A/N On The Universe: Okay this is kind of following cannon from the movie verse Conqueror of Shamballa. Where Ed and Alphonse are stuck in OUR world (Parallel world of earth) but instead of them being stuck in 1923, its 2013. AND they are in America, not Germany.
A/N On Reviews: I adore getting feedback and constructive criticism, but I do have one request to make. When commenting, please bear in mind that your comments and suggestions, both good and bad, are your opinion only, rather than (in general) a statement of fact. It is easy to accidentally insult or offend an author by sounding demanding and entitled in a written review, and I know that is never anyone's intention. By all means tell me if you think something seems a bit off, but give a moment's thought to how the tone of your review might be received. Thanks!
Rating Information - Rated "MA" overall due to scenes of an explicit or disturbing nature later on. Meaning Boy on boy, with incest dabbled into there. If you do not enjoy these types of stories, you may press the back button. But if you do enjoy this type of 'kink' then please stay put. Thing are about to get bumpy in here.
Warning: Mild Language. Implied adult sisuation.
Edward's entire body hurt. From his head to his toes he ached and for the life of him, he couldn't remember what caused him the discomfort. His mind dragged through haze and fog that wrapped around his pounding headache. When his eyes opened he immediately regretted it. The light in the room was like a nail into the eye socket.
A loud groan echoed out as he tried to roll over on the lumpy couch he'd been asleep on. Ed's mind process this bit of information slowly but effectively. 'What the…'
He bolted up, bemoaning at the pain escalating in the recesses of his brain. The cold metal of his automail hand cradled his forehead. It was a little relief but only minor.
"Good morning, Edward." Came a familiar voice from behind him.
Ed dared to crack one of his blood-shot eyes to look over his shoulder. Alfons Heiderich sat at his kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking what appeared to be a cup of something steaming. The bright morning sun illuminated the entire kitchenette, making the house warm and cheerful.
Edward felt like he was going to be sick.
"How are you feeling?"
"—like a fuckin' truck ran over me." Ed rasped out. His voice sounded like a bag of gravel. The awful taste in his mouth wasn't making anything better either.
Alfons gave an acknowledging laugh before turning a page on his morning paper. "I wouldn't expect anything less, considering how much you must have drank last night."
'Oh, my head.' Ed thought at the pitch of his friend's voice piercing through his throbbing skull.
"'What happened?"
"You tell me?" The crumpling of the paper being set down sounded through the air. Even that minor rumpling sound sent discomfort through Ed's head.
'How much did I fucking drink? My head is about to fall off my shoulders.'
Ed grumbled something into his hands, it was inaudible. It came out as a muffled garble.
"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't quite catch that." Alfons voice was overly-cheerful. The pitch irked at Ed's already thinned temper.
No one ever said Edward was a morning person. Especially on a hung over, type of morning.
"I said; how the hell did I get here!" Edward all but snapped out.
It was a mistake. The pain in his brain ramped tremendously. He quickly buried his face back into the chill of his metal hand. The cold helped with the rapid pounding in his head.
There was a sigh and the sound of a chair moving away from the table. Edward didn't dare open his eyes to look, his skull was about to split open. He could hear more movement about the room, cupboards being opened and closed, running water and the sound of something rattling in plastic.
Next thing Ed knew, a cold cloth was being pressed into the base of his neck. It was an instant relief. The sharp pain ripping through his head retreated slightly along the edges.
A mug of black coffee was shoved under his nose. The smell alone was a heavenly sent. Slitting his bleary eyes open, Edward dared to look at the steaming cup.
"Here, drink this and take these." Alfons spoke offering a small smile towards him.
Edward reached out and took the offerings.
"They're Advil. It should relieve some of your pain." The other male advised over his shoulder as he walked back towards the kitchen.
"Thanks." Ed mumbled, swallowing the pills dry and chasing it with a mouth full of hot coffee.
There was silence in the room as the two men nursed their mugs.
It was Alfons who spoke first. "So… do you want to talk about what happened last night?"
Edward could hear the disappointment in his friend deep voice. It started the looping guilt again, the never ending churning. It made him think of his brother face as he walked out the door. About the anger and guilt he felt the rest of the night, thereafter.
"I-I… don't. It… I-I…" the words caught in his dry throat.
It was that moment his stomach decided to rare its ugly head. His mouth filled with sour saliva as the green queasy summersaults took hold. He bolted from the room, down the hall to the bathroom. Edward barley made it to the porcelain bowl before his knees gave out and he was puking into the toilet.
When his body was done expelling the remaining alcohol left in his system, he reached up and fumbled to flush the toilet.
Edward felt like shit, sitting back on his haunches before deciding against it because he was experiencing a serious case of the spins. Instead he fell limply to lean against the cold wall at his back. His stomach protested as it contorted in on itself. He sat there numbly thinking about all the transpired to get him to where he was.
Edward had been so angry the night before when he stormed out the apartment. He didn't care if it hurt Alphonse. He left with the intention of burning his little brother the same way he'd just been scalded.
*Did you create me like this?*
Al's words followed Edward out their apartment and through his aimless wandering through the dark night.
*Did you create me like this?*
They followed him through the miles he put on his truck, until he realized he was out of gas. He'd parked in some random parking lot and abandoned his truck for the night. Ed couldn't go home. Not with everything that transpired.
*Did you create me like this?*
Alphonse's words trailed him through the cold streets, and into some arbitrary bar.
*Did you create me like this, brother?*
They stalked Edward through the first glass of amber liquor and straight on through to the bottom of the bottle. At that point, the rest of the night became a mess of black swirls and indiscriminate faces.
It shouldn't have come as a surprise to anyone, though. Alphonse finally blames Edward for everything. It was the truth at hand and it silently slipped a serrated knife into Ed's heart.
"I'm a fucking, idiot." He moaned scrubbing his hands over his face vigorously. '—to think, I could hide something like this…
He needed to face the music. Alphonse wasn't a naïve kid any longer, he deserved the truth. Even if admitting it felt like Edward would be losing a part of himself. In a away it would. He'd given a part of himself to create a body for Alphonse soul. The greatest sacrifice Edward could ever give away.
His life for Al's body.
The best way to describe it was Alphonse's actually body died the day they tried to bring their Mother back from beyond the gate. The only reason his soul survived was Edward's quick thinking to blood bound Al's soul to the suit of armor.
A soul, it'd always been the missing link in a successful human transmutation. After a person passes, it isn't the soul that dies but the body.
This, is what all the alchemists had been missing.
What the Elric boy's had been missing in their first attempt… It's what Edward had only figured out the moment Envy's blade plunged into his heart.
The purest of sacrifice. His life for Al's body.
Another wave of nausea crawled up the back of Edward's throat. It tilted his world and tore him away from his frantic thoughts. He focused on the issues in the present. Like making sure everything made it into the toilet and didn't splash back into his face…
When his stomach actually felt empty and nothing else was going to make an appearance, he dragged himself out of the bathroom. Entering into the living room, his eyes began to ache again. The whole room was lit brightly by the morning sun.
"Fuck, Alfons. Closes the stupid blinds." Ed grumbled dropping himself back onto the brown couch to bury his face into the scratchy fabric.
He could hear a chuckle coming from overhead. If the room hadn't been spinning, he would have snapped at the source. Seeing how the walls and the ceiling had changed places, he weakly complained into the couch cushion without moving his head.
"You should drink more water, Ed." A cool hand reached out and touched Edward's clammy skin. It was like a cool glass of water on a scorching hot summer day. Ed leaned into the touch without recognition. It felt too good not to. Alfons' fingertips traced the skin of his neck to the arch of Edwards shoulder in a friendly downward slide. It was comforting, to say the least. Actually being touched by another in a caring way in such an utter state of degradation.
"You really should take a shower. You smell like a rancid bar." Alfons spoke while moving away from the prone figure on the couch.
And like that the magic was over and the feeling of nausea kicked back into overdrive. Edward sat up from the couch like a zombie rising from a grave. The nasty taste of bile and self-hatred lingered in his mouth.
"Fucking brilliant, Sherlock." Ed bit out sarcastically. The throbbing in his temples intensified with every word. He gritted his teeth through the pain.
"I know, I was the one who dragged you out at three o'clock in the morning."
A glass of water was shoved back into Edward's disgruntle face again. "Here, drink this."
"I don't want it."
"It'll make you feel better."
"Then you drink it." Ed growled out.
At this point Alfons' frustration got the better of him and he slammed the glass to the surface of the coffee table. "Fine." he tufted, and walked out of the room. A moment later the tall blond thought better on it and stormed back into the room, "…This is all about your brother isn't it?"
Edward's eyes narrowed towards Alfons as if to tell him it was none of his business. It was a sharp look, the kind you tend not to ignore when aimed towards you. Alfons pressed on, ignoring all the warning signs of the trepid territory he was treading on to. He knew what he was getting himself into with Edward. He'd lived with the foul tempered man for nearly a year. Heiderich knew the ins and outs of Edwards mood's. This was nothing new, or really even all that surprising.
"It is, isn't it?" Alfons' accusation flung towards Edward's face without sounding all that surprised. If anything he sounded lackadaisical about it. A sigh blew past the tall blond's lips, "It always comes back to him."
It always did come back to Alphonse Elric, Edward's near and dear little brother.
This wasn't a sudden realization Alfons was having. It didn't slam him the face like a sledgehammer nor did it shock him. He knew Edward's little brother was much, much, more than just a typical little brother, or even just a friend to Ed.
Edward had told Alfons long ago about his inclination towards his younger brother. About his hidden twisted feelings for Alphonse. It didn't disgust Alfons, honestly how could it. He didn't even consider Alphonse to actually be Edward's brother. Sure in spirit they were, but no longer were they bound by lineage of blood. That had all change the night Edward constructed a body for Alphonse's soul.
"What happened this time? Hmmm? Decided to drown your sorrows in a bottom of a bottle?" Alfons knew he was being harsh, and maybe even a little brazen but he was tired of seeing Edward moping around because of the same old tiring dance. 'I've told him over and over, get up and do something about it. Just tell Alphonse.' But Edward would never listen and heed his friends' advice.
"It's none of your fucking business..."
"But it is, you've made it my business last night. When I had to haul your drunk-ass out of the bar... By the way, Edward!" Alfons spoke waving his hands wildly into the air for emphasis. "Major news flash: Alphonse isn't your fucking, brother any longer…"
Edward scoffed into his hands as he buried his face there. "Alfons, we've had this conversation already…"
"I know we have and it's the truth! No matter how to look at it, the derivative of the source always lead back to the same place, Edward."
"Alfons, you know nothing of Alchemy…" The words were muffled by Edward's hands.
"Yes I do." Alfons argued while taking the remaining steps towards Edward sitting on the couch. He crouched down in front of the man and gripped the others knees.
"You said it yourself. All alchemy consisted of is science and little bit of magic. I may not understand the magic part of it all, but I do understand the sciences. Alphonse is not your brother. Even if you don't want to accept it. The blood that runs in his vein no longer runs in yours. In flesh you aren't even related…"
Edward stood suddenly, pushing Alfons away from him. "Fuck- seriously, you know nothing…"
Alfons laughed outwardly catching his balance and standing, "I know enough."
"Fuck you!"
"No, Edward. Fuck you! You have no idea what it's like seeing your best friend killing himself over something so trivial—"
"Trivial—!?" Edward interrupted lividly.
"—Yes, trivial. When did you become such a pious, sanctimonious bullshitter? Do you have any idea what has been given to you on a silver platter?" Alfons spoke through his teeth.
"I have a feeling you're going to enlighten me."
A look of utter disgust came over the taller blonds face. "You have a chance to be with your soul-mate, Edward! Your other half. How many people get to say that in their fucking life time?"
There was a heavy silence after those words. Neither man looked away from one another. For a moment Alfons thought he'd gotten through Edwards thick skull but he soon realized something was gravely wrong. His friend face crumbled inward, an empty expression passed through Ed's eyes. It was a haunting sort of look and when Edward registered he was expressing it outwardly, he turned his vision downwards in shame.
Alfons spoke his name timidly and Edward flinched. The green hands of nausea were touching at Ed's stomach, making everything sway in a mounting wave.
"Are you alright…?"
'What a stupid question to ask after being so fucking blunt...' The thought ripped through Edward's pounding head. A bitter snort was the final breaking point, it caught in his throat as he tripped over his guilt and the tears started flowing.
"N-no." Edward said with a cracking voice. Alfons watched as the other man threw his hands up into the air as if that would help the problem. It didn't. It only made everything in the blonds head hurt all that more. The hot tears continued to fall down his face as the feeling of impending doom lurked overhead.
"No… I'm not." It sounded like a startling discovery escaping out Edward's mouth, the weariness slamming into him with a sudden force, all the impotent worry and the struggle to keep his true feelings from Alphonse. He could feel the muscles in his hands straining into fist at his sides.
"Christ," Ed whispered, running his fingers through his bangs and breathing hard through his nose. The heat was prickling under his skin, at the back of his eyes, and the tears gathering there were the worst, most humiliating kind, self-pitying. He's not the one who's spent half his life in a suit of armor because of his older brother terrible decision.
Edward was just so tired.
"I'm the fucking problem. T-he-the situation is the fucking problem and now because of me, I'm messing everything up for Alphonse. Then you're sitting there, s-saying he's not even my brother. That I shouldn't feel guilty I fucked him—."
"W-wait, w-wait, wait. Back up there." Alfons interjected Edward's babbling rush of words at the startling new bit of information. "You two had sex?"
A hot and very uncomfortable feeling rushed through Edward upon realizing what he had just said. It was the sort of heat that came from a burst of intense cold. His whole body erupted with it, his veins ran with ice from an artic chill. Edward admitted, actually willingly admitted, aloud to another that he'd had sex with his younger brother, even if that person believed Alphonse wasn't related. The realization was still a revelation of how screwed up his life had turned out.
It left a dry tacky feeling in the back of his throat, or maybe that was the dehydration from throwing up.
"Yes." Edward said simply, voice void of all emotions. The only sign something was astray were the uncharacteristic tears streaming down his cheeks.
"…"
"Your notion not so swallow-able now, is it?" Ed said through tears after a moment of deafening silence.
"Edward…" it was the pity Alfons was portraying that pissed Edward off, he wanted nothing to do with it.
"Fuck you…" He said taking a step towards the door. "I don't need your fucking pity, and I sure as hell don't need your double standard way of thinking..."
With that he turned on the balls of his feet and left his best friend standing stunned in the middle of his living room. He hurriedly hopped to put his boots on by the front entry and took off out the front door in a fluid forwards motion.
His name being shouted avidly behind him almost halted his steps but his pride wouldn't have any part of that. The door slammed at his back and the sun blared into his bloodshot eyes.
'Good fucking morning, Edward.' He thought bitterly swiping the stray tear-tracks from his cheeks.
'What a lovely way to start a day… Just fucking peachy.'
By the time Edward reached his truck, the sun was high in the midday sky. Not a cloud could be seen on this fine Monday afternoon. The sun smiled cheerfully overhead and Edward wanted to murder the fucking annoying ball of gas.
His whole body was covered in sweat. It ran in steady streams down his back. The shirt he was wearing stuck to his flesh like a second skin. Even the normally tepid metal of his automail arm was hot to the touch.
The trek into town from Alfons house had been grueling and tiresome. Considering the man lived in the ass end of nowhere on the outskirts of town. Nothing but dusty plains, and fields of grazing cows for company. The dust off the farmland did nothing for the ache in Ed's skull either.
If anything, though - even if it was considerably annoying - the walk gave Edward time to reflect on everything that lead up to where he stood in the abandoned parking lot his truck was parked in.
Edward had crossed over a fire and brim stone. His soul, his body, and even his fucking mind were tired. All he wanted right now was for a cold shower and a warm bed to fall asleep on. Damn the consequence of having to go home for these necessities. If Alphonse was there, Edward would just ignore him to the best of his ability. He was tired of running and hiding from the truth.
He held a red plastic container of gas to which he purchased when he'd passed a corner store on the way into town. Quickly he set about getting the fuel into his empty trucks tank. When that was finished he threw the jug into the bed of the truck and got into the familiar cab. With a roar from the engine the truck started.
Warm dry air pelted him in the face. Even though it was hot, his flesh was prickled with excretion. The musty air felt glorious against his sticky skin.
After a moment of just sitting still, soaking in the air conditioning Edward put the truck into drive and drove the distance to the brothers' shared apartment.
The amount of anger Ed had been feeling all but dissipated as he neared his home. Yes, he was still hurt by his friend's cold and hot opinion. Alfons knew of Edwards feelings for his little brother; he had all but guessed the reason he'd been so melancholy about being separated from Alphonse. Heiderich had even encouraged Ed's feelings, all but begged him to confess it all to his younger brother once they were reunited again.
This was the reason Alfons' reaction had cut so deeply for Edward. He had never imagined in a thousand years the look of disgust over taking his friends face upon hearing his confession to sleeping with his brother.
For fuck's sake, Alfons didn't even consider Alphonse to be related to Edward. The man even had the audacity to argue about something he knew nothing of.
"Alphonse and I didn't miraculously become unrelated…" He spoke to no one. 'That's not how it works.' Edward thought mostly as an after-thought.
Edward's body was physically exhausted. He needed sleep. Real, sleeping-in-my-own-bed, kind of sleep. He shouldn't be thinking of such things. Nothing positive was going to come out of it. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. It did nothing. The thoughts just kept coming.
There were no logistics behind Alfons' theory. Objectively Edward constructed a new home for Alphonse's soul, which did not change the fact they were related in body and soul. His friend was terribly wrong. When a transplant patient receives a new organ, it doesn't mean the organ coming into their body wasn't their own. It had just come from another home, another body. It was the same idea.
New body. Same soul.
"He's my blood brother. Period." His metal hand slammed down onto the steering wheel for emphasis.
Edward summed it up to the fact Alfons didn't know enough to make such allegations. He was entirely in the wrong. He wasn't the one who studied Alchemy his entire life. Edward knew better, it just didn't work that way.
'Did it?' a part of Edward questioned. Even though he knew it was incorrect. He still had to question. But even if it was true –which it isn't- there was not a single shred of evidence to prove anything.
Edward couldn't help but play back Alfons' words in his mind, "All alchemy consisted of is science and little bit of magic..."
Ed's own words thrown back into his face.
Yes, there was magic involved. It's was the main difference that made up this universe than the one Alphonse an Edward were really from. Back home, in Amestris, alchemy was a very real thing. Magic and science melded into a harmony. The perfect equation.
In this world there was only science, where everything is based off cold hard evidence, while magic was made up of illusions and mirages.
And in this specific circumstance, there was none. Not a single kernel of legitimate proof. Alfons' idea was all based off an -entirely biased- hypothesis.
On that thought, Edward pressed his boot into the gas pedal, accelerating his speed. He didn't want to think about this anymore. All Ed wanted was a shower and a long, needed nap.
Fuck the consequences of going home.
It was about twenty minutes before Edward pulled into his apartment parking lot.
The trepidation of going into the apartment lit up his spine like cold hands gripping his spine. The fact of actually seeing his younger brother came into a bright, fuck-you, kind of reality.
'shit…' he thought quickly carding his hands through his bangs.
"Stop being such a girl." Ed scolded himself after a moment of sitting and staring at the path which lead to the entrance of the building.
Unbuckling, he exited his truck with a slam of the heavy door. A feelings of uneasiness coursing right under his skin. Shrugging it off, he made his way up into the apartment building. The same mantra circled the blonde's head.
Ignore Al, take shower, and fall into bed. It was simple. He just had to follow through with it once he got there.
Edward knew he was playing the coward, something he was not used to doing. Tucking tail and hiding wasn't in his repertory, but he was left stranded in unfamiliar territory and already treading thin ice as it was.
Nothing ever was easy about Edward's personal life. To be quite frank, nothing ever came easy for Edward in his entire life. Surviving had been a constant theme in his childhood and right up into his teenage years. So, why would his adult years be any different?
He took the stairs in an endeavor to try and stall the moment of crossing the threshold of their home. Edward didn't want to meet Alphonse's disappointed stare because he'd never come home last night. Nor did Ed even attempt to call to let Al know he was alright after abandoning him.
A culpable feeling hit him hard in the gut. 'Al was probably worried sick…' his feet faltered on the stairs. 'Fucking-shit, I never called…' The pit of guilt cultivated in his stomach.
'I'm such a douche-bag. Shit...'
A freshly renewed fire was lit under Edward as he raced up the rest of the stairs. When he got to their front door, he reached for the handle and turned expecting it to be open. It was locked. Alphonse wasn't home.
It suddenly struck Ed, it was Monday. Alphonse had class until at least two in the afternoon. A deep sense of disappointment rushed through him. Shrugging through it he pulled his keys out of his front pocket and unlocked the door and let himself in.
The house was dark. All the front windows blinds were pulled shut. It sent a murky emotion into the depth of his stomach. The guilt from last night, reawakened. Edward couldn't do this to himself. It wasn't fair. Alphonse wasn't even home to scold him. He should be relishing in this time of calm before the raving storm because once Al got home, all bets were off. Edward knew he'd be receiving an earful.
With another tiring sigh passing his lips he kicked off his boots and made his way down the darkened hall way. Flicking lights as he went, he made his way into the front bathroom.
A much needed shower was in store. Edward could feel all the alcohol he'd consumed the night before purging through his pores. All the sweating he worked up in that mile hike into town left his skin with a foul stank.
His skin was sticky, his head itched and he was unbelievably tired.
Edward quickly got undressed, pulling his shirt over his head with his metal arm while simultaneously flicking the button of his pants undone with his flesh hand. Once undressed he went about getting the shower started and set at the right temperature, which was lukewarm to wash the heat away from his flesh.
He bathed quickly and efficiently, only turning the water off and stepping out once he felt entirely clean and thoroughly cooled off.
Edward didn't linger in the bathroom, instead he moved through the house with a white towel slung low on his narrow hips. His auto-mail foot made hollow sounds as it cuffed on the wooden floor in the hallway.
He paused in the hallway. 'My door is cracked…' Ed observed as he pushed it open with the flat of his palm. The hinges squeaked loud to Edward's ears in the otherwise deathly-quiet apartment. The first thing he realized upon entering his room, his bed was made, like really made. All flat sheets and corners of the comforter tucked in primp and proper in all the right place.
'The pillows are even fluffed…' Ed thought pensively.
This was not how he left his bed. Edward never made his bed… if anything Ed would throw the sheet and dark red blanket carelessly across the mattress and call it a day.
It could only mean one thing, Alphonse had been in here when Edward had been gone.
A cold feeling fluttered into his stomach.
'Had Al come in here?' He question himself… Well it was obvious, Edward's bed didn't make itself. He huffed as he flopped face first into the mattress, letting out a disgruntle groan as he allowed his body to sink into the comfort of his own bed. It was heavenly but it became apparent as to why Alphonse came into his room.
'Al slept in my bed…' Edward could smell his brother's sweet scent of peach lingering on his pillow case. He groaned again as he was assaulted with a pang of lust shooting straight through his dick. The stifling guilt wasn't far behind though, as it clouded his chest.
"Shit…" Edward muttered rolling over onto his back. He was mostly blaming himself for everything. 'Because everything is my fault…' Ed argued with himself. "Fuck…" the expletive left his mouth as his hands raked through his bangs, pulling them always from his face.
*Did you create me like this?*
Alphonse's words scraped through his mind like a shovel on gravel, loud and noisy. The kind of sound that you knew if you had to listen to it too long, you might just go crazy.
*Did you create me like this, brother…?*
"Fucking hell-"Edward sat up promptly, screaming at his brother's voice in his head to just stop.
"I did it…" He confessed ardently. "I fucking did it." He spoke to no one but the air in front of him.
Edward needed to hear what he feared to even think, let alone speak it aloud. He needed the confirmation he'd done the most despicable thing a person… a brother could condone.
It was a heinous crime. A sin that could never be taken back.
An unfaithful tear slid unwanted down his cheek. Even more followed closely.
"I did it." Ed cried as he gripped the freshly made bed cloth.
The bed his brother made for him. A bout of guilt settled into his chest; he'd left Alphonse alone and probably worrying over him. Al hadn't known where Edward was all night and the fact Alphonse sought refuge in Ed's bed sent a warm feeling through his belly but guilt and anxiety still lingered right below the surface of shallow water.
"I-I-I'm sorry Alphonse." He cried into his hand. "I was weak… and I thought I'd never see you again…"
How wrong Edward was though, he had seen his little brother again. Defeating all the odds stacked against them that stated they would never cross paths again.
A whole other universe couldn't keep them apart, they fought till they stood side by side again.
How could Edward know, that his one mistake, his greatest sacrifice would be thrown back in his face like a cruel joke?
The moment Envy's blade plunged into Ed's heart, all Edward could think of was how he wanted Alphonse to be happy. To be alive again, to be perfectly whole again. How Al deserves to be anything other than living in a metal suit of armor, because he was just too good of a person…
There in lied Edward's biggest error. Believing Alphonse to be perfect in nature, he constructed Al the equivalent to what Edward believed he was, an equally unadulterated body.
'A home to house a beautiful soul.' This thought ripped through Edward's subconscious, leaving him choking on his own guilt thickly in his throat.
Edward never meant to build, to form Alphonse into something he was sexually attracted to, though. Not intentionally.
It made him sick to even to think such thoughts, but that's what he'd done. Melded and molded poor Alphonse's soul into something that was flawlessly gorgeous and quite frankly everything Edward ever wanted in a significant other.
"Gah, everything is so fucked up." There was a burning in his chest, as if a blush was spreading on pale skin. Edward was so angry at himself. So very angry. How could he do something like that, to his own brother none-the-less?
This wasn't what caused him the most stress, though. It was in the circumstance he'd acted upon his desires. Bent and seduced his younger brother into sharing this wicked damnation.
Edward had never been a holy man. Never believed in anything that resembled a God. He knew he'd committed sins in the eyes of the church, countless sins throughout the years. Never once had he felt remorse or guilt from his action because he knew there wasn't a God to pass judgment. No god-like being sitting in the clouds and smiting people down below for their wicked ways. No, there was a much more cynical approach to life.
A single Gate to the great infinite beyond.
Ed knew though, if there had been a God and there was such a thing as an actual sin, Edward knew he'd be rotting in hell for his thoughts and actions upon his little brother. Like a black mark smudged into his skin, Ed knew what he had done.
The saddest part of it all, buried beneath his remorse and culpability lied a man which held no regrets, a man who was head-over-heels in love, and a person who didn't have any precautions about who knew about it. This man held no shame and defiantly didn't consider himself Alphonse's brother but an entity who wanted to claim and be claimed by the one he held so high in redeem.
Edward was terrified of this aspect of himself. This was the part of him, the deepest part of his desire that wanted Alphonse and didn't care how he upheld his wants and needs. To seduce and prey on an innocent.
"I am a monster." Edward cringed into himself.
Bleary yellow eyes stared blankly into the bed in front of him. Time moved in an agonizing pace, like the grain of sands slipping through an hourglass. Edward felt each tick of the clock's hands inching towards the time Alphonse would be home.
He needed to confess everything to Al. 'I should've done it a long time ago.'
*"You said it yourself. All alchemy consisted of is science and little bit of magic. I may not understand the magic part of it all, but I do understand the sciences. Alphonse is not your brother. Even if you don't want to accept it. The blood that runs in his veins no longer runs in yours. In flesh you aren't even related…"*
Alfons' words hummed in the back of Ed's mind. Stuck there to remind him, he need to confess everything. All scrapes of information –even the info that wasn't totally reliable- Alphonse deserved to know everything!
With a plan of action, Ed's mind settled down somewhat. The heavy guilt resting on his shoulders already felt elevated. As did the cobwebs woven through his chest. Edward was determine to right this wrong. He just had to wait till Alphonse got home…
To be continued…
"Punch Drunk"
Incubus.
Did I park my car?
If I found it I would drive so far from here
The city streets are dim
And my hands are tempted once again
To give in...
I'm having trouble seeing
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle if you'd oblige
I will survive
On this island i am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?
On the road my thumb is out
I'm hitchin home tonight I am without a name
Where was it that I lived?
Well nevermind just take me with you
And forget...
The lack of information
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle if you'd oblige
I will survive
On a silent I am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?
I will survive
Tonight I wander and I roam
Just lookin for a way back home tonight
The sun is coming up
I think I've had my fill
Wait, who the fuck are you?
Where did I park my car?
Please forgive my...
Lack of information
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle, ohhh
I'm having trouble seeing
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a mircale if you'd oblige
I will survive
On this island I am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?
I will survive
Tonight I wander and I roam
Just lookin for a way back home tonight
Spare me... a ride, a ride tonight
Spare me... a ride, a ride tonight
(On this island I am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?)
A/N: I know I went missing. I had an accident and fell and nearly broke my wrist. I am now in a brace, and it hinders my typing. I will try my damnedest to get the new chapter out. Considering you've all been waiting for so long...
Also thank you for all the reviews, and follows. I really appreciate everyone of them. They keep me writing!
5 Reviews for Update
