(Pony)

I take a deep breath and shake my head, trying to clear away the nerves that I'm not sure why I have. I settle back in the chair and open the front page.

The first picture is of a couple on what looks like their wedding day. The man in the picture looks so much like Darry that at first I think it is him. The woman is pretty, her head thrown back in a laugh. She looks a lot like Soda. She also looks achingly familiar to me. I stare hard at her face, willing myself to figure out why I feel like I know her. The book has pulled all my focus, my mind and my heart. I can hear Darry on the phone in the other room, but I can't make out his words, like he's talking underwater.

The next page is full of baby pictures. There's Darry as a baby and then Darry holding a baby that must be Sodapop. A third picture shows Darry and Soda sitting on the couch, a small bundle in Soda's arm while Darry helps support the head. Both of them are grinning madly, like they just won a million bucks.

It makes my heart ache, to see all the love between the brothers and their parents, preserved on photographs held in plastic covers. It makes me sad to see the joy in their faces, knowing that tragedy awaits them.

The next page makes me freeze. There's another photo of the Curtis parents, standing in fancy clothes. They are looking straight into the camera, they look older than they did in the wedding photo from the first page but they still seem to be perfectly happy together. I suck in a breath, because now I know why Mrs. Curtis looks so familiar. I have a picture of her in that same dress in my pocket, it's the one I've carried my whole life. The one where she is holding me as a man dives out of the frame, seeming like he was diving after something.

My head is spinning. With shaky hands, I pull out my own photo, the one I've stared at for countless hours, trying to memorize the faces of my parents who I don't remember. The one that I've clutched to my chest, crying and alone as I was tossed from place to place, unwanted and unloved, the picture my only reminder that I wasn't always alone.

I place it down on the photo album. The pictures seem to tell a story, and it seems I placed the last piece of the puzzle down, completing it. First, the man and the woman. Then my photo, showing a woman holding a small boy and the man diving out. Next, there's the woman and small boy laughing as the man comes back into the frame, holding a younger Soda and Darry by the arm. Last, the five of them smiling at the camera, a complete family. The man stands with an arm around the woman, pulling her to him, and a hand on the older boy's shoulder. The two young boys have their arms slung across each other's shoulders, Soda reaching up and holding the small boy's hand, connecting them all together.

Except it's not just a small boy in the picture. It's not just Darry and Soda's lost younger brother. It's me. It's me and my head is spinning because how can this be possible?

This has to be wrong. It's a mistake. I don't have brothers. How could I have forgotten having brothers? I can't wrap my brain around the evidence that is clearly laid out in front of me. Because that is me in the pictures, happy and belonging. But how can I not remember that?! How could I not even know who I really am?

My head is spinning, my world is spinning. Staring at the photos, I wrack my brain, willing myself to remember something, anything , about who I was.

"Kid!" a voice yells, snapping me back to reality.

I look over at Darry and Soda. They are both staring at me from the living room, concerned looks on their faces. I'm scared to look at them, scared I'll see myself in them.

"Hey kid, whats the matter?" Soda asks in a gentle voice.

I can't take this. I can't take their concern. I need to get out. My eyes dart around and before they can make a move to stop me I dart out the back door, running into the night.

I've always been a fast runner. And as I run, I'm grateful that my feet are able to fly across the pavement and carry me away. Even though I'm panting for air, I don't slow down. All I can think about is putting as much distance between me and that house.

I end up at a park. It's empty, quiet but not silent. The wind brushes the swings, making them squeak slightly, a fountain lightly bubbles nearby. I head to the fountain, sliding down with my back against it. I don't know when I started crying but I sure am crying now. My chest heaves as I cry, trying to get a good breath in between my sobbing.

'My whole life is a lie' I think desperately. I had thought I was alone all these years but I'd had brothers looking for me the whole time. I think about Darry, tall and strong, and how he was so determined to get his brothers back. All the effort and work he'd put in to making a home for his brothers. For Soda. And maybe, possibly, potentially, me.

Darry has done nothing but make me feel safe since the moment I met him. He fed me, gave me a place to sleep, and he's trying his best to help me. And it's impossible to not like Soda. I'd only spent a little bit of time with him, but he really seemed to understand me. I've felt some kind of connection to both of them since the moment thatI met them. A tiny flicker of hope sparks in my chest, could they really be my brothers? Could I really be that lucky, to go from no one to two brothers like them?

Sick questions start to come to mind. What if they were expecting someone different, better? What if they're mad that I forgot them, that I hadn't tried to find them? What if they don't want me?

"Ponyboy?"

I look up from where I had buried my head in my hands. The two of them are standing there, panting like they are out of breath.

They knew my name. I hadn't told anyone my name in a long time. My social worker said it wasn't 'suitable' and always introduced me by my middle name, Michael. But hearing my name, my actual name, makes me feel like a hundred pound weight has been lifted off of my heart.

They approach me slowly, like how someone would approach a spooked horse.

"You still have the picture that I gave you, on the last day we were together" Soda says softly.

"You're him. You're our brother. You're Ponyboy, aren't you?" Darry asks, and to my horror, he sounds like he's crying.

I feel terrible, knowing I'm the reason that Darry is crying. They are at the fountain now, crouching down to my level. They both have tears streaming down their faces and Soda sniffles loudly.

"I don't remember but I- I think so" I whisper.

"I thought we lost you like we lost mom and dad" Darry cries.

I dive into him, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing tight. He wraps his arms around me too, enveloping me in a tight hug. Soda joins the hug, gripping my arm tightly as Darry throws an arm over him too, pulling us all together. Being held like this, I feel something in my memory stir. Vague memories of being held, of laughing, of loving and being loved.

"Oh God, I missed you kid" Soda says, his face pressed into my hair.

All of us are crying but I don't care. For the first time in a long time I feel safe, loved. I feel like I'm home.