🌸Cherry Blossom Palette: Summer by the Sea🎨
🌸Chapter 4: Fyodor Dostoevsky Wrote a Book About It, Part Four🎨
Doorway into Summer Arc ️
Written by EmtenDew
Edited by P. serrulata
Author's note:
ED: Sorry it's been longer than normal, but we needed to fix a few things. Here's a shorter but beefy chapter to finish off the "Crime and Punishment" chapters.
Naoto and Gamo-chan stumble through the afternoon, looking for a little hope.
The release does allow PS to promote my new chapter the same day Nanashi poops out his own fresh, steaming, uneventful chapter, where he depicts Hana-chan (fourth best girl!) as an imbecile, so he's hoping for some fresh eyes. But it's a good chance everyone already knows my story exists.
I sort of wish that I'd divided up the first four chapters differently (maybe into six or seven of them), but I just didn't like the way it read.
It would've been nice to get a few weeks further ahead of schedule, but I'm satisfied with how the first four chapters flow.
So… next week will be a bi-week. The "Fyodor Dostoevsky" chapters took a LONG TIME to edit and work through.
Also, PS and I both have some IRL stuff we need to work on in the next couple weeks, so this will keep us from falling behind too much, hopefully.
Don't expect more chapters as big as the first three. I don't want to go through this again.
But the karaoke party chapter is next, so look forward to that!
Crunchyroll made the dub even worse.
Ask us anything, and we'll add a Q&A section in the next chapter. I would be happy if you ask questions.
Really, questions and comments are appreciated. Feedback helps. I'm not writing for glory, but it's a lot more pleasurable when readers seem engaged and interested. Nothing kills drive like plummeting interest.
Maybe starting a new story was a mistake, instead of continuing the first story. PS thinks a number of regular readers never moved onto the second story, which is silly because I made it quite clear I'd be starting a new story in the final chapters of the first story. But people don't always read author's notes.
Anyway, it seems the new story IS beginning to pick up a little in readership.
Please enjoy what I wrote.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
Two cups of peppermint tea sat upon Hana Sunomiya's favorite little table, Naoto Hachioji and Maki Gamo joined at the couch.
And the tissue box was back on the BIG table; the two of them were hopefully done with that which it entailed…
…
Why Naoto was "so nice" to Gamo-chan?
That wasn't a question he'd ever expected to hear from the tallish girl…
Or any girl for that matter…
And he hadn't been quite able to answer it.
Maki Gamo the Amazon was a lot more intimidating than Sakura Inori the gal (not that Sakura didn't have her own make and model of terrifying), though they were both his friends…
He barely thought about "being nice".
It just… was…
Be that as it may, the two girls were very different creatures.
…
But! Gamo-chan had gotten herself under control.
She was a little more comfortable, appreciatively taking Naoto's offer to wash up, with a nice, fresh pair of cushy socks in place of the other ones, now hanging by the window, and her indoor shoes stuffed with newspaper to dry.
Whether old "Paisen" could conjure up a new pair of shoes for her was yet to be seen…
In the meantime, Naoto served as her sounding board for a while.
Gamo-chan protested glumly, she and her senpai in mid-discussion, "I don't know why Hayacchi had to say that…"
"I think I get what you mean, Gamo-chan…" Naoto thought he did. "You don't need to say it again. It must've been rotten to hear that."
Hayase Nagatoro's verbal jab on the subject had been WAY below the belt…
Gamo-chan reiterated anyway, "It's not that I'm scared of you… I'm just worried I'll do something stupid and scare you…"
She'd done that a fair few times to him!
"Hey, I understand," Naoto comforted. "That happens to me all the time… except instead of scaring anyone, I'm just worried about doing something embarrassing…"
She gifted him with a little Gamo-grin. "Oh, I think you've managed to frighten each of us a handful of times, Paisen…"
Oof! He hoped not.
Though, she was probably half-kidding…
But he tried to return her smile. "Yeah, I suppose…"
Naoto had not wanted to sit down and kick around the previous Monday, but he felt better in a way, the two of them putting some things out in the open.
He wasn't telling her EVERYTHING… and he was sure she wasn't either… and they weren't covering ALL the bases…
There was also the fact that it kept them from other topics, up to and including that Gamo-chan had gotten someone to hack into the school's computer system to acquire Nagatoro's sorry exam results.
He ASSUMED it was hacking! Gamo-chan hadn't told him one way or the other!
He supposed someone might've been able to sneak into the secure room, containing the school's records—under surveillance—and gone fishing for a hard copy of Nagatoro's grades.
Hacking seemed a lot simpler; all it took was a little knowhow…
The young artist still didn't want to know, and in the event Gamo-chan admitted to anything, he'd make a goal of forgetting it.
But that she'd gone so far to invade Nagatoro's privacy…!
He couldn't foresee any positive response from his farm-tanned cutie (or any other soul), if ever she found out.
…
"…" Gamo-chan sipped her tea. "Mm~…"
Naoto was happy he'd made it. "Yeah, I like the stuff okay… Peppermint's usually nice."
"Thanks, Paisen, it does help a little…" Her stomach, upset not long ago, had settled down.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Hey… Paisen?"
"Yeah?"
"…" Gamo-chan thought a moment. "Well…"
He let her be. "…?"
"There was one thing Hayacchi said that really upset me," she admitted. "I mean, she did a lot of things that I didn't like, but there was one thing in particular…"
Oh, yikes…
Naoto figured it could be anything.
Yet, he was surprised when he heard what it was.
Gamo-chan portrayed no small blush, going unequivocally cerise on him…
"Don't take it the wrong way," she lessened. "But it really bothered me when—after Hayacchi joked about me liking you—she suddenly turned around and started saying how messed up it would be for that to happen… how she'd lose all respect for me…"
Yipe!
"What do you mean?!" Naoto couldn't suppress his voice jumping an octave or his surprise.
Gamo-chan sneered—just a little.
"I told you to not take it the wrong way," she growled. "Lemme finish, would you… Paisen~?"
Scary!
"Go for it!" He had no qualms.
To his respite—maybe hers too—she was able to chuckle over it, "Like I was saying… She said that it would be 'gross' and whatever the fuck else she said for me to like you—for any girl to like you, really—and that you'd do all sorts of messed up stuff… that you wouldn't know what to do if you had a girl…"
Yes, he wished he'd never heard Nagatoro say that… together with a lot of other things…
Gamo-chan specified, "She went on and on and on and on about how disgusting it'd be, a girl liking you, like you were some kid-touching slimeball… I don't think she could be more wrong…"
Naoto's heart seized. "..?!"
What was she SAYING?!
"It really hurt to hear her say all that stuff, because…" Gamo-chan illuminated, a strange little smile joining her blush. "Because… I think I can see how a girl could like you, I really can… Seriously, I think you could make some lucky girl really happy~… You really are… a pretty good guy, Paisen~…"
Naoto was floored. "…!"
That was maybe one of the kinder things he'd heard anyone say to him!
"Gamo-chan…" he murmured.
She appeared satisfied. "I think you get me… so don't read into it too much. You hear me?"
He got it! He wouldn't!
It didn't mean Naoto would be able to keep up his composure.
He crimsoned. "…!"
"Ha-ha~…" Gamo-chan was only slightly better off. "Yeah, that's what's up, Paisen…"
Der…
"…" He tried to shake out the cobwebs between his ears.
"Hey, Paisen."
He faced Gamo-chan. "Yeah?"
"You're sitting up straighter than I am… Get the teapot, would ya~?"
And he was, the girl slouching something fierce—with a fierce Gamo-grin!
Reminded of his small chore doing the same thing the day before, he shook his head at her silliness and stood up.
However, the tea had gone cold…
Naoto informed the Maki, "Pot's cold. I'm gonna put it back on the burner for a bit."
"Sounds good~." She nestled into the sofa so deeply, she may never have had to do so menial a labor ever again.
Her manner had him chortling, and he turned the burner back on low, replacing the lukewarm pot.
It was more than some small respite, seeing her better off than she had been, not so very long ago…
But as seemed her wont, she couldn't help but allow a little nihilism into the equation.
It was effectively schtick with her…
"But that crap Hayacchi said still hurts a lot, Paisen…" she griefed. "Even if she's kidding, it really hurts to hear the same shit outta her that Rabi-chan's been spreading all over the place…"
Fuck! Naoto thought he was finally free of Gamo-chan's self-deprecation.
She mumbled, "It's just another reminder of what a big, stupid, scary girl I am~… Mm-hmm…"
Damn it… Not that again…
"I dunno why they do it, Paisen… Even if they believe it, I dunno why they do it…! I mean, I give other girls shit about stuff but never that… I don't know why they have to be so mean about it…!
"I suppose it's what I get for all the times I said that sorta stuff about you… I wish I hadn't… It's awful hearing that from another girl, so… I can only imagine how bad it feels for a guy to hear it from a girl… And if a guy said that to me… I don't know what I'd do…
"I'd prolly 'laugh it off' and go hide and cry in a stall in the ladies' shitter… like normal…"
Naoto shouldered up. "Hey, enough of that…"
"Eep?" Gamo-chan had gone down the rabbit hole.
It was like a revolving-door for bunnies, set in her hotel of downheartedness!
"Here …" Naoto sat back down next to her, holding out the room's box of tissues, newly reclaimed from the big table.
She hadn't even realized she'd started tearing up again…
"Mmph…" she snuffled, grabbing a wad.
Watching her dab at her eyes, Naoto wished he hadn't let her go on ranting that long.
It was hard to step in when a person got that way… It was almost… mesmerizing…
He'd gotten perhaps too used to patting her on the back, because he didn't even think about it this time.
"Hey…" He firmly kneaded, jostling her whole torso. "It's okay…"
"…"
"…"
Gamo-chan sighed.
"I'm trying to not think about it, Paisen, but it's hard…" she lamented.
He wasn't a stranger to negative thinking. "I know…"
"I already feel jealous of them, so when they say that sorta stuff to me… I can't take it…"
"…" Naoto was unsure about letting her keep at it, but he knew she had to vent.
But how much…?
"I was so embarrassed… so angry…" Gamo-chan deplored. "And even before Hayacchi went off on me, I went off on her… when I attacked her… That was totally wrong of me, but… I just couldn't take it, her being so awful to you… She really doesn't know how fortunate she is…"
Naoto wondered what in the world she meant. "…?"
But he didn't have to wonder long…
He remembered…
He remembered what Gamo-chan had told him, of her bitterness towards her best friend, what she'd told him the day she dragged him back to the "BJ Grotto" (or the "Shame Corner", whichever's funnier) and wept in front of him:
…I've been jealous… …She doesn't seem to know how good she has it, and… …I've been feeling really jealous of her lately… …She's my best friend, and I'm jealous… …I really hate that about myself, Paisen…
…
And that wasn't all; she'd told him the day they had sodas in front of the little dagashi shop near her house:
She's just so cute. I was always big, even when I was younger… and I was never all that cute…
…
That's what she'd said.
It was EASY to remember… with how angry she'd become afterwards, standing (accurately) "accused" of being envious of Sakura…
But Naoto knew there was more to it, especially when it came to Nagatoro.
She'd ADMITTED to her loathing in front of everyone in the art room last Monday, sans Sakura, the gal off in greener pastures…
He remembered that too, her words towards Nagatoro:
…It doesn't make any sense to me. Do you have any idea how lucky you are…? …You have a guy who really wants to be your friend… …And you treat him like this…?
…
That had been a painful thing to hear for Naoto.
Gamo-chan really thought a lot of him…
And it hurt all the more, the fact that he'd screamed at her later.
…
"…and even when I thought something might be going on with Hayacchi, I didn't do anything…" Gamo-chan rued. "I know it's not my fault or anything, seriously, but I'm just not feeling that I've been a very good friend to her lately… and I wish I had been…"
Naoto hadn't intended for his thoughts to wander, but the past was invading his unconscious, spilling to cognizance. "…"
There was something he really wanted to tell the girl, but… Gamo-chan and Sakura effectively existed on separate planes of reality!
…
Did they?
…
"I don't know what stopped me, Paisen…" Gamo-chan distressed. "I just… prolly didn't care enough or something… didn't wanna be bothered with it…"
…
Nah… Naoto was pretty sure they occupied the same space, big picture.
"Gamo-chan…" he gulped.
"…?!" She let off on her pity-party. "Uh… what is it?"
"…"
"…Paisen…?"
…
How the Hell would he SAY it?
Naoto had experience, and it was telling him to not overthink this, but this…
It seemed a step up…
On the other hand…
He'd said a lot of wacko things lately!
…
Swallowing hard, Naoto wasn't sure whether he should meet Gamo-chan head-on, keep looking straight, or stare at the space between his shoes.
So, he leaned back, lolling his neck, facing the ceiling.
"You remember Wednesday before last, after we each finished our second Ramuné soda?" he asked dreamily.
"…?!" She balked but grounded herself in a hurry. "…Yeah…"
That was a lot of trepidation she gave off!
The corners of his mouth turned up, just a hair. "The first time, I got you the lychee flavor—your favorite—and I got strawberry—my second favorite…"
"…?" Gamo-chan couldn't figure out what he was up to. "Mm-hmm…?"
"For the second round, you got me the original flavor… and you tried the orange, but you didn't like it all that much…" Naoto expanded. "I tell you though, I really enjoyed what you got me…"
"…?"
"…~"
Okay…
The Amazon was mildly but officially creeped out. "…What are you getting at…?"
He supposed he didn't need ANY of the preamble he'd given her, but he was doing this by the seat of his pants…
It wouldn't hurt for him to explain. "Since I started thinking about art more seriously—as in, going for college and stuff—I've been having all sorts of different things I know about art… start showing up more, I guess, in everyday life.
"It's probably that I'm just trying to pay more attention to things. I'm trying to beef up my knowledge in art theory; that's a big part of it. Someone can be really good at art, but there is a method to it… and the fundamentals are important for that… I've been looking over all sorts of subjects, even astrology and anatomy… especially those two things in the last couple weeks…"
Perhaps, he was just blowing a whole lot of smoke out of his ass, like the day before, trying to convince the four sensei to have mercy on his pale self…
But he supposed not; he was going somewhere with this.
He recalled the words of Sana Sunomiya. "Gamo-chan, the Prez talks about feeling art… capturing moments… letting things… wash over you… I wish I could put it into better words than that, but… I guess it's important to be emotionally involved with your art, on top of following good fundamentals and knowing what you're doing."
She gaped at him. WTF was going on with her Paisen?!
He, however (and in response to her query), was walking on air. "Maybe that's why this has been happening so much lately."
But what was "this"…?
"Maybe not though…" he refuted. "What I can say for sure is, I've seen a lot of wonderful things since the end of June… a lot of things that I'd love to paint or render or even take a picture of—just to have that… to recapture the magic… Maybe… they've been there all along, but I'm seeing them as clear as I can see those teacups in front of us!
"I just see things—hear things—feel things, things that make it feel good to be alive… things that bring tears, Gamo-chan… things I'll never forget… that I never wanna forget… things that make me wanna… scream in triumph, just because I was lucky enough to be there to see them…"
Things that had him feeling tall… feeling STRONG… feeling like a man…
…
Things convincing him he WAS fortunate… that he WAS loved…
…
Things that made him want to keep on living… that it was okay to exist…
…
It was Heaven…
…
"Gamo-chan…" Naoto inflated.
"Heek?!" She jumped at her senpai; he'd visibly puffed up, seeming to gain 10 cm in height—seated.
The hair on Naoto's arms stood straight.
And he knew a great, shuddering chill, starting around his ankles, going up, up, up.
His leg hair stood straight!
His back rippled with it!
His shoulders rocked!
His scalp prickled!
"It was something else, watching you jog off that day," he attempted to make himself clear, even though there was little chance of it. "It was one of the greatest feelings I've ever known."
"What…?!" Gamo-chan raised an eyebrow at the statement. "Paisen…?"
She wasn't even angry; she was just flabbergasted! Had been for a while~!
"It wasn't because you were leaving, Gamo-chan." Naoto didn't want her to misunderstand. "It was… what you said… and how you looked…"
She flinched. "How I 'what'?!"
"When you held me to my promise…" he uttered.
Try to keep a couple of days open the week after next!
…
"When you 'reinvited' me the party we're having tomorrow…"
You said you'd come to karaoke, and I'm gonna hold you to it~!
…
"I dunno what it was, but there was just something so right about it…! There was something… captivating about it…! I keep replaying it in my head—it just won't stop…!"
You're coming this time, even if I have to drag you by your short-hairs!
…
"It just made me so happy, hearing you say that… seeing you smile… I felt… like I belonged…"
We'll get everyone together and blow the roof off the dump!
…
"I almost started crying, I was so happy…" he exhaled.
"…"
"…" He hadn't looked at Gamo-chan for a moment.
"…"
But he'd done okay, saying what he wanted to. "I want to paint what I saw that day. It was perfect."
It didn't even need to make sense!
…
Finally, he did turn to Gamo-chan.
And she appeared lost…
"You're nucking futs, dude…" she said in wonderment.
"…~" He chuckled, thoroughly not bothered by this.
"…"
"…"
Gamo-chan spoke, "Paisen, I… I think I kinda see what you mean, but…"
He'd forgive her air of utter confusion. "It's okay, Gamo-chan… I know that was… pretty convoluted."
"Yeah, you could say that," she didn't hesitate to agree. "I…"
"It's okay…" Naoto promised. "Sorry for saying so much…"
She didn't want to, but she still supposed, "Is there some way to… I dunno… sum it up?"
It wasn't asked with any sort of wickedness.
He'd said so much, she hadn't caught the punchline…
In fact, there was no punchline, not one he'd given.
Deciding he wasn't doing her any good by confusing her, he began searching for another angle.
And he wasn't trying to screw with her, he just wanted to tell her how he felt…
…
There'd been a time, not so long ago, when Naoto would've been pleased enough with merely being on decent terms with Gamo-chan, if only to be closer to Nagatoro, without fear of what he'd viewed as the big girl's "overkill terror-tactics".
Now, he felt honored to call Gamo-chan a friend…
He supposed it had started the first day of summer, the day he'd realized—with certitude—that Gamo-chan did view him as a friend.
Just knowing she wanted him around, to show up to her pre-finals karaoke party, had been a joy…
He'd had the same feeling the previous Monday, being invited to the pizza party that never happened.
It had been an unpleasant thing hearing—back in the BJ Grotto—that Gamo-chan had been worried that he hated her.
He didn't want her to ever feel the need to think that way again…
He didn't want her to ever have to wonder why he was so "nice" to her…
…
"I'm sorry, Gamo-chan…" He didn't relish coming up short for her. "I… don't know how to 'sum it up'… And now, I'm not even sure what I was getting at."
But he'd gone in thinking he had a pretty good idea…
"…"
"…"
Gamo-chan sighed, "I know better, but if I didn't, I'd prolly guess you were making fun of me."
Ouch!
Naoto now wished he hadn't spouted off; it didn't go quite as fluidly as it had with Sakura.
"I'm sorry, Gamo-chan…" he said. "That's the last thing I wanna do."
"I know…" she acknowledged.
"…" Naoto gazed upward, his eyes focused on nothing in particular.
Gamo-chan had already been doing the same. "…"
"…"
"…"
"…" He was content to vegetate.
She began to edge. "…"
"…?" Naoto could feel her wiggling beside him, and he peered sideways. "Huh?"
Gamo-chan was squinting at him from the corner of her eye, fidgeting nervously. "…"
Oh, what could it be now…?
"What's up?" Naoto just went for it.
Drumming her fingers on her thighs, absently pressing her feet together, she put forth, "Paisen… there's something I wanna tell you…"
"…?" He worried.
"I'd ask for you to not laugh, but… I don't have to, right…?" Gamo-chan laced her hands, stilling them, smiling slightly. "Kinda like I always know you'll understand certain stuff… that you won't make fun of me or think any differently of me…
"But maybe you do think differently of me now, everything that's happened in the last week…"
Naoto witnessed that pretty little smile turn to a frown. "…!"
He didn't like that!
"I wouldn't blame you if you did, Paisen…" she said. "You heard things… saw things…"
She was really easing into this!
Gamo-chan rotated her head, all the better to see her senpai with. "A little while ago—when we were talking—did you notice what I… skipped over…?"
No, her senpai didn't know!
But it became even more worrisome to him, his imagination pretty vivid at times, as to what it might be.
He certainly didn't overlook the more intense "red-in-the-face" she'd taken on…
Naoto wasn't overly excited either way to hear what Gamo-chan had to say, but he encouraged, "I can't say… But if you wanna tell me, go ahead. If you don't… that's fine too."
And he WAS encouraging her… to keep quiet if she pleased!
He felt he could live with that.
Her eyes shifted, returning to him. "…!"
Concerning Naoto, the way Sakura had 'wanted to be even' with him in their joint-mortification had been a trip to the wild unknown.
That a girl WANTED to say something that was embarrassing for HER because the BOY was embarrassed?! To be equal in that?!
He'd reasoned that it might've just been an excuse by Sakura to tell him something she was dying to say, and he wouldn't doubt it.
Was Gamo-chan conducting the same faulty(?) mind process?
It seemed that something like that was happening.
Gamo-chan, on the other hand, wasn't messing around.
"Please, Paisen, I'm being serious!" she exclaimed, fully turning to him, planting her palms flat on the sofa between them. "There's something I wanna say! Please don't tune me out…"
The little dotted lines originating from her pupils were boring directly into HIS pupils!
Naoto jumped like someone had goosed him, shying away. "…?!"
Gamo-chan hadn't meant to erupt as she had. "Sorry, sorry…!"
She retreated, facing forward, her hands now cupped in her lap.
And she was blushing… A LOT…
"…" Naoto got it.
She was just nervous… a little scared to tell him… and maybe a little ashamed of how she'd spooked him… and upset that she'd broken down on him twice in as many days…
Naoto didn't want her to be—not for a one of these things. "It's okay, Gamo-chan. I'm sorry too. I guess I'm… just not sure what you're gonna say."
"Eh…?!" She eeped at his dubious statement.
It didn't exactly help her blush either… or his…
"I don't mean anything weird by that!" he wanted her to know. "It's just… it sounds important… how you're leading into it."
"…" Gamo-chan wanted to go for it… sort of.
"It's fine…" He tried to sound sure of himself. "Go ahead and tell me."
She twiddled her thumbs. "…!"
"You can tell me anything." He knew they could deal with whatever it was. "And I promise I won't laugh or make fun or anything like that."
Where did this confidence come from?!
It wasn't like he knew what was going through her head.
It could've been Earth-shattering!
Gamo-chan clenched her hands, putting an end to her fiddling. "…!"
"…?!" Naoto's confidence was already waning.
Nevertheless, she must've decided to spill, because, "It's about one of the things Hayacchi said… We talked a little about it but only part of it."
Oh, damn it, not more of this!
Her senpai wished to progress along such lines, but…
Gamo-chan had just spoken to him so very earnestly!
And he knew she was desperate for someone to listen.
He'd even invited this…!
So, he wouldn't stop his kohai, eyeballing her. "Yes?"
She breathed in and out.
"Okay…" she began, meeting his gaze, cheeks red as ever. "Y'know how Hayacchi said I'm afraid of boys…? That I'm afraid of you…?"
"…Yes…" Naoto knew he might soon regret this.
Gamo-chan shifted her vision, focusing staunchly and directly in front of her.
She couldn't look at him to say whatever it was?
"Well… what I told you was true; I'm not scared of you, not exactly." She hadn't been able to maintain eye contact, but she was adamant. "The thing is… you're just about the only guy I'm okay with."
…
The very air around Naoto seemed to change, like some sensory-deprivation chamber had swallowed him up.
All there was with him was… this one girl… filling his sight…
"…?!" The strange stillness encircled him. "…?!"
There was no way she'd just said that…
…
"The other part's true; I'm scared of guys, Paisen…" Gamo-chan said miserably, massaging her temples. "I'm fine with you, but… you're my friend. You're the only guy-friend I've got… and the only one I've had in a long time…"
…
She HAD said it… and more…
…
"Other boys… part of it's that I don't really know how to act around them… and I'm even more afraid 'cause I feel… that I don't know what I'm doing, like, compared to girls like Sakura, who really know how to handle men… even if there is something else going on with her…"
…
Sakura was a pretty extreme example! And she wasn't the trifling gal people thought she was…
It seemed Gamo-chan knew that, in part.
…
"But, also…" she choked, starting to tremble staring at her knees. "Also, every time I ever had a guy friend—every time… I wound up getting hurt somehow… even when I was younger…"
…
Gamo-chan…!
…
"I know how guys think of me, Paisen. They're scared of me. They think I'm some kinda freak."
…
No, you're not a freak…
…
"When girls like Rabi-chan say those things to everyone—she's not the only one, Paisen—I feel helpless, because the only thing I can think to do is prove them right… prove them right in front of everyone and kick the shit outta them, showing all of 'em what a big, stupid, scary girl I am."
…
You're not that, Gamo-chan…! You're a lot more than that…!
…
"And when even my best friend starts saying all that—that all I can do is fight… that I'm scared of boys, that they're scared of me… and that I'm scared of you… I'm clueless too, they say…"
…
Why won't any words come out?!
…
"With all that, I sometimes… don't feel like much of a woman, Paisen… that there's something wrong with me," Gamo-chan said wetly. "I know it's bullshit, but… it hurts…!"
…
Please don't…!
…
"I mean, you're a guy, but… I think you can relate… I've said it before…" she blubbed.
…
Feeling like less of a man…?
…
"I don't know exactly how you feel, you being a guy and all, but it's gotta be close to what's going on for me!"
…
It wasn't a pleasant thing, and she might not have been wrong!
…
"I don't know how to get it to stop, Paisen!" Gamo-chan howled. "Why won't they stop…? I don't know how to get them to stop! I don't like it…"
Naoto hadn't taken his attention off her for a second, and his whole being hurt for her.
He was pulling mud in finding anything to help…
"Gusu…" Gamo-chan sniffled.
…
This was… This really sucked!
Naoto knew she was taking this pretty hard, but now he knew she was really struggling with it.
She was crushed…
She was all broken up over it…
And she was ashamed of herself for it, huddling up. "I just can't stop… I'm sorry, Paisen… I'm sorry for being such a crybaby…"
…
You're not some crybaby…
…
"If you were anyone else… I'd be ruined!" Gamo-chan was sure of it, tucking in her legs, snot and tears running afresh. "But it's not like I wanna do this in front of you!"
…
You're safe here… you always are…
…
"I'm a crybaby… a lousy friend…" she wailed, hugging her knees. "I'm just… mannish… I'm a joke…"
…
Mannish…?!
Naoto fumed internally.
How could Rabi-chan say that about Gamo-chan?! How could ANY girl say that?! Did they even know Gamo-chan?! Were they just jealous?!
He'd never been surer of much in his life:
Anyone that would say all this bad shit about Gamo-chan was GARBAGE…!
He wouldn't listen to this anymore.
"Gamo-chan!" he nearly shouted, taking her by the shoulders. "Stop it already!"
"ACK?!" she yelped, raising her hands.
Shit! Naoto thought she was going to sock him, and he backed off, breaking contact.
But she was just guarding her own face, surprised. "Paisen…?"
"Yeah…" He was pleased she hadn't been winding up to knock his block off.
"Paisen…?"
"…Hey…" he mollified, coming closer. "It's alright…"
She must've disagreed, shaking her head violently. "No, it's not! None of this is okay!"
"It is…" It might've been risky, but Naoto came closer still. "Just try to calm down…"
Visibly, she tried, clutching her hands to her chest, lowering her feet to the floor.
Still, she sat hunched over, hatches battened down, though not her eyes and nose, still letting it flow. "…"
But she was coming down, and Naoto knew it.
"There… it's okay…" he assured.
"Hiff!" she snorfled deeply.
He felt compelled to properly ask this time, "Is it okay, if I…?"
Gesturing that he wished to touch her, he tried to keep open to her.
Staring at him strangely, she bemused, "Why are you asking me…?"
He'd felt compelled, that's all…
Gamo-chan hadn't given him a "yes" or a "no", but he hoped he and the girls were beyond such formality.
The world still had pockets of sanity in it!
Naoto reached, his hands shaking, for her hands, now clasped between her knees.
He took them, and the world didn't explode.
It's funny how that works!
He was nervous, yes, but his hands were quaking more from misery than worry.
Maybe THIS was what it felt like, the girls hearing HIM speak so badly of himself…
If that was the case, he didn't want them to know that feeling again!
And he probably hated the feeling just as much!
…
Whether it should've been expected or unexpected, Naoto felt her relax in is grasp.
She might've tensed up further, just as reasonably…
It was a good sign to him. "That's enough of that, Gamo-chan… I don't wanna hear you say that about yourself anymore, okay?"
He wasn't expecting a pledge, but she gave a swift nod.
Not a bad sign…
…
Naoto had been brawling in his own mind for something to say to her…
If only he'd known how much she was hurting, he'd have…
…
Well, maybe he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it…
He knew he wasn't the most adept.
Maybe, he'd needed to hear it from her…
But he knew regrets wouldn't help.
Yesterday was safe and gone…
Now, perhaps, he had the means to say what he wished.
And he'd finally formulated something, even if it took a while…
"I think it's okay to cry, Gamo-chan," he posed.
She cringed, "…Huh?"
He supposed it was pretty cringe-worthy, but he insisted, "I don't like crying, and… I don't wanna see you cry, but… if you have to, I'm here."
Her eyes widened. "Paisen?"
He had to keep up the "momentum", lest he lose his nerve!
"I think you're a really great friend, Gamo-chan," he bared. "I really do… You're not a bad friend at all… I know I said a lot of stuff about art and whatever else, but I was trying to say something like that… somewhere in there…"
She goggled at him, her mouth parting. "…"
…
Now… now, it was time to drop the bomb…
And Naoto was afraid it would just blow up in his face, more than anything!
Even if it did go "kerflooey", Gamo-chan was too stupefied to halt his discourse!
…
"You shouldn't listen to all the crap that bi… Rabi-chan—or anyone else—says!"
He wasn't about to call another girl a bitch in front of Gamo-chan, despite everything, but he HAD IT IN HIS HEART!
All the same, he turned off his filter and otherwise let it come out uninhibited.
"You're right though… I think I know how you feel… in a way… But just like you don't know how a guy might feel… I don't know exactly how you feel, but… I think we both get it.
"Whatever, they're totally wrong about you!"
Could he really just come out and say it? He MEANT it, but saying it…!
"You're a very pretty girl, Gamo-chan, really!" he declared. "Don't ever think that you're… unattractive or anything. Please don't! You say you're not cute, but… sometimes, I think you're very cute."
She hadn't SAID it specifically, but…
"And don't ever think that a guy couldn't like you… You said you think that I could make some girl really happy… I think you could make some guy really happy… and he could make you happy too…
"I think he'd be really lucky, the guy you might like… I hope he'd know enough to know how good he has it!"
He wanted to tell her she was "special", but he didn't like how it sounded.
He also didn't want to call her "cool" or "awesome"; she'd likely heard that her whole life from girls that respected her!
There was something better he could say, and it was his own. "I think you're really neat."
It covered all the bases, and he couldn't think of anything better to say that!
"You wanted me to sum up that whole 'speech' I gave you… I think that's it."
Knowing he had a friend in her, all the little stars and planets aligning, she'd blessed him with that VISION that she'd shown him the day they'd shared sodas!
Nearly any man could've almost fallen for her, experiencing that!
…
And Naoto had lost himself, telling her all this with a passion, deadly serious.
Previously, he'd expected to be held at gunpoint—or about to have his pecker removed with a boxcutter—before pulling out the stops and running his mouth as he just had…
He'd volunteered his feelings before… just not like that…
…
He dared to open his eyes.
Gamo-chan appeared candy apple-red!
He was sure he wasn't much different.
"Whoa!" Realizing he was gripping her hands, he relinquished them, all but sitting on his own.
Gamo-chan rubbed at her fingers with the thumb of her opposite hand. "…"
He hoped he hadn't hurt her…!
Her cheeks ablaze, she speculated aloud, "What sort of anime did that come from…?"
"…~?!" Naoto let out a wheezy bark of tired laughter. "I think it was my own…"
"…"
"…"
Incredulous, she wiped at her face. "I know I just said you're fucking nuts, but… you really are crazy, Paisen…"
Maybe he WAS, but—
"I'm serious, Gamo-chan!" he yipped like a dog getting its paw stepped on in the kitchen, begging for a treat.
To his monstrously great surprise, she accepted the praise.
"I know…" she little more than whispered, cleaning up with a fresh tissue.
Naoto's brain may very well have melted. "Eh?!"
"It wasn't quite like what you said, but I already knew you feel that way, Paisen." She actually smiled. "I don't know how I could forget that. You've never had me thinking anything else~…"
Gamo-chan…!
"It's pretty stupid of me to forget that, isn't it…?" she mumbled.
He didn't want her to call herself stupid. "It's not."
"Then… I'll work on the big and scary part~," she jested.
Gamo-chan had managed a joke!
Naoto was too blasted away to respond. "…?!"
"…~" she tittered soggily, resting her tearstained cheek on his shoulder.
It wasn't hard, being right beside him…
Naoto's logic took one of those 106° shits. Der-de-der!
"Thanks, Paisen~…" Gamo-chan sighed. "I feel a little better, really…"
"…!"
"…~"
"…?!"
"Mm~…" Gamo-chan burbled.
"…?!"
"…~"
Naoto… had the urge to put his arm across her back…
It seemed the right thing to do…
He—
*Fweeeeeeeeee~*
Naoto, stuffed in the ass by the whistly surprise, jarred, bopping Gamo-chan's head back to origin.
She eyed him dazedly, also "woken up". "Eep?!"
Realizing what he'd done, he blathered, eyes straight ahead, "Sorry!"
"I-it's okay…" she tremulously responded, quickly doing the same.
"…"
"…"
Naoto couldn't believe it. "I let the tea boil again… Whoops…"
"Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh~…" Gamo-chan giggled unexpectedly, that thoroughly un-Maki-ish manner shining through.
Ho-lee shit!
While Naoto was filling up the back of his pants with "fear poops", Gamo-chan glanced sideways.
He was in for it now! Whatsoever "it" was…
"How about you set the pot on one of your trivets?" she recommended, snickering. "We can just keep an eye on it this time."
Logical!
Naoto would do one further. "I'll just pour it all into a few mugs; that'll cool everything down."
"That's using your brain~," she came down, but she still laughed. "G-go ahead, Paisen."
This was gonzo…!
It was Heaven-sent gonzo, lightening up a rather heavy situation.
…
…
…
Sipping her peppermint tea, the temperature perfect, Gamo-chan, satisfied with the sofa's supple softness, brought to light, "If you aren't already jazzed for the karaoke party tomorrow, I've got something else, Paisen~."
"…Y-yeah?" Naoto was unnerved by her playfulness. "And what would that be?"
"It's a surprise; I'm just telling you that there is one!" she messed. "I came up with a fun idea for us girls~. Sakura and Nekoba are in on it too. Yoshi and I have something special planned… special-like~."
Hoo, boy!
Halfway dreading what it might be, he tried to keep cool. "Okay."
Absolutely anticipating some mitigated mockery, he braced for impact.
Instead, Gamo-chan shared with him a little more Gamo-grief. "Hayacchi had something fun planned too, but… yeah…"
Argh! Naoto's hopefulness had once again jumped the gun, thinking she was through singing the blues for one day.
But he knew how upset she was over everything, and if she still needed to blow off some steam…
He wasn't about to stop her, as long as she didn't go overboard.
He shared this sadness; he'd wanted Nagatoro to show up to karaoke too, but her parents… they probably wouldn't… yeah…
"Yeah…" he blew out a ragged breath. "I know, Gamo-chan…"
"I wish I knew what Hanacchi might've come up with," she wallowed. "She knew about it…"
"…!" He wasn't any happier about this than she was.
"…"
"…"
"…"
Taking advantage of the silence, Naoto tried his hand at navigation.
"Things will be okay, Gamo-chan." He was surer than he sounded. "We'll still have fun tomorrow, and we've got the summer ahead of us."
"Yeah…" she expelled sadly.
He looked forward to it, "The art room's open if you wanna do your homework here. Sakura-san and Sunomiya are, so… you're welcome… Yoshi-san too…"
But he didn't dare include Nagatoro.
Both he and Gamo-chan needed to face it, and any attempts at lessening the blow weren't overly helpful:
Nagatoro's parents were probably going to come down hard on her… at least for a while…
Gamo-chan harangued herself, "Why didn't I see it though…?"
No need to ask what "it" was…
"Don't blame yourself, Gamo-chan," Naoto implored. "You know it's not your fault."
"I know it's not my fault," she returned. "I guess… that I'm sorta hurt that Hayacchi didn't say anything to me about it… I mean, she's my friend… and she didn't even talk to me about it."
That hit Naoto pretty squarely.
She HADN'T reached out to her friends…
"I know how you feel, Gamo-chan." He knew he did. "Same here."
"I really wish I'd just gone with my gut, Paisen… I wish I'd trusted my judgement… I knew something strange was happening… I really wish I'd talked to her about it…"
Neither could blame themselves for this either, but Naoto added, "Yeah…"
"…"
"…"
"Paisen…"
"Yes?"
"…Would you please walk me home… even if it's only halfway there?"
He'd never had any intention otherwise!
"Of course… No problem. I'll run downstairs in a while and grab your street shoes for you."
As it turns out, she DID have them in her locker…
Even if he couldn't find any guest slippers, he'd be able to sneak her out of the building, far and away from any prying eyes.
"Thanks, Paisen…"
…
Gamo-chan had no more tears; she was just a little sad.
So was Naoto…
And Naoto was reminded of something:
He must've been crazy—in the past, ever thinking Gamo-chan was some kind of beast.
Sakura was right. But he didn't need her to tell him the kind of girl Gamo-chan was.
Gamo-chan scooted closer, leaning on him.
Naoto, turning to her, put an arm across her shoulders.
They seemed very small, just then…
Rabi-chan was wrong.
There was nothing mannish about them…
He'd held her by her shoulders, and he could vanish them in his grip.
Gamo-chan took his hand in hers, his arm easily reaching around her.
Her hands too… they were small…
…
Not all that long ago, Naoto had "daymares" of this same situation:
Of himself as some 50 kg fresh-fish snuggling up to the biggest, baddest bull-queer the prison system had ever seen…
But he'd been about as wrong as a good dead baby joke, blaring from a bullhorn, in a church.
Gamo-chan was… just a girl…
And he knew his friend was a little heartbroken over what had befallen Nagatoro.
He was too, maybe just as much…
Please look forward to the next chapter! Thanks for reading! Questions and comments are welcome!