Notes from the Mooooooooooooooooooon,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yeah this chapter took a while. I ended up traveling AND having finals AND moving back home. I'm eepy. Still, the story is developing pretty well if a bit fast. Don't worry there is still a long way to go until I think I'm going to be satisfied with the story. Plus, its great writing exercise figuring out these characters. Anyways it's another Cody centric chapter again! It's been a while since he got a full chapter to himself (minus a small Noah portion!)

I should be back on a regular upload schedule of one chapter a week, either for this or for Total Drama, the Fifth Generation. Uploads will become slower as I have to work on other projects that I've had in the works that are unrelated to fanfiction.

As always, I absolutely love feedback from you guys, it makes the dopamine go brrrrrrrrrrr. So please tell me what you are thinking with each chapter! I love hearing what you liked and what you didn't!

Regardless, please enjoy!

A Loser and the Goth

The waiter had only just brought their waters in uselessly curvy glasses when Noah's parents leaned forward, staring pensively at the bookworm. "Have you decided?" His father asked, his neutral tone undercut by tense, narrowed eyes. Noah took a long sip. To reveal now, or delay; a question that should never be asked of a procrastinator.

"I have." Noah answered, gingerly placing his glass against the table. That's all they need to know for now.

"That isn't an answer." Noah's mother chirped. Her polite smile didn't extend to the rest of her face. "What is your major?" She asked with a stern tone that made Noah feel like a criminal being interrogated.

Noah paused. He considered dragging the whole affair out. Yet it seemed so pointless, so trivial. So what if they don't approve. They aren't paying my tuition. With a sigh, he answered. "I've decided I'm going to be a Creative Writing major." Noah could see his parent's go through the five stages of grief in the next instant, almost as if their son had died in front of them. Anguish, despair, denial. All at the choice of a major.

"No son of mine is going to waste their life on a dead-end career!" His father hissed. "You will change your major immediately." He demanded, venom dripping from his voice. "I did not raise a failure."

"No, I don't think I will."

"Honey, we just don't want you to be a failure." His mother said with a soft, condensing voice only a mother could have.

"You don't decide what a failure is." Noah shot back, his grip tightening around the cool glass of water. "And frankly, I don't care if you approve or not."

"You'll care once your homeless." His father commented.

Noah didn't feel the need to continue the conversation. "If you want to not be a dick about it, then you can text me later." He said, getting up from his seat. "I've made my choice. You can either accept it, or get out of my way." He ignored his parents as he walked out of the restaurant, pulling out his phone. He smiled as the phone rang.

"Noah? Aren't you with your parents?" Emma asked, her voice tingling in his ear. It'd only been a few days, but he couldn't help but miss her voice. He'd considered introducing her to his parents, but based on their reaction, he decided he'd made the right choice holding off. Plus she'd been busy with a paper for midterms.

"Nah, having a bit of a falling out. You free?"

"Fine, but I'm going to be studying. Come on over babe." She said before hanging up abruptly, leaving the phone beeping in his year. Always to the point with no bullshit. Noah couldn't help but find that hot. He walked through the bright, smelly downtown streets to reach Emma's apartment. Nice place, much swankier then his, on account of her working for a law firm over the summer. It wasn't flashy, but wasn't clearly cheap like the place he stayed at. If it weren't for Cody and Harold, he'd consider just living at Emma's place. That and Emma would probably get stressed out with him over twenty-four-seven.

He stopped by a bagel shop along the way, anticipating that Emma probably had forgotten to eat breakfast before entering a studying induced hyperfocus state. Plus even if she had, she would probably not want to cook later, and Noah had found bringing over something she could snack on kept her from accidentally starving herself. When he arrived using the guest key, Emma was sitting at the counter, surrounded by a pile of books on either side. He could hear noises coming from the kitchen. Noah quickly deduced that Kitty was visiting. He plopped the bag of bagels on the counter, right between Emma and her laptop. She flinched back, looking up at Noah with an apprehensive glare that quickly faded, a smile taking its place.

She reached her arms out. Noah leaned in, pulling his girlfriend into a hug. "Thanks Noah." She said, her eyes flickering between himself and the laptop. Noah took a seat next to her, shifting the pile of books ever so slightly to give himself some space. He could make out dark rings around her eyes. She hadn't slept much last night, if at all. He deliberated bring it up, but he decided against it, for now.

"I didn't know Kitty was visiting." He said, tilting his head over towards the kitchen. Emma's family lived close by, so Kitty would often take trips in to visit her city.

"Yeah, she just decided to do her own thing without you know, checking with me first. The usual." Emma grumbled, grabbing a bagel from the bag and taking a bite as she turned back towards her laptop. "I've been so caught up with this paper I forgot to tell you she was here."

"No problem. Parent's weekend and all that."

"Speaking of which, why are you here instead of with your parents?"

Now that is the hard question. Noah hadn't quite told Emma yet about his major choice, nor was he keen to. Noah considered himself reasonably logical; in fact, he prided himself on having common sense in a world mostly devoid of it. That being said, his choice of major could hardly be considered logical. Creative Writing had many practical applications outside of writing novels, but it was still a riskier major than most.

"Well, my parent's and I didn't quite see eye to eye." Noah said with a shrug, choosing to play it off. A simple explanation. He preferred to not have to explain he'd chosen writing as his career path. Yet. He needed a few days to really make a flowery speech about it.

"Uh-huh, and the reason being?" Emma asked, not even turning towards him. Classic lawyer tactic of asking questions, the one weakness to being elusive.

"Well, just y'know, parents being parents. You know how it is." Noah said, keeping his voice as dry as Cody's sex life. A bit harsh there Mr. Narrator? He knew full well Emma would see through his vague answers. She was born to be a lawyer after all.

"Come on, just be straight with it please." She sighed. As he expected. Noah paused.

"They didn't particularly like my choice of major." He said. Emma turned away from her laptop, and looked at Noah. Her eyes were a bit brighter, though the bags were still present.

"You finally decided? That's great!" She intertwined her fingers through his. Her hand was smaller, lithe almost. He'd gotten quite used to how it fit between his. "What did you go with?"

"So uh, not sure if you will like this." Noah laughed unevenly, a pit rising in his stomach. Emma didn't comment, waiting for his answer. The silence grew, interrupted only by the clattering of pots. "I decided to become a Creative Writing major instead of a Poli-Sci major." Noah blurted out.

"Oh, cool."

"I know it's not that- wait what?" Noah cleaned out his ears. "Come again?"

"Cool. Seems like something you'd like." Emma said, not letting go of his hand. "You've got a way with words after all." Just like Cody had said.

Noah pursed his lips, and looked around nervously. "You aren't upset?" He asked, not quite sure how to react.

Emma stifled a laugh. "Of course not. You're a smart guy. You'll be successful no matter what you do." She said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "I'm not worried just because your career has some more risk than mine." Noah finally smiled, for real this time.

"I was a bit worried you'd react like my parents did." Noah admitted, putting his head into her shoulder. Emma let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck. It felt a bit nice, being vulnerable like this; not that he'd admit it of course. Noah still had his pride of course. The couple remained like this for a few moments.

Click

Noah's head shot up to see a smirking Kitty, her eyes narrowed as she looked up from her phone. "That is going in the wedding scrap book!" Kitty giggled, before running back into the kitchen before Noah could get up. "Consider it payment for brunch!" She yelled back. Noah and Emma looked up, exchanging humorous eyerolls as Kitty brought out three plates full of omelets and waffles. The third plate was balanced on her head. "Now come on, let's eat!"

Cody never ended up receiving a text from Sammy. He checked his phone religiously over the next day, making sure he didn't just miss a notification. He spent the entire night tossing and turning in bed, catching moments of restless, stressful sleep before inevitably waking up. Monday arrived. Trig class came and went, and Sammy ended up sitting in a separate area of the lecture hall. Cody could barely focus on his test beyond quickly filling in the correct answers, ignoring the specific score he'd set for himself. The rest of the class was him looking back at Sammy across the hall, and his phone, waiting for a response that would never come. Images of that moment flashed by. He remembered how her face contorted. How her pupils shrank, how they shook. How frightened, incoherent noises escaped her lips. How he did nothing, could do nothing. How he simply sat next to her in the dark.

When class let out, he waited by the door, watching for her. "Sammy!" Cody called out, extending a hand. She walked by him, not even turning her head. His arm hung limp in front of him, watching Sammy disappear into a flood of busy students. He didn't pull his hand back, not until she had completely vanished from his sight. He tried again in history, but she alluded him. Cody was used to many things; looks of disgust, and contempt. Name calling. Public shaming. He'd made mistakes in the past, and could handle that. Yet this made his heart sink more than any of that.

Tuesday came and no response. At dodgeball club, Cody's eyes kept darting towards the gym door, waiting for Sammy to join in. He would get thrown out, or miss free opportunities to hit free shots on Owen or someone else. She never came. Wednesday was much the same as Monday. This time, Cody didn't try calling out to Sammy. The pictured painted in front of Cody was clearer than a photograph. Walking out of the lecture hall after history, he didn't quite feel like going back home yet. He looked at his phone. Noah and Harold were probably catching up on homework. Cody turned his head, and felt even worse, if that had been possible. A girl with pale, vampirically pale skin and dark clothes sat nearby, her fingers plinking away at her phone. Gwen. Cody felt his past mistakes crawling on his back. Mistakes he'd made in his complete ignorance and stupidity. In the face of the past, Cody considered hiding away and heading back home. The decision was made for him when Gwen looked up and shot him a friendly wave. He couldn't deny that it'd made him feel a little better.

"Heya Gwen, watcha up to?" Cody asked, his voice shaking as he sat next to her. He remembered his conversation with Trent just a week back. It's all water under the bridge now Cody. Just treat her like a friend. He shot a toothy grin at her, and she smiled back. Cody could make out the slightest hint of distrust as he approached. A flicker that fought against her smile.

"Hey Cody. Long time no see." Gwen said, putting her phone in the pocket of her patchwork sweater. "Everything good?" She placed her hands in her lap, resting them against her ripped black jeans.

"Well, you know, I'm me so it's always uhh…. " Cody's voice trailed off, any confidence he had fading. Things obviously were not going well for him. The cold air nipped at his cheeks. "You're a psychology major right?"

Gwen pursed her lips, resting her head against her bent index finger. "Random question is random, but yeah, I am. Why?"

"Do you know much about panic attacks?"

"Should I be worried?"

"No, no, no!" Cody corrected her, waving his hands defensively. "I'm not the one having them. It's…" He paused, not sure exactly what to say. What was Sammy to him right now? Were they even friends right now? "Someone I know had one recently. At least, I think they did."

The suspicion began to leave Gwen's eyes, and she sat up on the bench. "That does sound serious. Let's go grab something to eat from the dining hall, and you can give me the details." Relief washed over Cody. After all, it's not like she has that much of a reason to hate me. He told himself as they made their way to the dining hall. Cody grabbed a chicken sandwich and some coke before grabbing a table towards the back. Gwen joined him a few moments later with two slices of pizza, or at least what the school called it.

"Give me whatever details you can." Gwen said before taking a bite of the pizza imitation. "You don't need to name names."

"Well, it's this girl I've been talking to recently. We were getting along pretty well. I think."

"This better not be some ploy to try and make me jealous."

"No, I swear this actually happened! On my old PlayStation 2 I swear!" To swear on your first console is an act of honor. At least, it was to Cody and Harold. "Listen I know I-" Cody paused. "This girl is real, and I thought things were going well but whatever happened is really bothering me."

Gwen sighed, her face softening. "Alright, I'll believe you. You did help me with Trent. Continue."

Cody took a slow but shallow breath, summoning the words. "We'd been hanging out a lot over the last week. We studied over some coffee first and started getting to know each other."

"Basic." Gwen muttered, a good-natured smile on her face.

"Then she came to the dodgeball club and it seemed like we were starting to really bond." Cody continued, ignoring Gwen's snide comment. "She seemed to have a fun time. Friday comes along and we both end up being free. We spent most of the day together and it felt a bit like she was flirting with me. We grabbed coffee again, got lunch, then saw a movie."

"This all seems really positive. How does this loop back to the panic attack?"

"She came over on Sunday." Codey said, a half grin forming,

"Saucy." Gwen smirked. "I'm guessing things didn't go according to the 'Codemiester's' plan?"

"I didn't really have a plan." Cody shook his head. "I do like her but… I wasn't trying to just put the moves on her. I made a lot of mistakes before and I'm only starting to realize them." He explained, his smile turning downwards. "To make a long story short, I really didn't have any plans that day. I just wanted to spend time with her I guess." He looked down into his cup of cola. A vague, almost unrecognizable reflection rippled on the surface as the bubbles rose.

Gwen sat back, her eyes drifted down to her lap, before shooting back up at Cody's. "I see." She answered, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "What happened?"

"She started getting close to me. You know, like pressing herself against my shoulder. Then she put her head in close." Cody made a motion towards his shoulder. His voice became quieter, his face becoming slightly pinker. "We started holding hands for a while, and then the power went out." Sweat formed on Cody's palms as the fateful moment replayed in his head. The same memory that had been set on loop the last three days. Every time, he wondered; just how much did I hurt her? He knew there was a chance it was his fault. He knew Gwen wouldn't hold back. She was honest, unflinching and unapologetically herself. Cody questioned how much he'd actually appreciated those qualities, if his crush extended beyond just seeing a hot goth girl.

He shook his head; it was all behind him. He could appreciate it now, as her friend. "I got up to grab my phone and call the building manager and open the shades to let light in. I fell on top of her, and I tried to kiss her." Gwen took a sip of her drink, continuing to listen along quietly. Cody appreciated that she didn't interrupt him. "I thought it would be okay with everything that happened. But as I got closer, she started making these scared noises, and told me to stop." His words became strained, each syllable becoming harder and harder to say. "Of course I got off of her, but she sounded so scared. She was shaking, and then crying, and then her voice would get louder like she was about to scream, but it just never came out." Cody's throat seized up, shame choking at him as he remembered just how useless he was in that moment. "All I could do was sit there. Eventually it ended, and then she just left." Cody croaked. "I just feel awful. Ever since then she's been avoiding me in classes. I don't know what to do."

Gwen didn't immediately answer. Silence sat at the table with them, sucking all the air out from around Cody as he waited for a response. "I can't quite say whether or not you are to blame." She said eventually, shaking her head. "But you shouldn't beat yourself up over not knowing what to do. Panic attacks aren't just scary for the one going through it. It can be frightening for everyone involved. You sat by her and made sure she was safe."

"But it's my fault she was in that state."

Gwen shook her head. "Maybe. Maybe not. Panic attacks are a culmination of many things. For all you know it could have been outside factors triggered by heightened emotions, or perhaps she has some trauma with intimacy. You couldn't have known. What you did do was listen to her when she needed the space." Cody knew she was sincere, yet he couldn't quite agree with her.

"There's the possibility that she just hates me too."

"God damnit, no she doesn't Cody. I'm actually shocked at how oblivious you can be." Gwen threw her head back, rolling her eyes. Yet a smile played at her lips. "She was absolutely flirting with you. I mean, two people alone in an apartment cuddling? If she hadn't had a panic attack the outcome would have been much different." Gwen made an O-shape with her index finger and thumb and stuck two fingers through it, all with a half-smile and stare. 'How are you this dense?" Cody shrunk in his chair, blushing. "It's incredible that you completely misread the hints people drop you."

"I really suck with women, don't I?" Cody laughed halfheartedly. Gwen nodded, exaggerating the motion of her neck.

"You really do. I actively considered drop kicking you when we first met." She deadpanned. Cody winced in response. "For now, try to give this girl some space. I know you aren't good at that, but she needs a bit of time. Text her tomorrow once to check on her. If she doesn't respond, just leave it at that for a few more days."

Cody nodded along. Gwen's advice was sound, logical. "I'll do that. Thanks Gwen. I owe you one."

"I'll remember that next time I need someone to buy me a beer." For the first time in days, a wide grin showed the gap between Cody's teeth. Gwen leaned forward, putting her chin in her hand. "So, as a repayment, tell me about this girl you care about so much."

Cody bit his lower lip nervously. He hadn't really talked about his crush too much with anyone else, much less Gwen. "We met in math class a few weeks ago." It'd felt much longer to Cody. "I just noticed her and kept glancing over. She's really pretty. She has these gorgeous blue eyes, and long, silkly blonde hair that kinda smells like strawberry-" He stopped himself. "Too much?" Cody asked with a squeak.

"Yeah, just a tad."

"My bad."

"Don't sweat it." Gwen shrugged. "Anything else?"

"She looks really good in anything she wears." Cody continued, listing things off his fingertips. "And she looks good while doing anything as well." He remembered how she moved in dodgeball.

"You certain are smitten." Gwen chuckled. "I'm guessing you are leaving out the less innocent reasons you like her?"

Is this what having siblings is like? He looked up, meeting Gwen's smirk. "I mean, yeah she's really hot." He admitted. "And that is part of why I like her. But I want to hope I'm not that shallow." He pursed his lips.

"Then tell me some more."

"She has a really nice laugh for one. I remember making a blonde joke and she nearly broke down with laughter." Cody smiled, recalling their first outing. "She also likes to do this thing where she'll make a joke at my expense while looking up at me with this really flirty look." He listed off. He really liked that look; sensual almost. It made his heart damn near flutter each time. "And I can't help but respect how she wants to become a teacher."

Gwen finished the last of her dinner. "I hope it works out for you Cody." She said, getting up with her tray in hand. "Just keep your wierdo side in check, kay?"

"Yeah, of course." Cody nodded. "See you around."

"Likewise. Let me know how it goes." Gwen started walking before stopping. "If she doesn't text back, then let me know. I'll bring over some drinks to drown in."

Cody trudged out of bed the next morning, not quite ready for another two classes that afternoon. He checked his phone. A few Discord pings, and some random argument between Noah and Harold that'd broken out over text about the chore schedule. Nothing from Sammy.

Hey just wanted to check in. You doing OK? He frowned as he sent the text. If she didn't respond, was what they had over? Cody blotted those thoughts out of his head. She would respond; He was certain of that much. He went about the most basic parts of his day. Shower, brush teeth, and grab some fruit before settling down at the coffee table to work on a project. In spite of everything, he had an itch to make a sizable dent in the CS project. His fingers tapped and danced across his keyboard, filling in the black white lines with code. Mid-day rolled around and he'd felt good about the progress he'd made. He checked his phone, met with a series of random notifications, but no text back from Sammy. A small pit formed in his stomach. The possibility that she might never text back started to become real in Cody's mind. A possibility not foreign yet nonetheless upsetting.

Cody shook his head. Just focus on right now. He told himself, getting up from the couch. He had another hour before classes, and decided to warm up some food before heading to class on a full stomach. Classes were uneventful, and he kept checking his phone with an increasing frequency. Halfway through his CS class he found himself staring absentmindedly staring at his phone, which he'd propped up on his laptop screen. He rested his cheek in his hand, his vision growing fuzzy as he waited, and waited, and waited. Just as the professor ended his lecture, the phone lit up. Cody grabbed his phone, nearly dropping it as he brought it closer to his face. The text read just two words.

I'm sorry.

Cody wanted to respond, but he wasn't quite sure what the text meant. Sorry for the panic attack? Sorry for ghosting? Perhaps both? Cody felt a chill crawl up his spine. Conversations usually didn't end well when started with a mysterious apology. Sorry for what? If it's about Sunday, it's OK, Cody quickly typed back. A response came instantly.

I shouldn't be bothering u. Don't worry about me.

The text confused Cody. She'd never bothered him. Quite the opposite; Cody assumed he'd been annoying her all the time. You haven't bothered me. I just want to make sure ur okay. He shot back. He wasn't sure what was going through Sammy's head right now. He had no idea what she was feeling. Cody was not women whisperer. He knew this.

U aren't going to stop this are you?

The text felt uncharacteristically aggressive. Cody was caught off guard. He felt lost as his fingers hovered above the keyboard. He couldn't even collect his thoughts as the final text appeared on his screen.

Leave me alone.

Another cliffhang AHHHHHH I'm sorry. Dramatic point in the story and I've got some ideas planned, both for the immediate AND for down the line. Let's just say I am cooking friends. Originally, I was going to have Trent talk to Cody, but for some reason it didn't quite fit here. I decided instead to go with Gwen, and force him to confront his past mistakes as he deals with his present situation. It also provided me a chance to show some of the development he's had.

Also writing Soft Boi Noah is fun. Hardass to everyone but such a softie when Emma's involved. I love how Ridonculous Race gave him that extra side besides being a smart ass. I would love to see that more mature Noah in another season, perhaps even aged up a bit. Also Kitty is an absolute GREMLIN and she's so fun to write. I might need to find more ways to include her into the story.

This brings an end to the parental visit arc, and I hope it makes sense now why certain things happened the way they did, even if it pushed the story in a bit more of a darker direction than originally intended. It's ultimately a slow burn, something I haven't really done before. It requires a lot more patience than I had expected, but I'm hoping its also satisfying for you guys as well.

Signing off for now,

AnonymousWinton