearable now, even impossible. You may feel helpless before them, unable to face them, but you were given this life because you're strong enough to live it! Every life is unique in its experiences and the friendships one creates. Why would you want to end that by doing something so ordinary like dying?" She was still pushing him on the why, but Merlin resolutely avoided telling her.
How can I explain the whole destiny thing to a stranger?
Merlin couldn't tell if she truly wanted an answer. Desperation filled her eyes as if she were still trying to save him. Then, without warning, something in her changed. He wasn't sure if it was something he'd done or if she had resigned herself to the truth. For a fleeting moment, curiosity flickered across her face, but it vanished just as quickly, replaced by a look of quiet resolve, though her eyes still carried sadness. It was clear she wasn't finished yet.
"Your friends need you!" the girl stated. Her tone indicated this was her last argument. Her last chance to try and save him. "You play a big part in their lives. I can see that and I barely know you. The fact that you care how they'll react to you, considering this, tells me that much. I bet they don't even realize how much you help and support them daily. What are they going to do without you?"
Merlin blinked, caught off guard again. Just moments ago, he was convinced this was the end and she had known it. Now she had switched tactics, going back to something that had struck a nerve with him. His friends. She knew he had friends and, more importantly, she knew how involved he was in their lives. If he was to die, how long would it be before his friends followed? Before Camelot fell? Arthur would probably be dead by the end of the week without him. And wasn't that a sobering thought? Merlin was supposed to protect Arthur. If he died now, he would have failed at that. While he was still alive, there was a chance to save him. Was he really about to give up that chance?
"I-I..." Merlin tried, but for the first time since this conversation began, he didn't know what to say. There was no rebuttal, no excuse or comeback for what she had said. Because she was entirely right. People counted on him, they needed him. Camelot would fall to Morgana without him and thousands more would die. It was more than just his life he was ending.
He had promised to protect Arthur or die at his side. This... This was neither. This was giving up. And then another thought struck him. That was exactly what the girl was trying to say! She wouldn't come out and say it, but that was her whole point. He was taking the easy way out. Instead of trying to fight, he accepted it when there was still a chance to change Arthur's fate. To defy the prophecy... Merlin may not be Arthur's friend, but the King was certainly his. The thought of just leaving Arthur to die hurt him. And Merlin had been about to do just that.
Eyes wide, Merlin turned back to the girl, needing to say something. What? He wasn't exactly sure. Perhaps a thank you for setting him straight or maybe figure out what happened to her. But she was gone. He stood and scanned the area frantically, but there was no sign of her. She had left just as quietly as she had come, catching him unawares both times. Had she even been real? She had to be. But he didn't even know her name.
Shaking his head, Merlin fled. He had been gone for long enough for someone to notice now and needed to get back to the castle. Needed to get to the note before someone found it and came looking for him. There was no need to worry everyone when he was fine. At least for now.
"Merlin!" Gaius exclaimed as soon as he burst through the door, voice barely concealing his worry. "Where have you been? Arthur's been asking for you. You've been gone for ages." Something in Merlin's demeanor must have alerted the physician that something was amiss. His voice took on a softer tone and he stepped closer. "Merlin... What's wrong? Are you alright?"
"I'm... I'm—" Merlin wanted to say he was fine like he had so many times before. Wanted to play this off, put on a smile, and crack a joke so no one would worry about them. But this time he found he couldn't do it. The girl's words forced him to admit that he needed help. If he didn't tell anyone, he knew he'd be back there to try again. She had been right in that regard as well.
"I-I'm not alright. I think something's wrong with me." Then he broke down. "I need help..."
This was my attempt to get out of the Narnia universe and start something new. It didn't quite go as planned (if you know, you know).
I know canonically Merlin is immortal, but at this point, neither character knows that. That being said... Please let me know if you want another part or continuation of this story and what you would like to see if you do. I have some ideas of where I could take this, but I haven't started digging into them. I want to know what others think and if people are interested, I will be willing to try and continue this. Thanks for reading!
