ACTUAL SCENE 2 – INT. OF A CAR – EARLY MORNING.
SHAYNE
(starts to pantomime driving a car, talks stupidly)
I can't believe I'm driving a car right now.
COURT
Yeah, that's so out of character. It's crazy how we haven't gone off of the road yet.
SHAYNE
(more serious)
Hey, babe…
COURT
Mhm?
SHAYNE
Do you think the cops will find the body?
COURT
(she tenses, eyes wide)
…Is that what you're worried about right now?
SHAYNE
I mean, they're going to show up to investigate the injury report, right?
COURT
(rapidly, like banter)
That's not how that works.
SHAYNE
(rapidly, like banter)
Then howdoesit work?
COURT
I don't know! I don't know that sort of thing! My dad's a firefighter–not a cop!
SHAYNE
(rapidly, like banter)
Well I don't know either! I just… I have to think ofsomething.
COURT turns and faces SHAYNE, despite it being really hard to do in a car.
COURT
I think we start with step one.
SHAYNE
Which is..?
COURT
Well, the others don't know that she's dead.
The sentence hangs in the air with the same aura as Angela's painting in that One Specific Livestream.
COURT
They think… they think she just got seriously hurt.(a second.)You didn't text anyone what we did, did you?
SHAYNE
No.God no.They care about her too much.
COURT
(sighing, saddened)
…It always sucks to put something out of its misery.
SHAYNE
Yeah. Like, with pets, it's hard. Sometimes, when you're little, you have the tiniest little hamster that crawls around on the floor and eats things. First it's the baking soda… then it's the vinegar. And then, when you see Jerry the Hamster explode, you realize that the poor thing is just a meager representation for the inevitable course of death laid upon all of us, and that a hamster creating an ecological volcano inside of its body is exactly like what we do with microplastics and CO2 emissions. They're inside of us. They're coming for us.(he turns to the camera)The PFAS in our system is eternally stuck to our blood cells–do you hear this?
SHAYNE stares directly into the camera. He leans in a bit closer.
SHAYNE
Yeah, you! Do you hear this? Do you hear me? There are thousands of tiny microparticles in your system that will slowly kill you over the course of your eighty to ninety years of life, and you can't do anything about it. It's a system established by the generations above us and around us, and it's going to take us off the face of this planet. Every time you eat a bag of popcorn, it comes for you. It comes for your blood. But you shouldn't be worried about that–no, no. You shouldn't be worried about what you can't control. Because you should be worried aboutme.I'mcoming.I'm coming for you.I'mon my wayto your houseright now, and I'm going to break through your locks and find you. I won't say what will happen. I won't say what I will do. But I will say that it is inevitable. There are doors and windows meant to keep things out, but it cannot withstand an unstoppable force. I am the unstoppable force. I am unstoppable. I am coming. I am approaching. I am a hurdling mass and a collidable planet. I am a bottle of vinegar and a box of baking soda. I am a hamster. I am a volcano. I amalive. And you–you are alive. You will be alive. And I am on my way. You! You heard me. I know you can hear me. I know it. I. Am. On. My. Way.
SHAYNE leans back, blinks a few times, and shakes his head, confused.
SHAYNE
(a second, scared)…Hey Court?
COURT
What the heck, dude?!
SHAYNE
What did I even say?!
COURT
(kinda scared)
Somethin' bout… hamsters?
SHAYNE
Damn. I monologued! Gosh! Shoot! Freak! Heck! Darn!
COURT
(calming down)
Honey, it's fine. It's okay. I know what you meant.
COURT gently places her hand on his arm.
COURT
After all, wedidjust put down our feral guinea pig.
SHAYNE nods. COURT begins to tear up and sniffle.
COURT
God! Okay. No crying. Not today. We can't be miserable.I say we justact. We're good at acting normal! Kind of! We'll just run with the punches, dude! We'll be fine! But whatever we do, we can't let them know that she's dead. We also can't let them know how we killed her.
SHAYNE
Yeah. Yeah! Okay! Okay. Oooookay. So we just… we keep our cool… we play it off… we lie to them…
After saying this, SHAYNE's eyes get wide. He's uncomfortable. SHAYNE, you now legally have to do something to ensure the audience knows you're uncomfortable. It's just common script law. Respect the law, dude. You have to. (Viewer Discretion is advised.)
COURT
(unphased)
Besides-it's not like they'll find the body! You're a master at hide-and-seek. I know you hid it pretty well. They'll never be able to find it!
SHAYNE
Yeah, wouldn't it be crazy if that was the opening of the next scene?