All characters from Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing except my version of events.
Chapter 20
PAUL P.O.V.
She's hiding something. That much I know with absolute certainty.
I've known it since the moment she claimed she'd forgotten to tell me she was leaving for the weekend alone with Leah. Bella might believe she was a good liar. But she was absolute shit at it.
Her speech changed, suddenly a lot of 'Uh's', and long silent pauses interrupting her speech. In person, she was even worse. Her eyes straying away from mine, preferring to look at an insignificant patch of grass than directly into my eyes. She stiffened and twitched, imperceptible to the human eye but not to my kind.
My wolf always sharpened the details of her face. Loving every inch of her skin and soaking up every one of her expressions. He noticed the infinitesimal of movements even Bella was unaware of, but even without my keen sight I knew it with my other enhanced senses. The rhythm of her heart changed much like the ocean; from calm, still waters to the raging clash of thunderous waves. Her smell also changed too, perspiration seeping through her pores, muddying her delectable scent. A scent that was so uniquely hers and one my wolf and I have become addicted to.
Just thinking about the smell of her made my mouth water, that musky, sweet ambrosia scent that was so uniquely hers made my muscles tighten in response. My fingers curling into my palms, tightening into fists. My mouth watered, my tongue pressing against the back of my teeth to keep myself in my seat.
It was uncontrollable, this need I had for her.
It was a constant struggle I fought against not to maul her at just the sight of her. The wolf inside of me didn't help in the slightest. He wanted her just as much as I did. I pacified him as best as I could. Convincing him we were too close to our ultimate goal for him to break away from his invisible binds.
It was vital to maintain our composure, and the only way to do that was to keep the wolf restrained along with my own primal urges. Because if either one of us lost control, there was a very strong possibility we could lose her forever. And we were so close to getting what we wanted to lose now, I could feel it.
Though Bella refused to acknowledge it, she knew she was already mine. All I had to do was bide my time, be patient, give her the time to realize it all on her own and finally come to accept it. It was the only way we would ever move forward from where we were stuck now. No amount of convincing from anyone, especially myself, would get her to come to terms with what already was.
And I hated where we were now. This casual sexual relationship we've been carrying for these past few months was unbearable. Having to pretend as though my heart didn't belong to her already was absolute torture. But I couldn't show my hand yet. She wasn't ready.
My wolf growled so deeply it vibrated through my being and slipped through my mouth, my own chest vibrating with its the thought of losing her had my wolf pawing at his cage in desperation. A painful slash across my heart that ran deep into our combined souls, so earth shattering it almost brought me to my knees. The pain ran deeper than even the pain I'd felt at fighting the imprint. Back then I'd foolishly thought nothing could ever hurt as bad, that nothing could ever be worse than denying my wolf its supposed magical soulmate. I'd been so naïve. It was terrifying to even imagine how much worse it would get if we ever lost Bella.
My inner wolf pawed at me again, a heartbreaking howl piercing my brain and making me flinch. An urgent signal for me to stop this train of thought before it destroyed him.
Trust me buddy. It would destroy me too.
I was hopelessly in love with her. We both were.
But unlike the wolf, who more recently fell into her spell, I've been harboring this undying love for her since the first time I laid eyes on her. Since Charlie and Renee brought her into this world, if I had to take a guess. But my first clear memory of her was when I was four and she was two. Recalling the image of Bella walking towards me, her eyes taking me in, hand extended toward mine as if pleading for me to take her hand. Her sweet little voice calling my name so clearly it'd felt as though my world had shifted in that precise moment. And then it really had when she'd thrown her hand my way and smacked me right across the face dropping me to the ground.
One hit and I'd been a goner.
Some would think me a masochist, maybe they would be right. But I expected no less. Because that's always been Bella. So abrasive and yet loving all in one swift breath. She'd turned my world upside down with just one fucking look. And the truth was, I wouldn't want it any other way.
I didn't understand it when I was a young child and in my ignorant innocent mind I hadn't known what it was or what to call it. It unsettled me more than anything, that nauseous jittery feeling I always felt in the pit of my stomach every time she looked my way. And so I'd retaliated in the worst possible way. Teasing her relentlessly, prodding her with just the right words I knew would set her off just so she'd feel an nth of what I felt. I wanted her to be just as confused as I was. To feel the same uncertainty I always felt whenever she was near.
Unfortunately for me it only worked to harbor a very strong dislike from her. And when I realized what I had done, it had been too late to change her mind. Then before I could take the steps to change her view of me, my life had been altered so suddenly and without warning.
My mother's death had been swift. She'd been driving back from work one day, suffered an unexpected aneurysm in the brain, crashed into a tree and died instantly. My life forever changed that day. Because not only had I lost my mother in a tragic accident, but I'd also lost my father too. He was alive and still standing here on earth, but he'd never been the same after that. He'd become a shell of the person he'd once been. The pain he'd felt at her passing had changed him irrevocably and there was nothing I could have done to bring him back. And I tried. Believe me, I tried.
Even at such a young age I understood the pain he'd felt at her loss. The utter devastation he endured at knowing he would never see her again. And so I tried to console him as best as I could, putting aside my own pain to be there for him. She'd been my mother, my absolute world, but I'd known my father had felt it even deeper than I.
Unfortunately for me, his rejection had started the same night. He couldn't bear to look at me, ignored me when I called. He'd gone as far as physically pushing me away from him. Shouting at the top of his lungs to leave him be, that my presence alone tortured him more than the love he'd once held for me. Later on, I realized the reason why he couldn't bear to be around me, or to even look at me, was because of what I represented. A disturbing reminder of the person he had loved most in this world.
I've long since come to accept the loss of both of my parents that day. My father might still be physically alive and walking on this earth, but he'd no longer been alive in my world. He'd died that same night my mother had. I grieved him long ago and moved on.
And yet those feelings I harbored for Bella were ones I'd never been able to let go of. Even as a teenager she'd slip through my mind in the randomest of moments. Some days I would get lost in my own mind, imagining what she would look like as a teenager like me. I pictured what our life would have been like if I'd stayed in La Push, if my father hadn't ripped me away from the only life I'd ever known.
I mourned for the life I'd never know. Out of everything I could be angry at him for, taking me away from Bella had been his biggest crime of all. A transgression too grand for me to possibly forgive.
Of course I continued on with my life, I'd had to. I'd done what I'd had to do to survive without a father or anyone remotely close enough to care about those years, Jared had been the only one who'd cared. The only one who hadn't forgotten me and kept in contact with me via handwritten letters. To this day, he had no idea of how much his letters had kept me grounded. How much they fortified me to keep fighting against the current of overpowering loneliness that plagued me during those years. I'll admit, I've done a lot of stupid things that I'm not proud of today. Making mistakes and getting into trouble because it was the only way to assure myself that I actually existed in this world. That other people could see me too.
It wasn't until Gregory, my next door neighbor, stood at the front of my house one day. Holding a blue jumper in his hand and ordering me to get changed and meet him in his car in two minutes or he'd storm his way into my home to forcefully haul me out of it for all the neighbors to see. That I'd felt for the very first time, in a very long time, like I'd finally been seen. Like maybe there was someone out there who actually cared, and I might not be as alone in this world as I once believed.
At first I'd thought my father had put him up to it. That he'd somehow gotten word of my misdeeds and was finally deciding to step in.
I'd given him too much credit.
My father hadn't known, and even if he had, I doubt he would've lifted a single finger to help his only son. Greg was the one who had taken it upon himself to take me under his wing and save me from my own self-destruction. I owed everything to that man. If anyone could have taken the title of father, it would have been him. But after he'd passed, though he'd left me with enough money to probably live without having to work another day in my life, he'd left me with a gaping wound. Abandoned in unbearable loneliness once again, a feeling I thought I would never have to feel again. With nothing left to lose I'd decided to come to the only place I'd ever known happiness.
And then I saw her again.
I hadn't exactly known it was her at the time but she'd sure as hell rocked my world in the same way she always has. With that long luscious brown mane of hair flowing in beautiful waves framing her ethereal face. The arch of her brows and those captivating brown eyes that held me prisoner the moment they'd connected with mine. The teasing quirk of those naturally strawberry colored lips that hypnotized me to no end. The paleness of her skin, so in contrast to her other dark features that made them look even more striking. Looking back now I was surprised I hadn't immediately known it was her.
In my defense, I'd only heard about her through handwritten letters from Jared, that with time, had turned into phone calls. Unable to keep myself from asking questions, desperately wanting to know more about her.
If I was being honest with myself, Bella had been the main reason for my return to La Push. I was fully aware she'd been attending school near Forks. Jared had told me so. And though I wanted to say the reservation and the call of my people had lured me back to these lands… It wouldn't have been anything remotely close to the truth.
Since the beginning it'd been Bella.
It has always been Bella.
I'd known my last chance at being with her would soon slip away from me again. She had a year left before she graduated and moved on, lost to me in this world forever. I couldn't let that happen. Not without at least taking a chance, dropping everything I had built and moving back just for a one in a million chance that my childhood dream would finally come true.
And after all this time… it finally felt real. I was so fucking close I was almost giddy with triumph. I just needed to keep a steady hand, to stay on course and not rock the boat causing her to slip away from me like the scared little lamb that she was.
Because that's what Bella was.
Scared.
She was scared of feeling anything deeper than friendship for anyone. Scared of putting her heart on the line and for it not to be reciprocated in the same fashion. She was terrified of being vulnerable. Of giving someone else the power to hurt her. To see her for who she truly was. The dark, 'ugly' insecurities she hid behind her smart wit and overconfidence.
It was all a facade. A way to keep people at arm's length. She did it with the pack too. She was never her true authentic self even when she thought she was. Only I've had the privilege of seeing that side of her. To see all the dark insecurities that plagued her but that she hid so well behind smiles. I wanted to see more of it, for her to let me in and see every weakness she viewed as 'ugly'.She'd never be that in my eyes.
To me, she would always be Bella… My Bella.
I wanted to see her, to know her. To be the only one she trusted to bring down those walls and allow entrance into that impenetrable fortress she'd built in her mind since she was a child. I craved to know everything about her, inside and I needed was time. But my wolf wasn't taking it easy on me. He wanted her and he wanted her now.
He wanted to claim her. To show her his love and devotion, to show her what she meant to him so that he could implant himself into her heart too. He was desperate, frustrated, anxious to have her close again and for everyone to know she belonged to him… to us.
I wanted that too. But my human mind was able to cope with the need in a more effective way. I had her body and her friendship and that would be enough, at least for now.
It was only a step in the right direction. I had it perfectly planned out in my mind. Knowing Bella would be standing at the end of this long road I'd already embarked on made me patient enough to wait. Bella would be my prize at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel.
My wolf, though, only saw Bella.
He chuffs in aggravation, anxiety seeping out of him and trying to force itself inside of me too. Forcing me to feel the same way and as a result, making me just as desperate as he was.
I shut him out, reinforcing the gate I kept him trapped behind inside my own mind so he could wallow in his own desperation. Stopping the well of emotions before they had the chance to pour out of me.
Days like these were when I hated being a wolf more than anything, well beside the limitations that came with being spirit bound to these lands. Finding out the supernatural existed and that I was a part of it had thrown a boulder sized wrench in my path. But as long as I had Bella in the end, everything I've done, even this curse I'd been burdened with, would be more than worth it. And I'd do it over and over again just for her.
"You know, you've been staring at that sheet of paper in your hands for the past twenty minutes. Unless there's a naked picture of Bella on there, I highly doubt you'd find it interesting enough to have you as entranced as you look."
I growl at Jared in warning.
He only laughs.
Prick.
"What do you want?"
"Testyyyy. What's stuck up your furry butt on this lovely Wednesday morning?"
"Nothing."
He gives me a disbelieving look. "What is it?"
I put down the paper I still had gripped in my hand as calmly as possible, willing myself not to tear it to shreds. Once it's free from my grasp I press my fists against my eye sockets, hoping to stem the pressure of my growing frustration.
"It's Bella."
Jared looks like he wants to say 'no shit' but instead he just nods, calmly waiting for me to continue.
I release a hard breath. "She's been spending the past three weekends at her house in the city. And I just found out she's invited Julian to spend the weekend here, in the house she's currently sharing with her mom." I can't help but to growl his name as I say it, my wolf rattling the cage I kept him trapped in inside my own mind. It was unfortunate but necessary. I needed to be in control or I'd run the risk of the wolf ruining everything.
But my mind immediately begins to work against me, conjuring up the image of him and Bella, together, with that fucking bastards hand underneath her shirt.
"Woah, woah, woah. Calm down." Jared warns, cautiously moving closer to gently pry the papers out of my vicious hold.
I thought I'd put that shit down.
"Calm down, brother. Nothing is going on between them. Jacob and Embry said so and she tells them everything."
She hasn't told them about US.
And so his words do nothing to pacify me. My body literally vibrates with anger. Fuck, I'm supposed to be calming down, not getting angrier.
"What about Leah?" I grind out.
"What about Leah?" Said woman repeats, appearing at the doorway to my office.
"Julian." I growl out through gritted teeth unable to help it at this point.
She tenses immediately. "What about him?"
I open my mouth to ask but I can't physically bring myself to form the words. I doubt I can, just the thought of both of their names in the same sentence has a foul acrid taste filling my mouth.
"Bella and Julian," Jared says it for me. I can't help but to growl again in response. "They're not...?" Jared continues but stops before saying the word he knows will really set me off.
I'd probably shift with just the beginning sounds of that fucking word.
Leah senses the same thing and her eyes widen, her eyes taking in my furious form. "No. They're not." She says resolutely. Though her desire to placate me evaporates with her next words. "I thought you said you were close? If you were, then you'd know she wouldn't."
Was she taunting me? Right now when I was so clearly close to losing my fucking mind?!
"Leah." Jared warns firmly, trapping her in his gaze.
Leah rolls her eyes at the both of us. "She's not doing anything with Julian. They're just friends. Trust me."
"Trust you?!" I repeat incredulously. "When you've been so unwilling to discuss what happened during your little 'Girl's Weekend'?"
I was dying to know what they fucking did. What happened on that trip that's caused Bella to pull away from me as soon as she'd returned. For her to start lying to me. To make excuses to not fucking see me. She'd gone as far as using her mother as an excuse for me not to come over. If I saw her twice in one week I was fucking lucky. This week I'd yet to see even a glimpse of her.
I was going absolutely mad.
There had to be something. A reason for Bella to be acting in the suspicious way that she was.
It frustrated me to no end.
If there was something wrong, something stopping her from making any forward progress. I needed to know so I could fix it. How was I supposed to do that when I didn't know what the fucking problem was to begin with?
It had to be something!
Leah crosses her arms over her chest in a petulant manner. "If anything important would have happened, I would've told you. We just went out, had some fun."
"Well, Bella not accepting her feelings for Paul yet isn't helping in the slightest."
"Fuck off, Jared."
He lifts his hands palms up in a pacifying manner, staving off my anger, at least for now. "Not saying she doesn't feel them. But we all know how stubborn Bella can be. And we all know how much her mom has fucked her up growing up." His eyes take on a more resolute look. "You knew this was going to be an uphill battle from the beginning."
He was right. Of course he was right.
"I know." I say running an agitated hand over my hair, fucking up the style I'd done for work this morning. "Fuck, I know." I growl, dropping my head onto my hands.
I sense Jared moving closer, dropping a rough hand onto my shoulder and squeezing it in comfort. "You got this man. Just be patient. I know your wolf isn't helping but at least he's stopped fighting you over the imprint. And that, I think, has been the biggest hurdle by far. He loves Bella now just as much as you do. Having him on your side is already a huge accomplishment on its own."
Fuck he was right. For a good while I thought I'd die fighting the imprint. That the wolf's spirit would choose death before being pried away from its imprint. I'd been losing hope, losing faith. I'd been slowly losing the strength in me to fight against it all. And then like an angel sent from above, Bella had come to me. Pulled me out of Death's clutches and brought me back to life.
The wolf had wanted to push her away too. Unable to be in the presence of anyone, especially another female, that wasn't his imprint. We'd both been weak, on the brink of death, but with Bella so near I'd regained the strength to fight again, forcing the wolf to listen. Convincing him that letting Bella into our territory would be for the best. That we needed her for our survival, we needed someone to pull us out from that endless black pit we'd fallen into. I'd won him over, Bella had too in time. He was now on my side and that had been half the battle.
I heave a resigned breath, slowly opening my eyes again. "Look at the bright side, right?"
"Exactly!" Jared hoots, clapping me on my shoulder one last time before he moved away again.
"God you're so peppy." Leah grumbles at Jared from the doorway. "Are you done?" Leah asks me now, rather condescendingly. "Can we get back to work?"
I wave a dismissive hand in her direction, wanting for her to leave just as much as she did.
She's been a fucken mess for the past few weeks too. I've gotten sick of her dour moods. She's been morose and slightly mopey. I almost missed her dirty jokes and innuendos about Bella and I. She was fucking unbearable now. And it definitely wasn't helping while I was feeling the same way. Probably worse.
"Seriously man," Jared comforts again now that Leah has stomped her way out of my office. "She's just busy with her mom. Even Jacob and Embry haven't been around her so we know she's not just avoiding you."
If that was supposed to comfort me, it did no such thing. Bella was keeping her distance not just from me but from the pack too. And that was worrisome.
"Alright." Jared says, thinking he's pacified the beast within me.
If only he knew...
"I gotta get back out there. Let me know if you need anything else. If you want, I can hang around the forest by her house and keep an eye on–"
"No." I cut him off. I might be desperate to know what the hell was going on with her but I would never rob her of her privacy. If she ever found out, it would ruin any kind of hope I had at a real relationship with her in the future. "Thanks but no thanks. I'll try to talk to her again before I resort to that."
Jared analyzes me, verifying I'm telling the truth. He finally nods, moving to the door and quietly closing it behind him.
I release an agitated breath, rubbing my hands against my face and all the way to my hair, back and forth.
Leah said there was nothing going on between them and I had no choice but to believe her. There was no reason for her to lie to me. So far she's been on board with my plan, remaining silent about her knowledge of my true feelings for Bella.
It hadn't remained a secret for very long. Everyone was already aware. Even the fucking elders.
I hadn't been able to hide it, not for long. Not that I'd wanted to.
Everyone had seen the shift in me almost as soon as I'd come back from making love to Bella for the very first time. They hadn't said anything but I was pretty sure they'd suspected something was up. The change in me had been too great. And it had only been confirmed by Seth after he'd caught Bella and I in the act.
I couldn't blame the guy, it had been too big of a secret to keep. And let's face it, I'd been too elated by how far I'd gotten with Bella that I not once tried to deny it. The gossip had spread like wildfire, reaching Jacob not long after that.
He'd showed up at my doorstep in the middle of the night.
At first I thought he'd come for a fight. I knew he and Bella were close. Had built a strong connection growing up together and experiencing all of the firsts I wish I'd been here to experience with her instead. Unfortunately that honor had gone to Jacob. I was also aware of how he felt about her too. I'd heard it in his mind.
Jacob had been in love with her for years, and not in a sisterly way either. But he'd known how impossible it was, predestined for pain that he'd do just about anything to prevent her from going through. He knew there was no hope for them, so he'd taken what he could from her while still keeping his distance. Cautious from straying too close and losing control of his feelings for her.
So when he'd found out about Bella and I, he'd demanded I tell him everything. Needing to be comforted that this thing I'd started with her wouldn't hurt Bella in any way.
And so I'd reluctantly bared my soul to him. Forced to expose every thought and feeling in order to show him what Bella truly meant to me. I'd also been forced to show him what had transpired between Bella and I the night I'd imprinted on Rachel.
That night I'd escaped to Bella desperate to see her. Terrified that the imprint had stolen my love for her. But when I'd seen her on her knees in front of me, the more than obvious worry for me in her expression, I'd known nothing could ever erase my deep feelings for her. But though my feelings were all still there, I still had to find out if I could will my body to feel the same way. If I could feel more than just the pain I felt at the contact of her skin, if Bellas touch would infuse the strength in me to fight against the storm.
And after having her body on top of mine, having her hands in my hair and her tongue in my mouth. The feel of her soft, heated flesh against my own burning skin. The feel of her chest pounding against my own as she moved like a siren on top of me. God, it had been everything.
In that moment I'd known she was mine. That I could never let this supernatural bullshit take the one thing that has meant more to me than anything ever has. She was life itself.
And even with the almost crippling pain I'd felt at having her in my arms, her body reacting to mine in the same way I'd instinctively reacted to hers. It had given me the hope to fight against the impossible. That no one, not even this magical pull inside of me, was ever going to steal this woman away from me.
After seeing through my memories how hard I'd fought against the imprint for Bella, Jacob had understood then. Knew how hard I would continue to fight against anything and anyone who dared to stand in my way from making her mine in the end. There was nothing physical, nor supernatural, that could keep me away from her.
That night, he'd promised me his support. Vowed to do whatever it took to help me reach her. And once Jacob had been on board everyone else had quickly fallen in line too. Pitying me for my soon to be uphill battle but rooting me on in the only way they'd known how. By keeping their silence.
Bella would be pissed if she ever found out. But I was hoping she'd be as helplessly in love with me by then as I was with her, to make a difference.
I was so close.
But whatever the fuck was going on with her, had somehow formed an unexpected barricade between her and I. Sometimes it felt as though whenever I took one step forward, I took three steps back.
Much like I felt now. Because Bella's distance was killing me.
God I wanted to be with her every second of every fucking day. I wanted my hands on her. To feel that soaking pussy pulsing around me as she milked my cock while I fucked her. I missed the mewling sounds she'd make when I'd hit her just at that spot that twisted her insides. To feel her flutter around me as she came, allowing me to spill everything inside of me into her. Being inside her was the only place I ever wanted to be. I could live the rest of my life there and feel as though I'd lived a thousand lifetimes.
Fuck, I was craving her now. My cock was so hard it was straining against the zipper of my pants. I was tempted to lock the door in my office and pull it out, if only to relieve the pressure. But let's face it, with Bella so vividly in my mind I would most likely start stroking myself as I conjured up an image of her splayed out in front of me waiting for me to take her, begging me to take her. And I wouldn't stop until I heard the shout of my name from her strawberry lips.
Even the ghost of her was better than nothing at all.
I'm about to give in to temptation when my phone suddenly rings.
I snap into action, fumbling with my jeans pocket to pull out my phone. I almost rip the pocket right off my pants in my haste to get to it.
When I do, Bella's angelic face takes up the entirety of my screen. A smile forms on my lips instantly.
"Hey." I greet not a second later, trying to contain the desperation inside of me.
"Hey, how's your day going?" She asks, her lilting voice flowing in through my ears and wrapping around my fast-beating heart. My wolf reacts too, yapping away in happiness.
"Better now that I hear your voice."
She laughs over the line.
She thinks I'm joking... if only she knew the truth.
"Always the charmer. You know you don't have to work so hard to get into my pants anymore."
"Don't I? If I recall, I haven't seen you since last week."
This time when she laughs, it's completely off. "Yeah, uh, sorry. Just been busy. Uh, my mom's leaving in a couple of weeks and I feel bad not giving her my full attention. This time around, I'll actually miss her when she's gone."
Lie, but I don't tell her I know. At least the ending had been the truth… I internally sigh, at least something good was coming out of her mom being in Forks. "That's great. And you should spend as much time as you can with her."
"Yeah..." She says, releasing a breath I can hear even over the phone. "Thank you for understanding." She adds quietly this time.
"Always, Bella. You know I'm here for you right? If you need me." And then more hesitantly add, "Don't push me out, okay?"
It's followed by silence, when she speaks again it's sharp and defensive. "I'm not." Then as if realizing how harsh it sounded, she corrects herself. "I know you're there, but seriously, nothing bad is going on. My mom and I are doing great."
"Okay, if you're sure."
"I am." She reaffirms quickly. "So I was thinking... are you free tonight?"
Don't sound so fucking desperate, Paul.
I have to warn myself or else I'd tell her just how eager I was to see her. To hold her in my arms. To drown myself in her scent, her touch, her goddamn being.
"For you? I can make some time."
She laughs over the phone.
My heart skips a beat at the sound.
"Okay, great. I'll come over this time."
Fuck, finally!
"You have the keys."
She's had them since she first started visiting, I've never asked for them back. I wanted her to have them. To feel like she could come into my home whenever she desired. I've long since determined the place belonged to her too. I would never tell her, but it was the truth. I loved coming home to a house Bella had decorated, to see her tastes in my house mixed in with mine. It was like my own connection to her when she wasn't physically filling it with her presence. It made me feel like it was already our home. And it would be.
Soon.
"I'll let you go then. You're probably at work and I'm over here wasting your precious time."
If only she knew I'd give up everything just to keep hearing her voice. I'd even give her my fucking life if just for a glimpse of her face right about now.
"I'm not busy."
"Liar."
And she was absolutely right. I needed to make an emergency call to my distributor. We were running dangerously low on imported beer and I needed to replenish it, preferably before the weekend arrived. But nothing ever came before Bella, nothing ever would.
I was desperate to keep her on the line. To continue to hear her voice even if it's all I could have for now.
"I am, but before you go. Tell me what you're wearing."
She answers back with a breathy laugh.
Shit, I think she just pierced my gut with just the sound.
"Come on, Princess. I need something to hold me off until I see you tonight."
She laughs again. Fucking beautiful.
"Actually," She starts teasingly. "I'm only wearing a towel."
I groan, squeezing my eyes shut at just the image my mind immediately conjures up behind my closed lids.
"Fuck, baby. You're torturing me."
Another laugh.
"Do me a favor."
"Anything." She whispers.
"Slip that dainty hand of yours in between your legs."
"Paul." She chastices, but it's interrupted with a hitch of her voice that has me on alert. The sound going straight to my cock. If I'd thought my dick was hard enough to burst my zipper earlier, it's nothing compared to how much it swells now.
I awkwardly stand up, trying to rearrange myself as I make my way to lock the door before we continue.
"Do it." I order more firmly now.
She groans in surrender. "I can't resist when you talk to me like that."
"How wet are you, baby?" I ask, my hand already pushing down against my crotch to alleviate some pressure.
"Soaking."
"Fuck."
"Tell me how hard you are." She requests next.
Always making demands. I can hear her fingers playfully moving through her wet folds. She really must be soaking.
"So hard I'm about to burst through my jeans."
Her laugh is muted as if she were biting her lip.
"Pull it out for me. Imagine it sliding through me, the way I'd cover you with my essence."
In my seat now I groan, my hand moving to do as she bids. I can't resist, not when the tilt to her voice sounds like she's pleading with me. And I need the release, just a little something to hold me off until I saw her tonight. Or I feared I would explode into wolf form and run to her, appearing in her bedroom and probably scaring the shit out of her in the process.
So much for control.
She moans when she hears the jingling of my belt as I unfasten it, giving her the auditory visual she needs. I slowly pull my zipper down, making sure the noise travels tantalizingly over the phone.
"Paul."
My cock springs forward lured by the call of my name pried from her lips. I lick my hand before grasping it firmly in a fist.
"Fuck, Bella." I moan, squeezing my length starting from the base all the way to the tip. "Are you circling that delicious little bud... Imagining it's my hand touching you?"
"Yesss."
I mimic the beat of her breaths as I pump my cock, always so intune with her body even from a distance.
"If I were there, I'd lick you from top to bottom, keeping that sweet candy in my mouth to savor. Do you know how sweet you taste?" I ask, my chest heaving as I remember what she tastes like, so vivid I feel the texture of it on my tongue. My wolf internally pants with me, elated with what's happening.
"How sweet?"
"The sweetest, most delicious thing I've ever tasted. I'd spend my days licking that pretty pussy, using my tongue to circle that tight bundle of nerves just to force you to give me more."
She moans, loudly.
"Don't come yet. I need to hear you a little longer." I bite my lip, groaning when I flick my thumb over my swollen head, spreading the pre-cum already seeping out. "Slip two fingers inside. Put it on speaker, let me hear you."
Her phone makes a noise as if she's plopped it onto the bed, there's shuffling and then the sounds she was making earlier is intensified. I put my phone as loud as I can so it surrounds me.
I hear the moment she slides her fingers inside, identifying the noise her pussy makes when she pulls out only to push them back inside.
"Harder. Pretend it's my cock, not your fingers. Imagine how hard I'd push into you. Holding you down, keeping you in place so you can't escape. How I'd force you to take every fucking inch of me."
My movements increase, moving faster, really imagining the speed I'd use while I fucked her into her bed.
"Oh god, Paul. I can hear you too."
"Good baby." I cajole. "I want you to. I want you to hear it so you know how fucking hard and swollen I am for you."
"I do." She moans, "Fuck I do."
"Use that free hand to circle your clit, and keep pumping those fingers. I'll know it if you stop."
She groans. "I can't– stop." She almost exclaims. "Shit Paul, I'm almost there."
"Good girl." I hear her high-pitched moan, my balls instantly tighten, redying to come too. "Keep going, my beautiful fucking gorgeous girl. I'm close too. Fuck, we'll come together."
"I want to..." She squeezes out, "With you."
Fucking heaven.
"I am with you. I'm fucking you, Bella. That pussy is imagining me fucking it. It knows it's me, that I'm the only one making you this swollen and wet. She's weeping for me, isn't she? Dripping onto that bed, searching for me."
"Paul." She moans louder, her harsh breaths mixing with the sounds of her slickness. "Paul, I'm–"
"Do it." I order. "Let me hear you come for me."
She almost screeches over the phone, it calls my orgasm forth, unable to stop myself from my cum from jetting out and making a mess in front of me.
I couldn't care less.
Not when I hear Bella coming too, her nonstop moans filtering through the receiver and wrapping me in its ethereal sound.
With my eyes closed I can imagine her laying in bed, her chocolate brown hair splayed out like a twinkling star. Her pink nipples pointed up to the skies, her chest rising as she breathes heavily in and out. Her fingers still sliding through her folds, making her orgasm last until the last possible second. Her toes curling into the mattress as she takes it all in.
It's fucking glorious.
My chest is heaving, and for a minute I just sit there, savoring her sounds and the blissful feeling coursing through my limbs as I, too, come off my high. Only Bella can do this to me. Make me reach heaven with just the sound of her seraphic voice.
God, those sounds she makes. I'd spend the rest of my life in between those fucking thighs just to hear it over and over again.
"Paul..." She whispers after sometime.
"What, Baby?"
"I think I'm gonna need another shower."
A rough chuckle bursts out of me.
"And I'm going to have to wash these sheets right after that."
I want to beg her not to, to save those sheets blessed with her sweet scent for me and let me take them home with me so I can wrap myself in her addictive smell when she's not there.
I chuckle again.
Fuck I was in so deep. So deep I even scared myself a little.
Let's not pretend here.
I was not just head over heels in love with Bella but over the fucking moon, stars, and everything that lay in between and far beyond. I thought I've loved her my whole life, and I did, in the only way I could from afar. But now that I knew her, now that I've touched her, tasted her. Now that I've experienced what it's like to laugh with Bella, to hold her against my body and breath her into my being. Fuck, it was everything.
I felt so much more for her than I ever imagined I ever could. This love I had for her, it was–.
"I have to go now."
"Don't." I can't not hear her voice, she couldn't deprive me of it.
She laughs lightly, not knowing how much I wanted to keep her here with me. Her voice enough for me to pretend like I at least had something of her with me.
"I'll see you tonight. Go back to work, I've already taken up enough of your time."
I rub my hand over my face, pressing my thumbs into my eye sockets trying to push in some common sense before I gave too much away and she realized how addicted I truly was to her. It would only work to scare her away.
It was a fine line to balance on. Push too hard and I'd break this instant connection that's been forming between us. Step too far from the line and lose the progress I've worked so hard to build.
I fucking hoped she realized her feelings for me before my wolf and I cracked.
I dreaded the day.
"I'll see you tonight, Beautiful."
I can almost feel her smile even from this distance, impossible as it may seem.
"Bye, Paul. I'll be waiting."
I smile.
Not as long as I've been waiting for you, you stubborn heart-stealing woman.
A/N: Surprise!
I've been so excited for you guys to read this chapter! I wrote the skeleton of it ages ago on a spur of the moment thing and it developed further little by little until I got to this point. This is the first time I've ever written in the MC's P.O.V so hopefully I did okay. You guys have no idea how many times I've edited this chapter so hopefully there aren't that many mistakes. Though sometimes, these mistakes aren't even my fault. FF, for some unknown reason, deletes certain words randomly or rearranges a sentence or two after I've uploaded. I have no idea how that's possible but it does happen and it annoys me half to death. And I hate trying to edit the chapter after it's already posted because there's an even greater risk that it'll just randomly create more mistakes throughout the text. So once I post it that's pretty much it. (Sorry for the rant but I've been meaning to tell you guys about it for a long time lol Don't mind my issues though.)
Anyways, let me know what you guys think and I'll see you guys next week. Also, sorry about the spontaneous almost 3 weeks off I took without warning but I had a lot going on in my personal life. (All positive things I assure you.) I'm gonna be busy next week too but I'm hoping to have enough time to edit next week's chapter and maybe post early. Hopefully…
But besides all of that, I hope you guys have a wonderful day!
