A/N: This one is meant to be a stream of consciousness from Neville as a report where he just tosses everything on the page and then will fix later. (I'm not projecting here. Who would say such a thing about me?)

As the lead Auror on the case, Neville Longbottom wasn't sure what he expected. He hadn't worked with Hermione Granger as a prosecutor on any of his cases. He barely remembered the Ravenclaw from Hogwarts. As a Gryffindor, their houses rarely interacted. Even in classes they shared, he had a vague memory of being her partner on a project in Potions, but that was nearly a decade ago now.

Last Neville Longbottom had heard, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were estranged, something about a blowout fight during their last year in school. He couldn't remember what it was exactly. But if someone other than Potter's family was supposed to know what the man looked like, Neville would bet on Hermione Granger.

Taking her statement, Hermione Granger was in Knockturn Alley to visit the rare bookstore. It was probably the only business in the district on the up and up. As she was walking back to Diagon Alley, she spotted a familiar head of hair on the ground in a gutter, just from the edge of her vision. Turning all the way toward it, Hermione ran over to find the dead body of her former friend.

To hear her tell it, his body was nearly completely hidden from the street. She tried several life-saving spells - a scan of her wand showed those exact spells. But it was too late. Once she realized that no one was around, Hermione ran back to the bookstore to Floo the Aurors. Neville had been the unfortunate soul on duty. He came at once. There was only one problem.

When Hermione led him to the crime scene, there was no actual body there.

To say that he was happy to be called to Knockturn Alley to take a statement from Hermione Granger where she found the dead body of Harry Potter would be a lie. The lack of a body was a problem. But Hermione Granger was adamant that she had found his body there.

However, Neville was a professional. He began the process of closing the scene, getting the magical forescenicologist on site, and taking statements from others. He advised Hermione to take a calming potion and then head home.

Neville had all the patience in the world. Right up until Harry Potter showed up to work the next morning for the Department of Mysteries. Neville called the man to the Auror department.

After a thorough questioning, it was revealed that Potter had had too much to drink the night before and had bumped his head. When he came to, his wallet was gone and he was in Knockturn Alley. He still had his wand, so he headed home several Galleons poorer.

With a reasonable explanation, Neville advised Potter to get in touch with Granger. Then he went about shutting down the defunct (non) crime scene. Granger could cast all the healing spells she wanted, but she needed to learn to read the results.

Note to self: Edit this down to something that would actually be acceptable to file later (after a full night's sleep).