She didn't know what it was, but the harder she tried to fall asleep, the wider her eyes kept snapping open. There was an owl hooting somewhere in the backyard trees; it wasn't helping. It only made her ache to go out.

Gods, it felt good to have Gabrielle here after all those days of emotional turmoil.

They hadn't laughed like that in ages. She felt herself shake again; the image of Ares folding the laundry was going to haunt her forever.

She sighed, sudden tenderness welling up in her chest as she wondered if he was asleep. The barn wasn't far away, she could go and check. Bits and pieces of their afternoon conversation rattled in her head; it did end on a somewhat sour note.

Another sigh later she sat up and put her feet on the floor. There was a slight headspin but she stood up without the need to hold onto anything for balance.

Gods, it felt so good to be walking again. She had practised for a bit throughout the afternoon, and now it felt almost effortless.

She walked over to the door, hesitating.

Exhaling, she let go of the handle and came back to bed.

Well, she wasn't going to fall asleep now, anyway. What if he wouldn't be here tomorrow? Her hands trembled slightly. She needed to at least go out, breathe in fresh air, sit on a porch, even if just for a while.

Treading silently, her heart racing, she sneaked out into the night.

#

Gabrielle exhaled; as sleepy as she had been before, turning from side to side was starting to make her restless.

Bed.

She hadn't been able get a decent sleep in a bed, in years. Bedroll was a whole different story — the minute she laid her head down she would be asleep like a baby.

Technically, she had a bedroll; she could spread it on the floorboards. Then again, she could always just take it outside and go to sleep as usual.

Hmm. She wouldn't want Pelagia to be offended by it.

Ok, so first the stables, to get the bedroll; and then, she would take it from there.

The front door was open, saving her from making the noise of opening it. It was strange it was open in the first place, though. Maybe they had a different door policy here; she knew in some places it was considered rude to keep the front door closed.

The night was bright, starry and beautiful, even despite the full moon. She couldn't explain it, but the full moon had always made her uneasy, ever since she was little. It had that disturbing, ostensible vibe to it. It wasn't her kind of vibe.

She reached the stables, hoping Argo wouldn't sell her out.

Who was she kidding, of course she would, Gabrielle could bet on it. Argo was her owner's horse; and if Argo didn't like someone, she always made sure they got the message, with as many repetitions as needed.

Her foot hardly even stepped inside the stables when the annoyed neighing pierced the silence of the night.

#

He opened his eyes to a horse neigh.

"Oh fuck no, what the hell…" He turned, changing sides, but he knew he wouldn't fall back asleep, not for another hour, not after it took him hours to finally close his eyes the first time.

It was the middle of the night. A strange time for a horse to neigh.

He should check the stables.

Which was easier said than done. With his head heavy and spinning, catching balance was trickier than it should be. Propping himself against the wall, he scratched the back of his neck; the damn hay always found its way, no matter how many layers of rags he spread over it.

He should probably take off his boots for the sake of the stealth mode, but gods, that would require sitting back down and then getting back up, and that was more he could sign up for at the moment.

At least it was a good thing he'd been so drunk before that he'd left the barn door half-open.

After several moments of trying to localize his sword in the dark, he gave up. Well, fuck it — he did find a wineskin instead, and a half-full one at that; good stuff.

His eyes closed, he emptied the vessel and tossed it behind.

#

The night was beautiful and quiet, no breeze, just cicadas in the distance.

She was reclining on the porch, enthralled, silently drinking in the sight of the moon at its fullest; it had always made her feel so alive, so in tune with her inner self, so good in her skin.

Then, she was brutally snapped out of her trance.

Argo. That neigh she would recognize anytime, anywhere.

There was someone at the stables.

Her fingers slid smoothly along the handle of the little knife she'd grabbed from the kitchen on her way out just in case. It wasn't much of a weapon, but then again, she didn't need much.

Sneaking with her back along the wall of the house, she knew Argo already felt she was there. "Good girl. Keep at it, girl, I'll be right there with you."

The horse's ears flickered back and forth. Gods how she missed Argo. "You wait here, I'll be back." She gave the horse a soft pat on the nose before soundlessly treading deeper into the stables.

#

Gabrielle regretted the whole idea of leaving her bed; she came to regret it twice.

The first time was when Argo blew her cover, alerting Xena, of course, which in turn — and for the love of everything she held dear, she had no idea why — made her, Gabrielle, climb up the nearest tree in a stupid reflex and end up on the roof of the stables. Luckily she had the bedroll propped at her back, which made it possible to lay down, more or less; rather less, but still.

The second time she cursed herself for the whole enterprise was now, right when peace was almost at hand, when she waited for Xena to check out the stables and the perimeter, and, after having found nothing — for her to go back to bed, allowing Gabrielle to climb back down, and likely just to go back to the accursed bed herself, the idea of sleeping outside not that appealing anymore.

Why Gabrielle didn't just let Xena know she was up there on the roof — that she couldn't explain either.

If only she had known how the night was going to unfold, she wouldn't have jumped off the roof the moment she sat on it.

Looked like they weren't alone.

She couldn't see anything, lying sprawled against the roof, but she could hear there was someone; someone Xena just hunted down from the sound of it.

Gabrielle then froze, hearing the two very familiar voices burst out in a wave of yelling and interrupting each other frantically in hushed voices.

"Xena… what the—"

"Ares, what the fuck are you doing here?! I could've—"

"What are YOU doin' here? I'm here 'cause the godsdamn horse woke me up."

"Argo sensed someone in here."

"Right after it took me two damn hours to fall asleep, thanks."

"Sleepless night?"

"Not enough wine."

"Ares, you're drunk like a pig…"

"Not good enough."

"There, let me see."

"Fuck…" he hissed.

"Let me see that."

"It's just a scratch."

"Let me see."

"Ouch."

"It's not just a scratch, Ares," she said. "We have to clean it and stitch it."

There was a sharp sound of fabric ripping.

"Oh yeah, baby, I love it when you rip stuff apart with your bare hands."

"Here, press it like this for now."

"I also love it how it made your dress shorter…"

"You're lucky it was just a blunt kitchen knife."

"A kitchen knife? Look at you, turning into a good lil' country housewife."

"Well, wouldn't wanna stay too far behind ya."

"What?"

"I've heard you were a good boy and gave Pelagia a hand with the house chores today."

"Yeah, yeah, you and Blondie can laugh all you want, but don't forget why sheets needed washing in the first place."

"You just won't let it go, will you…"

"Let it go? Xena, I just had the best sex of my life! And believe me, I have a lot to compare it to—"

"Spare me."

"As much as I love seeing you jealous — none of them compare to you…"

"We have to-"

"I mean it, Xena,"

"…stitch the wound."

"And you may dodge it all you want, but I know it's the same for you…"

"You're losing blood."

"…you've never felt that way before; look how it's making your breath quicken…"

"We either go now or I'll bring the stuff here."

"Xena, wait…"

"What?"

"Your arm."

"Ares, what are you… mmm…"

"Just kissing it better…"

"…mmm it's better, thanks — and THIS is what a scratch looks like, for your information."

"I love the taste of your blood…"

"Oh…"

"…all of it."

The exchange of quiet rapid breaths filled the momentary silence.

"Ares, can you breathe normal?"

"Not when you're near."

"Ares, I'm serious; I need to know how deep the wound is; if it doesn't hurt when you breathe, you'll be fine."

"Mmm…"

"Does it hurt when you breathe?"

"Does what hurt?"

"In your chest, here."

"Oh, it does…"

"Gods, no… where?"

"Right there, where your hand is."

"The heart?"

"Yeah… it hurts as fuck every time I look at you."

Gabrielle gasped inaudibly.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Ares — you scared the shit out of me; don't do that ever again, or I'll show you pain."

"You already have."

"Ares…"

"That's just it, Xena, without my powers, I can't control my head anymore, you have no idea how it feels, it's — believe me, you'd really rather just die than keep living like this."

"Ares, you have to fight it; it's just a phase, I'll get you the ambrosia soon, I promise, you just have to hold on some more, not long, just a bit more."

"Fuck it."

"Ares…"

"I said — fuck it, I don't give no fucks about ambrosia anymore..."

"You do, Ares, you're just having a bad moment."

"My whole life's been a bad moment since I met you…"

"Ares… why have you been drinking again? It's bad for the heart, you can ask Pelagia-"

"No, Xena, you're bad for the heart, you're worse than all the liquor in the world; and I ain't gotta ask the old hag nothin' to know that."

"…it raises your blood pressure—"

"You raise my blood pressure."

"It's no use talking to you when you're like this; get up, we need to stitch the wound."

"Still more use than talking to you when all you can say is how I was such an asshole to you…"

"Ares…"

"No — you shut up and lemme finish — you used to be quite the asshole yourself back in the day, Xena, or did you forget? And you know what? I don't think Gabrielle throws that in your face all the time, does she?"

"Maybe that's because I always respected her enough not to fuck with her feelings the way you did with mine."

"You don't have no feelings, Xena; you have nothing to fuck with, just your body."

Gabrielle almost jumped at the loud smack that shattered the silence.

He sneered. "Go ahead, hit me all you want; it doesn't hurt half as bad as it does to look at you now, knowing it's the last time I see you."

Both their breaths were ragged, mixing with snuffling sounds.

"Don't," he protested, his voice hoarse. "Just go."

"I'm sorry…" Xena whispered with a sniffle; and then it was no longer possible to identify anything anymore, in the sea of all the quiet, soft, sniffly little sounds of this almost inaudible communication, the intimacy of which was starting to be too overwhelming to witness.

"Gods, Xena… don't, I can't let you go if we keep doing this."

"I'm sorry…"

"Just don't… when you're here like this — this is harder to walk away from than fucking."

Gabrielle squeezed her eyes shut, her heartbeat thudding in her ears.

"I know."

"Let me go, Xena."

"No."

"I said, let me go."

"I'm not leaving you here like this."

"Why the fuck not, it's not like it stopped you before," he sneered.

"Ares, please…"

"Just go, Xena. You can still walk away now, when it's still your own decision."

"What?"

"Though I know it's more convenient to wait for Gabrielle to tell you to, so you can wash your hands doing it for her sake, like after Olympus."

More sniffling followed.

"Why the tears, Xena? I thought you needed to stay away from me,"

"I do…"

"So lemme make it easier for you — walk the fuck away, just do it now."

"Not like this…"

"Oh, spare me your pity — it's pathetic, really — save it for all the mortal losers that actually need you."

"Too bad you're now one of them."

"See, that's where you're wrong; I might be mortal, Xena — but I was born a god; and just because I fucked you doesn't mean I need you."

"Fuck you."

"Slap me one more time and you won't walk away from here at all."

"You know, I came to doubt it after I said it before, but I was right — you might be mortal, Ares, but you will never be a man…"

"Oh, but I am — in fact, Xena — I'm more of a man than you can handle with that mortal little brain of yours, or ain't that why you wanted to run away after we fucked today? So go ahead, run the fuck away again; just don't come back this time."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"You know what your problem is, Xena? I think I get it now. I always believed you were tough, but now I see that deep down — you're just a coward. You said you can't allow yourself to be weak for me, but sadly, you've only just discovered that being weak for me drives you fuckin' wild; but you don't have what it takes to handle it — you don't have the guts, so you run, like a fuckin' coward that you are."

"You're a piece of scum."

"Tell me I'm wrong, Xena."

"You're not right on the head, Ares, you're losing blood and it's making you delirious."

"You know I'm right, and you don't even have the decency to admit it. You're such a miserable coward it makes me wanna hurl…"

"Let me stitch you and I'll be out of your life first thing in the morning, you think you can hang till then? And you don't get to lecture me on decency, after all the shit you've put me through."

"So, you're really just gonna walk away from this, from the last three days, from us — just like that…"

"Oh, I thought that's what you wanted."

"No, Xena, it's what I need, not what I want; you damn well know it's not what I want."

"Ares, I don't even know what you want anymore, do you?"

"I wanna fuck you, I wanna wake up with you, I wanna hold you when you cry, this, you, all of you."

Gabrielle tried not to sniffle, the soft wave of night breeze cooling her damp, throbbing temples. Her heart was drumming; she was glad for cicadas buzzing.

"And you want it too, you're just too much of a chickenshit to act on it. Tell me I'm wrong, Xena."

He smirked.

"Go on then, cry yourself to sleep before you go back to your safe little life with Blondie tomorrow morning. I hope I won't see you damn face ever again."

Gabrielle squeezed her eyes shut in a desperate, hopeless attempt to turn back time which seemed to weirdly slow down all of a sudden.

What followed was just a blur; she eventually registered that they were gone; she wasn't sure how much time had passed before she ended up under the big oak, on her bedroll; wiping the last tears off her face before drifting off to slumber.