TW: SA IN THIS CHAPTER. Non-graphic descriptions.

What had I agreed to again? Oh, yes. A crown. A new destiny.

"Hela," Modi whispered, pulling away from our kiss to put our foreheads together. "I'm not...I don't..."

"What is it?" I found myself lightly brushing his cheeks on both sides. "You can tell me."

He gulped. "Would you believe me if I said I had no real carnal knowledge?"

My blood rushed all over. "Truly?"

"I've been waiting. Wanting to preserve myself for my real queen." He hissed through an inhale and tickled the tops of my shoulders. "With you, even so soon, I've never wanted something so badly."

I couldn't quiet Mum's voice at the back of my mind when she assured me inexperience wasn't a virtue, yet right now, it was intriguing to think I might be the first skin he'd get to taste. The first vessel he might fill. I'd long since learned my own body's partialities and wasn't shy, but how much better would life be with the opportunity to give a proper education?

Being coy was a safe bet to start with. "If you've viewed it as precious, I wouldn't want you to feel any regret," I said.

"Is it really precious?" he asked, tickling my belly with the back of his hand. "Or is it something I've denied myself and built too much of?"

"There is no shame in pleasure."

"That is a gift to hear, for being with you is bound to be more pleasure than I can imagine." Modi kissed me again while tugging at the hair on the back of my neck and pulling my hip to make me melt into him.

I moaned softly. Yes. Want me. Take me away. His strength and resolve to change my life fulfilled my every fantasy. I hungered for adventure, danger, touch...all three at once filled my veins with sugar. If logic was at odds with what I wanted, so be it.

He took a deep breath and stepped back. "I have an idea." Without any further explanation, he retreated to a cabinet by the wall.

My nerves ran over me again in the unintelligible crux between excitement and danger again. Delicious. "Anything I can help with?"

He chuckled and turned back to me with two small glasses. "Only a toast. It will help us both relax."

"I can agree to that." An ache deep inside me called for attention. He'd fulfill it without doubt. Thanks to the herbs I prepped myself with months ago to stay my bleeds, there was no fear for unintended consequences of what I planned to do with him. I took my glass and raised it. "To us, our destinies, and the true future king."

"To my rule," he said, tapping our glasses and taking a swift gulp to finish his share.

I threw mine back equally, unable to place the flavor. It was bitter, sour, and made the back of my mouth feel swollen with tingles.

"Gods," I muttered, putting my hand over my throat reflexively. "What is this?"

"Just a tincture to help you relax," Modi said, virtually studying my face. "What are you feeling?"

"Nothing. It's fine." I shook my head. "Now, where were we?"

He rested our glasses on the small table by his bed and sat, directing me to his side. "Are you certain I shouldn't consult your father—"

"Shh." Still standing before him, I covered his lips and dove into the blue of his eyes. "My father doesn't own my body. I do. It's my decision to share it. Now, trust when I say you'll want to remember this."

Modi blinked a few times before nodding, giving no protest.

I kissed him again on my terms this time, tangling my mouth with his and pushing him backward. My hands traveled over his chest and downward to the prize that fought hard against my undulations. He'd help me claim my sense of self by bucking the traditions I'd been thus far tied down by.

Every now and then, he'd pull away to meet my eyes, like he was searching for doubt. I gave him none and charged ahead with my plan to seduce him. It felt like a dream that got cloudy at the edges; my actions were less forceful and more automatic with each breath.

Through the mire of growing passion, he said my name. He was far away, yet below me. Underwater and hypnotic.

My heart pounded so hard, I thought it skipped. The light faded, then returned. "Hmm?"

"You want me," he said, sternly enough it echoed in my mind.

"Yes," I said, finding him in the fog again. "I do."

"You'll do whatever I ask."

His large hands kneaded my body, though that sensation vacillated, too. One moment, I was on top of him, trying to gauge what to do next to make him taste my skin the way I craved. The next, I was flat on my back while his weight pinned me in place. Through it all, a blanket of his voice surrounded me, guided me. I became like a passkin bird mesmerized by his animal speak, unable to separate his influence from my own will.

"Say it," he commanded, making me repeat the words I barely heard through all of it.

"You...I want you."

"To what? Say it," he growled.

I wasn't really talking, was I? Where did such words come from? They left my lips and granted him access in ways I'd never welcomed before.

"Say it."

"Violate me."

He flipped me over so fast, I only knew because his pillow pressed my nose flat. Ripping fabric narrated his actions.

"Make it last," I said, not sure if I made sense, still grasping for reality.

"Last?" He laughed and muttered something I couldn't make out.

I was conscious and willing, yet increasingly confused. Where am I? Something—sweat—dripped onto my back and each splatter played in my mind as a slow-motion dive into the tepid pools of home, where I swam naked with abandon and communed with the stars. When I resurfaced for air, I gasped through the mouthful of his bedsheets. The waves weren't below me—they came from behind me—matching Modi's grunting metronome.

"Are you listening?" he asked, more distant by the second.

I could only answer with a moan of affirmation before all went dark and I ceased to exist.

The birds painted on his ceiling greeted me when I opened my eyes. Without a sense of direction, I tried to ground myself by gauging where the light came from, but the many gold adornments from his bedposts to his sheets reflected the same tone, making it impossible to find the source.

A door creaked open from the other side of the room, and heavy footsteps followed.

My limbs were almost magnetized to the mattress, keeping me still despite how I itched to move. Only my eyelids seemed to work.

"You're awake," Modi said, grinning at me from above. He sat at my side, making the bed sink in his direction. "I'm surprised you didn't need to rest for an age after all that."

"Hmm?" I slowly regained full consciousness of my body and managed to bring my hand to my face. "What do you mean?"

"You changed my life." He leaned down to me for a gentle kiss.

As he did, I tried to remember how I ended up in his bed in the first place. We walked through the palace. Came to his chambers. What happened next?

"I left to council with my men. You're to meet them with me tomorrow." Modi went to the large set of curtains to my left and swept them open noisily. "We'll have to work faster than I thought, but they're ready."

The stars in Asgard's sky flickered brightly, not competing with the several moons of home. "It's night?" My heart rushed and I forced myself to sit up against his headboard, only then realizing I was nude under the top sheet. "Gods, I must be falling ill."

"Ill?" He tipped his head. "With what?"

"I don't know, really." I rubbed the back of my neck and groaned. "Everything aches. I've lost time. Is there a washroom in here somewhere?"

"Of course." He offered me his hands to help me rise. "I'll guide you."

His polished armor cleanly showed my reflection—my hair made a nest of black that unevenly bent across my forehead. The same half of my face was red compared to the rest. It was me, but I certainly looked as poor as I felt.

Doing my best to keep the sheet around me for pure modesty, I shuffled with Modi to the small door at the back of the room. "Please forgive me for this. I'm sure I'll feel well soon."

"I certainly hope so." He chuckled and rubbed my knuckles of the hand he still held. "You're an easy addiction."

I furrowed my brow. "Addiction?"

"Perhaps I should say you became addicted to me, though. That might explain why you were so insatiable."

He didn't make sense, and I didn't want to waste time asking him for explanations. "Right."

"There's a basin inside. Take your time. I'll fetch some clothes for you when you are done since...well, that's what we'll have." Modi pecked my temple and released me after opening the washroom door, leaving me alone and locking his main chamber with a loud snap.

Privacy. I welcomed it. The basin inside—gilded like everything else—called to me. It was the only thing I really shared with Mum: a love for bathing. Water was a real universal magic.

I dropped the sheet and reached for the faucet. Never reached it, since I gasped at the sight of my forearms. On each side, light purple shadows mimicked the shape of a hand around my wrists. Light pressure proved they were bruises that would surely darken overnight and be obvious. I rushed to the wall mirror and investigated more, horrified to see the same shape on my neck.

So, we made love. That much was obvious. And he was so strong...surely he hadn't meant to hurt me?

I looked down at my breasts, which were largely untouched, yet my belly was sore. Like sickness and a bruise far within. It couldn't be seen. What could were the stains against my inner thighs. Swipes of dark brown that were dry.

For a moment, I worried my herbs had failed me and Modi had to witness my cycle's arrival, yet the longer I searched, the more I felt the crushing weight of reality. The blood was my own, but it came from elsewhere—a consequence of allowing him to break new ground and my skin, too. I knew it by the other pain that I'd not known and the dripping remnants of his emissions that hadn't yet been cleaned.

Gods...why don't I recall this? I quickly turned the spigot on the basin, intent on not embarrassing myself further. Anxiety I'd never known made me rake through my own hair with my fingertips to make myself more presentable. While I was groggy before, now I was wide awake, panicked that a prince had seen a side of me I couldn't control and didn't know about. My last memory was a vague recollection of Modi claiming to have saved himself, and here I was, potentially soiling his princely bed with my appetite for rebellion. Being so forward was far from acceptable of a woman with my potential, or so I'd been told; what about his expectations of a lover? What did he think of me now?

I immersed myself quickly, ignoring how the water was too hot for me. I dunked my head and emerged like a rebirth, hoping the shock would help me remember anything else.

As if on cue, when I opened my eyes, Modi peered around the corner with a long gray robe in his hand. "Would you like me to keep this in here for you, or drape it on the bed?"

"I, umm." I brought my knees to my chest and cleared my throat. "On the bed is fine, if that suits you."

His wide blue eyes were hopelessly innocent. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Really, it's nothing. I'm just trying to piece together what happened today."

"What happened?" He entered to sit on the edge of the tub. "Do you regret coming to Asgard with me? You want to go home?"

"No. No, of course not. I need to leave Narvlheim, and I want to be here." I shook my head, which gave grief to my neck, forcing me to stop with a whimper. "Please don't think I regret choosing to be with you."

"Alright. I won't. Now tell me what you're thinking."

I sighed and looked up at him with my face turned low. "I know we made love, but I've never felt like this."

"I've never felt like this either," he said, raising a brow and moving closer.

I held my hand up. "No. I'm in pain. Look at my wrists, my neck...I've been bleeding. How did it—"

"You asked me to," he said, startling me with his tone. The kindness in his eyes a moment ago became cloudy. "What exactly are you accusing me of?"

"Nothing. Modi, I'm not accusing—"

"Think I would take advantage of you somehow? Do you really think that's what I wanted?" He flapped his cape behind him when he stood, whipping the air. "Every time I thought it was enough, and you kept pushing, kept asking me to go harder. Asked me to choke you. Asked me to...Gods, the vile things you said were almost beyond comprehension, yet I complied. Now you suggest I harmed you on purpose?"

"That's just it—of course not. Not on purpose." I reached for him and prayed I hadn't ruined everything. "Please, I only want to talk."

"Talk. Right." He looked up to the ceiling with his arms folded tightly. "We talked before, and I told you I'd been preserving such a thing for when I knew my queen was present. You insisted. It was your idea."

I couldn't recall the conversation exactly, but he couldn't be wrong—I had dreamt of seducing him, so it made sense on the surface. "I'm sure it was. I know it was, actually."

"You said there wasn't shame in pleasure. Now I worry that was wrong, and you've defiled me." He shut his eyes as tight as his fists. A quiver in his chin suggested tears were imminent. "I trusted your direction, even when you asked me to...to violate you."

I choked out a breath. "No, don't feel shame. I'm sorry. Truly, I am. Sex is beautiful, wonderful, meant to be celebrated. I swear, I simply don't remember...did I truly use that word?"

Modi sniffed when he met my eyes again, stepping forward enough to rub his thumb against my lower lip. "It came straight from your mouth. The same one you asked me to come within."

I gasped again, feeling the shock in my face and all over my skin. When had I become so crass? What came over me?

"I suppose now, you don't want anything to do with me." He dropped his hand and wiped his eyes one at a time. The shudder in his voice broke my heart. "How could you love me in return if you can't trust me?"

I fought against crying myself but failed. Without warning, I blubbered and begged, clasping my hands together over the basin's edge. "No. Please, no. I do trust you. It's myself I don't trust. I want to stay here. Please don't judge me on this...whatever came over me, I only ask that you resist in the future if my appetite blinds all my reason."

He sighed and sat close to me again, taking my hands gently as our crying tapered. "Thank you. I will try to keep our contact less intense. There was no way for me to know you'd become, I don't know, lucid later on?"

"Me either. I don't believe this has ever happened to me before. I don't know of any magic that I might've stumbled into that can wipe my memory, do you?"

"No, I don't believe—" He cut himself off and wrinkled his face. "Hmm."

"What is it?"

"It's you. You're part Jotun." Modi shifted his eyes my way. "I don't know how a Jotun might respond to my animal speak."

The implication felt wrong, but what other explanation was there? "You think that's really possible?"

"It certainly isn't impossible." He trailed the back of his hand down my cheek. "Oh, Hela. I wonder if in the heat of the moment, I happened to tap into something primal within you."

"Maybe you did." I kissed his hand and kept it close to me. "If we know it's a risk, we can look out for it. Keep one another in check."

"Agreed." He smiled—the first I'd seen since I opened my eyes on his bed. It calmed me. "Do you want me to bring the robe to your side before you get out?"

"Actually, now I'm hoping to find out as much as I can about your body while I'm present." I blinked slowly and sat up to expose my chest above the water. "If you agree to control my enthusiasm and make sure I don't get carried away again."

Modi's grin went from bright and toothsome to pulled halfway up his face with mischief. "So I shall."

"Did you say you love me?" I asked, tiptoeing my fingertips up his arm. "So soon, truly?"

"I love anything that gives me control." He plucked me from the water so I'd wrap my legs around his waist while he kissed me forcefully. It was familiar, yet foreign, like my body knew what to expect though my mind was blurry.

"Take me to the bed," I whispered.

"Let's have a quick drink first," he replied, carrying me out of the washroom and stopping at a small display of glasses in a cabinet. "Something to loosen you up so you don't hurt yourself again."