Chapter Nine: (We're Delivery Boys)
After making a good fair distance from the Dragon's Keep, Fiona slid down from the small cliff before running up to have a view of her surroundings. Her mind is comprehending what just happened to her not too long ago. She was finally free from her imprisonment after so many years, all being stuck up inside and all away from civilization and people. But no more will she have to keep going through all of that. Now, that she is finally being rescued by her knight and shining armor who did the impossible and unthinkable.
He and along with his brave comrades have made history. Fiona can not help but happily spin herself around in pure glee as she is finally going to live her life and share the rest of her days with her champion.
"You guys did it!." Fiona spoke cheerfully," "You guys are absolutely wonderful!. You guys are..."
Fiona turned around at the right moment to see Shrek, Jason, and Donkey coming down at the same time instead of individually. The three ended up landing on each other. Fiona tilted her head at seeing this as it was silly of them to even come down together at the same darn time.
"You're... A little bit on the unorthodox, I will have to admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am today and moving forward in the future is eternally in your debt." Fiona spoke, nobly.
"Yeah, no kidding." Jason managed to stretch out his pain on his sore heel, and took the time to dust the grey ashed dust off his clothes.
Then suddenly he got jumped by Fiona as she gleefully hugged the teen to Shrek and Donkey's surprise. This has most definitely caught Jason off guard. He has never heard any royal status person ever get so downright humble and very down to earth with the poor lowclass commonfolks. Jason looked at Fiona, who had a big smile on her face before doing something that was not so princess of her. She balled her free hand and gave Jason a noogie.
"Noogie, Noogie, Noogie!." Fiona, chuckled.
"Hey, Hey, Hey!." Jason managed to push the woman off of him, before looking at her with a disbelief expression. "What gives?."
"Sorry." Fiona shrugged, playfully. "But I have got to show at least some gratitude to my Knight's, brave faithful squire."
Jason chuckled at hearing what Fiona just called him. He can not believe that she is seeing him as a royal squire in training of being the next knight. It was not to hear this, at least instead of being racially called moor.
"You heard her, right?." Jason, look at Donley and his Dad. "She called me a squire."
Shrek was amused by this as well. Even Donkey liked the sweet comment that Fiona gave Jason even though she has no idea how wrong she is. In fact, Donkey got jealous as he too wanted the same fair attention as Jason. Donkey coughed loudly to get Fiona's attention. He too wanted to be praised as well. Fiona understood this a mile away.
"Oh, and how can I forget the most important tool of a great now turned legendary knight." Fiona bent down, and started to pet the talking animal. She happily grinned at her other rescuers. "And that is his forever loyal, brave and most trusted noble steed."
"Oh, you guys heard that?." Donkey blushed at hearing this as this is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to him. "She called me a noble steed. She thinks I am a steed."
"Oh, brother." Shrek, shook his head.
After Fiona stopped rubbing Donkey under his chin and then quickly gave Jason another noogie while his guard was down, she then looked at Shrek with a face of gratitude. Fiona pulled her ponytail back and fixed her hair a bit. Then she blew onto her mouth and then sniffing it to check if her breathe was smelling good. All three eyed her behavior in wonder at what this woman has on her mindset.
Fiona looked back at Shrek and spoke proudly. "The battle has finally been won and conquered, sir Knight. And now you will get your deserved rewards. But first may you please be kind to removing your helmet."
"My helmet you say?." Shrek stepped back with his hands out to prevent Fiona from getting closer. "Uh, I do not think so. Toots."
Jason and Donkey watched Fiona backed away from Shrek at good distance before hopsoching her way back to Shrek. That truly confused all three as they can not understand why she is acting like a five-year-old girl who just can not resist in playing a chalked game of hopsoche. Fiona leaned forward towards Shrek who is getting a bit uncomfortable by her actions.
"Well, how else would I be able to kiss my champion?. Through mime kissing?." Fiona lean back. "Now, even though I did do a whole lot of mime kissing all these years in that dump of a castle. I experienced enough to the point I changed my practice kissing method."
"Such as..." Jason dared to ask, this is quite rare to hear from an inperson princess.
"Such as..." Fiona turned face to face with Jason. "I have been practising my kisses on my pillow. French kissing is a girl's favorite kissing. Remember that kiddo."
"Ha, says the one who never kissed a guy." shoot Jason.
Fiona quickly blushed and responded back. "Well...uh...how many lady friends do you have?."
"A good amount." Jason admittedly said. "But no girlfriend."
Fiona pointed and spoke mockingly. "Ha!. Virgin!."
Jason imitated Fiona and mock right back. "Ha!. Right back at you!."
This Fiona stopped her boast and turned around. Thinking about how to respond right back to the teen. While Shrek and Donkey can not believe that Fiona is acting like she is in the same age group as Jason. Because she is most certainly not acting like her age or being a proper princess. Jason did not have to wait any longer on Fiona's response, as she turned around to face him and pulled her left under eyelid down and stick her tongue out. Jason watched this as he could not believe that she is acting this way. It was very clear to him that he is the mature one between himself and Fiona.
"You are a downright doofus of a princess." Jason, stick his tongue out for good measure. "A childish one at that."
Fiona made a fart noise with her mouth. "The feeling is netural. Now, back to you"
Fiona shoots her attention back at Shrek. The Orge disguised as a knight backed up but got stopped by the cliff's wall. Panicing as to why she wanted to do this with him at all. It was like she just wanted to get it on with him inappropriately. Shrek looked at Donkey and Jason for an exploration for all of this.
"This is not in the kinght's job description." Shrek recalled.
"It is probably a special perk!." said Donkey.
Jason shook his head. "That is not the case. It is apart of the Knight and Princess's sealed romance deal."
"Exactly. It is straight pure dynasty. Oh, you must know how this all goes, Shrek." Fiona started remembering the words of her, break the spell details. "A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. After that it is going to be marriage from there."
"Marriage?. Don't you think that you are probably rushing this, are we not?." said Jason, with a brow raised on hearing this.
Fiona put both hands on her waist before pushing it into the side. "Hey, I have been in that hot ash smelling tower since childhood. I want to get married and get myself laid."
"Man, do not we all." Jason agreed on the last one.
"But wait, let us get this straight." Donkey, get Fiona's attention. "You actually think Shrek is your true love?."
"Why, yes." Fiona answered with no hesitation.
"For Real, For Real?." Donkey, question some more.
"For Real, For Real, Noble Steed." Fiona responded, right back.
As a result, Shrek and Donkey looked at each other for a short second. Then the two busted out laughing in response to this as it confused Fiona. Jason, on the other hand, has figured that this is going to be the result of it. Fiona raised her brow at this reaction as she did not expect to be seeing this. She looked at Jason who shrugged in response before saying an accurate possible answer.
"It is quite humouring if you think about it. I mean who would jump to the ship so fast on getting hitched?." said Jason.
"Simple, that will be me." Fiona turned her focus back on Shrek with a slight frown. "What did I say that so utterly funny?."
"A lot." Shrek calmed down from his laugh.
Fiona shook her head as she was not getting anywhere at this point. "Take off the helmet, please."
"Again, no thank you." Shrek protested.
"Take it off." Fiona spoke with a stern in her voice.
"Now, I am doing this for your own good." Shrek warned.
Shrek can see Fiona's left eye twitching with her right foot tapping away. That is a sure enough clear sign that she has reached her breaking point.
"TAKE IT OFF, NOW!." Fiona yell her voice out.
The yell made both Jason and Donkey jump up as neither one of them did not expect any princess would have a super high volume. Much less makes it super aggressive. Shrek sees that there is no way around it. He knows this is not going to fly well once going through this. But he has no choice.
"Alright, already." Shrek calm her down. "Take it easy. As you command. Now, do not say that I did not try to stop or try to convince you of not wanting me to remove my helmet. Alright. Here it goes."
Fiona crossed her arms and smiled proudly at getting her way. "Perfect."
"Try, the unexpected." Jason mumbled underneath his breath.
Shrek did what Fiona had told him to do. He slowly removed his helmet and revealed his face to the woman. Fiona's proud smile slowly dropped when having a good look at her one and only knight. She did not or never expected her hero in armor to be an ogre. Fiona looked down at her feet to give her eyes some quick rest before glancing back at Shrek, who had ash stains on his face. Shrek had no idea on how to facially look other than give his somewhat best smile on his face. Jason eyed Fiona who did not like what she was seeing.
"Well, I...I...I...did not expect to see this." Fiona finally spoke in disbelief.
"Oh." Shrek leaned and teased. "What were you expecting?. Prince Charming?."
"Pffft, that is if his facial appearance lives up to the name that he is." Jason commented.
"No...it is...wrong." Fiona now started to get upset. "This...This is so not right!."
Shrek sadly and bitterly hated to get to be getting this same infamous classic reaction from all the others. Rejection.
"Have you ever heard of the saying, less attitude and more gratitude?." Shrek asked while walking away to get Fiona out of his view before working on removing the parts of the old, rusted and dusty armor off of him.
"You just do not understand." Fiona responded back frustrated. "I am supposed to be naturally rescued by my braved knight in shining armor. "Not being saved by some low down underrated Orge, accompanied by his servant and pet!."
Jason eyed the woman as she just racially stereotyped him for being a servent just because he is a moor. That is utterly offensive on all measures. Even Donkey felt insulted and offended.
"Well, so much for noble steed and brave faithful squire." Donkey muttered.
"Feel the same way." Jason agreed.
Shrek sighed and turned to face Fiona with slight frustration. "Look Fiona, first off, Donkey is not a pet. He is unfortunately family. Second, Jason is not my servant. He is my son."
At hearing the word son, it had got and caught Fiona's attention big time. She looked at black teen with a surprised facial expression in which she never imagined a fairytale creature much less an ogre adopting and rasing a human as its own was mind boggling to say the least. Jason looked at Fiona and nodded as an answer, since he can tell that she is very surprised by all of this.
"Most of all, you are not making my job any easier." Shrek continued the conversation. "I did not rescue you for myself. I am a limited temporary knight for Farquaad. He is the one who wanted to marry you."
"Is that so?." Fiona crossed her arms and raised her brow. "Then why did he not come save me like a real man?."
"Man, that is an excellent question." Jason said, as this is worth asking.
"Good point." Shrek come up with anything to say about the man. But none can enter his head. "Well, I believe you can ask him yourself when we drop you off at his castle."
"Oh, I do not think so, buddy." Fiona went over to a little bolder and sat down on it. "If Farquaad wants me to be his bride, then he will have to come rescue me naturally and the right way."
"Wait. What do you mean by rescuring you naturally and the right way?. Girl, what are you thinking?." Donkey tilted his head with a brow raised.
Fiona mocked Donkey facially. "Well, what do you think?. You three go tell him that I will be waiting for him right here."
Shrek is not going to take that response. After what they have been going through in getting to the Dragon's Keep. Much less the deal that they made with the power hungry and dictator obsessed wannabe king. He is most certainly not returning empty handed. The uppity princess of whoever kingdom she is from is not running anything or giving out any orders. He is.
"Hey, listen here, Fiona." Shrek approached the redheaded woman with great seriousness. "We're not messanger boys, Fiona. WE'RE DELIVERY BOYS."
Fiona faced Shrek with the comprehension of what he meant by that. "You would not dare."
"Dare." Shrek instantly grabbed Fiona and put her on his shoulder in her refusal.
"Hey, put me down!. I refused to be womanhandled!." Fiona started going off on Shrek.
Shrek ignored everything this woman is saying to him. He looked at his son and Donkey. "Are you boys coming along?."
Jason and Donkey looked at each other. "Better come along than stay out here."
"Excellent." Shrek led the way out of the area while Jason and Donkey followed close.
"COME BACK JASON!. PLEASE, I AM VERY SORRY FOR ACTING THIS WAY!."
Jason stiffed at hearing Elizabeth calling his name out and apologizing. He stopped to turn at hearing her plea while Shrek and Fiona can only hear roars. While Donkey can hear the same thing as him. Jason felt super bad about doing this to the firebreathing reptile as he felt that he needed to go back to her. He has that sudden special feeling within. Jason is feeling the undescribed connection that he has with the female dragon. Jason resumed following his Dad and tried to ignore Elizabeth's lonely painful plea.
Fiona is acting very childish doing her time on Shrek's shoulder. She is not enjoying not one single second of it. In fact, it was getting irritating for Jason as he needed to stop her whining and cry babying. So much so that he reached into his bookbag and pulled out cloth covered jar of nightcrawlers. He pulled a handful of it and shoved right into her mouth.
"Jason!." Donkey looked at Jason in shock and disappointed.
"What?." Jason shrugged his shoulders. "I can not take another second of her mouth. It was very irritating."
"But still, Jason, she is a princess who does not eat..." Donkey was stopped when hearing satisfaction.
"Mmm, it tastes like chicken." Fiona chewed the warms and moved in her mouth. Then she swollowed in one big gulp. "That was yummy in my tummy. Got any more?. I'm starving."
Jason looked at Donkey who had the same expression of pure surprise and shock. Jason looked at his jar of yummy nightcrawler worms before handing it to the woman. Fiona happily grabbed the jar and started pulling a worm before taking a bite. Jason could not believe that Fiona was actually enjoying eating incests much less being live bugs. Fiona sucked a wiggling worm into her mouth in pure happiness and delight. Black dirt stains were all on her face as she stayed digging into the jar in hopes of finding a fatty worm to consume.
"Wow, this is some serious sweet yummy hors d'oeuvre." Fiona started sucking on her dirty muddy fingers before going right back into eating some more.
"Those are not fancy finger foods. Now, you do realize that those are worms right?." Jason pointed out while still watching the woman eat his snacks.
"It has beens years since I saw an anctual worm. Man, they are delicious!." Fiona spoke while slurping on her countless worms.
"You are a strange princess." Shrek commented while looking up to see the same forest that they went through. "Easy as a piece of a alage worm cake."
*Hours Later*
"This is so not easy as a piece of a alage worm cake." Shrek looked at Jason. "How did you lose both the map, and the compass?."
"I do not know, Dad." Jason looked through his bag as everything was all there but the map and the compass. "It must have jumped out when we were running for our lives."
"Huh, so we are actually stuck in the thick forest. Having no idea what lurks in here." Donkey started to get anxious.
Fiona rested her chin on her hand. "Exactly. You know that I have two feet that are not broken, right Shrek?."
"True." Shrek made sure not to drop her. "But did you say you had bad feet?. Flat feet on top of that."
"Yes...I can still walk." Fiona spoke back. "I am not a vegetable."
"I never heard of any princess having bad feet." Jason look at Fiona. "You are all jacked up, huh. You are a loony, a dimwit, and have flat feet. Man, are you not full of surprises."
"Ok, so what should we do now?. Because a donkey in the thick woods does not go well together at all.
"Well..." Shrek look forward. "We just have to keep going and hope that we find any signs of less woods. If we do then we know we are close to leaving the frost."
"Pfft, Good luck with that." Fiona spoke with sarcasm.
Shrek shoots back in return. "You do know that this is not too late to throw you in those spiky bushes."
Fiona's eyes grew wide at hearing the threat. "I will shut up."
"Better." Shrek said with satisfaction.
(A/N): Well, here is the chapter you guys. Hope you guys enjoyed it. By the way, I just learned that it has been confirmed that Shrek 5 and a Donkey spinoff are in the works!. Man, this is excellent news. All because how successful Puss in Boots 2 is in the box office. So we should so a lot of love and respect for the Hispanic feline. Let alone The Wolf aka Death. His silent whistling has got me serving in fear. We might see him again in Shrek 5 or Donkey movie. He is someone that we all try to avoid.