song: Carry You, Ruelle


Some may say that burying oneself in literary fiction was a form of escapism, but for Rachel it was a return to normalcy again. This was her job. Added to that, a job she really loved to do and one she performed on her own terms, one she had power over as opposite to the powers she was gifted with – or cursed, for that matter. Many times she wondered how different her life and her choices especially would've been if she hadn't had them in the first place. On the other hand, she was too scared to dream like this and when her imagination got a bit too wild, she used it for creating stories for her books instead.

That evening was her big book premiere she hadn't exactly invited any of her friends to since all of them had too much on their plates. Coming to the event might be a bit of a stretch for them after all they'd been through and most importantly, even though she poured all of her heart into her work and would never decide not to publish it, she would still rather they saw it not sooner, but later.

Getting this particular book out there could be risky, even her publisher said so, considering the way she went about it and how she finished it, but they also loved it because of the very way she wrote it. The book itself might be sad, but it was as well bringing people hope in the harsh reality they lived and that was exactly what they needed. They shouldn't always count on someone to save them since life didn't work that way even in the age of heroes they right now had, but they should always, no matter what, hold on to hope.

Rachel was busy signing the copies, her hand by now aching and her signature becoming a bit sloppy, yet she wouldn't trade it for the world. She loved what she did and she was so, so grateful that she'd made it. Even if it was because of Harrison Wells that she'd gotten published so easily, at this point she considered it the one good thing he'd owed her. She was certain that sooner or later she would've made it anyway as Harrison might've helped at the beginning, yes, but he could never be responsible for how the book would be accepted by the critics and potential fans. And that was her final validation – the people who loved her work and showed up to let her know how much it meant to them.

The event was coming to an end and she received a message that it was just a couple of people left waiting in line for a signature and then the bookshop would be closed.

"How can I address you?" she asked automatically, taking one last book into her hands and opening it on the first page, ready to sign it.

"Maybe just write your name since the dedication is already there, isn't it?" she heard in response and she froze.

The voice belonged to no one else but Barry Allen and she was only confirmed in her suspicion when she raised her head to look up at him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, barely audible.

"Why shouldn't I show up to a big event of one of the most important people in my life?" he responded with a question, his voice sounding off though, thick somehow.

"You can close up," Rachel threw the way of her agent. "This is a friend. There are no more fans here to see me." She then raised from her seat, actually happy to be able to stretch her legs, and led Barry outside through the back door after grabbing her coat along with her purse.

The problem was that she had no idea what to say to him.

"The dedication…" he started on his own when walking alongside her, the book still in his hands, "to my hero… The story… Rachel, is that… is that… for me?" he finally managed to utter, coming to a stop as he clearly wanted to face her in this conversation.

She did follow his example, but she refused to look up into his eyes.

"You wrote a book about a hero destined to die and you dedicated it to…"

"Yes, I know. What else would you like me to tell you?" she asked him harshly, finally meeting his eyes, anguish reflecting in her own.

"Is this your way of telling me that I… that I'm going to die?" he prompted. "Considering your powers…"

Her eyes filled up with tears and she hugged herself, feeling cold, but not exactly because of the weather itself.

"I saw it a long time ago," she finally confessed, knowing that this moment would eventually come and probably just when her book would see the light of the day. "It's been haunting me ever since, repeating over and over again. Sometime in the future, you are going to die, Barry," she informed him.

"But… how sure can you be? How long…?" he started immediately, taken aback.

"Barry, please…" she begged nearly silently. She didn't want to talk about this. "I thought I saw what happened with the accelerator earlier… when you went into the Speedforce, but… I cannot be sure. I don't know when it will happen and I don't even want to think about it. All…" she hesitated, looking aside for a moment, contemplating whether she should give him that last piece of a puzzle, but eventually, she felt like she had to. She at least owed him the truth. "All that you need to know is… whenever I'm with you… whenever I enjoy myself or let... god, even let myself feel something," her teary greens met his still anguished browns, "all I see in my mind is you dying in agony. So this, Barry," she looked down at the book he was still holding, "this dedication, to my hero… this is all I can ever give you."

He didn't say anything for quite some time, clearly processing, thinking about what she told him, about what she thought would eventually happen to him. Then he finally said, "You know, on Earth 2… we're married there."

Rachel's gaze immediately settled on him again, her eyes opening widely in shock.

"I never met you over there. You were away because they were making a movie based on one of your books," he informed, "but… the other me told me."

"I… I'm sorry, I can't…" she gasped and walked away quickly, desperate to just get away from him since it was all too much and only brought her pain.

While Barry was watching her walk away, he had tears in his eyes himself, clenching onto the book she'd written basically for and about him and thinking that sometimes his powers were truly a curse. Only he couldn't change who he was. He was and would always be the Flash; losing them to Zoom had made him realize that.


Rachel was hiding out in her apartment, lying under covers in her bed, pretty shaken up after the whole city seemed to be run by metahumans from Earth 2 brought there by Zoom. It wasn't even the danger that rattled her so much. Yes, right now one couldn't even feel safe in their own house due to an especially dangerous meta who could collapse whole buildings, but what really hurt her was the constant visions in her head. There were too many metas acting up at once in the city and she was nearly driven crazy by everything she'd seen and the headache it'd all brought. Only thanks to Caitlin could she survive, taking the medicine her friend had given her and mostly sleeping through it all, though with nightmares that were probably real.

She was truly relieved when it all stopped and she could finally breathe without pain – the plan the team had, clearly working.

She was invited to a celebratory dinner at Joe's, but didn't really feel like leaving her apartment, happy to finally have some peace and quiet all to herself. And just then, when she was brewing some hot tea to take with her back to bed, she heard knocking on her door.

At first it brought her to an alert, wondering who it might be so late as it was nearly the middle of the night, but then she reminded herself that Zoom or any of his metas would not really bother using door or being polite and actually knock.

Her eyes opened widely in shock since Barry, still in the Flash suit, was standing on her threshold, his face completely grief-stricken, eyes swollen from crying.

"Barry?" Rachel gasped, horror overcoming her as she wondered which of her friends was dead, because what else could've happened that put him in such a state?

He walked inside and nearly collapsed into her arms, his knees giving up. Rachel wasn't strong enough to support his weight, so all she managed to do was to kick the door shut and stumble to the couch with him.

"Barry, what happened?" she asked, though she wasn't really sure she wanted to know.

For a moment, he was just sitting there, staring at the wall ahead and then she heard the terrible news, "Zoom killed my dad."

Having heard that, she didn't even ask for clarification which father he meant, though deep down inside she seemed to know already. And it hurt her, too. She'd barely managed to meet Henry Allen. And he was so proud of who his son had grown up to be, so proud of what he'd achieved and he loved Barry so much… And just when he'd finally gotten his life back…

Rachel's hand wandered up to cover her mouth.

"Barry, I… I'm so… so sorry…" she said slowly and quietly, knowing this wouldn't help him anyway. There were no words on this earth that could help.

"I just… I need you right now," Barry whispered, turning to her and she opened her arms, inviting him into her embrace.


The events of the night before had been so devastating and overwhelming for Barry that somehow he and Rachel ended up sleeping on the couch, cuddled together. Even with all the distance she'd already put between them, she couldn't possibly push him away that night. Not after what happened. Not after he lost his father. This was a raw and visceral wound. There were no words for what Zoom had done to him and all of that after another nemesis of his, Reverse Flash, had already taken his mother. It was too much and too fresh and she could not even imagine the pain. She had no idea whether she would be able to survive another Harrison, another betrayal like this, so she could not even think about what Barry must've been going through, the pain unimaginable.

Somehow though, she was spared the awkward morning after when basically waking up in his arms as the thing that stirred her fully awake seemed to be him speeding out of her apartment and leaving her alone.


Rachel was in distress, following Barry's sudden exit. What more, she was afraid for him. He was grieving and therefore couldn't think straight. She tried reaching him and when that proved futile, she took a trip to the Labs. There she was met with the rest of the team, all of them in shock and grieving themselves as well.

She started wondering whether it was even within her power to stay away, to keep her distance, especially from Barry. At this point, the only way to achieve that seemed to be abandoning S.T.A.R. Labs and her friends once and for all and moving to another city to start anew; but even there she would be haunted by the news coming from Central City, the news of the Flash, and she couldn't forget her own powers on top of it. There was no escape and maybe there never really was. Maybe this was fate and she should stop fighting it, her self-control waning anyway, her guards completely down the night before when he had needed her.

She hadn't seen Barry till the funeral which was actually organized pretty fast. It was pouring rain that day and it didn't look like it would stop anytime soon - truly a fitting weather for how they all felt.

He was the first one to come, staring at the coffin ready to be lowered into the ground; a lonely figure dressed in a black suit under a black umbrella. Barry. Her Barry.

She didn't question her motives anymore. She didn't fight her natural instincts. It felt like her place was by his side, so she went straight there, fitting her arm into his, standing with him under his umbrella, hearing no word of protest. He felt pretty stiff and wasn't even able to say anything as a goodbye to his father; didn't say a word to her as well, but she didn't expect him to. She hoped to do exactly what he needed her to – to just be there for him as support, because truly - abandoning all reserves and pushing away all the lies she'd told herself - here was her place. Maybe it always had been. And no one questioned it or looked at her strange.

The first one there, the first one gone – Barry disappeared right after, probably fighting way too many emotions and still having Zoom on his mind. Zoom who'd taken his biological father and who could also take any one of the people he loved that were still alive. Rachel could be next, already once taken by Zoom to spite the Flash. Joe could be killed as his second father. Anyone, really, that Barry held dear and they all understood he couldn't let that happen, but were also very afraid that in all this grief and rage and fear, he would do something reckless or stupid or both at once…

…like creating a time remnant.

They watched in horror as Barry agreed to play Zoom's game of who was the fastest man alive, in the same time powering a highly dangerous magnetar which, with enough power, could take down the entire multiverse.

And it almost did, but while Barry was taking care of Zoom with whom he'd eventually won, his time remnant countered the magnetar by…

Rachel could only stand there frozen, watch it all happen with mouth agape and not really believing that this was it. The time remnant of Barry's managed to stop the device and in the process… he dissolved into nothing, died, stopped existing… the power being too much. It literally tore him apart, leaving only one Barry as it always was.

Could that be it…? Crossed her mind, wrecking her brain, trying to solve the mystery. Could that be the end she'd been seeing in her vision all this time? Easily prevented by a creation of a time remnant? Two Barrys, one surviving, the other one dying a hero, sacrificing himself to save the multiverse. Could that be it? The very end? Did that mean Barry was not going to die, after all?

Rachel could see Caitlin looking at her, could nearly feel her exhilaration as she must've thought the same, being one privy to the information.

But what should she do with that now? Rachel wondered. Should she go over to Barry and tell him that? And what, then? A whole future of possibilities suddenly opened up for her and she felt truly overwhelmed, watching the end of Zoom as two time wraiths came for him, tearing him apart.

Her happiness died down when she realized that just because Zoom was gone and they were safe, it didn't mean Barry could simply go back to living his life. He'd just lost his father. He needed time to heal. So she would be there for him, she decided right on the spot. Whatever he needed, whenever and however, she would be there and would respect his decision whether he wanted her around or not. Whether he wanted to deal with it all alone or not.


"I still don't like this," Harry voiced his opinion when hugging his daughter goodbye.

Jesse decided to stay on Earth 1 and explore the relationship she started with Caitlin whereas her father was needed back on Earth 2 at his own S.T.A.R. Labs.

"Dad, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. Besides, I have team Flash here to keep me safe. And Caitlin."

Harrison eyed the doctor. "You better take care of her. I still don't like this," he then repeated grumpily just to make a point.

"Harry, I care about Jesse. I really do and I want to see where this is going as much as she does. I won't hurt her. And she will be safe here, I promise," Caitlin assured him.

Still, there was a grimace passing through his face. "I don't want to hear about this… Just…" he turned back to his daughter, "take care of yourself. Don't do anything stupid, ok?"

"Don't worry. She'll be perfectly fine with us," Rachel told him when it was her turn to say goodbye. "Be safe yourself, ok?"

He hugged her briefly, which was gladly less awkward than she expected it to be, and soon enough they watched him and Jay Garrick from Earth 3 (sadly another painful thing for Barry as the man turned out to be his father's doppelganger), leave.

Speaking of…

Rachel turned to the speedster, her heart somehow beating faster.

"Barry…" she started, but he didn't even look at her, nor did he hear her, she suspected. And then, he was just gone.

"Give him some time," Caitlin advised when placing her hand on her friend's shoulder. "He'll come around. He can tell you're there for him. He will find you."

Rachel only nodded, watching Cait and Jesse heading home when holding hands; Joe coming back to the police station and Cisco to tinkering with his mechanical toys. Somehow, she found herself with no place to be at the moment and nothing to do and ironically, the one person she wanted to talk to or just spend time with, had sped off.

If only she knew how far...