xviii. sympathy for a monster / 93 a.d.d
She never knew victory would come with so much loneliness.
Madena is fine with some of her former friends from Raleburgh wanting to speak with her — that's apparently what happens when you kill eight people. She's fine with Petra and Maxima walking on eggshells around her, even if they did a similar amount of damage in the arena. Hell, Mads is even fine with Carina avoiding her.
But what she's not fine with, is the fact that despite how much she's begged, her sister, Astuki, won't come live in Victors Village with her.
Mads wishes she could say she doesn't understand them, but that wouldn't be true. Re-watching her Games, and the way she tore off some people's heads, and practically gutted others, keeps her up at night. Not necessarily out of fear, but rather because she can't find it in herself to regret it.
She took training seriously so she could have a chance at having a normal life with Atsuki, but now things are only worse. Madena tore the arena into bits and pieces, and it was all for nothing.
Her fist slams down hard on the dummy's face to the sound of applause. Everyone's gathered here to watch Mads fight since apparently, that's the only thing she's good at.
(Whenever she closes her eyes, the dummies and the punching bags sound like the broken bones of the twelve year old girl she slaughtered — forever Atsuki's age.)
"Now, does anyone want a broken nose by the Madena Hirato?" Enza, the announcer, says with a biting laugh. Immediately, a young boy's hand shoots up, so he barks, "Not you, Berengar."
"You're no fun!"
She knows this whole exchange is just Enza joking around, but is it wrong that Mads thinks she'd actually find comfort if there was a living, breathing, person at the other end of her fist?
(Sometimes, she feels like she never left the arena. Other times, she thinks a part of herself died in there.)
"I can punch you in the face if you want," Mads teases. Suddenly, the boy shivers and folds back into the audience.
If she did actually punch them, Atsuki would find out, and she'd therefore hate Mads even more. After all, why should anybody have sympathy for a monster?
