Chapter 50 — quite a milestone for me. I never thought this would get beyond the 10-chapter mark, let alone the 25. But here we are and I want to thank all of you reading this for being so encouraging all the time.

Cora pulled her dressing gown tighter around herself before tying the sash around her middle, her fingers slow and deliberate as they held onto the soft fabric. She was still quite anxiously waiting to hear what the doctor had to say now that he had finished his examination of her scarring wound. She desperately hoped that everything was fine but she was not sure, not with the pain she had felt the day before, and the silence looming over the room was not exactly easing her mind either. Very slowly and carefully, she sat down on the edge of her chaise longue, holding on to the armrest to hold her steady and stop her hand from shaking too obviously. All the while, her eyes never left the doctor as he busied himself with his back turned to her.

He was still rummaging through his black leather briefcase when the door to her bedroom opened again and Baxter hesitantly stepped into the room, holding on to the doorknob with her right hand.

"Yes, Baxter?" Cora asked quietly, her head turned as her voice sounded small in the comfort of her bedroom.

"I do not wish to disturb you, but I was just informed that His Lordship has arrived back home and I was wondering whether Your Ladyship might like to have him join you here while the doctor is still present?"

She should ask Baxter to tell him to come up, he needed to know just like she did. Robert would be angry enough with her when he found out she had not talked to him about the pain she had been experiencing beforehand. Cora had hoped that Doctor Clarkson would be gone by the time he returned from London with Mary so that she could wait for the right moment to tell her husband about whatever it was that the doctor was about to relay to her. But all her hopes had been for nought, as her lady's maid had just informed her.

"Yes, please send him up here, Baxter," Cora then replied, thinking it would be better if he found out straight away.

Her lady's maid, however, did not even get to respond, let alone turn around and leave the room to do as she was asked. In a whirlwind of his long overcoat flying about, Robert already came barging in rather unceremoniously. The uncharacteristically loud and inelegant entrance caused even the doctor to stop his rummaging and turn momentarily in surprise.

Out of breath, he stood there, still dressed in his thick winter coat and his hat held in his gloved hand. Cora instinctively knew he had run up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, just the way he had always done — but he was not as young as he used to be. He simply stood there and looked at her, winded and panicked.

"What is going on?" he breathed, his eyes fixed on his wife reclining on her chaise, his expression one full of concern. Finally finding the ability to use his legs again, he walked over to Cora and, plucking his gloves from his hands, took the hand she had reached out for him.

"Ah, Lord Grantham, you are just on time. I have finished my examination just now," the elderly man greeted while Robert was still catching his breath, entirely too focused on his wife to even acknowledge the doctor's presence.

"Cora, why is he here? What happened?" he asked. His worried eyes were running over her body, checking for any signs of sickness she had not displayed before he had left for London the day before. Her skin was still pallid, almost sallow, her cheeks still sunken, the dark circles under her eyes still the same. She did not look well but seemed no worse off than before for all he could tell.

"Steady on now, Robert. It is nothing. I just asked Doctor Clarkson to come here and look at the scar. I have been experiencing occasional pains there and wanted to have it looked at just to make sure. There is nothing to worry about."

Robert, who had listened to her almost too intently, then turned to finally address the elderly doctor who just set down a small jar of something on the table next to his bag.

"I am sorry for my lack of manners, Doctor Clarkson. But is it really nothing like my wife says?"

The elderly man nodded curtly as he acknowledged the Earl's apology, his hands clasped firmly behind his back, ever so slightly bouncing on his feet. His Scottish accent unusually thick, he replied: "For now it is nothing, but that can very well change quickly if she keeps on pushing herself too far."

With his eyebrows raised in suspicion and confusion in equal measures, Robert turned to look at Cora again. He did not even have to say anything, Cora knew what he was thinking either way. A guilty expression appeared on her face, while her gaze flicked from Doctor Clarkson to Baxter and back to the doctor again.

"What is he talking about, Cora? You are only doing the exercises with Baxter that the doctors instructed you to do." Intrigued and concerned, Robert looked at Richard Clarkson, who had an unreadable expression on his aged face. "Aren't you?"

"For the most part, yes."

Robert knew she was lying, he heard it in her voice. A single look back at the doctor only confirmed that, and the Earl turned to face Baxter again, who was still standing by the door, unsure what to do with herself. "I am very sorry to put you on the spot like this, Miss Baxter, but what exactly has Her Ladyship done in the name of exercise?"

Nervously, Phyllis Baxter looked between her employers and replied slowly, trying to word it so that what she said would not get Cora into trouble. "It is like Her Ladyship said, milord. We only walked the small distances on the gallery up here and-"

"And? Then what?" Robert asked cluelessly when she had stopped herself mid-sentence.

Cora smiled benignly at her maid; she felt so sorry for her, and she felt guilty. After all, it was only her own fault that Robert had been so unaware of everything. She had even asked Baxter to keep it all from him, and she knew Baxter would always stay true to her word, she would not betray her like that. No matter how much she had always trusted O'Brien, she trusted Baxter so much more. The trust the Countess had given so freely to Sarah O'Brien for so many years, the trust that was very clearly wasted in the wake of the woman's betrayal, had to be more than earned by Baxter — and she had well and truly earned it. It was not fair for this kind woman to be put on the spot quite like that by Robert, and only because she had not wanted to worry him with this before.

"Robert, stop it. I asked her not to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

Cora could tell that he was beginning to get angry, but she was not sure at what or whom. She just hoped it was not at Baxter. Trying to appease him quickly before his temper would take over, she said: "That we have been trying to walk longer distances whenever no one else was around."

Incredulously, he looked at her. "Why would you do that?"

"I want to get back on my feet, of course. I do not want to be chained to the wheelchair forever, I do not wish to be pushed around by you or anyone else for longer than completely necessary. I feel fine!" Cora said. Trying to rectify her actions in front of her husband almost felt like having to testify in court, especially with the way he was looking at her.

"Well, clearly you are not fine or you would not be in any pain! Do not rush anything, Cora," Robert said exasperatedly. Then he saw his wife's expression. The sadness in her eyes, the guilt; it caught him off-guard. At that, his face softened and his temper dialled down again. He did not want to frighten her or make her feel bad, he never did. That was always furthest from his mind, it was not what she needed from him. "But where did the pain come from if you feel fine, like you say?"

With a sigh, Cora began to explain in all brevity: "Yesterday, Baxter and I walked downstairs to the library ahead of tea. Well, I walked on my own the entire way without pausing and by the time we reached the library, I was utterly exhausted. And I had this weird pain. Not much, just a little. But I asked Doctor Clarkson to come here and have a look at the site. That is all there is to it. And that is all I know so far."

The two of them had been so lost in their own little world with this conversation that they had completely forgotten about the other people in the room. While Baxter was still hovering by the door awkwardly, not knowing what to do with herself, Doctor Clarkson cleared his throat once the Countess had finished and he stepped up to her, a small jar in hand.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Doctor," Cora said guiltily as she faced the elderly man once again.

"First of all, I can reassure you that nothing is wrong. Not yet. The pain you are experiencing stems from over-exertion. Your body is still weak and trying to recover from your surgery. The scar might not be big or all too noticeable, but I need you to understand that this was major surgery and that it very well could have gone the other way at any given time. I want you to remember His Lordship's recovery a few years ago, how long it took and how insistent you were he not over-exert or hurt himself while trying to get better. And then I want you to take that to heart. His Lordship is right in being concerned. If you continuously go beyond your limits, chances are high your scar could open up again- " The doctor stopped himself here when he saw Robert's stony and concentrated expression that told him the Earl was once again not at all comfortable with the direction this conversation was going in. "— or things worse that I will not mention now. Please, Lady Grantham, do not try to rush this process. You withstood treatment and surgery, you are alive, and you should have years of life to look forward to if you don't jeopardise it by being reckless now in wanting to rush your recovery." His tone was stern and it was only too obvious that he desperately wanted the Countess to listen to him. "I will leave this salve here that you can put on whenever this pain re-emerges for whatever reason, it should help. It is only meant for emergencies, not for you to keep on pushing yourself past your limits. I can only implore you, Lady Grantham. Listen to your body when it tells you to stop. And with that, I will take my leave."

The doctor nodded at both, the Earl and Countess, before swiftly picking up his briefcase and leaving the room, Baxter immediately following him out and down the wooden stairs.

"I am sorry, Robert. I did not want to alarm you, truly. I did not want to worry you before there was anything to worry about, and I truly thought it was nothing," Cora said timidly into the silence that followed Doctor Clarkson's departure. A single look into his worried face was enough for her to realise that she had done exactly what she had been so afraid of. She had wanted to keep this from him to prevent him from worrying even more. Worrying was all he had done the past few months and she had not wanted to add to that, but her actions had had the exact opposite effect. She realised that now.

Robert had been standing behind her chaise to be able to face the doctor before, looking down at his wife every now and then. Now, his body jumped into action once more and he rounded the chaise she was lounging on in three quick steps. Much more slowly, he did what he had always done when he wanted her to really listen to him, something he did whenever she had not been feeling well, when he had tried to build her up again, when he wanted to reassure her. He got down on his knees in front of her, and it was more than obvious to her that maybe he was getting a bit too old for that. She could have sworn she heard him groan a little and she had to suppress an amused chuckle.

His big, gentle hands reached out for hers, he needed to feel her skin on his. Cora's eyes followed his every movement, she watched how his hands gently clasped hers. It was a familiar sight and feeling, and she felt a newfound sense of tranquillity wash over her, that simple gesture seemed to calm her quickly beating heart. She observed how his hands closed around hers, how his fingers began playing with the rings on her fingers ever so gently. First her wedding ring, then her engagement ring. His thumb began to mindlessly trace first the smooth stone and then the cool metal holding it in place. He seemed lost in a world of his own devising while he did, for all she could tell.

A few seconds of silence passed between them. Then, he softly cleared his throat and seemed to have found his voice again at last, whispering: "I am just relieved that it is nothing serious. Not yet, at least. I want things to stay that way." His tender tracing of her jewellery stopped and he suddenly looked up at her. His tone solemn and pleading, he all but beseeched her: "Please promise me to listen to your body, my darling. Promise me not to overdo it. I want those years with you that the doctor mentioned. All the years and months, the weeks, and all the days. I want all of them with you."

The small frown on her face still lingered, her eyebrows were still somewhat knit together. And yet her mouth curled into a tiny but appreciative smile. She felt the onset of tears burning behind her eyes, looking down at him as he knelt before her. She was at a loss for words. She wanted nothing more than to spend the time she had left with him and make the most of it, but she had no idea how to word that desire. Not when he was looking at her like that, so lovingly and yet heartbroken at the same time.

Just when she thought he would get back up to at least go and take off his thick coat, he squeezed her hands again to garner her attention. Swiftly, her gaze left their hands and came to rest on his face, searching his eyes for what he wanted to say.

They both just stayed that way for a little while, simply looking deeply into each other's eyes. It felt like they were casually catching glimpses of the other's soul, and Cora, for one, never wanted to look away.

His intense look not straying, not even faltering in the slightest, he raised his voice solemnly once more, stating quietly: "And I would gladly push you around in that wheelchair for however long it takes until you are well enough and strong enough to do it all on your own again. I do not mind. Not at all."

He broke off their connection, looking down to focus briefly on their hands, and especially the rings on her fingers — the rings he put there decades ago. A content smile began to spread on his cheeks, his crow's feet now quite pronounced by his eyes. "Cora, my darling. You are my wife and for you, I would do anything. If I could, I would take your place in a heartbeat, take all the pain and suffering you have been given; and I would do that gladly. Alas, I cannot, but I can cherish your presence and I can try my utmost to keep you happy and healthy for as long as I shall be allowed. It is gift enough for me to have you here. Please, allow me to cherish the gift I have been given a second time, allow me to seize this second chance."