"Alright, here's the recap summary bit!" Lego said as this was gonna be another Genshin chapter. "It's been a moment, and with all the other story arcs going on, and the chapters taking so long to publish, it would be wise to remind you all what happened previously!" After a moment of silence, Lego laughed at himself. "Oh who am I kidding, Tale is probably the only person who reads this."
"We previously left off with the trial of the magician known as Lyney, who was being framed for the kidnapping of a girl, as well as the murder of his own assistant, who unfortunately ended up killing himself because his plan backfired since the girl lied about her identity. Ultimately, he was saved by yours truly and the rest of the Idiot Brigade consisting of Bardock, Izuku, Cell, Kermit, and Raiden from Metal Gear Rising, as well as Aether and Paimon from Genshin," Lego explained, recapping the trial sequence. "We also joined forces temporarily with Navia, President of the Spina da Rosula who wants to put an end to a related case of murders and disappearances going on where young women have been going missing, and are currently speculated to be dissolved by the Water of the Primordial Sea."
As Lego lifted his finger, about to continue with the recap, he was cut off by Furina. "Hold on, 'Idiot Brigade'? Seriously, that's what you're calling your squadron?" Furina questioned.
"You have a better idea?" Lego asked Furina as he looked at her dryly.
Furina merely scoffed as she regarded him. "Of course not! I'm depressed!" Furina replied, revealing herself to be the Furina from the Penacony chapter.
"Should that really be an excuse?" Acheron from the Penacony chapter asked as she held up a script and examined it.
"Nope," Lego and Furina said at the same time.
Furina actually did a double take as she looked at Acheron. "Hold on, why are you here?"
Acheron let loose a smile. "Same reason you're here. Lucky summons from a while back."
"Ah yes, Free to Play gambling," Furina remarked as she looked at Lego. "Is there anyone else you've acquired that you want to mention to everyone else?"
"Firefly, Sparkle, Navia, Neuvillette, Father, Clorinde, Alhaitham surprisingly though he's not relevant since he lives in Sumeru and I doubt we'll be heading there even remotely," Lego listed with a hum. "I mean, I guess Eula as well. Shall I mention the Zenless Zone Zero characters?"
Acheron clapped her hands together. "We're getting side tracked."
"And so now, it is time for our foolish heroes to HOPEFULLY not fuck up the storyline further and uncover who the culprit of these murders is so I can execute him personally," Lego said, catching Furina and Acheron off guard as they looked at him.
"What?" Furina questioned.
"Don't worry about it," Lego said as he pulled out a pump action shotgun and shot the screen, breaking it before it faded to the next scene which would be the actual story. "In the meantime…"
Double Trouble
"...how does my suit look?" Lego questioned as he wore a standard black suit, standing in the bridge of the airship with nearly everyone else from the previous Genshin chapters.
"Remind me again, why are you in a suit?" Cell asked.
"We were going to meet with Navia and the Spina di Rosula to talk about the case of the women disappearing," Izuku reminded Cell. "Which reminds me… we need a solid lineup of people to embark on this misadventure."
"Is Tale an option?" Cell questioned.
"What the fuck is with you guys and mentioning Tale?" Lego asked as he looked at Cell and Izuku, though mainly Cell.
"Because he always seems to show up when something goes down," Cell remarked. "Like that time Apollo and his shadow chicken attacked the Hindi."
Everyone went silent as they tried to make heads or tails of what Cell said. Eventually, Tanjiro chimed in and asked, "You mean Volo, Shadow Lugia, and the Hisui Region which is also known as the Sinnoh of Old?"
"Yes, that," Cell said as he pointed at Tanjiro.
Lego rolled his eyes. "In the name of the Hoyoverse, I'm 5 seconds away from straight up murdering your ass…" The author muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Izuku shrugged. "...actually, speaking of, where's Evil?" Izuku questioned as he looked around.
"...I sent him to do things so he couldn't fuck things over," Lego said simply, prompting everyone to look at him with a worried look.
"Where did you send him?!" Cell questioned, his worry evident.
Outside a peaceful city in a region known as Mondstadt, a bard sat under a tree, strumming his lyre blissfully without a care in the world.
"Oh the wonders of freedom!" The bard said with a smile on his face.
His blissful freedom was interrupted by a man suddenly falling from the sky and landing in front of him, causing the bard to yelp in surprise and nearly drop his lyre.
"Yo, I'm looking for an 'Anemo Archon'," Evil stated as he stood up, having been the one to appear. "Where can I-" Evil stopped as he looked more intently at the bard.
"I- uh… I wouldn't know!" The bard said. "I'm just a humble bard! And my name is Venti!"
"I can sense your godly energy," Evil stated, exposing Venti just like that.
"Uh…" Venti was dumbfounded and confused. "What?"
"Fight me!" Evil shouted as he charged his energy. "I want to see what the gods of this world are all about!"
Venti saw Evil was serious, and stood up. "May I take this as an attempt to assassinate me?" Venti questioned as put his lyre away.
"Lego specifically said not to kill any of you Archons," Evil replied. "But that's-"
"Then I surrender!" Venti said, holding his hands up in surrender with a stupid smile on his face, confusing Evil as the demon dropped his dark red aura.
"...what?" Evil questions. "But… But I'm here to fight you! One on one!"
Venti shrugged. "Sorry, I'm not interested," Venti replied as he pulled his lyre back out, clearly not threatened by Evil's presence. "However, I could be swayed by a bottle of Dandelion Wine from Dawn Winery~..."
"Dandelion Wine?" Evil repeated. "Hmm… fine!"
"Wait-" Venti began, before Evil suddenly took flight in an attempt to find Dawn Winery and procure a bottle of Dandelion Wine. As Venti watched Evil fly away, a cunning smile dawned on the Anemo Archon's face. "I wonder how much I can get out of him…"
"...don't worry about it," Lego replied. "I don't keep track of this shit either."
"Well what are we doing in the meantime?" Izuku questioned as he placed his hands on his hips and looked at the author.
"Eh, attending a stupid meeting with Navia and the Spina di Rosula, in which the Traveler will be there as well," Lego said. "Now, we don't need to go through with this arc, so let's just handle this shit while we can, before we get balls deep in this to the point that we can't pull out."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The aroused moans of Zarbon and Hisoka threw everyone off for a moment, scaring them all in that brief time.
"Right," Izuku said sheepishly as he looked away.
"Good beta male," Lego said, before bitch slapping Izuku. "Let's get this shit over with."
"Wait, who's coming along?!" Cell questioned as Lego began walking out of the airship.
"I don't give a fuck who follows me, because I personally don't wanna drag this out," Lego said. "Y'all fight over it or whatever."
"Dibs," the Villain Izuku said.
"Quickly, gang up on the much stronger enemy!" Raiden shouted as he pulled out his High Frequency blade, before getting pinned to a wall by a spear. It took only five seconds for the airship to devolve into an internal conflict, with everyone fighting over who shows up in the chapter.
Lego blinked as he watched this happen. "...I wonder if I should follow Tale's advice and take everyone's powers away whilst they're on the ship…" Lego commented.
Izuku looked at Lego with a raised eyebrow. "...wasn't that meant for your Summoned to React story?" Izuku questioned.
"The one I discontinued? Yes," Lego answered, before he shrugged. "Same thing applies."
Acheron from Honkai: Star Rail, the same one who appeared at the beginning of this chapter in the recap, walked up. "I think I'll take a slot because why not."
"No you don't you Skimpy Samurai!" Katsuku shouted. "Detroit-!" Katsuku was cut off by Acheron cutting him in half with a slice of her sword, a wave of energy going out and causing more damage to the ship as a result.
Acheron, whose hair was now white and with her eyes now red, sheathed her sword and regained her colors. She let out a sigh, before looking at the rest of the characters who were present and also looking at her. "Would anyone else like to try me?" Acheron questioned.
A bullet was then shot at Acheron and she deflected it with her sword as she quickly drew it out once more. Lego, Acheron, and Izuku turned to see Zhu Yuan of Zenless Zone Zero with her pistol. "Yes, on charges of manslaughter!" Zhu Yuan shouted.
"Who the fuck is she?!" Izuku shouted at Lego and pointed at her, all whilst Cell was shamelessly staring at Zhu Yuan's backside.
"Right, that's Zhu Yuan from Zenless Zone Zero," Lego said. "The new game from Hoyoverse that came out, that is easily my favorite for the time being, as I like it more than Genshin or Honkai Star Rail."
Acheron looked at him, her expression visibly angered. "I'm sorry, the fuck?"
"Not my fault we have distinguished gentlemen like this little guy," Lego said, before gesturing to a short robotic little rabbit that looked like a cross between a minion, furby, and a rabbit. This was a Bangboo from Zenless Zone Zero, and was wearing a suit, and also had a mustache on its face.
"Ena," the distinguished gentlemanly Bangboo said as he held up a plate of pancakes, causing Acheron and Izuku to blink in confusion.
"What?" Acheron questioned, before getting shot in the knee by Zhu Yuan. "MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Stop!" Zhu Yuan said as she took the time to capitalize on Acheron's injury. "You violated the law!" Acheron was then punched hard in the face and sent to the ground, clutching her nose.
Lego took a step back. "...yeah, we need to get out of the ship."
"Ya think?!" Izuku snapped, clearly not happy with the way things were turning out.
After a few moments, the Idiot Brigade had assembled and was riding the aquabus to the Court of Fontaine. Lego was silent as Izuku gave him a death glare, all while Zhu Yuan was reluctantly bandaging Acheron's bloody knee.
"You're incompetent," Izuku stated.
"I didn't see you do anything to stop the fighting," Zhu Yuan said as she looked at Izuku. "As a criminal, I bet you relished in the chaos."
Izuku looked at Zhu Yuan. "Alright, first off, who the fuck even are you to question me when you shot someone in the knee?! Second, why the fuck do you sound like an officer?!"
"Cuz I am one!" Zhu Yuan retorted. "Officer 148, Zhu Yuan, team leader of the Criminal Investigation Special Response Team of the New Eridu Public Security!" To further prove her point, she pulled out her badge and ID.
"Oh great, I'm stuck with the police?!" Izuku questioned.
"Could be worse," Lego remarked.
"Bullshit!" Izuku snapped as he looked at Lego.
"Motherfucker, you're the reason we're even here still!" Lego shouted at Izuku. "You just couldn't keep your mouth shut because there just happened to be some injustice going on! The Traveler and Paimon could've fucking done this on their own, but you had to fuck around and find out! I don't want to hear you bitch!"
"You're the one who's keeping us here!" Izuku retorted.
"The ship still needs to be fixed!" Zhu Yuan shouted at Izuku whilst snapping her fingers. "And even more so now because of the brawl that just occurred!"
"She is right," Acheron agreed. "But Lego did tell everyone to start fighting."
"Cuz I didn't expect everyone to be so bloodthirsty," Lego stated. "I'm pretty sure even Dragon would be baffled by what you clowns committed there."
"Who?" Acheron and Zhu Yuan questioned.
"StarDustDragonKnight," Lego said. "I'm amazed I got him to make a return in the DAU chapters for the sake of shooting Cell, considering the lack of communication between us two, although that's probably my fault for not being great at communication." Lego smirked. "I guess I leave a Genshin style impact on people."
"Fuck you," Zhu Yuan and Acheron said at the same time.
Lego rolled his eyes as the four rode the aquabus, all while the poor little Melusine conductor was shaking slightly at the vicious tones of the four.
Meanwhile, in Mondstadt…
"Alright, listen here!" Evil began as he glared at Venti. "I have gotten everything you have asked for! Now fight me!"
The camera pans to Venti chilling on a very luxurious and cushioned chair, drinking a bottle of wine whilst wearing black sunglasses. To his left was a table with plenty of luxurious foods and cakes as well.
"I'll fight you in a bit," Venti said, slurring a tiny bit as he took a swig of the bottle of wine in his hand.
Evil shouted in anger and stomped his foot on the ground. "You listen here!" Evil said as he grabbed Venti by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close. "I have done as you requested! Now do as I request and fight me, you pathetic excuse for a god!"
"I'm the God of Freedom," Venti replied. "I'm not a fighter. If you want to fight someone, go to Liyue down South and fight the adepti… or whatever."
"FINE!" Evil shouted, before tossing Venti to the ground. This resulted in the chair falling over on its side, as well as Venti dropping the wine bottle that broke as it hit the ground.
"No, my wine!" Venti whined as he looked at the glass shards of the wine bottle, whilst Evil once again flew off to god knows where.
And technically, that 'where' was Liyue Harbor.
At a fancy hotel known as Hotel Debord that doubled as a restaurant in Fontaine, the Idiot Brigade joined up with Navia and the Spina di Rosula, as well as the Traveler and Paimon to celebrate proving Lyney's innocence.
"It's so good to see everyone here," Navia said with a bright smile as she sat at a rather large table, Melus and Silver at her side whilst Lego, Acheron, Zhu Yuan, and Izuku sat to her right (the way she was facing), while Aether and Paimon sat to her left (again in the direction Navia was facing). The table was also full of many different dishes that were from Fontaine, that were actually inspired by French cuisine. "Admittingly, I thought your group would've left Fontaine by now to continue your multiverse traveling or whatever it is you do."
"Unfortunately," Izuku began. "The leader of this 'Idiot Brigade' as he so chose to call us," Izuku turned to look at Lego with a dry expression, "told everyone to fight for who came along with. The ship now suffers more damage, meaning we can't exactly leave yet until the ship is further repaired."
The Spina di Rosula members stared at Lego, dumbfounded, with Aether and Paimon also quite surprised by what Izuku said. Lego rolled his eyes and said, "Can we just enjoy dinner please… the faster we get back, the sooner we can repair the ship and maybe go somewhere nicer where we don't have to save a nation or planet."
"With all due respect," Melus began, "you don't sound like the most capable of leaders, especially calling your group the 'Idiot Brigade'."
"It's the best I got," Lego replied. "And besides, clearly, my group is full of idiots seeing as everyone immediately fought for who would come here."
Navia sat back in her chair, before saying, "Ya know you could've just brought the people who were originally there at the Opera House when they held Lyney's trial, right?"
Lego blinked a bit. After a moment, he slammed his head against the table. "FUCK!"
"Moving to a lighter subject," Zhu Yuan began. "This food is surprisingly really good. Can't say I remember eating something so refined…"
"Why, I'm glad it's to your tastes!" Navia said to Zhu Yuan with a smile. "By the way, I'm Navia, the President of the Spina di Rosula."
"I'm Zhu Yuan, a member of New Eridu Public Security," Zhu Yuan greeted with a smile of her own. "Although that means nothing here since New Eridu would be in a different dimension."
"You're an officer where you're from though, correct?" Navia assumed.
Zhu Yuan nodded. "That is correct. I'm one of the few officers with a high Ether aptitude who can go into Hollows for the sake of criminal investigations, unlike other officers who would have to wear protection gear."
"Sounds remarkably dangerous," Melus commented.
"Because it is," Zhu Yuan confirmed. "Ethereals are not a laughing matter. All sorts of people lose their lives to Ethereals, or become Ethereals due to the corruption sustained in a Hollow. Unfortunately for the victims' families, there is almost never a body to recover…"
Immediately, everyone turned to look at Zhu Yuan, staring at her for a long moment. Zhu Yuan realized her mishap and bit her lip. "...shit, that's darker than what I was intending."
"Paimon was already not liking how the drink tasted, but that ruined Paimon's appetite…" Paimon commented.
Navia looked down, and noticed something. "Wait, Paimon, did you drink my Fonta?"
"Huh?" Paimon looked down at the rather large tea cup that could've passed for a mug, which was empty. "Was this your drink?"
"Seems we were distracted by Madam Zhu Yuan's background to notice you grabbed the wrong cup," Silver remarked, still hovering over Navia since he was one of her guards.
"Ehehe… oops," Paimon replied. "Paimon wasn't really paying attention, and the cup was right next to Paimon. Sorry about that."
"No, it's fine," Navia said as she waved her hand.
"Well, I for one think that the Fonta here is decent," Izuku said. "Kinda reminds me of a soda pop."
"Paimon doesn't agree," Paimon replied. "It tastes salty and icky…"
"I'd have to agree," Aether added. "My drink also tasted that way too."
"Anyone else have a similarly salty drink?" Melus asked.
"My taste buds are inactive, so I can't say," Acheron answered. "But I'm sure I tasted a hint of sweetness."
"I had a cup of coffee," Zhu Yuan replied. "It's probably just whatever flavor of Fonta Navia and the Traveler had."
"Probably," the Traveler said with a nod.
Above Liyue Harbor, a prosperous port city that is heavily Chinese coded, two women were going for a walk, one of them being taller than most women and the other having short qilin horns.
"Ya know, I'm still surprised Wanmin Restaurant hired you, Shenhe," the girl with the horns said to the taller woman now identified as Shenhe. "I'm surprised you wanted to get a job in general. I can only imagine how Master feels."
"Wasn't her entire reason for moving here to Liyue Harbor for the sake of being close to us because she wanted to be closer to us more often, Ganyu?" Shenhe asked the qilin, identified as Ganyu.
"Considering how lonely it must get on Mt. Aocang, we can't blame her," Ganyu replied. Shenhe nodded in response, before she looked up at the sky, the sun slowly setting and casting an orange hue onto the sky. Immediately Shenhe tensed up and a polearm appeared in her hand. Ganyu noticed this and seemed surprised. "Shenhe?" Ganyu looked up and also noticed the problem and a bow materialized in her hand.
Looking down upon Liyue Harbor was Evil, and it was very clear he was here for a fight, something that out of context made the normal civilians fear his presence.
The Millelith, Liyue's public security force, slowly made their way towards the streets, their spears in hand.
"Whoever you are," one of the many guards shouted, "get down from there this instant and state your business!"
"I am Evil!" Evil shouted. "And I am here to fight your god!"
Amongst the people watching, they were speechless. Openly challenging a god to combat was not commonplace. However, this surprise turned to rage as the people looked at Evil.
"How dare you!" One of the other many guards shouted. "How dare you say that, especially after Rex Lapis died!"
"Your god is dead?!" Evil questioned, surprised now. "What?! That lying God of Freedom jerk!"
"What did you say?!"
"That God of Freedom said to travel South to this place called Liyue and fight your Adepti or whatever," Evil said. "Is that not your god?"
"No you uncultured swine, the adepti are not gods, although they are close to Rex Lapis!" The first Millelith guard shouted up at Evil. "And second, Rex Lapis was a god, but he died during the Rite of Descension a while ago!"
"Oh wow," Evil said. "Sorry to hear that. But, seeing as he's dead, where can I find these adepti?"
"Over my dead body!" A guard who was clearly young and fresh blood shouted. Evil then immediately dropped from the sky towards the guard, the intent to kill very evident. As Evil's hand was engulfed in a Ki blade, ready to slice the guard and kill him, Shenhe suddenly lunged forward faster than most humans and blocked his blade with her spear, actually giving Evil some resistance that he wasn't expecting.
"How interesting," Evil said as he looked at Shenhe, before jumping back and dodging an arrow from Ganyu that had an ice trail behind.
"What do you want with the adepti?" Ganyu questioned Evil as she nocked another arrow and aimed at him.
"I want to fight," Evil stated with a confident smile. "Nothing more and nothing less. Now where are they?"
"And if I refuse to tell?" Ganyu questioned.
"Well I could forcibly extract the information out of you, so your call," Evil replied.
Ganyu's eyes narrowed as she observed Evil. "I call your bluff."
"What bluff?" Evil questioned, before suddenly starting to dodge the attempts from the Millelith to attack him whilst he was distracted. Despite the numbers advantage, Evil was more than capable of defeating each and every Millelith guard that came at him.
Ganyu shot several more arrows at Evil, which he proceeded to catch. To Evil's surprise, as he caught one of the arrows with an ice trail, his body got coated in a light layer of frost that wasn't exactly much.
"Well that's interesting," Evil remarked, before getting hit by Shenhe with her spear.
Shenhe glared at Evil. "Leave."
Evil looked at Shenhe and Ganyu, a smile slowly returning to his face. "I think I'm going to enjoy this battle."
Alright. You know it. I know it. I'm just being lazy and not extending the chapter at all and putting out a cliffhanger. Additionally, Natlan is next week. It's been almost a full year since Fontaine first came out, and we haven't even gotten past the Archon Quest of 4.0.
Anywho, expect things to get more crazy from here on out and to stray heavily from canon. And I mean heavily.
Peace.
