[Montage of aspects of the Happy Hotel are shown, starting the episode.]
Narrator: Welcome aboard. If you're watching this video, then let me be the first to say: Congratulations! You've recently been hired as the new employee of the Happy Hotel. and this is your first official day of training.
Charlie: Can I learn to redeem sinners now?
Narrator: Oh no, you've got a lot to learn before you're ready to redeem sinners. As you can see by this graph...
[The scene cuts to a giraffe.]
Narrator: [clears throat] Graph.
[A graph is shown. The Happy Hotel is moving up along the graph line.]
Narrator: You are now employed in one of the most successful restaurants in Pentagram City. But it didn't get that way overnight...because the hotel closes at 6.
[The scene cuts to picture of Alastor and the Happy Hotel behind him.]
Narrator: No, the story of the Happy Hotel is the story of one man's hard work, perseverance, vision, determination and sweat.
[The scene zooms toward Alastor's left armpits. Part of his shirt around his armpit is wet.]
Narrator: But mostly his sweat.
From Humble Beginnings
[The scene cuts to a sepia picture of Alastor as a human, singing along as he walks up to a soda machine.]
Narrator: You may think that Alastor, owner and founder of Krusty Krab Inc., has always been the powerful overlord he is today.
[Some bullies come up and steal his soda. Alastor pulls out a shot gun. A loud bang is heard..]
Narrator: And you're right!
[Alastor laughs while drinking his soda. The scene cuts to a tired Alastor, sitting depressed in a room with a light at the window.]
Narrator: After his death, Alastor stayed secluded in a deep depression that seemed endless.
[The scene cuts to the Happy Hotel, now a retirement home with elderly fish outside playing shuffleboard.]
Narrator: But then his luck changed when he acquired a bankrupt retirement home and with a few minor alterations, the Happy Hotel was born! And I know. Sounds like a lot of...
Demon: Hoopla!
Narrator: Er. It sounds like a lot of...
Demon: Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a...
Demon: Hoopla! [scrolls over to him yelling] Hoopla!
Narrator: 'Scuse me.
[Someone off screen throws a brick at the demon, knocking him unconscious. The screen scrolls back to the Hotel.]
Narrator: [sarcastically] Sounds like a lot of hoopla to make over a little Hotel, right? Heh-heh. Wrong!
The Happy Hotel today.
Narrator: To keep up with today's demanding customers, no expense has been spared to acquire all the latest achievements in fast-food technology.
Alastor: [holds up a spatula in his left hand] This here's an advanced patty-control mechanism. [now standing at the register] Here you can see our automated money-handling system. Don't touch! [now holding some ice cubes] These are high-quality beverage temperature devices. Imported. [holds up a straw] This here's a prototype liquid transfer machine. [puts the straw in the cup and drinks it] And most importantly, [holds up some ketchup packets] You get your state-of-the-art condiment-dispersal units. Now, are you gonna get a room or just stand there? 'Cause there's a standing fee.
[Charlie is standing there when a packet of ketchup, spatula, a cash register, cup, and ice cubes appear around him. The narrator talks while Charlie is on screen.]
Narrator: All of this modernization seems a little overwhelming, doesn't it?
[The items spin around Charlie.]
Narrator: Well luckily for you, Alastor's fear of robot overlords keeps the balance of technology in check.
[The items disappear and Charlie floats to the right. The scene changes to Charlie standing next to Husk near the bar.]
Narrator: But if modernization is the heart of the Krusty Krab, then employees are the liver and gallbladder.
[Close-up of Charlie.]
Narrator: Let's see if you got what it takes. Hmm, poised, confident, and a smile that says, "Hello world! May I take your order?" You've got the makings of a good employee, Ms. Morningstar. But for every good employee, there is one who is not so good.
[Close-up of Husk reading his dance magazine. He looks bored as he stared at his pages.]
Narrator: Let's see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. [close-up of the button Husk is wearing on his bow-tie] Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!" button. There's a name for employees like this, but we'll call him Husk.
Husk: I'm getting paid overtime for this, right, boss?
Alastor: [in his office] Sorry, can't hear you!
Training.
Charlie: Does this mean I get to learn to redeem sinners now?
Narrator: No, you can't make a Krabby Patty without understanding the phrase HAZBIN.
Charlie: HAZBIN?
Narrator: Once you understand HAZBIN, you'll understand your place at the Happy Hotel. But what does HAZBIN mean?
[Charlie shrugs his arms.]
Narrator: It's actually a carefully organized code. Watch closely. [revealing text as he speaks] Helping All Zealots Battle Inner Negativity.
Charlie: Oh, HAZBIN! [smiles proudly]
Narrator: Looks like Ms. Morningstar understands HAZBIN.
[The scene cuts to Vaggie walking up to Husk.]
Narrator: Here comes Vaggie. I wonder what she wants. Well, if we just remember HAZBIN, we can figure it out.
Vaggie: Husk, gimma a-
Narrator: Do you think he's going to order: A: A sofa, B: An expensive haircut, or C: A drink?
Vaggie: scotch.
Narrator: Ah, HAZBIN! You never let us down! Now that you understand HAZBIN, I bet you think you're ready to redeem sinners.
Charlie: Redemption!
[She runs towards heaven but once she gets too close, she gets splattered on the screen with a fly swatter]
Narrator: Ha-ha! Not so fast, Eager McBeaver. We haven't even talked about
Personal Hygiene.
Narrator: Every employee at the Happy Hotel must comply with a strict set of personal hygiene guidelines.
[Charlie turns the faucet on.]
Narrator: Okay, Ms. Morningstar, are you ready to prepare for your shift?
[Charlie lathers her hands.]
Narrator: A good employee always scrubs his hands thoroughly. Be sure to get under those fingernails.
[Charlie nods and rubs a bit harder.]
Narrator: And don't forget about the knuckles.
[Charlie rubs a bit harder.]
Narrator: And make sure those palms are squeaky clean.
[Charlie rubs the hardest she can.]
Narrator: All right, let's see those hands!
[Charlie shows her hands, which are invisible from rubbing so much.]
Narrator: Now that's thorough. [chuckles] After making sure your feet are polished, your face is clear of any blemishes or boils,and your hair is neat and tidy, you are ready to start the day. Now let's see how Husk prepares for his shift.
[One of the bathroom stall doors opens to show Husk sitting on the toilet with his dance magazine on his lap. He then notices that people are looking at him. He laughs nervously and shuts the stall door shut.]
Narrator: Remember, no employee wants to be a Husk. Now that you're clean and hygienic, I bet you think you're ready to redeem those sinners.
Charlie: [yells in excitement] I'm ready! [splits into two Charlies] I'm ready! [splits into more Charlies] I'm ready! [splits herself into more Charlies until fly swatters splat all of them on the screen]
Narrator: Whoa there! We have a few more topics to cover first. Such as
Your Work Station.
Narrator: It's important to keep your area tidy and free of droppings. But a clean workstation is only part of the job. To make the vision in your head a reality, you'll need supplies. And a good employee always keeps his supplies well-organized.
[Charlie opens up a cabinet, then opens the bottom drawer to reveal a bunch of folders with names of things found in a hotel there.]
Narrator: Very nice, Ms. Morningstar, not a pillow out of place.
[Charlie peeks out the door.]
Narrator: Now let's see how Husk keeps his work station.
[Husk's work station is covered in ketchup and mustard. The cat is sprawled out sleeping with a dance magazine on his face and a "Do not disturb" sign hanging on his left foot. He wakes up.]
Husk: Huh? [shouts] Oh! [falls on the floor. The cash register drawer opens up and conks Husk in the head]
Narrator: Don't worry, Husk, Mr. Morningstar can cover for you.
[The scene cuts to Husk standing next to the grill.]
Narrator: Now that your workstation is up and running, perhaps you think you're ready to help sinners get into heaven.
[Charlie barks like a dog then runs around the room.]
Narrator: [laughs] Down, girl.
[A bone is thrown at Charlie then she grabs it with her teeth and gnaws it.]
Narrator: There's plenty of time left. We have to make sure you're ready for the psychological aspect of the job.
Interfacing with your Boss.
[The scene cuts to Charlie walking up to Alastor in his office. Alastoris writing papers.]
Charlie: Al, can I have a raise?
Alastor: No.
Narrator: Good job, Ms. Morningstar!
Charlie: [runs up to the camera] Can I redeem sinners now-
[The scene cuts to Angel Dust walking into the Happy Hotel]
Narrator: And now we go from behind the scenes to the front lines, where we'll examine the most important aspect of the industry, the patron.
Angel: [stops] The hell? Who said that? Are you a ghost? [gets startled]
Narrator: Like precious, precious blood in an animal, patrons are what keeps the Krusty Krab strong and alive.
[Angel walks to Husk and points at the ceiling.]
Angel: Husk, the ceiling's talking to me.
Husk: Are you gonna order something or just make friends with the paneling?
Angel: Ah, uhh... I'll have an uhh... uhh... uhh... uhh... uhh... ah... [falls asleep and snores]
[Husk snaps at Angel, causing him to wake up.]
Husk: Huh? Who's there?
Angel: Angel, go be a dumb-fuck somewhere else.
Narrator: Ah-ah-ah, Husk, remember what Alastor says.
Alastor: The money is always right!
Angel: The ceiling's right, Husky-kins. You're not a very good employee.
Husk: Fine. May I please take your order?
Angel: I'll have uhh... uhhhh... [drones again]
[Husk gets mad and grabs the cash register.]
Narrator: We'll check in on these two later. [the scene cuts to a siren] Right now, it's important that we discuss an
Emergency situation!
Narrator: Like the lost gold of Atlantis, many consider Alastor's cane to be a treasure. And as with every treasure, there's a thief ready to steal it. So it's up to you to be the watchful eyes of...What's this?
Vox is shown stealing the cane. He rides off on his jet scooter.
Narrator: It's Alastor's business rival, Vox!
Vox: Eat my fucking dust, Al! Your precious cane is finally mine!
Narrator: He's stealing the formula! What are you going to do, Ms. Morningstar?
Charlie screams and runs around the hotel. Alastor easily catches up with Vox.
Vox: You'll never catch me, Alastor! Not after I switch into maximum overdrive! [whips the scooter] Hi-ya!
[Tentacles wrap around the scooter.]
Vox: Dammit. I knew I should've gotten the turbo.
[Charlie is still screaming and knocking over tables and chairs.]
Vox: Hear me, Al! You'll take this cane from me when you pry it from my cold, dead...
The tentacles throw Vox back to the Voxcorp and give Alastor back his cane. While Vox screams, Alastor sees that Charlie is still screaming.]
Narrator: And so, another emergency is avoided, thanks to Ms. Mornigstar. Let's check in on Husk again. Psst, Husk.
Husk: Huh?
Narrator: Just remember: HAZBIN.
Husk: Angel, if I could make a suggestion. Why don't you just order a scotch?
Angel: Great idea, Husk! One scotch on the rocks, please.
Husk: [sighs] You want ice? WAIT!
Angel: Uhhhhh…
Husk bangs his head on the table
Narrator: Hang in there, Husk, it's all part of the job. Now that we've covered all the basics of your training, it's time for the moment you've been waiting for! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-daa Da-da-da-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, tssshh Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa-da-da-da-da-daa, Ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ta-ta-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-baa, Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-taa, Ti-ta-ti-li [gasps, then resumes] Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-taaaaa!
Redeeming Sinner
Cut to Charlie worshipping a poster of the hotel.]
Narrator: At the center of every great dynasty is the crown jewel, which keeps it alive and thriving! For the Happy Hotel, this is redemption.
Charlie licks the poster.
Narrator: And now you, the humble employee off the street, the all too necessary human resource that keeps this business afloat will learn the sacred and dark secrets of how to earn a ticket to…
Charlie gasps in joy.
Charlie: The sumptuous, the lip moistening, spine tingling, heart stopping paradise that is Heaven! Are you ready?
Charlie nods excitedly.
Narrator: Are you sure?
Charlie nods so hard her neck snaps.
Narrator: Okay! The secret to redemption is-
