"Lord Axolotl? I hope I am not intruding, but the triangle has arrived."

The aforementioned Axolotl, a huge creature with nebulous blue skin and equally sky blue eyes, glanced up at the diminutive creature who had spoken; a sort of 'floating, winged head' with probably more eyes than was necessary floating listlessly in the center of the room, and gave a soft nod of acknowledgement.

"Please send him in."

The cosmic salamander's voice was soft and yet commanding, booming yet a mere hushed whisper, and a perfect blend of both feminine and masculine. The creature responded in kind with its own nod, before drifting off back out of the room with a flutter of its wings.

It didn't take long for the empty doorway to be not-so-empty, a certain golden triangle with a single, somewhat-droopy eye slowly sauntering his way in. He looked like he'd gone through the ringer, that silly little bowtie and hat he always wore still present, albeit torn and tattered, and his body was covered in countless crack-like scars that hummed with the threat of the boundless energy his form contained spilling out. For once, his expression wasn't one of mania or mischief, but perhaps something like fright, a sensation the Axolotl wasn't sure the triangle could have ever felt again.

"H-heya, Big Frilly."

His voice was the same as the salamander recalled, but the shakiness and stuttering was… unusual. Even the arrogance and malign attitude that usually dripped from every one of his words and actions seemed to be absent. It was like the triangle had reverted to a frightened child, and it almost caused pangs in the Axolotl's heart. Almost. The triangle was a multiversal menace and wanted criminal, and it would take more than some sort of guilt trip expression and puppy dog eyes, uh, eye, to make him change his mind about meting out fair judgement.

"Please, take a seat, Cipher."

The Axolotl flicked a digit upward, and a small chair befitting the triangle's size materialized a few feet ahead of him. The triangle let out a quiet 'thanks' before taking it, his eye, still wide, staring up at the salamander. He knew that the Axolotl was too kind-hearted to actually harm him, but the sheer size difference still made the amphibian deity terrifying to behold, especially with all these new wounds and scars across his everything. The triangle's black limbs clasped together nervously, fingers interlacing and toes tapping the floor, pupil narrowed into an anxious pinprick.

Why did he feel like this? He was Bill Cipher, once the greatest criminal in the cosmos! Why did he feel so frightened, like some meagre child!? This had to be some kind of trick, some kind of extradimensional drug in his food or something designed to make him feel like this for this meeting!

"Cipher."

He was snapped out from his conspiratorial train of thought by the amphibian in front of him speaking once more, the colossal being leaning forward to stare down at the triangle with an unreadable expression. His pupil constricted even more as terror flushed through his small frame, the visual of the Axolotl and his pinkish realm shifting for a few fleeting moments into a towering inferno of blue and an old man in nothing but a vest, slippers and shorts leering at him. He felt panic and anger well up in equal measure, wincing slightly and feeling tears sting his eye before the hallucination gave way back to reality.

"Cipher, your sentence in the Theraprism has been served for a long while now; eons, in fact, in this neutral zone's timespan. Usually I would advise reincarnation, but you are a special case…"

Immediately that fear Bill had felt faded away, his brow furrowing almost in confusion and pupil widening as he stared up at the amphibian. They both knew he still hadn't changed his ways even after all this time (at least that's what he continually told himself like it was some kind of madness mantra), and as much as he considered the Axolotl's kindness to be almost naivé in its approach, he doubted the Big Frilly would just be letting him go without a catch.

"And as such, I will be sending you back as you are."

Bill almost couldn't believe his nonexistent ears. The Axolotl was just sending him back? Was he stupid? He'd just start Weirdmageddon all over again! It was almost too easy! That idea soon plummeted to earth when the Axolotl spoke again, however;

"You will, however, be stripped of all your power and sent to another place entirely. You will live your life as close to mortals as you can, and I will be making sure that you do no harm."

He'd have gulped if he could; stripped of his power and being watched like a hawk no matter what he was doing? It was just the Theraprism again with extra steps! If that alien emotion called panic wasn't still bubbling away underneath his triangular surface, he might have even pointed out such, but instead chose to keep quiet and nod as best he could. He could work something out whilst he was wherever the heck the frilly salamander was going to send him; maybe manipulate some of the locals; he could make deals through words alone, who said they needed to be faustian in nature? It limited his ability to do anything paranormal, of course, but beggars couldn't be choosers. His plotting was cut short by the Axolotl clearing its throat, however, Bill coming out of his ponderings to look at the deity, who had a hand indicating toward a portal that had abruptly opened itself nearby, its surface roiling and bubbling like waves of water crashing against cliffs. Of course the Big Frilly would obscure where it led, of course it would… Bill felt the sensation of panic rear its head again, gnawing away at his insides before fading away once more.

"Through this portal lies your new home for the foreseeable future; you are free to leave now if you desire, Cipher."

Well, duh, of course he wanted to leave! But he didn't exactly trust the portal either… If anyone found out that he lost his powers and was back in the multiverse at large…? He shuddered, imagining the great many enemies he'd made over his trillion (and twelve!) years of existence would probably pull him limb from limb. He hated the Theraprism too, though, probably even more so than the idea of being drawn and quartered for the rest of forever, and so slowly rose from the chair and plodded heavily toward the portal, eye staring into the mysterious, frothing, cosmic foam. He then turned to face the Axolotl for a few moments, reading the salamander's expression, before taking a step through into, for the first time in so many billions upon billions of years, the unknown.


And the unknown was apparently unbearably hot.

Bill found himself standing in… a desert? It looked like one at least, the very ground beneath his feet so sunbaked and dry it had split into crusty, crumbly hexagons, not quite sand but not quite the soil it was meant to be either.

The triangle's singular eye narrowed, and yet he found he couldn't even levitate himself off the ground, the horrible heat making the soles of his feet burn as he hopped from side-to-side in an attempt to keep them off the floor. He'd found pain funny when inhabiting Pine Tree's body, but now this was his own body and he felt everything at full blast, it wasn't quite so funny anymore. The sun made his scars ache more, and he felt… hungry. He knew what the sensation was from, again, when he had been inhabiting Pine Tree, but it was a whole different beast now he was in his own flesh and feeling it. It was like something chewing on him from within, and he didn't like it one bit.

Where was he, even? Was this a cruel joke played by the Axolotl? Promising him freedom only to bake him to death again in the dry, arid dust of some hellish dunes? Again, he felt the panic well up inside him for a few moments, tears stinging at his eye before they nigh-immediately dried in the unbearable heat.

And then he heard a voice, and felt a hand… no, a… a paw? fall on his nonexistent shoulder. "Hello? Are you okay?"


A.N;

And with that we come to the end of this silly little one-shot. This is a prequel to an old crossover roleplay with a close friend between Gravity Falls and… well, my name kinda gives it away.

The Bill in that RP is a very different character from the canon one, and was created way before we got extra lore tidbits like Journal 3 and especially before Book of Bill if you feel he's a bit OoC compared to the irredeemable maniac the canon one still is even during therapy; this one-shot is simply adding some of the new lore reveals since that RP into that AU's lore

The Axolotl is also different from the canon one (At least design-wise) as a note for them being blue instead of the generic axolotl pinkish-white

Hope ya'll enjoyed the silliness, and for those following my other story (Ghosts of Nowhere, a purely Courage-related fic) chapter 8 is finally back on the writing block :)