Written for OC Bingo on Tumblr using the prompt "Snowed In".
The cold bite of the wind nipped at the exposed skin on Logan's face, the twinkling flurries of snow sticking to his cheeks, turning his nose pink and his lips blue. His ankles sank further into the white depths every time he struggled to take a step forward. He squinted, unable to see more than fifteen feet ahead of him. All he could see was white, all he could hear was the torturous howl of the wind as it violently thrashed against him.
He knew he needed to get Ali somewhere safe; she was slowly trudging beside him, wrapped up in a padded coat and long scarf, her eyes almost totally obscured by the woolly hat she was wearing – but he could see her teeth chattering away.
He'd never forgive himself if she got sick again.
By some miracle, they happened upon an old, wooden shack and Logan herded Ali towards it, stumbling in the icy snow, hoping it would be enough to protect them from the barbaric elements.
They got inside, Logan battling to close the door as the bitter weather fought to follow them. Ali helped him shut the door completely, and they both breathed heavy sighs of relief as they turned to face their safe haven.
There wasn't much left: some worn out furniture, sports equipment, tools. This place looked disused long before the apocalypse, probably acted as a storage unit of some kind before everything went south. It was sturdy though, and safe enough to wait out the storm for now.
Ali slunk down against the wall, exhausted. "I still can't believe you even lost them, not with your eyes glued to Andrea's ass the whole time."
Logan removed his beanie and shook the snow from it, giving her a shy look. "Stop it. I wasn't."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, anyway, this is perfect," she announced, glancing around at their new temporary abode. "We can go it alone. A big group only puts us more at risk."
"No, we're better off with them. We'll wait out the storm and find them later. We know the direction they're headed. They've probably stopped somewhere too."
She snorted and he raised his dark brows at her.
"What?"
"You're so loyal to them. Strangers."
"They're not strangers. You just need to get to know them. You've only just met them. Rick's the bravest man I know. Glenn has a heart of gold. And Andrea-"
She scoffed loudly.
"Those people don't know you, Logan." She looked away from him, disappointment clouding her features. "I'm your family," she added quietly. "You refuse to leave them but you had no problem leaving me."
"That isn't true."
"Twice. You left me twice."
"It wasn't like that, you know that."
"No, I don't know."
His pulse started racing, the shame and guilt swirling inside his gut again. He knew she wasn't past this. "You told me to go."
Her blue eyes flashed angrily at him. "The first time, Logan. What about the first time, when I was thirteen and I needed you? So did Dad. I was a kid in pain and I needed my big brother."
His mouth was suddenly dry. He should have expected this. They hadn't talked properly since they found each other again, but he could tell it was there, bubbling under the surface. Her betrayed expression was like a knife to his chest. "I just couldn't...I couldn't do it anymore."
"Do what?"
He took in a deep breath, shivering - he wasn't sure if it was because of the cold anymore. "Any of it. Your pain. Yours and dad's. It was too much. You both expected too much and I couldn't breathe. I had to go or I'd just..."
"What? Get sick?" she snapped, hugging herself as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "Be wheeled in and out of hospital every few months? Oh wait, that was me. It was me, a kid, having to take care of myself and a lonely old man who hated himself. I would have loved to leave it all behind but I couldn't." She turned away from him. "Besides, family don't walk out on each other."
He sighed. Of course she was still angry. He deserved her anger and she deserved to let him have it. But he was tired of arguing. Their entire childhood had been anger and arguments and he couldn't do it now as adults. "How about we just sit in silence until this thing blows over?" he suggested, setting himself down on the other side of the room and looking through the cabin's leftover supplies.
"Fine with me." She held herself tighter, hiding her face from him as she leant against the wooden slats.
They listened to the wind as it battered the shack from the outside. Logan removed his boots and socks, soaked through. The cold felt like pin pricks against his flesh. He needed to get warmed up.
He found a metal bucket and emptied out some of the junk from it before filling it with bits of paper, chunks of wood, anything that could set on fire. Then he reached inside his pack and pulled out some matches to light it with. He could practically feel Ali's furious gaze boring into the back of him as he warmed his hands on the welcoming flames. He could hear her shivering from here.
"Come on," he instructed, beckoning her over. "You need to warm up."
She ignored him, still looking away, as cold and bitter as the snow building up outside. Stubborn as the day he left her.
He bit his tongue. Still, he couldn't let her freeze, so he retrieved a blanket from his pack and dumped it at her feet. She huffed, but as soon as he walked away, she took it, wrapping it around herself.
He sat back down by the fire, attempting to dry himself and his clothes, the whistling wind and the bombardment of snow striking against the window a reminder of the merciless world that awaited them outside. It was hard to imagine anything surviving out there. With any luck, it would kill off the rest of the walkers wandering around, but perhaps that was wishful thinking.
Wishful thinking, like finding Ali again and expecting everything to be fixed between them. He'd spent so long mourning her, when they found each other again it was a miracle. An actual miracle. He'd almost forgotten about everything that came before. The pain he'd caused her. It was like he'd got her back but not completely.
"I'm sorry," Logan murmured after a long time, a lump in his throat. "What I did, bailing on you – it was selfish. You were just a kid, you didn't deserve that." He hesitantly turned to look over at her. "Is that what you want to hear?"
She shrugged, shaking her head so her brunette curls covered her face. "You could have visited. Or written back more. Or returned my calls. It's like you wanted to forget we ever existed."
He paused, letting the flames lick at his fingertips, mesmerised by the dancing orange hue, almost wishing he could let it engulf him. Anything to end this conversation.
"Maybe I did." He swallowed, avoiding looking at her. "I was twenty-two. I was resentful. I hated my life and it was going nowhere. You were a reminder of that, and then I felt guilty every time you reached out, and you reminded me of what a shitty thing I did and I just tried to ignore it. I ignored you." He breathed shakily, wishing he could disappear, wishing he could run out of here into the snow and let himself freeze. He deserved it. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I was a shitty brother. You were better off without me."
Finally, Ali faced him. Her small features trembled, holding back tears as she retreated from her lonely corner. "I wasn't better off without you. That's why I'm so mad. You were the best big brother a girl could ask for. You went to all my hospital appointments, you kept me company when they admitted me overnight. You cooked for me. You read to me. With dad so checked out, you were the only family looking out for me." She wobbled on her feet, tears gliding down her rosy cheeks. "Why am I never enough?"
"What? Don't say that."
"Mom left because of me, then you," she sobbed. "Why am I never enough to make people stay?"
Logan shook his head vigorously as he approached her. "Don't say that. It wasn't you. Of course you're enough."
He took hold of her shoulders, practically towering above her small frame and he wiped some of the moisture from her freckled face.
"I was a coward," he asserted miserably. "Both times. When I left you in that hospital all those months ago, it was the hardest and stupidest thing I'd ever done and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for a long time. I still do. How could I leave my sister? Leave her alone with all those...things? I was a coward. It was all me, not you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He crumbled, letting his voice crack and his eyes run.
She sniffed. "I don't blame you for leaving me in that hospital. We both thought I was dead. I begged you to go. Maybe it was because I was still mad at you and I wanted to just die alone." She released herself from his grip and swiped at her wet eyes, turning away from him. "I was so angry at you for so long, I don't know how to stop sometimes."
"Ali," he breathed softly, staring apprehensively at the back of her head. "I'm here now. I'm here and I swear, I'll never leave you again."
She sighed and turned around again, looking a lot more composed. "I want to forgive you, I want to get to know you again, I want to be us again but…I need time."
He nodded slowly. A lot had happened these past several months, too much to process – and that was even before the dead started coming back to life. Unfortunately, time was something they never seemed to have much of, and he feared in this new world they'd have even less of it. But if that's what she needed, Logan would give that to her. He was prepared to do anything to make up for his absence over the years, even if that meant giving her even more space.
"Okay. I can do that."
He forced a smile at her, but she didn't return it. She glanced out of the window, noticing the storm had calmed and the onslaught of snow had slowed to a delicate flurry.
"We should find your friends," she suggested. "If you trust them, I guess I can too."
He nodded, already fetching his shoes and socks whilst she fixed her hat back on. She handed him his blanket back and gave him a fleeting, grateful smile. But it was enough to give him hope.
His focus now was making sure Ali survived, making sure she was happy, giving her whatever life he could in this new world. She deserved that much. He would try his damned hardest to make it possible and maybe, the rift between them would mend itself. In time.
But no one survives a rift that big without leaving a mark, can they?
The End
