Sorry this took so long. I had a hard time figuring out what to write and how to write it properly but I think I got it. I promise I will go back later and fix inconsistencies and grammar problems for now this story is just the first draft and I hope you guys enjoy Chapter 4. Comment/reviews are much appreciated and encouraging as are votes! Enjoy my lovelies!
Chapter 4 - Irrational Guilt
March 5th 2020
She got home late. Much later than she had intended. Shopping for clothes had taken longer than she had expected and by the time she pulled up to the house the dash clock read 11:30pm. The windows were dark in the house and she knew they were all asleep. With an exhausted sigh she heaved the bags out of the car and into the house. Inside she dropped them in the kitchen and grabbed an apple to munch on. She had hoped to be home at least before they had all gone to bed but she had promised she would pick Raleigh up some clothes.
"Ana! Help!" George came running down the stairs suddenly startling her. Her sudden jolt sent her apple to the floor and she growled at it.
"What is it George?" She asked as she stifled a yawn.
"Soldier boy is having another nightmare. I don't know what to do!" He exclaimed.
"Go back to bed. I'll take care of this." She told him running a hand through her didn't particularly want to deal with their guest at that moment but she let out a breath and went up the stairs to her room mumbling the whole way. "Luckily I have the day off tomorrow."
As she reached the room she could hear him yelling rather loudly in his sleep. She entered the room and saw he was in the same situation as the night before. This time however she knew not to wake him for fear of having her neck snapped. Instead she shrugged off her scrubs and threw her pjs on and crawled in behind Raleigh on the bed, winding her arms around her so she was holding him. The moment she touched him he quieted down and settled in to sleep, much to her surprise. She didn't have to wait very long for sleep to consume her and when she finally succumbed to the void, he did not dream.
The next morning she woke to Raleigh's shifting weight on the bed. They had moved around on the bed and now instead of her holding him she now had her head resting on his chest, his arm draped lazily around her waist. In her mind she was fighting two arguments. One; she was too comfortable to get up out of bed and two; this was an odd situation to be in. She had only met the three days prior and they were already sharing a bed. She really didn't know what to think or do.
He shifted under her and she couldn't help but let out a loud yawn that caught his attention. His body tensed underneath her at the sudden realization that there was someone lying on him. He took her by surprise when he nuzzled into her hair and held her closer. A blush swept across her cheeks and she buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"Good morning." She muttered, and he jumped slightly.
"Am I dreaming?" He asked her.
"No, this is very real. You had a nightmare last night. I wasn't sure what to do since I didn't want to get attacked." She explained. He responded with a thoughtful hum. They didn't speak for the rest of the morning and it seemed that they had come to a small agreement. If one or the other was hurting they would do what they could ease their pain. She couldn't understand it but she had this connection with him. They could sit there in silence in each other's' arms, even after only knowing each other for four days and it wasn't uncomfortable. She had forgotten what it had been like to be in another man's arms and she had forgotten the level of comfort and security it brought her.
After their agreement that day, they often found one or the other moving to share a bed in the middle of the night due to nightmares. Due to Raleigh's outbursts and nightmares, her's had resurfaced and she was no longer the only one doing the comforting. The first night she had a nightmare, she had woken Raleigh up with her screaming into her pillow and loud sobs. The moment he had realized what was going on he had rushed over to her and pulled her from her dreams. From that night on they realized that not sharing a bed wouldn't work, so with the help of George they had pushed their two beds together to created a bigger space or the two of them.
April 21st 2020
Two months had passed and Raleigh had become like a ghost. She barely saw him and when she did it was when she was taking him food in the evening when she was there, cleaning his wounds or going to bed. He stayed in their room all the time, despite being able to walk around now. He either sat at the desk staring out the window or he laid on the bed looking up at the ceiling with the lights off. When she would bring him food he wouldn't eat unless she sat there and made him eat and even then he ate very little. He was moping about and slowly killing himself. She was sick of it. He was wasting food and her time by not getting any better, yet she understood his pain. She had lost family too. Maybe not in the same way but she had lost someone very close to her as well. She was beginning to lose hope in him getting any better. His wounds had been infected for the first two weeks so they had taken a little longer to heal than normal to heal but his heart and mind were still aching. She could see it clear as the rising sun. She wanted so badly to give that extra push to get out of his depression but she was scared that it would only make it worse. So she decided not give him an extra push but to let him know that he had a shoulder to lean on. She took her opportunity to let him know that she was there for him late one night after getting home from her shift at the hospital. She was still in her scrubs when she walked through the door.
The house was quiet and she wasn't surprised considering the clock read 11:55pm. She unbundled herself, hanging her jacket, scarf, hat and keys next to the door, before heading up the stairs. Her progress up the stairs was slow and she skipped over stairs she knew would creek. In her room Raleigh was sitting at the desk, his food untouched in front of him. With a sigh she closed the door as quietly as she could so she didn't startle him.
"Raleigh?" she gently called, placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond so she crouched down beside him. "We should check your ankle." That was enough to catch his attention. He looked over at her and she had to hold back a gasp. His eyes were severely bloodshot and there were dark circles under his bottom eyelid from lack of sleep. He looked awful and as a nurse she couldn't l bare to see him do this to himself any longer. She stood and took his hands, pulling him to his feet. He was slow in getting to his full height but once he was there she put his arm around his shoulder so he could lean on her. In the bathroom she had him sit on the edge of the bathtub where she began to unwrap his ankle. Though it had taken longer due to infections, his laceration and other wounds had healed his ankle was still on the mend.
"Your other wounds have healed nicely." She told him, running her fingers over the scars on his arms. Nothing, not so much as a nod in response. "Raleigh, I'm worried about you. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it yet but you need to eat something. As your nurse that is your medicine." Raleigh didn't respond right away but when he did he only nodded, refusing to look her in the eyes. She sighed and cupped his face gently in both of her hands. "You will pull through this Raleigh, I promise. I know I've only known you from two months and I barely actually know you but I promise I will help you through this." In the two months that he had been here she had come to see him as more than a patient. She cared about his well being as a best friend would. She had been in his situation before and she knew what needed to happen for him to pull out, but she also knew that it took time.
Once she was satisfied that she had gotten through to him she released his face and resumed her check on his ankle. She rotated it different ways, watching his face for reactions and the moment he started wincing she quit putting pressure on it. His ankle was doing just fine, it would only take about two more weeks before he could start working to gain his strength back. After her check she guided him back to their bed and he laid down, curling up on his side. Her heart ached for him and she wished she could just take all of his pain away but she didn't know how. It had taken her years to learn how to live with the pain in her chest and she knew that it would be years for him as well she just wished she could do something that would speed up that process.
She changed out of her scrubs and walked into the bathroom in her bra and underwear to look at herself in the mirror. Over the years her body had matured but none of the scars had disappeared. Across her abdomen was a six inch pale white scar from a car crash that she had been in during the first wave of attacks. Another scar ran down her left arm from the first wave. The last was a long scar that ran from the underside of her chin on the right side all the way to the top of her left breast. Her brother had pushed her out of the way of most of the debris but the one that had crushed him instead of her had still sliced her, leaving her with a permanent reminder of the sacrifice her brother had made for her. The next thing she noticed about her body was that her hair had grown past her waist. She hadn't noticed until now, but her dark curls were healthier than they had been since the first attack. Shaking her head she got to work, washing her face and brushing her teeth. Once she was done she went back into the bedroom and changed into her pjs. She was slow in getting her clothes on. She didn't even care that Raleigh was still awake and would see her if he was even watching. She didn't want to sleep. She just wanted to meditate and think about her life.
Eventually she crawled into bed beside him, curling into his side, her head on his chest. Though his eyes were closed he instantly wrapped an arm around her, holding her tight. His chest moved up and down with his breathing which gradually began to even out. Despite not wanting to sleep she soon found herself drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
April 22nd 2020
They woke the next morning to a cold breeze drifting in through the window. She shivered harshly, waking Raleigh up. His body was the only source of heat she could find and she didn't plan on leaving it any time soon. She pressed herself closer to him and she heard him chuckle.
"Cold?" He mumbled in his sleepy daze. She only nodded and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He flinched away. "Your nose is freezing." He exclaimed and suddenly they were laughing. She hadn't a clue why or what was so funny but she couldn't stop laughing. She wasn't alone. He was laughing as well and her heart swelled with happiness. To hear him laugh for the first time in three months was a blessing and she thought maybe there was hope for him. Moments his laughter suddenly turned to tears. She sobered immediately and propped herself up on her elbow. She looked down at him with a sympathetic smile. Seeing the tears streaming down his face brought her own tears to the surface.
"Raleigh...Look at me, please. What's wrong?" She asked gently, grabbing his hand in hers. His eyes didn't open and she gave his hand a squeeze. "You can talk to me, Raleigh. What is going through your head?" She waited patiently for him to catch his breath and as she sat there she thought about what she could say to him that would help. Nothing came to mind though. There was nothing that could help this kind of pain. She knew that better than anyone.
"It's all my fault." He whispered. rubbing his face. In that moment she realized what was going on. He was blaming himself for the death of his co-pilot.
"Telling me what happened my help you get over that guilt or even show you that you had no control over what happened." She explained.
"But I did though! It was my fault we saved the civilian boat. I disobeyed orders and it got my brother killed!" He sat up suddenly. His outburst startled her and she jumped.
"How did he die?" She asked, quietly. She had spoken so softly that she was afraid that he hadn't heard her.
"The Kaiju that had come through the breach didn't die the first time we shot it. We hesitated when our commanding officer ordered us back to the shatterdome and as a result the Kaiju breached the hull and tore the right hemisphere pilot out. I was still connected to him when he died. I felt everything and now the silence in my head is a reminder that he is gone." He broke down again, hunching over to put his head between his knees. She sat up and put her arms around his shoulder.
"Raleigh...I know that guilty feeling very well. My family was killed in the third or fourth attack. They told me to run but as an eleven year old girl I was scared and frozen. Because of this my brother died instead of me. He pushed me out of the way to keep me from getting crushed by debris." She explained to him. He looked up at her over his shoulder and gave her a look of understanding. "I know what you're feeling...sort of...the thing is Raleigh, your hesitation was as much your choice as it was his, you both chose to save that ship against orders. You had no control over what the Kaiju did or how it attacked. Just like I had no control over my brother when he pushed me out of the way. Don't let this eat you up inside because at the end of the day you had no control in that situation. What happened, happened and though it is very sad Yancy wouldn't want you to be beating yourself up about this."
"Will it get easier?" He asked her.
"In time. You will learn to bear the pain of that silence and hopefully fill it with someone just as important. In time you will learn to accept and live with that hole in your chest, as I have." She told him, resting her forehead on his as she spoke. "And I promise I will be there every step of the way...if you want me to be."
The words had spilled out her mouth before she could stop them, their meaning sounding far more romantic than she had meant them to be. However, in that moment it had been the right thing to say, or so she thought as he cupped her face in both hands and pulled her lips towards his. The kiss was gentle, so gentle that it felt like it wasn't even happening, but the sudden sparks in her belly told her that he was in fact kissing her. Her heart was racing and she had a hard time admitting to herself that she was enjoying this. For so long she had refused to let anybody in but this kiss made her walls crumble to dust. It was a single kiss that changed their relationship. It was a kiss of understanding and gratitude. It was a kiss that would be left alone for the many months to come.
Not excluding these AN there are officially 2913 words! Again let me know what you think! I'll post as soon as I have Chapter 5 done!
