Peter REALLY wanted to hate Nueva York.

Honestly, there was a lot to hate about it. It was gaudy, for one. The way the buildings were shaped, the way they projected a fake clear blue sky to hide the damage they had done to the ozone (seriously how did they still have problems with the ozone? His word had managed to get that fixed even without Reed's help!), the fashion sense that screamed "trying too hard!" Even the name. Nueva York.

'Sounds like a snack bar,' he'd once stated to Miguel, trying to get a rise out of the moody bastard. 'And not one of those good ones that has oats and marshmallows and chocolate chips. The kind that look like rabbit food except rabbits would never even consider eating one!'

He really wanted to hate Nueva York.

But considering it had a hospital that put anything on his Earth to shame, with doctors who knew how to work on superpowered individuals?

Well... he could stomach the shit snack bar city for a little while at least.

No one reacted to him sitting there in a pink bathrobe and slippers, his mask off and his costume drenched with sweat. Honestly he didn't know if he wanted them to react or not. A sick, twisted little part of him ddid. These were Miguel's people and he REALLY wanted them to throw a stink like some civilians do on his world. Because all Peter wanted to do was punch them in their perfect white teeth. See them stumble back in shock. 'Spider-Man doesn't do that!'

"Yeah... well to bad your savior might have just killed him," Peter muttered to himself. And he didn't just mean Miles… Peter had a guy feeling that Miguel might have managed to do what so many villains had failed to do and actually kill the idea of Spider-Man.

He heard some commotion in the background but couldn't even bring himself to tense. It was gone after a moment and her settled back down, feeling just... tired. So damn tired. 'I am never making fun of Logan again,' he thought to himself, remembering how Wolverine complained about being just so worn out some days. He'd laughed so many times at that, asking how he could be tired when he could heal from any wound. But Peter understood now... sometimes it was your soul that was tired.

More commotion. He thought he heard a police scanner go off. Did they even has police scanners in Miguel's glorious utopia? Peter couldn't find himself caring.

The seat beside him creaked and he glanced over to see far too big eyes staring at him.

"Kon'nichiwa," Peni said softly.

"No dance move and cheer?" Peter weakly joked, remembering how much Peni loved to do stuff like that. A spin, a wink, fingers up to her eye in the peace sign.

But the genius girl merely looked at him. "No energy. Not for a while."

He grimaced. Honestly he couldn't remember the last time she had greeted him with much energy. Or anyone else. Definitely not since she'd been sat down and told that Miles' father had to die. But... before that, the more he thought about it. She had been helping the Society for a while, and her greetings had become less and less energetic, her glances more worried, as if she were afraid of being scolded.

"Should have been my first clue."

"Wa?" Peni said, reminding him she was next to him.

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Haven't heard anything yet. You?" He nodded towards the door where they'd wheeled Miles away. It had been hours and… nothing.

She shook her head. "But that is good, right? Nothing news is good news?"

"No news is good news," he corrected and Peni nodded at that. What he didn't mention was that the reason they might not have ANY news was because Miles had half his skull caved in and they were trying to dig it out of his brain with an ice cream scoop. He had a feeling Peni wouldn't like hearing that.

"...we hurt him so badly," she said softly. "He looked at me-"

Peter cut her off. "Would you look at Mayday?" He gestured at his daughter who was asleep on his lap. "I swear she is the cutest thing ever... except when she sleeps like this."

His daughter was sprawled out on his lap, arms and legs sticking out in all directions. Her hair was a mess, there was drool coming out of her mouth, and she had crusted snot all over her nose.

"Peter," Peni said but he kept talking.

"Of course I don't mind. Because she's cute 99% of the time and that is what matters right? The 1%... that doesn't matter at all. You can forget that, right? Like... if you betray someone who thought you were their mentor but its only one time... that isn't that big of a deal, right? And I saying right too much, I feel like I'm saying right too much."

Peni opened her mouth, most likely to assure him that no, he was saying 'right' the right amount, but Peter continued on all the same.

"And hey, not all that bad. I mean she's staying still. That's a rarity. I mean... she was always active. A wiggly baby. Mary Jane said she thought she was doing somersaults in the womb." he chuckled at that. "Always on the go. Just like me. I hate staying still. Absolutely hate it. Nothing good comes from staying still."

"Peter..."

"I stayed still when that mugger raced past me. Got my Uncle Ben killed." He took a breath, though to his ears it came out as a gasp. "I stayed still when Goblin tossed Gwen off the bridge. Too shocked. I could have dived a moment sooner and maybe actually reached her but... still. And its not even as Spider-Man. I didn't move when Mary Jane finally couldn't put up with me pulling away and we signed those divorce papers. Didn't fight for her. Yeah... yeah. Staying still sucks. Which I guess is why I keep talking because if I shut up I will be still once more and I'll have to realize that the kid I taught to be Spider-Man might die because I stood there and let that fanged bastard get in my damn head!"

Peni put a hand on his shoulder and Peter realized at some point he'd begun shouting. Mayday was awake, staring at him with wide startled eyes. She'd never heard him bellow like that.

"No no no no no no!" Peter pleaded frantically. "Its okay Mayday, its okay… I promise sweetie! Daddy isn't mad at you! He isn't! Daddy loves you!"

"Peter," Peni said but it sounded like she was rather far away.

"Daddy will always be there for you! And I know that daddy promised Miles to be there for him and then he was going to let horrible things happen but I swear you… I just swear I'll be there. Don't cry sweetie, okay? Don't cry, I-"

"Peter," Peni said again. "She's okay."

He looked down to see Mayday staring up at him, a chubby hand reaching up to touch his cheek so he could see she wasn't crying… it was him.

God.

"I said I'd show him how to be Spider-Man. His Spider-Man was gone so I was going to help him even though I couldn't help myself… but I promised." He shook his head. "God… what did I teach him?" He rolled his head back. "Tie up the people that need you if they don't meet up with your expectations? Allow others to scream at them? Don't fight, don't try? Be jaded?" He huffed. "Abandon them and betray them?"

Peni was now crying beside him and Peter desperately wanted to care but he was just… so tired.

"...god," he moaned, pressing his head into his hands. "He can't die. He can't." He didn't know who he was talking to. "Don't let him die, please." He whispered the words into his hands. "Let him hate me… I can live with that. Another person I messed up with who looks down on me. I can work with that. But don't let him die…"

He was 15 years old. 15. And Peter had just clung to the train and watched as Miguel beat him so bad his brain was dribbling out of his years. Even as Miles had been moving to go home he'd still been trying to figure out a way to get him to… what… accept that his dad was going to die and do nothing about it?

A door slammed against a wall, making Peter jump… though not as much as Mayday, who ended up on the ceiling, looking about. Peter and Peni turned and saw Gwen moving past them, head down and mask off.

"Gwen!" Peter called out, hurrying over to her. "Are you okay?" He looked down at her suit and instantly regretted it.

"I'm fine," she got out. "It's not… it's not mine."

Miles blood had already begin to dry, going from red to a muddy brown.

"They brought me in because they thought I was hurt. Then they wanted me to stay because it's not safe."

"Not… not safe?" Peter asked, confused.

Gwen stared at him for a long moment before letting out a bitter laugh. "You don't know? Nueva York is BURNING, Peter."

"Burning?" he felt so dumb, repeating her. But he just didn't understand…

"The Society… its tearing itself a part. Some of the Spiders who went after Miles… well, I guess those that didn't instantly leap at Miguel's orders aren't happy. Fights are breaking out all over the city. They are moving patients… that's why they released me. I at least can walk. They are going to need the beds."

Peter swallowed at that. "Fighting each other…" He could see it. If he hadn't been in the middle of the fight and just heard that some kid was nearly killed by Miguel and a band or deranged Spiders… well, he would be seriously looking to have a few words with them. Hell, he wanted to yell at a few like Jessica right now for going way too far in following Miguel's orders.

"Spider-Cat is apparently in hiding because someone heard a rumor he tried to bite his nose off and ten Spiders beat down Spider-Rex so bad they think they need to send him back to his world. Other ones are just… I think some are looking for fights. They want someone to punish them." She finally looked at him in the eye, her own red and pain-filled. "I'd be careful out there, Peter. People know you were close to Miles… they are going to assume that you were tight with Miguel and a part of this."

He winced. Yeah… he could see that. He had known but… he hadn't brought Miles in.

Not like…

"Gwen… you-"

"Save it," she said. "I already know… after Miguel and his inner circle I'm Public Enemy Number 1. Everyone knows I brought Miles here… I'm used to being hated. Why should this Earth be different from mine?"

"I wasn't going to say that," Peter told her.

"You should… I deserve it," she said bitterly before moving past him.

Peni chose that moment to speak. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know… anywhere but here."

"Gwen, Miles is still in surgery," Peter told her.

She scoffed. "Good. Then he won't have to waste energy yelling at me."

Her flippant tone caused Peter's frayed nerves to snap. It didn't matter that he'd seen her crying over Miles' body. That she had his blood on him. That he could see in her eyes how much she wished it had been her instead of him. The way she was being so… relaxed… about it all at that moment…

Peter lost it.

"So that's it, huh? Don't have the guts to actually face him?" he said sarcastically. "Can't even give the kid the decency of being able to yell at you… that's too much. Wounds the pride of the so great and wonderful Gwen Stacy!?"

"You think I'm doing this for me?" Gwen asked, incredulous, as she came to a stop.

"Not doing it for Miles."

"Everything I do is for Miles!"

"Bullshit," he said, letting his tongue linger on each letter. "It's all for you!" He threw his hands into the air. "I swear, I've met some self-centered people but you take the cake! Oh boo hoo, some bad things happened to you… get in line. You aren't the first hero to have a shit hand dealt to them but you act like you are the first and only to suffer!" He grabbed at his costume. "You wear that suit, you put on that spider logo, that means something! It means actually being brave and-"

"I'M PROTECTING MILES!" Gwen shouted, her own temper exploding.

"How?" Peter asked with a cocky swish of his head. "By running away?"

"YES!" Gwen screamed. "Don't you get it… everyone I am around I hurt! My Peter! My dad! Miles! I'm… I'm poison! Radioactive!" She reached up and began to thread her fingers through her hair, violently tugging on the strands. "They all d-die because of me! I keep g-going but… but they don't. If Miles had never met me…"

It was like Johnny turning off his flames. The rage, that fire burning in him, it was gone and only let misery in his wake.

"Gwen…" he said softly, taking a step forward. "That-"

She scrambled back, eyes wide, tears shimmering on her lashes. "Stay away from me! Don't… don't you get it?" She looked about wildly. "I'm toxic! I'll just hurt you or Mayday or Peni… I… Miles is dead because of me."

"Miles isn't dead," Peter whispered, praying that he wasn't tempting fate.

But Gwen couldn't hear him, lost in her despair. "I killed him. He loved me… just like everyone else does… everyone loves Gwen Stacy. But all the other ones die… and I kill. That's all I do."

Her voice shrank down to that of a frightened child.

"I kill. I kill the people I love."

"…you love Miles?" Peni asked.

Gwen's eyes went to pinpricks and all the color drained from her face. She opened her mouth but instead of words all Peter heard was a high pitch whine. And with that she turned and began to run. She didn't move towards a window or think about swinging or climbing a wall. She just… ran.

"Gwen!" Peter called out. "Don't! Miles needs you! I need you! We all need you!"

But it wasn't the demons of hell or the most sinister of foes that were chasing Gwen.

It was her guilt.

Peter stood there for a second more before he just allowed himself to sink to the ground. Peni was crying, Mayday at some point dropping down into her arms, the baby looking about in confusion. But Peter just sat on the ground.

The worst moments of his life came when he just remained still.

And he had a horrible feeling he'd just made the same mistake again.

Though nothing
Will keep us together