Chapter 10

Two years later

Lena wakes up to the first rays of sunlight peeking through the gap in the curtains. She is lying on her stomach, her head turned to the left. Her right hand rests near her right hip, while her left hand is flat under her face. She blinks before closing her eyes again. Lena stretches, savoring the warmth and comfort of the bed, not yet ready to face the cold morning air. It's only 6 a.m., and she can still sleep a little longer before she has to get up. She enjoys the silence and the feel of the sinfully luxurious Egyptian cotton sheets. At the same time, she becomes aware that her shirt has ridden up, now covering only the upper part of her back and her breasts. The thin duvet, made from the same luxurious fabric as the sheets, must have slid down during the night. Lena can feel the hem just above her hips. If only she could fall back asleep. Frustrated, she exhales and is about to pull the duvet back up when she feels the mattress dip beside her.

Warm fingertips dance across the skin of her back, tracing hesitant patterns, the touch barely noticeable. Lena relishes the sensation of Kara's fingers on her skin. She enjoys the warmth radiating from Kara's body. Slowly, Kara's touch grows firmer, more confident, and Lena sighs as Kara begins to massage her hips. Lena doesn't turn around, remaining still, melting under Kara's rough fingers on her soft skin. Kara moves closer until her body presses against Lena's right side. She buries her face in Lena's hair, inhaling the rich scent of peach shampoo, then kisses her neck. "You are incredibly sexy, Lena Luthor," Kara whispers into Lena's ear.

A part of Lena wishes it didn't feel so good every time Kara touched her. But she craves Kara's touch, absorbs the love Kara so willingly gives her on mornings like this. She is addicted—addicted to this connection, to these touches. No matter how wrong it is, no matter how far she will fall after this high, her mind has no choice but to surrender to the desire and enjoy it.

Kara's body burns with heat, while her mind finally finds peace. She listens as Lena's heartbeat quickens, as she slowly wakes from her sleepy haze and surrenders more to Kara. Kara smiles as her left hand continues to knead the muscles in Lena's toned back. The room is silent, save for the occasional deep sighs from Lena. Kara enjoys the sensation of touching Lena as much as Lena enjoys being touched. She wants to touch every inch of Lena's exposed skin. Lena pulls her right hand from between their bodies, allowing Kara to move even closer. Kara understands the invitation and presses her body fully against Lena's side, trapping her partially beneath her weight. Kara rests her head on Lena's right shoulder, gently massaging her scalp with her right hand while her left hand drifts downward. It crosses the barrier of Lena's black lace underwear. Lena parts her legs as Kara's nails graze the inside of her right thigh. The touch is barely there, far too little for Lena, and she whimpers, her body begging Kara for more.

Kara can smell Lena's arousal. She can feel the desire building in Lena as she presses herself against her. It takes all of Kara's restraint not to take Lena hard and fast right then. But she wants to feel the control, to know how powerless Lena is in her hands. She wants to dictate when and how Lena comes. She wants to own Lena's climax, to command it.

Lena can feel how wet she is. How is it possible that just a few touches can make her this wet? The feeling of losing control, of being pinned helplessly against the mattress, only makes her more aroused. She wants Kara to dominate her. She wants to lose herself in Kara's dominance. She wants to relish the delicious, incredible feeling of not having to be in charge for once—of not being allowed to be in charge. She wants to drown in the sensation of being controlled. Lena hears herself moan loudly as Kara slowly, teasingly slides a finger inside her. Lena presses her hips back, desperate for more. She whimpers as Kara withdraws the finger.

"I'm here, babe," Kara whispers, sliding her right hand between Lena's shoulders and the mattress, pulling her back so that Lena is now pressed against her front. Kara's right hand finds its place, rolling Lena's nipples between her thumb and forefinger, while her left hand massages the other breast. Lena savors the feeling of Kara's rough, possessive touches. And she needs more—so much more. As she begins to grind her hips against Kara's front, she realizes Kara is completely naked. Lena feels Kara grip her hips and increase the friction, all while continuing to alternate massaging her breasts.

Kara tentatively explores Lena's front with her left hand. She runs her finger over Lena's lips, and Lena licks it, tasting herself. Kara's hand travels down to Lena's neck, teasing her nipples briefly before sliding down her muscled stomach, continuing lower until her fingers brush through Lena's wet center, stroking along her inner thighs, only to return to the spot where Lena needs her most. Kara teases her, coating the area with Lena's own wetness, and Lena loses herself in the feeling of Kara's hands on her skin. A desperate whimper escapes Lena's lips as Kara withdraws her hand again, touching every part of Lena's body except the one where she needs her the most.

"Let me touch you, Lee." The pleading tone in Kara's voice robs Lena of the last shred of self-control, and she feels herself grow even wetter. Kara knows exactly how to make Lena melt, especially on mornings like this. "So, so wet, Miss Luthor," Kara whispers as she strokes through Lena's wetness again. Lena arches toward Kara, who continues to tease her breasts until her nipples are hard. Lust courses through Lena's body, and she wants to squirm under Kara's touch, but Kara holds her firmly in place. Lena knows she'll be left with bruises and scratches again, but that's the least of her worries.

The sheer intensity of Lena's desire keeps growing. "Don't make me beg," she moans as Kara tugs at the waistband of Lena's panties, pulling them off. Lena knows Kara has her in her hands. If she begs or protests too much, Kara will only go slower. But she also knows Kara will take her there—she always does. Kara never leaves things unfinished. And Lena knows it will be worth the wait. It always is on mornings like this. Kara hears Lena's heart racing, her breathing coming in short gasps. Every breath is a soft moan. The sounds she pulls from Lena give her a sense of immense power. Finally, after torturous minutes, Kara's fingers return. Her index and ring fingers spread Lena open, and her middle finger strokes gently over Lena's entrance, her thumb brushing her sensitive bundle of nerves. Lena jerks in response. She can feel Kara's smile right behind her ear. She hears Kara's ragged breathing, smells Kara's arousal, and knows Kara won't hold back much longer. She's giving Lena one last chance to stop this, to end it. But Lena can't. She needs Kara. And as much as she will hate herself later, she needs this version of Kara.

A loud moan echoes off the walls as Kara finally slides her middle and ring fingers inside, while still rubbing her palm over Lena's clit. Kara's right hand has slipped lower, holding Lena tightly as she thrusts deep and hard into her. At first, Kara had needed the tender touches. She wanted to feel Lena's reactions, to explore every inch of her exposed skin. But Kara knows she's wound Lena up so much that she needs it hard now, too. "Fuck me," are the last words Lena can speak before she comes for the first time. After the second orgasm, Lena tries to pull away from Kara's grip. She needs a break. But Kara doesn't let up, and Lena is so lost in her lust that she quickly gives in. Kara keeps going, faster, deeper, harder. Lena comes a third time, screaming as she grabs a handful of Kara's hair, searching for something, anything, to keep her grounded in this world. Finally, Kara slows down and turns Lena to face her, pulling her into a tight embrace. Lena sighs and collapses into Kara's arms, resting her head on Kara's chest, breathing heavily.

Lena's eyes remain closed. She won't make the mistake of opening them now. She just wants to enjoy the calm for a moment longer. To feel Kara's gentle kisses on her forehead before she has to return to reality. Kara strokes Lena's arm softly before intertwining their fingers and resting them between their bodies. Her breathing slows, her heartbeat steadying into a calm rhythm. She's tired and not ready to face the truth just yet—literally. Just one sleep cycle, just 45 minutes, and then she'll confront what awaits her afterward.

Two hours later, Lena wakes up and glances at the clock. It's almost 9 a.m. She's already missed at least three meetings and gets up with a sigh. The bed is empty, and Lena slips into the expensive satin robe that feels like a second skin as it wraps around her. She walks into the living room to call Jess and cancel her plans for the day, only to find Kara sitting at the table, head in her hands. The apartment shimmers with green light. Lena makes the call, which only takes a few seconds. Being the CEO means no need for explanations. Silently, she looks at Kara, then sighs and walks back to the bedroom, heading straight for the shower. She's not ready for that conversation just yet. She showers thoroughly, cleaning every inch of her body as if she could wash away the sins of the morning. Desperately, she presses her forehead against the cold wall as the water runs down her back. What has she done? Why did she do it? Lena knew. From the first touch, she suspected it. She knew it the moment Kara called her by her full name. Angrily, she steps out of the shower, dries off, and pulls on a pair of tight jogging pants and a t-shirt. Despite the long shower, she feels the need to move. And the need to put as much distance as possible between herself and Kara.

Kara lifts her head and looks at Lena as she emerges from the bedroom. "Lee, I'm sorry." Her eyes are red and already filled with fresh tears. Kara regrets every moment of the past 12 hours. Lena looks at Kara silently. She walks to the door, puts on her running shoes, and turns to look at Kara one last time. "I'm going for a run. When I come back, you won't be here. It's over." With those words, Lena leaves the apartment.

The first and second time she left, Kara followed her. She begged, pleaded, apologized over and over again, promising it wouldn't happen again. Lena believed her. She tried to understand. She asked why. The third time, she screamed at Kara, yelled out her frustration and anger. As if it made any difference.

This was Kara's ninth relapse in just two years.

Lena is exhausted.

Deep down, she knows she can't help Kara anymore. There's nothing she can do for the love of her life. She will always come second, behind the red kryptonite that Kara keeps finding—maybe even buying, who knows. The withdrawals are brutal and painful. Kara spends at least a week in fever, nausea, and delirium. She stumbles, speaking nonsense. And once the worst part of the physical withdrawal passes after about a week, they begin picking up the pieces of their relationship, desperately trying to put them back together. But with every relapse, another piece is lost. They fight more often now.

"This relationship is toxic, Lena! It's destroying you both!" Sam had warned her after Kara's third relapse. But she loves Kara. And as wrong as it is, she loves it when the possessive, power-hungry side of Kara gives her the best orgasms of her life. Sex with Kara as herself is gentle, sensual, and incredibly good. She enjoys every touch when Kara worships her body. But sex with the dark side of Kara's Supergirl persona is… earth-shattering. Lena is just as addicted to these highs as Kara is to the highs of the red kryptonite. A dangerous, mutual dependency. But Sam is right. Alex is right. They all see it. They all warned her.

Lena stops, panting, bending forward. The heartbreak from the certainty of their breakup grips her heart with iron fingers. She supports herself on her knees before throwing up into a nearby trash can. She pulls out her phone and types a short message.

Lena: Can you pick her up? She's at my place. It happened again. I can't do this anymore. It's over. I'm sorry.

It only takes a few seconds before her phone vibrates with the response.

Alex Danvers: I'm sorry. Do you want to talk? I'll come get her.

Lena hesitates briefly. Her finger hovers over the call button. But instead, she types another short message.

Lena: No. I need some time.

The idea had taken root after Kara's third relapse, and over the past months, with each of Kara's setbacks, that fragile seed had grown into a full-fledged plan. Lena checks the time and waits about 30 more minutes before walking back the same distance to her apartment. About an hour and a half after leaving, she arrives home.

Kara is gone.