"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Stabler snarled, lunging forward with a look on his face like he meant to strangle Paul with his bare hands. Maybe he did. It took balls for that unassuming Midwestern boy with his bland, romance-novel-cover-model face to stand up to a burly, angry motherfucker like Stabler, but Paul had no idea what he'd just done. The guy thought he'd blown up a marriage, maybe, stopped an adulterer in his tracks, but he didn't know what Stabler stood to lose now that his secret was out in the open. Jackie did, though. Jackie knew.
And Jackie knew her partner well enough to sense the impending danger, and try to put a stop to it. At the very second Stabler moved Jackie did, too, throwing herself between Stabler and Paul, her hands pressed hard to Stabler's chest.
Goddamn, the man was built like a brick wall.
"Marshall -" she called to him, not just the name of his alter-ego but also his profession. His duty. His fucking oath. Stabler was a Marshal, and it looked like he might have forgotten that. Jackie thought he could do with a reminder.
"I'm sorry you had to find out like this, Mary," Paul called to her over Stabler's shoulder. She risked shooting him a look, and found his expression grim and determined. "You seem like a nice girl but your husband's a real piece of shit."
"Oh, you motherfucker-" Stabler fought against her hold, his entire body shaking. Was it just anger, she wondered, or was it fear that had him so rattled? It wasn't like Stabler was denying Paul's accusation; if he had done this thing, if he had slept with Lindsey, that meant he'd broken the terms of their deal, and Jackie would be well within her rights to report him to their boss today. She might be well within her rights to tell his wife, too.
Christ, his poor wife. On the drive over it had become plain that Stabler's marriage was in turmoil, and now Jackie knew why. All those promises he'd made, all his reassurances that he wasn't gonna cross the line with Lindsey, that he loved his wife and meant to be faithful to her and to defend his family, it was all a crock of shit. The poor woman deserved to know.
Maybe that was why Paul had chosen to approach Stabler this way. To humiliate him and reveal his infidelity in front of his wife. Maybe Paul thought he was doing her a favor in the long run. But what about his loyalty to Lindsey? Did he care about ruining her relationship with her only friends? Had he considered, even for a moment, what this little display might cost his lover?
"Marshall!" Jackie barked once more, tired of wrangling with Stabler. "Get your ass in the car."
His eyes flashed at her, blue and wild, wild like nothing she'd ever seen, wild like he'd just been fucking shot or something. Maybe it felt that way to him. Maybe it felt a little bit like dying, having his secrets laid bare like this.
"Now!" she insisted with as much authority as she could muster. She was the senior officer, and he was supposed to listen to her, damn it.
He did; he did listen. He was still, somewhere underneath the rage and bluster, a good soldier, and he knew an order when he heard one.
"Don't you ever talk that way about her again," he said, pointing a threatening finger at Paul, but Jackie just pushed him towards the car. He went, finally, slamming the door so hard it was a wonder the window didn't break, leaving Jackie and Paul alone on the pavement.
I need a fucking raise, Jackie thought.
"What the hell was that all about?" she asked Paul.
What made Paul so sure Stabler had fucked Lindsey? It wasn't hard for Jackie to believe it, but she knew the pair's history. What did Paul know? What had he seen?
"I saw him," Paul said. "Not even two weeks ago, he turned up here alone in the middle of the night. Lindsey admitted to it. I'm sorry, Mary. I don't know how long they've been lying to you, but it happened. Lindsey promised me it was gonna happen again, but…I mean come on, she's your friend. You know her track record with men."
Technically they weren't friends at all, and Jackie had no idea what in the hell he was talking about. What she did know was that she didn't like the patronizing, insinuating tone of his voice.
"So what? You got your feelings hurt and you decided to do a little homewrecking?"
"You can't possibly be mad at me," Paul spluttered. "What about them?"
"I'll deal with them. You just mind your own business."
And with that she turned and left him, dove behind the wheel while her brain whirred like a carnival ride. She didn't have anything else to say to Paul; he'd told her everything she needed to know. Lindsey had admitted to the affair, and that meant it was true. That meant Stabler had lied, and that meant Jackie had a choice to make. Protect herself, or protect her partner?
This has gone on long enough, she thought, stealing a glance at Stabler, fuming in the passenger's seat. Paul was stomping back over to his house - oh, shit, she thought, doesn't he have a kid? Had he left the boy alone so he could come fight with Stabler in the street? What a prick - so Jackie wasn't in a big hurry to leave, and her hands were shaking too hard for her to try to drive just yet.
"I don't wanna hear it," Stabler's voice rumbled at her from her right. The sun hadn't even set yet, but Jackie felt as if a lifetime had passed since they'd first arrived. The image of the photo she'd found floated unbidden through her mind, Stabler and Benson, younger and less care-worn; those poor kids, she thought.
"How long?" she asked him quietly.
How long have you been lying to me? How long would you have gone on lying to me if Paul hadn't told me the truth?
For a moment she felt as if it were real, as if she were his wife, shellshocked in the aftermath of this devastating revelation, wondering how they were going to pick up the broken pieces of their relationship, wondering if it was worth the effort.
"Not long," Stabler confessed. "Two weeks, maybe. It was two nights, Jackie."
"Was that all?" she snapped back. "Is that all it's gonna be? You got it out of your system and now you're gonna go home and be a good boy?"
"My marriage is over," he said. The thing was, he didn't sound too shaken up about it. He sounded, she thought, like he'd made up his mind well before now, like it was a truth he'd had some time to get used to, like this wasn't the first time those words had passed his lips. "Kath doesn't wanna be married to me as it is, and when she finds about this -"
"Is she gonna find out about this?" Jackie demanded. "I mean, hell, Stabler, you can't tell her who it was. You gonna tell her you slept with some random woman?"
If you tell her it was me, I'll kill you.
"You let me worry about what I'm gonna tell her -"
"Oh, my god. You really don't get it, do you?" The man was as exasperating as a teenager. It was a miracle, Jackie thought, that he'd raised four children to adulthood himself, and still seemed so naive.
"This isn't just about you. This about me, now. We're partners, and I've been covering for you for months. What exactly do you think is gonna happen next? Shit, Stabler. I've got to take you off her case."
"No!" the word burst out of him, short and sharp and terrified. "You can't…Jackie, you can't do that. I need to watch her back."
"Is that what you've been doing?"
He didn't dignify that question with a response, but she didn't really expect him to.
"You've got to get shit straightened out with your wife, and you've got to stay the hell away from Lindsey. I mean it, Stabler. Even if your wife does leave -" and who could blame her - "you still can't see Lindsey. She can't have contact with anyone from her old life. It isn't safe. You wanna watch her back? You wanna protect her? Stop thinking with your dick, and use your head."
"I love her, Jackie," he said brokenly. "I can't lose her again."
It was clear this whole thing was tearing him up, and she could understand why. Stabler thought he'd lost his partner forever, and then here she was, a carrot dangling right in front of his face, but if he seized it the trap would close, and they would both be doomed. Star-crossed, she thought. Fate wasn't on their side; it looked like it never had been.
"It's out of your hands," she told him, because it was. "Uncle Sam's real clear on this, Stabler. You can't fuck a witness under your protection, and you can't associate with her as a private citizen. It's a crime to out a witness."
"I know that," he said. "I know…Jesus, I know."
"Look, she's here of her own free will. She's allowed to leave the program if she wants. But she's chosen to stay to protect herself and her son. You gotta respect that, Stabler. If you won't do it for her, do it for her kid."
That was a low blow; Stabler actually flinched when she said it, but Jackie was willing to use every piece of ammunition at her disposal to shut this shit down. Their jobs and Lindsey's life hung in the balance. If Stabler loved her so damn much, he'd sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of her future, for the sake of that little boy they both knew she loved more than her own life.
Wouldn't he?
"It's Thanksgiving this week," she said. "It's quiet around the office. I'll start the paperwork to get Lindsey transferred -"
"Transferred?" He repeated. "You can't make her move again -"
"Transferred to another team," she stressed. "No, I'm not gonna make her move again, not unless she wants to."
It really wouldn't be fair, she thought. Lindsey had a house, a job, a spot in daycare for her boy, a man, everything she needed to build a quiet, comfortable life right here, and Jackie didn't want to make her start all over again. Despite it all, Jackie kinda had a soft spot for the woman.
"But someone else is gonna handle her case, and you are gonna pull your head in. Understood?"
She thought he might keep fighting her, but his shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Understood," Stabler said tightly.
"Good. Let's go home."
The silence from the other side of the car told her everything she needed to know; Stabler knew she was right. Whatever he might have wanted, the price of his desires was too high. It was not peace that Jackie felt in that moment, but something like it, something like calm, like resolve, settled over her as she drove away. The ordeal was ending; she'd take Stabler off Lindsey's case, pass Lindsey over to another set of officers, and bring this sorry tale to its conclusion. If Stabler did the right thing and kept his distance, she'd never tell a soul what he had done, but if he would not behave she would not hesitate, now. It had gone too far.
Maybe she should've stopped it in the beginning. Should've handed Lindsey off to someone else the second she realized what was afoot. Maybe she'd been blind, or maybe she just hadn't wanted to see.
Maybe there was a part of her that wished things could've been different.
In another life, she thought. Maybe they could've been happy in another life.
